Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me.
A/N- finally, a hint of lemons! Thanks to Debussy-this for betaing! She is also a writer here on ff dot net, so go check her story out, it's Paging Dr. Love- hot stuff with Dr. Edward. I just can't get enough of Dr. Edward, really.
Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.
BPOV
I planned Edward's first night home after his three-day shift perfectly; a perfect dinner, a relaxing back and foot rub, some relaxing music, and fresh sheets on his bed. I packed my pajamas, toiletries, and the groceries and went to his apartment after my class. I washed the sheets on his bed and started dinner. I felt so domestic when he finally came home.
"Bella, it smells fantastic in here," he said, hugging me. He looked exhausted. "All I want is a shower, dinner, and you."
"Good," I said. "I'm almost done with dinner. Go, get a shower."
"Too bad you're not going to be in there with me," he said, shifting my hair to the side to kiss the juncture of my neck and shoulder.
I shivered. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing," I said. "Go."
"Alright, alright," he said, going off to the bathroom. I finished the chicken Florentine and put the cutlery on the table. I turned down the lights a little bit. I couldn't believe I was getting exciting about eating, for once. I used to get scared of eating, especially in front of people, let alone, handsome men. I wasn't even packing Xanax for tonight- I only really used it at school, now, if ever. I was gleeful. I knew, deep down, that I really was in love. And I was secure. Edward accepted me, and it meant I wasn't as bad off as I thought. "You truly amaze me," a voice said, behind me. Edward was standing in the doorway, while I had the iPod speakers on- he was in the super-long pajama pants that I had tried to wear the first time I spent the night at his place, and a white t-shirt with dripping wet hair. The purple bruise-like shadows under his eyes were still there.
"It's just dinner," I said, my cheeks flushing.
"I know," Edward said. He kissed me. "I'm so exhausted I don't know if I can do much more than eat."
"That's okay," I said as we sat down. Dinner didn't last too long- Edward was so tired, he had a hard time sitting up. "Stay awake! I have other things planned!"
"I don't know if I can!" he called from the bedroom.
I put away the leftovers quickly- I'd clean the pots and pans in the morning. I took my pajamas and changed, quickly, in the bathroom. I left my bra behind in my duffle bag and took the lavender scented body oil.
Edward was trying his hardest to stay awake, he didn't have his shirt on. "Did you wash the sheets?"
"Yes," I said. "Do you like lavender?"
"I do," he said. "What do you have there?"
"Lavender body oil," I said. "Is it okay if I spend the night?"
"If you're ready for any possible consequences," he said. "Especially with body oil."
"I am," I said. "After that shower…"
"You call the shots. Is the body oil for what I think it's for?"
"A back rub," I said. "And maybe a foot rub, if you're good."
"You are too good to me," he said, flashing that sexy half-grin, as I climbed onto the bed, spreading out a towel.
"Roll over."
"Whatever you say." Alice had told me only to use a little bit of the oil at a time. I straddled his butt, and squeezed out a little bit of oil into my hand, rubbing them together before pressing my hands into the muscles of his back. His back was so tight, I had to really press into it. He groaned a little bit against the pressure, but by rubbing circles into his muscles, I felt his back loosen up. "I think I'm going to fall asleep in a moment, here," he said. "If only you weren't sitting on my ass."
"I'm almost done," I said. I got up and worked my way down to his feet. "I hope your feet aren't ticklish."
"Not at all," he said, yawning.
He groaned when I rubbed his feet. I knew I was working my way into his heart. "You better return the favor someday."
"I've seen the shoes Alice makes you wear," he replied, sounding as if he were talking in his sleep. I smacked his butt lightly. "Hey!"
"I think I'm going to have to give your whole body a massage," I replied, rubbing his calves. "You're tight all over."
"Can I just propose, now?" he asked. "I'll give you anything if you'll just do this for me every night of my life forever."
"Be serious," I said. "I require my proposals to be down on one knee."
"I'll do it in the morning," he said. I worked my way up his thighs with my thumbs. He had light, downy hair on his legs. I liked kidding around with Edward. "Okay, I feel like a limp noodle, now."
"Good," I said. "That was the plan."
"One last request, Bella- take your top off, please."
I panicked. "Why?!"
"I have mine off," he said. "I've seen you naked." He saw my fear. "Look, Bella, you don't have to if you really don't want to. I just want to hold you close." I had seen him naked. He was beautiful naked. I was... a mess. Right? I debated in my head for a moment.
He had seen me naked in the shower. His words had been I'm going to lose control. He hadn't done it dutifully, like a chore. Could he possibly desire me? A fat, lazy ass with tiny breasts and fat off my middle that I could pinch?
I took off my tank top, leaving me in nothing but my panties and the pink bunny boxer shorts. He looked at me, pressing his lips together and then, turned off the lights.
"Come here," he said softly. I ducked into his arm and left my head in the crook of his arm. How was I going to sleep? The sheets were around my stomach- he smelled so good right now and my breasts were in the air, tingling. "Bella," he whispered and leaned over to kiss me.
As his hand slid across my chest and rest on my breast I heard a low moan in his chest. I found myself sighing as well his thumb ran across my nipple- shocks across my skin. It didn't even sound like me- I didn't moan, did I? I was turning into a completely sexual creature with him. No, wait, I sure didn't look like one.
