Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me.

BPOV

I sipped my coffee and highlighted an important line in my book. It was a sunny day in Seattle, for once. I had gotten over ruining the second date- kind of. "Hi, Bella."

"Edward!" I cried, looking up. "It's nice to see you."

"Good to see you, too," he said, sitting down next to me. He was wearing his sunglasses and a light blue long-sleeved crew-neck shirt over khakis. "I just needed to stop by the hospital. I forgot my iPod in my locker at work and I was kind of hoping I'd see you. Did you have a good time on the marina the other night?"

"Yes, actually," I said. "I've lived here for six years, but never really seen what the big deal is about the marina before."

"It's really a cool place. We didn't get to really see any of the boats," he said. "My Dad loves boats. We have one in Chicago. Look, I'm sorry I had to cut the date short last night, but really, the exhaustion just hit me. I slept almost fifteen hours. I think I just need to rest more after those three day shifts."

So, it wasn't that I was a freak of nature and he wasn't seeing me for what I really was, just yet. Alice kept insisting that I wasn't a freak, just recovering from something really traumatic and it took time to get over that. I had been out with Edward twice- well, three times if you count Jasper's friends engagement party- and we hadn't done anything, yet. Not even kissed. We were on the fast track to being just friends.

"Those three day shifts have to be exhausting," I agreed.

"What are you reading?" he asked.

"Tolstoy," I said, flashing the cover. "He's very interesting. He had a great deal of influence on western culture in the twentieth century, despite being Russian. Like Dostoyevsky."

"Hmm," he said. "At first, I was sort of surprised you didn't major in photography."

"No, I thought I'd get a degree in something more practical," I said. "And so I chose Literature… It's a joke, Edward. Literature's pretty useless."

"Oh," he said, smirking. "I see. I was going to ask you out for coffee, but, you already have one."

"I've got class in a few minutes," I said. "I have to go."

"I'll call you tonight, if you want to do something," Edward offered.

"That sounds good," I said, trying to sound cool, putting my backpack on. He helped me with it and I brushed my hair out of my jacket collar.

"See you later," he said.

I couldn't focus during class. I kept thinking about Edward Masen calling me. I came home to find Alice shooing me away from her bedroom. "Okay, is Jasper in there?" I asked.

"No, he's not," she said. "He's coming over to take me out to dinner, though."

"Then why are you kicking me out?"

"Somebody hasn't heard of presents?"

My phone rang and I jumped. It was Charlie.

"Hi, Dad," I said, answering the phone.

"Are you ready to come down for the weekend?" he asked. "I've got a whole weekend of stuff planned with the Cullens and the Webers for your birthday, Bells! I can't wait!"

"I can't wait, either," I said, although I really didn't care. I didn't like birthdays too much. I never did, without my Mom around. And the fact that I was turning twenty-five and I still hadn't cashed in the v-card yet was making me even more of a freak than I already was. I dreaded the idea of having that conversation with Edward. Maybe it was best that Edward and I stayed just friends.

"How are things going with that Edward guy?"

"Okay," I said. "I went out with him again. He's supposed to call me and we're going to do something tonight."

"He's not putting the moves on you, is he?"

"No Dad, he's not!" I cried, exasperated. "He's a perfect gentleman. I think we're going to end up just friends."

"Oh," Charlie said, sounding disappointed. I think there was hope of seeing grandkids in his future.

I sighed. "Well, you can tell Mike Newton's mom that I'm dating doctors, now," I said. "That'll really piss Mike off." Charlie had never liked Mike Newton after I had nursed a crush on him in high school. He lead me on for a while, and dated Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley while I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to ask me out. I was no good at flirting. Even Alice had started to despise him after all the attention he paid to me and then never actually asking me out, even when he wasn't dating Lauren or Jessica. Angela didn't hate anybody- she was the person that was so sweet that nobody could hate her, although she was irritated with Mike. I spent hours in Alice's room sobbing over Mike my junior year. Alice and Angela somehow held me together until graduation. I had decided in college that I just wasn't girlfriend material after that.

"Mike Newton got married last year, in Portland, I think," Charlie said. "That's what I heard."

My heart sank. Everybody around me was getting married or pregnant by now. Here I was, just struggling to get by with my panic attacks. "Well, Dad, Edward's going to call me," I said. "I'm going to keep my line free."