"Wish they were bigger?" I muttered dejectedly, feeling horribly inadequate.
"You're perfect, Bella," he said. "Well, I'd like you to gain a little weight." I frowned. He placed a kiss on my lips, erasing my negative thoughts. "I like the way your body is, though." He kissed me again.
"I like that," I said softly. I could feel him smiling against my lips.
"You've done nothing but amaze me, tonight, Isabella," he said. "I love you."
"You do?"
"Yes," he said, pressing another kiss against my lips. "And I'm not saying this to try to get you to make love to me, we don't have to, tonight, but… I really do love you."
"Edward Masen, you seem too good to be true," I said. "I love you, too."
Our lips met, again, opening to each other. Feel emboldened by his encouragement, I slipped my tongue into his mouth. Without removing his mouth from mine, he positioned me so I was laying on top of him and took my leg so it was wrapped over his hip. My heart raced and pounded. His hands rested on my butt, holding me there, against him. I sighed, letting my body mold against his, pressing my face to his shoulder, letting myself feel his perfect body. He still smelled like the lavender body oil and the fresh sheets. My breath raced, I traced his chest muscles with my fingers, delicately. "Bella," he moaned gutterally.
His hand slid between us, underneath my shorts, down my pelvis, and between my spread thighs. I gasped when I felt his fingers between my wet folds. I felt him moan deep in his chest. I didn't want to move- I was afraid I was going to screw up the moment. "Bella… you feel like…" He moaned. I felt myself get wetter. I blushed with embarrassment- it wasn't anything I was prepared for- and unexpectedly, I felt a small surge of moisture release itself out of my core.
"Sorry," I said, embarrassed. "I just do that."
"It's a good thing," he said heavily. "You feel like heaven." He ran his fingers up and down my folds. I unintentionally found myself grinding and moaning against him as he stroked.
"No," I finally said, realizing how stupid I must look, trying to sit up. He still had one arm holding me down.
"Don't stop, you looked absolutely beautiful."
"Edward-"
"Let me try it again," he said. "Please?"
"Am I supposed to look this stupid?"
"You don't look stupid," he said. "The look on your face was beautiful. Let me try again."
He ran his fingers back inside my folds and his thumb found the sensitive nub. He pushed his finger inside me, then- two of them. I cried out in pleasure- he knew exactly what he was doing- he knew how a female body worked. I knew now why women found doctors so sexy- their knowledge of the female anatomy. The world around me ceased to exist, just Edward and this enthralling rapture. I wondered if this was an orgasm- I'd never want to leave him. A thought that might have been scary before hit my brain- that I'd have preferred to be completely naked at a moment like this to give him easier access to me. I had missed it when he washed me in the shower. "Edward?" I asked between moans. "Edward?"
"Yes, love?"
"Can we take off the rest of our clothes?" He paused and didn't say anything for a moment. "Nevermind-"
"You're calling the shots. Are you sure?"
"Yes," I said, sitting up. Getting off his hips, he helped me slide my panties and the boxer shorts off, he tossed them on the floor. His eyes ran over my body in the dark- making me nervous, but his gaze held nothing but love. He placed a kiss on my lips.
"You can undress me," he said. "If you want." I ran my fingers under the waistband of his shorts, which were peeking out of his pajamas. He lifted his hips so I could slide them and his pajama bottoms, off. I had averted my eyes to his member in the shower out of embarrassment, but we were undressed now, in front of each other, by choice. I took the length of him into my hand- I was surprised by the blood warmth, the hardness, the silkiness and the sponginess of it all the same time. He groaned. I pulled back, afraid I had hurt him. I had never held a penis in my memory before.
"Am I doing this right?" I asked shyly.
"Oh, no, go ahead," he said. He gave me a lop-sided grin and my insides melted like a hot fire was burning inside me. "I'll tell you if you're hurting me." I cupped his testicles- I was surprised by their heaviness, but he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "That feels so good, Bella." He groaned, biting his lower hip, his eyes still closed. "So much for sleeping." I used my other hand to rub my way down to the end. It got longer and thicker and harder at the touch- I had never experienced this before. I rubbed my thumb harder into his dick. "Ow!" he cried. "Don't rub on it like my back, honey."
"Oh," I said, blushing slightly.
"Be a little more gentle, love," he said. "That's good," he replied, moaning. I wished I had read that book that Alice had left on the coffee table, now. This was Edward… I had heard enough to know how to do a blow job, I think. I was fascinated with the throbbing vein on the bottom of his length. The idea of oral sex on him didn't seem so disgusting, now. I bent down and took the head into my mouth, tasting the salty hot liquid that was coming out in a small bead. It was kind of salty and tangy, but not all together disgusting. He cursed and cried out my name. I knew to use my tongue, at least. His hand found its way into my hair, guiding my head. "Isabella!" he yelled. "Oh, Bella!"
"Yes?" I asked, sitting up. "Should I go back to the hands?"
"I think so," he agreed. "Unless you're ready to swallow." I began to rub his erection from the base of the shaft to the tip, rhythmically, quickening the pace, running my thumb over the hole where the clearer liquid was coming out. I guessed this was precum. His eyes squeezed shut and his back arched. He opened his eyes to watch me through his lashes for a moment, and then he yelled out and three ropey, white liquid spurts came out into my hand and my stomach. He was shaking.
"Edward?" I asked. "Are you okay?"
He didn't answer for a moment, just reached for the box of tissues on the window sill over the bed. He handed me a few to wipe off with. "I just had a sexual experience with you," he said. "I can die and go to heaven."
"You didn't even... penetrate me!" I cried. Then, I felt guilty. I was keeping a secret from him.
"The greediest part of me can't wait for that," he said, reaching for me to wipe off some of the semen on my breasts I hadn't seen. I laid down beside him, hugging him. "That was amazing for a first time." He got his second wind, and he suddenly flipped me over on my back. "One good turn deserves another," he muttered, feverishly. His kisses started at my collarbone, running down to my breasts, right over my nipples. I screamed out. He sucked on my nipple, running his tongue over the tip, one while playing with the other one with his fingers. I groaned, cried out and bucked underneath him in response. "So, you like this?" he asked between licking my breasts.
"Oh yes," I replied, digging my fingers into his scalp. "Yes, I do!" I yelled out from the burning sensation between my thighs.
"Put your legs around me," he said.
"Like this?" I asked, wrapping my legs around his hips, crossing my ankles behind his ass.
"Exactly like that," he said. He squeezed my breasts together as best he could. I realized what he was trying to do- get my nipples together, to touch- they weren't big enough. I felt him grab my lower back and then flipped us over, flipping our positions so that I was on top. My breasts were a little larger when they hung down- but only slightly. I put my hands on either side of his head. "Bella," he muttered, trying to squeeze my breasts together, again. The fire between my legs arched for release.
"I want you so badly," I uttered, enjoying the sensation of his tongue swirly on my nipples. "Fuck me, please!"
"Bella," Edward said.
"Edward, please, fuck me," I said.
He stopped, thinking. I realized I had ruined it by begging him to fuck me. "I'm not going to fuck you," he said. "I love you too much for that."
"But, Edward..." I whined. He flipped me over onto my back, again. I felt rejected and stupid, but his kisses worked their way up to my shoulders.
"We'll work on this and other things," he said softly. "I don't want this to be a tawdry, trashy experience for you. We can do stuff like that later. I want you to remember that."
"Oh," I said softly, feeling guilty. I wasn't even sure if this was going to be my first time.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, not knowing how to phrase it. I pulled the sheet up over my breasts. I wasn't sure how to tell him I wasn't 100 per cent sure about my virginity or lack thereof.
"I want to make love to you, not fuck you," he said, kissing my shoulder, climbing under the covers. His hand found my stomach, and I wanted to shy away from him touching my fat. I wriggled a little, nervously. "Bella... don't shy away from me, now." His hand slid down the center of my pubic bone.
"Edward, I..." I muttered. "Oh!" I cried as his hand relieved the ache that had been building all night, rubbing my slit. He gently pinched my clit, rolling it between his fingers, then flicked it and massaged it in circles. I began to sweat from the sensation, speaking in only incoherent vowels as a dizzying fever built, clouding my vision. I felt his lips grazing mine as I felt his fingers enter me, again. "Edward, don't stop!" I begged, hoping he wouldn't. I wrapped and arm around him, pulling him closer until I felt it- an explosion and spasms. I could hardly breathe. "That was amazing," I panted.
"That's what you just did to me."
We both laughed, I sounded almost hysterical. I was hungry now, hungry for him. I wanted more.
"Can we go to sleep, now?"
"Can't we do it, again?" I asked, his hands rubbed my tummy.
"I'm spent, love. I need time to recover, unlike you."
"Oh," I said. "But, I can feel that again?"
"Yeah," he said. "It's possible." His long, slender fingers rubbed my clit, but it didn't send electrical shocks through my system right away. I frowned and grabbed his hand after a few minutes.
"It's not working," I said, tearing his hand away. "Stop before you get carpal tunnel." I felt like a failure.
"It's alright," he said. "I wasn't expecting you to-"
"Let's just go to sleep," I muttered.
"It's alright, you didn't know," he said, pressing a kiss to my lips before rolling me over onto my side. I was uncomfortable as he scooted up to my back. What would he think of my butt? I wriggled away. "I need to go to sleep, really, if we're going anywhere tomorrow."
"Fine."
"Don't feel like you didn't do well. Just know that," he said, his thumbs kneading circles into my lower back. "Good night. I love you."
That night, I had a nightmare. I never had nightmares when I slept in the same bed as Edward. It was the same one where I was being grabbed by Jim and beaten with his studded belt. Then, while I cried, he took out his cigar and he pulled down my pants and put it out on my hip to try to get me to apologize for some minor infraction, which he had- several times- but apologies weren't making him or Victoria any happier. I screamed in pain, and he shoved me in the closet. I could smell my own urine in there- they usually kept me there until I wet myself. My personal humiliation seemed to be the only thing that satisfied them.