"Alright," Charlie said. "Can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Me neither," I said. "I love you. 'Bye."

"I love you, too."

Alice came out of the bedroom. She had heard my whole conversation because she had her door open.

"Mike Newton got married to his Latin tutor," Alice said. "She's not that great. She's got a unibrow!" she crowed gleefully. "She has to get it waxed every week, and she looks like lonelygirl15!"

"Oh," I said softly, not getting into the meanness of it.

"Come on, cheer up, Bella," Alice said. "Mike Newton's gotten fat, too, according to Esme." I actually laughed at that. "I'll do your hair."

"Oh, I don't want to."

"You'll feel better."

I gave in and let her mess with my hair. After a while, she got bored and asked to do my make-up, too. Dizzy seemed to find us interesting. She sniffed the hot curling iron until it singed one of her whiskers and she zipped off, making us laugh. When my phone finally rang, she got to it, first.

"Bella Swan's phone, Alice speaking," she said. "Oh, hi, Edward!... Yeah, she's right here… No, actually, Jasper and I are packing for this weekend… yeah, it's Bella's birthday weekend, we're going back to Forks to celebrate, you should come!" I picked up the hairbrush off the counter and flung it at her, missing by a mile. "Really, you're off from work? That's great!... No, here, you can talk to her."

She handed me the phone with a smug look on her face. "Thanks a bunch," I hissed. "Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Bella," he said. "I didn't know your birthday is this weekend."

"Yeah, I hate birthdays," I said. "It's just going to be a small thing, we're just going to go to Port Angeles and have dinner, play some miniature golf and laser tag, probably."

"Am I seriously invited?"

"Well, there's not a lot of room in my Dad's house. You'd be sleeping on the couch," I said. "Maybe you could stay with the Cullens, they've got plenty of room at their house. Let me ask Alice." I covered the receiver. "Alice!"

"What?"

"If Edward came with us to Forks, could he stay with you?"

"I'm sure my parents would be okay with it," Alice said. "Let me call them and check."

"Can I call you back?" I asked Edward.

"Sure."

While Alice called her parents, I fidgeted nervously in the living room. "They said it's fine," Alice said, sticking her head in the room.

I dialed Edward. "Hi, Edward?" I asked. "You can stay with Alice's family in Forks this weekend."

"Okay, great- when are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning, around 8:30."

"Do you want to do something tonight?"

"Sure," I said. "Do you want to go back to the Marina and tell me more about the boats?"

"I'd love to," he said. "Six o'clock, okay?"

I put on my warmest sweater and a nice pair of slacks. Alice forced me to wear a nice pair of shoes because my hair and make-up were so done so nicely, too.

Alice promised that there would be plenty of time for questions for Edward on the drive to Forks this weekend, so she let us go without a lot of discussion. On the dock, Edward and I walked to the end. I regretted wearing heels by this time, my feet were killing me.

"Can we sit down?" I asked Edward.

"Of course," he said. "Those shoes have to hurt."

"They do," I admitted. He again, smelled very, very nice. It had to be his aftershave. "So, do you specialize in anything in pediatrics?"

"Yes, cardiology," he admitted. "It's pretty daunting to be in charge of a child's delicate heart. I thought about doing basic pediatrics, but it gets tough, though, I'd have to examine children who have been in abusive homes, and report back to the state." I shivered. He wrapped an arm around me, causing me to shiver more. "I know, I know… It's not quite things you want to discuss on a date, but, it's my job. What are you doing to do with your degree?"

"I want to get my Ph.D. Teach English at a University," I said. "I love fiction. So much. There's so many good books out there. It's a great escape, reading."

"Is that why you read?" he asked. "To escape?"

I hadn't expected a question like that. "I… I guess so."

"It's a controlled situation, it's not happening to you."

"Yes, but I internalize it," I said. "Edward, I didn't want to talk about this with you."

"But, it's the point of dating, Bella. We get to know each other," he said. I felt a bubble of panic rise in my throat. Getting to know me was scary. He'd run- screaming perhaps, if he really got to know me. That's the real reason I wanted him to stay with the Cullens and not with Charlie and me this weekend. "Bella, calm down."

"How can you tell I'm getting upset?"

"Your breathing," he said. "And the fact that you get so pale."

I tried to breathe. I hadn't brought my Xanax along because I didn't want to conk out with Edward. "Look, Bella, I know you've got some eating problems."

"What?!" I cried. The world suddenly caved in on me- I thought my heart had stopped beating for a moment. I thought I'd vomit. How did he know? I had been so careful not to say or do anything in front of him to let on- had I really messed up that badly? My skin flushed red all over. I felt hot.

"Among other things," he said. He grabbed my arms, helping me sit back down.

"How did you know?"

"The OCD behavior, the way you arrange your plates, the amount of food you eat in front of me," he said. "The way you rub your forearm when you're nervous. How you ran off to the bathroom after eating three bites of food on our first official date and then came back, looking as if you had had a panic attack. You wouldn't eat dessert, either. The fact that you're so thin, too. I notice a lot of things about you. That's why I haven't taken you out for food since then."

I gasped in panic. I couldn't breathe and tears flooded my eyes. The heat of my full-body blush wasn't going away. I was feeling nauseous.

"Bella, it's alright. I still like you. A lot," he said. "Please, Bella, don't cry," he whispered softly. His eyes glowed when I finally looked into them. "I don't know what to do when girls cry, really. I feel pretty useless, please…"

I couldn't help it. The tears flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks. He wiped them away with his hand. There was no relief in him knowing about my eating disorder. I was horrified and embarrassed. It was one of my worst secrets being on out for him. I felt like I was naked and on display in front of Edward, now. It was horrible.

Edward finally pulled me in close to him to sob onto the shoulder of his polo shirt. I was getting make-up everywhere. I was shaking so hard at the admission that I wasn't completely normal, not as normal as I'd like him to think I was. Who was I kidding?

"Do you need me to take you home?"

"Can you?"

"Yes."

He let me into the passenger seat, where I sat, trembling, shaking, as we drove home in silence. He walked me up to my apartment, which was dark. Alice and Jasper had gone out for the night. "I thought they'd be home, they always are when I drop you off," he said. "I'm not leaving you here."

I was so confused and weak at that moment, the idea of being alone with Edward scared me. "No," I said, breaking down into fresh tears. "I can't let you stay here with me, Edward! We haven't even kissed, yet!"

"I'm afraid to leave you alone," Edward said. "Look, Bella, nothing's going to happen. Scout's honor. Do you want something to eat? No- something to drink?"

"I'd like a Xanax, please," I said. "They're in my backpack."

"I'll get it."

He came back with the vial and a bottle of water. I took the pill. "It takes about twenty minutes," I said. He nodded. I paced for a few minutes. Edward followed me. Dizzy watched from the kitchen table until the Xanax kicked in.

"Are you feeling any better?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I said. "Just really sleepy."

"I'll call Alice.:

"No, she's out on a date," I said. "I don't want to disturb her. Really, Edward, I'm fine, now, since I took the pill. You can go."

"Just because you took a pill doesn't mean you're going to feel any better," he said. "Bella, really… You're interesting to me. You read, you're intelligent, you've got interests in photography, reading and like learning. I like that about you."

"I'm crazy, though," I said, sitting down on the couch.

"You're not crazy," Edward said. "You care a lot about your family, and you lost part of it. You're suffering trauma."

I felt so tired from the Xanax, I didn't want to argue with him. "I think I'm going to go to bed, now," I said. "You'll probably be bored to tears while I sleep."

"I'll find something to do," he said. "You've got a TV."

"Alright."

I got up and changed into my pajamas in my bedroom. I brushed my teeth and took my hair down. I was so tired, I'd just have to shower in the morning. I went into my room and fell asleep. I woke up around 11 when Edward knocked on my bedroom door.

"Bella?" I jumped a mile, kicking. I didn't recognized Edward's voice at first. "Bella, it's just me! Edward!"

"What?" I cried.

"Bella, Alice is on the phone… you left your phone in the living room," Edward said. "She wanted to talk to you." He held out my cell phone to me.

"Hello?" I asked, taking the cell phone.

"Bella? Is that you? What's Edward doing answering your phone?"

"Hi Alice," I slurred. "He's sleeping in the living room."

"Did you take a Xanax?"

"Yes."

"You sound like it," she said. "I was just calling to check on you since I'm spending the night with Jasper. How did the date with Edward go?" I looked up. Edward was gone from the doorway. I turned on the lamp, and he wasn't in the room.

"Poorly," I said, quietly, worried he'd hear me.

"What happened!?" she cried.

"I'll tell you later."