I woke in a cold sweat in someone's arms. Panic took over my body- I forgot for a moment that it was Edward, not Jim. I felt naked and ashamed. Between dreams and waking, I was confused over reality. Then, I could remember Edward's scent, and I knew it was him in an instant. We had taken all of our clothes off while exploring each other's bodies tonight, before falling asleep, I barely remembered, an76d had fallen asleep spooning each other. I had acted so stupidly, begging him to fuck me like a prostitute. Was I any better than one? His arms tightened around me in a protective gesture. I worried that I had cried out in my sleep. I had, stupidly, not brought any Xanax with me tonight. Edward did not keep prescriptions like this in his apartment- it was too dangerous.
I was locked in Edward's arms, he felt me stir, trying to get out. I wanted to put some clothes on- I felt so vulnerable, so naked and disgusting, I didn't want Edward to see me, suddenly. He moved and sat up.
"What'sa matter?" he asked, sleepily. I couldn't find the words to answer. "Bella, it happened, again?"
"Yes," I said, unanticipated tears rushing to my eyes.
"I know," he said.
"You don't," I said. "I haven't told you, yet."
"Alice and Jasper told me a lot," he said. "That weekend in Forks."
I felt a heavy bawl rip through me. "It's the worst when I dream about it," I said, between sobs. "I wake up, and I can't remember what's real and what's not. It's like it's still going on." Edward pulled the covers over me and turned me over to face him. He held me so closely, that I could feel my body fitting into his. Every part of him.
"You felt like you'd never be happy again, right?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "Exactly. Nobody understands that. It's like I've got some kind of demon haunting me, and it made me think it was gone when I'm around you, but then the moment we get physically intimate, it came back out to terrorize me."
"Oh Bella… I could tell you all day long that nobody will ever do that to you again," he said. "But, I'm sure Charlie told you that for years."
"He did."
"I'm surprised you're not locked in your room in Forks, avoiding sunlight."
"How much do you know?"
"I know about the closets… the studded belts… your hair… the bathroom restrictions… the starvation… the burns on your back," he said. "Carlisle told me about the results of your medical exam that he saw…"
"Oh Edward!" I cried, bursting into harder sobs. "I didn't know you knew about that!"
"If I met those people in real life, I can't say I wouldn't try to kill them."
"Edward, please don't think I'm a liar about being a virgin," I said. "Really… I don't really remember if I was molested while I was living with them, but… I'm not physically a virgin. I'm not sure I want to remember if I am or not. I've been through twelve years of therapy and I'm still not normal, I don't want to go through twelve more!"
"Bella," he said, calming me down, until my sobs subsided. "Bella, trust me, it's not going to matter," he said. "From a medical standpoint, physical virginity is rare past a certain age, even if you've never had sex. I don't care about that. You're here, with me, now. We love each other. You remember that, right?"
"Yes."
"Good," he said. He stroked my hair. "Do you want to go back to sleep or get in the shower?"
"Can we try to sleep?" I asked. He held me and he stroked my hair. The panic attack began to ease itself in his arms, with his assurances.
"I love every second I spend with you," Edward said. "Even this one." I sighed and nuzzled into him. "Besides, if it bothers you so much, there's an operation to get your virginity restored."
"Really?"
"Damnit!" he cried, and chuckled. "I thought you'd say, 'Edward, I don't want to go through with an operation!' not be interested in it!" he cried. "I've had sex with a girl who bled, and it wasn't a nice experience for her. It was really painful for her."
"How old were you?"
"Fourteen," he admitted. "We were just stupid. We stayed friends, though. Still are."
"Who was it?"
He wouldn't reply for a moment. He sighed. "It was Rosalie." I felt a little betrayed. He was going to be in their wedding, soon. "We realized we only did it because she was only rebelling because her parents were divorcing. I only did it for her because she was my friend."
"Why are you still friends?"
"We were never really lovers," Edward replied. "She just asked me to do it for her. I don't know how, but we managed to stay friends."
"But, you slept with her!" I cried.
"We were just kids!" he replied. "Besides, I prefer brunettes."
"Edward?" I asked. "How many women have you been with?"
"I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that question."
"Tell me!"
"Seven," he said. "You'll make number eight."
I felt the pressure of my tears coming back up again.
"Bella?"
I burst out crying. "I'll never measure up to them!" I sobbed. "I couldn't even come twice in a row for you!"
"Who says you were supposed to?" he asked, surprised.
"I- you did!"
"I... okay, maybe I did say that. But, really, really experieced women."
I started crying even harder- he'd kick me out of his bed in a moment just to shut me up and get rid of me I was such a cry baby.
"Bella, can you get a hold of yourself? It's not that easy to do. It takes a lot of experience before you're able to perform like that. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It was stupid of me to say that. And I love you." Maybe Alice and Angela were right about those stupid books and the vibrator. My tears subsided. "But, I have the feeling they'll be nothing compared to you," he said. "Trust me on that. Now, go to sleep."