"And you're saying it went badly?"

"It did," I cried, sleepily. "He found out about… the NOS. He asked me about it, Alice!"

"Oh no! Bella!"

"He was too scared to leave me alone tonight without you here."

"Do we need to come home?"

"I'm fine now."

"Is Edward still coming with us tomorrow?"

"Let me check," I said, tossing the phone down. I went into the living room and found Edward sleeping on the couch already. "Edward?" I asked.

He stirred and sat up. "Bella?" he asked.

"Hi," I said. "Are you still coming tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I?" he asked. "I said I was."

"OK, just checking," I said. "Alice is spending the night with Jasper. Good night."

I went back into my bedroom. I found my phone, where Alice was yelling "Bella! BELLLAAAA!!"

"I'm back," I said. "I just checked on Edward. He says he's still coming."

"Why are you making him sleep on the couch! You've got a double bed in your room!" Alice screeched.

"Alice, it's late, I'm doped up and I want to go to sleep," I said. "Good night." I hung up the phone.

I had a nightmare about Jim that night. I was locked in the closet, without any water, the air was stuffy, and I sitting on old shoes that dug into my butt and hanging clothes were hanging over my head, itching my scalp. My right arm was wrapped in an ace bandage, but it still hurt so much that it moved me to tears whenever I moved it. I had to urinate so badly, but the door was locked. I had been in for so long, I didn't know how long, but I knew it was several hours. My hair was chopped short from my ponytail. I shivered, touching it with my left hand, feeling the rough-hewn edges. I sobbed, quietly. Renée had loved my hair. She had always dried it every night after my bath, curled it and would do it up for me before, even after all hers had fallen out from the chemo, which had been horrifying for both of us. My teachers and school always commented on how beautiful my hair was. I promised Renée I'd never cut it. And Victoria had just come up behind me in a rage and hacked it off one day when I had been crying because Jim had been spanking me. I had wet my pants after that. I hated wetting my pants. I was too old for this, but since all the closet punishments, I was getting worse and worse about it. It was humiliating. I tried to pretend it didn't happen. Especially at school. And today, I was missing school. I was supposed to be there, and I was supposed to be… my birthday. I squeezed my thighs together.

Shut up in there. Goddamnit, shut up in there!

I squeezed my thighs together. Harder. I shivered. The shoes underneath me squeaked.

The door flew open, the light blinded me. I screamed, and I felt my bladder empty itself.

I woke up with a start. I realized I had been screaming. "Bella!" The overhead light flipped on. "Bella-"

"Edward?" I realized I was in my own apartment, in my own bed- and Edward, the guy I had been dating, was here. I was awake, I had just woken up from a nightmare- a flashback. I had had another flashback in my dream- flashbacks that I hated.

"You were screaming."

I shivered. "I know," I said. "It's been a rough day. I told you that. And I hate birthdays."

"Look, I feel like I'm sort of responsible for you tonight," Edward said. "I'm staying in your room."

"No," I said, sitting down on the bed. I had just washed and moisturized my face. I was still shaking. He had just gotten off the phone with Alice. Alice assured him that everything was okay that I just needed some rest before going back to Forks. I was getting paranoid at the idea of leaving Edward alone with the Cullens, now. They knew everything and I was afraid of what they'd tell him. "Do you really want to go to Forks with me?"

"Yes, Bella, I do," he said. "I'm getting a chair."

"It's going to be really uncomfortable to sleep in."

"I'm sleeping in the bed, then."

"What!?" I cried. What if he somehow found my stashes of food? I'd be humiliated. He'd never stick around, then!

"It doesn't mean we'll do anything, Bella," he said. "Don't freak out. I've slept in the same bed as a girl and not done anything before. You trust me?"

He hadn't abandoned me, yet, and I had done nothing but freak out for the past twelve hours. "Alright," I said, climbing back into the bed. I had never shared my bed with a man before. Edward got in with me, and wrapped an arm around me to encourage my head on his shoulder. Double beds weren't that large, I realized. Especially with two people in one.

"This has been a stressful day," Edward said. "I don't blame you for having a stressful night. Sleep, now, Bella," he turned off the lamp. "Good night."

When I finally relaxed, I moved so I could hear his heartbeat better. I felt better. It was kind of comforting. I listened to him breathe, the thump-thump, thump-thump of his heart beat, and I myself closed my eyes.