EPOV
She finally shared her body with me. I was in an almost panicked state of awe- such a special gift- and all this after knowing what she had been through. When I first touched her, the look on her face was so perfect- her eyes closed, her thick, dark lashes against her cheekbones, her beautiful, plump lips dropping into a lazy o shape, her cheek against my chest, shaky, soft, high-pitched moans coming out of her mouth. All I could do was continue what I was doing. She did an adequate oral performance, but I had to stop her- my own excitement would have ruined it. Even though she was underweight and her breasts were shallow, her breasts jiggled seductively when she pumped my cock. I couldn't stop staring. And then, I couldn't help but laugh when she begged me to 'fuck' her. She got embarrassed afterwards, and I had to bring her off with my hand and she seemed surprised when she climaxed as if she never climaxed before. There was a look of shock on her face. I had to remind myself not to laugh unless she laughed, first, she might think I was laughing at her. She was cute when she came, but then, she was embarrassed. I assured her I loved her. And of course, the best of intentions left me feeling inadequate. She woke up screaming and then admitted she was ashamed of not being superwoman in bed and not knowing how to get off twice in a row.
My Bella had some dark resistance to her own sexual feelings. She seemed like she was ashamed of them, like she wasn't good enough- even with me. After tonight, I realized she was more interested in making me physically happy than herself. I worried that she felt dirty and I couldn't help her with it. The worry that she was sexually abused by those bastards the Davises deepened.
I held her as she slept, fighting sleep. I just wanted to watch her sleep, but most of the time, my own exhaustion got the best of me because I liked holding her. She spoke, most of the time, just gibberish, when it was memories, she said actual things. Things that sometimes scared me. Holding her while she slept, especially while we were naked, was beautiful. My desire to make love to her grew every day, but I didn't want to do anything she wasn't ready for. I wanted to make her happy. The way she'd look at me- with those huge brown eyes and those dark lashes- we'd be ready for anything life could throw at us. I wanted to believe that love was all she needed to get better.
Sometimes, I could imagine a life with Bella- she'd gain some weight and it would be magic- we'd be happy together. We'd have a beautiful wedding in Chicago where Charlie would walk her down the aisle. I had never dreamed of marrying a girl so quickly, but it was almost as if we were meant for each other. It just came to me one day while I was finishing paperwork in my office. It seemed to right. We'd have children a few years later- I knew she loved kids, after seeing her with her godson. We'd buy a house here in Seattle. She'd be one the lucky few that could have children after over ten years of anorexia. I was being ridiculous, eating disorder recovery wasn't that easy. The past four years of interning in pediatric cardiology taught me so. We'd spend years trying to save her life- I knew that was coming down the road, it was our inevitable future. I knew the dangers of her disease a little too well- and I knew that she ran a high, high risk of dying very, very young. She didn't know how much I knew, yet. I had our whole life planned out, but she didn't know it, yet.
That night, I woke up with her struggling out of my arms. In the strange spot between dreams and waking, her skin was clammy to my touch. She began to cry- I hated to see her cry. I didn't know what to do when a creature as beautiful and fragile as Bella began to sob uncontrollably. It was like all my dreams were evaporating- we had taken a step forward, and her tears were three steps back. That night, she confessed to me, in shame, that her hymen was broken and she didn't know how it had happened. I began to see into her soul, the reason why she thought she didn't deserve anything good- it was all her fault still, in her mind.
I loved her. And just wanted to put her back together, again with soft kisses and touches and reassurances.
BPOV
In the morning, we packed up for a weekend trip to Forks to see Charlie, among other people. I was still feeling crappy from the flashback, so Edward offered to drive. My little Honda Accord just wasn't as comfortable as his car. We stopped by my apartment for my medications before we left and to tell Alice she had the apartment to herself.
The trip down was relatively quiet and relaxing. I called ahead to Charlie to let him know we were on our way. He said he'd have soup and sandwiches ready.
I directed Edward once we got off the interstate, and we ended up in Forks right on time. Charlie met us at the door- something he only did on special occasions.
"Wow!" he cried before saying anything else. "Is this really an Aston-Martin?"
"What's the big deal about an Aston-Martin?" I asked, getting out of the car before Edward could come around to let me out.
"Yes, it's an Aston-Martin," Edward said, helping me out the rest of the way. "My Dad collects cars, this was my graduation present when I got out of medical school and got an internship in Seattle."
"Whoa," Charlie muttered. "Hi, Bells."
"I was wondering when you were going to say hello to me," I said, smiling. He stopped and hugged and kissed me.
"You drive this around Seattle?" Charlie asked.
"Yes, I have to be careful," Edward admitted. "I usually keep it in my building's parking lot. Do you want to take it for a spin?"
"Would I?" Charlie cried. Edward held out the keys and there was a gleam in Charlie's eyes like a little kid.
"I think you just made a friend for life," I said as Charlie hopped into the car, zipping out of the driveway.
"I forgot to get our bags out."
"He'll be back… eventually," I said. "Come on, let's not stand out in the rain."
I turned the TV off and we settled into the kitchen. Charlie had heated up some soup in the microwave and made some sandwiches- the best a bachelor could do. "I've got a whole lot to do," I said. "I have to go by the grocery store to pick up some groceries and make a few meals for the next two weeks and write out a detailed how-to list of how to make candied yams without blowing up the kitchen to take to Billy's for Thanksgiving, since I'm not going to be there this year. And, I have to make a few extra meals to put in Tupperware in the freezer, too. And then, I have to start on his laundry- and cleaning the bathroom is always a pain-"
"Bella, you're not his wife. I daresay that during the time between when your Mom left with you and you came back to him, he got along."
Those words came crashing down on me. Charlie always half-heartedly told me I didn't have to do those things for him, but I think secretly, he feared if he stopped letting me do these things for him, maybe I'd stop coming back. I did these things to assure him I'd keep coming back. That and, I didn't want him to do these things on his own because I wanted to assure myself that I had a place in his life, that was important to him, still.
"Besides, don't you want to visit Jacob and Angela? And what about Alice's parents? I'm sure they miss you."
"I guess you're right…" I said. "But, he'd be lost if I suddenly stopped doing all these things for him at once."
"Okay then, we'll go to the grocery store once he gets back," he said. "And you can clean the bathroom, but that's where it stops, okay? I want you to call Jacob and Angela and let them know you're home for the weekend. The Cullens, too."
"Alright," I said. I was busy talking to Ang when Charlie finally pulled in the driveway.
"I had a little too much fun there, Edward," he said, entering the kitchen, handing him back the keys. "Man, that's a nice car."
Edward just laughed.
"You guys waited to eat with me?"
"Bella, you'll be here at 6 with Edward for dinner?" Angela asked on the phone.
"Yes."
"Okay, great, I'll see you then," she said. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
We sat down at the table and started eating tomato soup and toasted turkey sandwiches. Charlie got out the goldfish crackers. "Dad, I'm only going to be able to cook a few meals for you and clean the bathroom this weekend," I said. "I can't do your laundry, though, and you're going to have to fend for yourself when it comes to food for Thanksgiving. We're going to be going to Jacob and Angela's for dinner." Panic rose in me that he'd be disappointed. I hated even the idea that Charlie would be disappointed in me.
"Oh, that's okay," Charlie said. He didn't sound disappointed at all. "Tell them I said hi."
"Oh, we will."
Edward and I went to the store, where I did some grocery shopping and picked up a few cleaning items he was short on. Edward helped me with the cooking, and I made a few things in the kitchen, considering Charlie's busy retirement schedule of fishing and poker. While Charlie and Edward got to know each other over a few beers and a game of college football, I cleaned the bathroom. I called Esme to say hello, and she invited Edward and me over for Sunday Brunch with Carlisle and herself.
By now, it was five o'clock. We needed to get ready to go to the Black's. I took a quick shower, not washing my hair, but put on some make-up, despite the fact that it was just Jacob and Angela we were going to visit.
I came downstairs, and Edward and Charlie were still watching the game- it had just finished after going into overtime. "Man, Bella, you missed it- what a great game!" Charlie said. "Are you off to see Jake and Angie?"
"Yes, I'm off to see Jake and Angie," I said, smiling. Charlie used those names for them out of affection. He liked them both- a lot. "Although, I'm running a little late."
"They're your friends, they'll understand," Charlie said. "just call them."
"We'll call before we start home," Edward said, putting on his jacket.
"Thanks," Charlie said. "Good night, kids."
"Good night," we both said.
I called Angela from the car. "We're running a little late," I said.
"Oh, that's okay, you're running on Jacob time."
"Hey, I run a very successful business, stopple thy mouth, dame!" Jacob yelled in the background. Angela laughed. I heard Jacob laughing, too.
"What's that all about?" I asked.
"I have news for you when you get here."
"Okay, good," I said. "Can't wait." I hung up. "She's got 'news' for me when we get there," I said. "She better not be pregnant again."
When we arrived on the reservation in La Push, I saw Will's face in the front window. He grinned when I got out of the car and tapped on the window pane. Jacob threw open the front door and came out to hug me. "Bella," he said, picking me up of the ground. "You look great. Really."
"Oh shut up."
"Oh, learn to take a compliment," he replied in the same tone. He smacked me on the ass. "Hey, Edward, how you doing?"
"Good thanks," he said, shaking Jacob's hand.
"Ang and I almost have dinner ready. We just have to put the baby down," Jacob said. Will was in his pajamas.
I picked Will up. "You're getting so big, Will!" I cried, kissing his head.
Will just giggled and buried his face in my neck.
In the house, Angela had Wendi in an automatic rocker while she sliced up a loaf of French bread. She had lost almost all the baby weight, by now. Wendi looked like she was going to pass out, although all the commotion was keeping her awake.
"Wow," I said, going over to hug to Angela. "Wendi's grown so much!"
"You look really great, Bella," Angela said. "Really- Edward's good for you," she muttered. "Hi, Edward!" she said, going over to hug him. "Good to see you, again! Bella, why don't you and Edward play with Will, some before we have to put him to bed, and Jacob and I will finish putting dinner together."
"Can't I help in the kitchen?"
"You don't want to miss out on bonding time with you godson, do you?"
Edward and I took Will into the living room, which was littered with toys and games and DVDs. We played with Will's train set. Will had so much to show me. Jacob put Will and Wendi to bed before dinner so we could have some adult conversation.
We sat down to dinner. Angela insisted on praying over the food- she always did. I let her. She was still a minister's daughter. We popped a bottle of wine and brought out a few beers for Jacob and Edward with dinner.
"So, what's the big news, Ang?" I asked.
"I'm doing a play at the La Push Little Theatre," she announced.
"I'm so proud of her- her very first audition, and she got a featured role," Jacob said.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I'm playing Goneril in King Lear," she said. "I have to bleach my hair, but it'll only be for a month."
"I'm so coming!" I cried. "You have to tell me when it is!"
"January 4 through the 7, and then the next week after that," she said. "Jacob's turning into a theatre widow."
"I'm proud of her, still," he said.
After trying to eat some of the casserole, Angela and I sat out on the screened in porch and had another glass of wine while Edward and Jacob talked about the game in the backyard, while Jacob brought out an air rifle. I had the feeling Jacob was just displaying it as a minor threat, but he handed it to Edward to see if he could shoot a can off the fence on the edge of the property.
"Oh God," I muttered, embarrassed.
"He's just trying to protect you," Angela said quietly. "You've never brought home a boyfriend before. He just wants to make sure Edward's completely aware that he's not afraid to hurt him on your behalf."
"Edward jokingly proposed to me last night," I said in a low tone. I knew this conversation was one that we didn't want the boys hearing.
Angela gasped. "Really!" she cried.
"He wasn't serious," I said. "I was trying to do something nice for him after he had a three day long shift at work."
"What were you doing?" she asked, smiling.
"I gave him a massage," I said quickly.
"That's it?" she asked. I knew what she was itching to ask.
"I haven't made love to him, yet," I said, my cheeks burning. "I knew you were going to ask that."
"No, I was going to ask how far you had gone with him, yet," she said. "Like, first base, second base…"
"I never understood those."
"Jacob explained it to me, once, I thought it was hysterical," she said. "First base is kissing, second base is touching, third base is dry humping with your clothes on, and a home run is… well, use your imagination."
I knew that if I lied to her, I'd feel guilty and I'd eventually have to confess it. So, I might as well. "Does a blow job count as third base or a home run?" I asked. Her mouth dropped open. "I did that for him last night," I whispered.
"Oh my God! You've showered with him, given him oral, but you haven't had sex with him! What are you waiting for!?"
"I don't know! I could only... climax one time with him, not twice in a row."
"It took me- look, haven't you been using the rocket?"
"No."
"What are you waiting for?"
"I can't believe you're encouraging me, of all people!"
"Come inside, I'll show you something with a banana for next time you get the urge to go down on him," she said.
"No!" I cried in horror. "I don't want to see you showing me how to do that!"
She started laughing. "No, Bella, I was just going to show you how to arch your neck so you could get it further down your throat. I wasn't going to demonstrate with it in my mouth. Haven't you been studying Alice's books at all?"
"God, no!"
"Bella, really, I'm saying this out of experience," she said. "You need to learn how to have orgasms if you're going to have sex with him, otherwise, it'll be really disappointing for both of you."
"I can't believe what you're suggesting!"
"There's no shame in it," she said. "Really. Just lock your bedroom door and get one of those books. You'll never have double-orgasms until you do it for yourself."
"I'd rather wait for Edward to do it to me."
"Bella, let me explain something," she said. "It takes practice on our end to know what does it, and if you're going to rely on him to teach you… Bella, it's going to take years to have good, long, fulfilling one if you never take matters in your own hands… no pun intended. Especially if he can't see you for three nights in a row. Is it really fair to drag him through that? It's a lot of pressure on him."
I couldn't believe a preacher's daughter, who was still so religious, was making masturbation sound so logical and necessary. Thinking about this subject was just getting me all hot and bothered, despite the burning tingling on my face and whole body from the flushing embarrassment of this conversation. "You're embarrassing the living hell out of me," I said. "Show me that trick with the banana."
"Let's go inside."
I followed Ang inside, and in the living room, she got out the banana. She demonstrated how to arch your neck to get more room in the back of your throat from the profile. I put the banana back before Jacob and Edward came back inside from shooting his air rifle.
Before we left around 11, Jacob walked us out to the car. "Bella, you've got my number on your cell on speed dial, right?" he whispered.
"Of course."
"You can always call me if you need anything," he said, hugging me, again. "I'll always look out for you."
"Thanks, Jake," I said. Edward had the passenger door open for me. "Take care."
"It was good seeing you, again," he said.
"You too," I said, going over to the passenger side. I made the call to Charlie letting him know that we were on our way home.
After I hung up, Edward said, "you know, I have excellent hearing."
"What?" I cried, my cheeks burning. I wondered what he had heard. "What did you hear?"
"Angela sure has a dirty mind for a preacher's kid," he said, laughing.
"I'm sorry I told Angela the details of what we did," I said automatically.
"Why?" he asked. "She's an experienced friend. It's not like Emmett and I didn't brag to each other about sexual exploits in undergrad and high school."
"Are you going to tell Emmett about me?" I asked.
"No. I'm too old for that shit. But, it would serve you right- telling Angela all those things!"
"I don't know what I'm doing, that's different!"
"I was just kidding. I don't mind."
"You gotta let me know when you're doing that!" I cried. "But you really don't mind that I'm talking to my friends?" I asked, surprised.
"As long as you're not telling everybody," he said. "And as long as you make me out to be Cassanova."
"Okay, chill out, I'm not going to promise that!"
"You love me don't you?"
"Of course," I said.
"So, what are these books? Can I see them?"
"No, you cannot see them!" I cried.
He laughed. "Why? No harm ever came from reading a book."
"You are incorrigible, Edward Anthony Masen," I said. He continued to laugh for a few more minutes. "Why do you find this whole situation so funny?"
"Because I'm a doctor, I just don't find any shame in sex, that's all," he said. "You're so repressed, it's hysterical, sometimes."
"I'm not repressed! A little sheltered because I had Jake around to protect me."
"I beg to differ," he said. "Jacob hates me."
"Why do you say that?"
"He's your brother, practically. Nobody's good enough for you," he said. "I could see it the moment he brought out his air rifle. He never missed a shot. He got the message through."
I got a text message from Alice- she said not to make a lot of noise in Charlie's house. I knew she was just egging me on, by now.
The front porch lights were on and the front door was unlocked. Edward's bags were missing from the living room- we couldn't find them. I made up a bed on the couch, since this was Charlie's house- the idea of me sleeping the same bed with him under my father's roof was horrifying in my own mind. Charlie was already asleep- he normally went fishing early on Sunday mornings with Billy, anyways. I was going to have to wake him.
I knocked on the door to his room. "Dad?"
"Huh?" he asked, groggily. "Bells?"
"Yeah, it's me," I said, opening the door. "Where are Edward's things? We left them in the living room."
"Bella, I left them in your room," he said, sounding slightly aggravated.
"But, Dad-"
"Alice has a big mouth, remember?" he replied. "Now shut the door and let me sleep. I'm meeting Billy at 6 to go fishing."
I shut the door, my cheeks burning. He knew that I was spending the night with Edward? The very idea was horrifying.
Downstairs, I found Edward, checking his email on his phone.
"Edward?" I asked. "Charlie put your bag in my room."
"Is that why your face is so red?" he asked, grinning. "Repression."
"Goddamnit, Edward!"
"Race you up the stairs."
That night, we slept in pajamas- Edward even slept in a t-shirt, just incase Charlie checked on us. I was so hot and bothered, I couldn't quite sleep. I found my tossing and turning was keeping Edward up.
"What's got you up?"
"All that discussion tonight," I said. "Between Angela and me."
"Oh, I see," he said, smiling, sleepily. "Go take a cold shower."
"Does that really work?"
"Yes, it does. Now, so I can go to sleep," he said. I scooted off the bed and went to the bathroom for a cold shower. I took it as cold as I could- I squealed as I stepped in. I stayed in only for a short time before I had to get out. I was shivering by the time I got back to the bed with Edward. He was all warm and asleep. "God, you're cold!" he cried when I climbed back in bed, dried off and in my pajamas.
"You said for it to be cold."
"It just has to be cool, not freezing."
"I don't know these things," I said, pressing my feet to him. He froze for a moment.
"Ah!" he cried. "Your feet!"
I pulled my feet away. "Sorry!"
"No, no," he said, sitting up. He took my feet in his warm hands and began to rub each of them until I had some feeling back in them, and then kissed my toes. "Anything else?"
"My hands," I said. He picked up my hands and rubbed them, like he did my feet.
"Anything else?"
"Me," I said, smiling. He wrapped his arms around me, and laid down on top of me.
In the morning, we got up around 9 am. The Cullens were expecting us at 10. After having three showers within the last twenty-four hours, I didn't bother with showering again. Edward came downstairs in a button-up shirt and he handed me a tie. Without a word, I did the double Windsor knot for him. I put on a pair of khaki pants and the set of pearls that Charlie had given me for my undergrad graduation with a blue button-up top.
He almost missed the turn off to the Cullen's house. Esme met me at the front door, hugging me. "You look so good, Bella!" she whispered in my ear. She hugged Edward. "It's good to see you."
"Good to see you, too."
Carlisle came down the stairs. "Ah, Bella! You're looking well."
"Everybody says that," I said. "Do I really?"
"Yes," Esme said.
"Edward, so glad you came to stop by," he said.
"Come on, I've made some Bloody Marys," Esme said.
In the kitchen, we had brunch and Esme told us a little bit about the local charity scene. Mike Newton's marriage was already on the rocks, rumor had it. It was funny, but a little part of me didn't feel gleeful any more at Mike's misfortune. Esme had gotten to see Angela and the new baby a few times. Carlisle was Wendi's pediatrician, so he had examined the baby a few times, already. I told them the news that I was almost done with my first graduate degree, come May. Then, if my scholarship lasted, I could go on to work on my Ph.D. I was already accepted at the same university to do so.
Brunch was relatively uneventful. We got home to pack up our things, and Charlie had gotten back from fishing.
"Hey, Dad, did you catch anything good?"
"Yes, actually," he said, holding up his proud display- a fish about a foot long. I clapped.
"Do you need me to cook that for you before I go?"
"No, I can take care of it, Bells," he said. "I'm sorry you two have to leave like this. Have a good Thanksgiving, honey."
"Don't say that like I'm not going to talk to you between now and then," I said. "I'm going to call you."
"You better," he said. He hugged me and kissed me good-bye. I climbed into Edward's Aston-Martin and we sped off back to Seattle.