I don't own anything but thousands of fantasies that include a naked Edward. mmm... mmm... good

15

epov

I'm sitting at Emmett's house killing time. Earlier, Bella and I were laying around on the couch watching T.V., enjoying our day off. Gotta love Labor Day.

But Jasper showed up and practically threw me out of my own home. He kept mumbling something about it being almost one o'clock and how these are 'the days of our lives' or something like that.

Sometimes I just don't get him.

So while he and Bella have been doing whatever it is they're doing, I've been sitting here watching Emmett try to throw popcorn into his mouth. He has only made two shots out of like 100. Popcorn is everywhere.

Rosalie is going to kill him.

As much as I want to get home and hang out with Bella, I really hope I'm here to see that.

"You know, Edward, you've been here about an hour and you still haven't told me why you showed up."

I roll my eyes as he misses yet another attempt to get popcorn in his mouth.

"Jasper showed up acting all crazy and threw me out."

Emmett grinned.

"Did he tell you what got up his ass?"

"No, he just kept talking about how these are 'the days of our lives' or something. I was too busy trying to grab some pants before I was thrown out in only my boxers to really try to understand him."

Unexpectedly, Emmett busts out laughing. His bowl of popcorn gets knocked over while he starts slapping his knee while laughing.

I just sit there looking at him like he's a moron.

'Like he's a moron?' Who am I kidding? Emmett is a moron.

"Dude, why the fuck didn't you tell me?! We just missed some god damn entertainment!"

I look at Emmett curiously.

"What do you mean, Em?"

Emmett fights his laughter as he begins to respond.

"I got Bella drunk one time and began interrogating her about Jazz. You know she always spills the beans when she's drunk and I wanted some information on Jazz because I needed something new to give him shit about. So anyways, I got her piss ass drunk by spiking all her drinks and.."

He busts out laughing again.

I sit back and try to fight my impatience. It looks like we've got a good story in the making and he's taking too fucking long to sober the hell up.

"Sorry, so I was interrogating her and she told me that Jasper watches soap operas with her!"

Surprised is an understatement for me right now. Jasper, who is the definition of tough guy, watches soap operas?!

He laughs again before he continues.

"It's a weekday so you know that shit is on! And I know 'Days of Our Lives' is a soap opera because Rosalie watches that shit! I've been dying to spy on Jasper and Bella when they watch it!"

Emmett lies down on the couch, smashing popcorn, while he continues to laugh.

And I laugh right along with him. Hard. I laugh so fucking hard I snort.

"Damn, I should have said something earlier! Why haven't you told me this, yet? This is too fucking good!"

I keep laughing along with Emmett while I hear my phone chirp. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see that I have a text message from Bella.

You're free to come home whenever!

Love you!

I start laughing again when I see the time. It's 2:03.

"Dude, I guess the show is over! She just texted me and said that I can come home whenever."

Emmett starts laughing again, then starts laughing harder when he sees the time on the clock above his T.V.

"God damn, dude! I can't believe I forgot about that! And what's worse is I still haven't given him shit for it!"

My eyes widen at Emmett.

"You haven't made fun of him yet?! Emmett, you fucking moron! This is like the perfect thing to use against him!"

Emmett sobers up and puts on a devilish expression. Uh-oh, Emmett has an idea.

"Dude, blackmail. We have the perfect blackmail. What do you think? Personal slave?"

I smirk at Emmett.

"We can do better than personal slave, Emmett."

He smirks back and nods.

"You're right. But what to do? What to do?"

Emmett jumps up off the couch, startling me.

"I've got it!"

I widen my eyes, but I keep my mouth shut waiting for him to continue.

"Rosalie and Alice are at the mall today, trying to hit up the sales. I say we have Jasper show up and whenever they try something on he has to say things like 'it makes your butt look big' or 'it makes you look fat.' The girls would murder him!"

I laugh at the genius of his plan.

They would stab him with a stiletto or something.

"You're a fucking genius, Emmett! It's perfect."

Emmett holds up one finger in a motion for me to wait. I sit there silently waiting for him to do something. He just sits there and stares at me. I furrow my brows together in confusion but he just keeps staring at me.

"What-"

Emmett interrupts me by shushing me.

I bite my tongue and sit in silence staring at him. It's like he had a stroke of genius then his mind caught up and he can't process it or something.

I'm beginning to wonder if 'moron' is the right word for him.

Emmett smiles.

"No phone call from Alice. She hasn't 'seen,' or whatever it is she does, our plan."

I stare at Emmett in awe.

When the hell did he become so smart? Just five minutes ago the man was poking his own eye out with popcorn.

"Call Jazz and get him over here."

I smirk and whip out my phone dialing his number.

"Hello?"

I fight to keep the laughter out of my voice when I respond.

"Jazz, get your ass over here to Emmett's. We've got something really cool to show you."

Emmett gives me the thumbs up at my excuse to get him here but I ignore him. I can't afford to laugh right now and if I keep looking at the shit eating grin on Emmett's face, it's bound to happen.

"This better not be one of Emmett's porno's with all the Disney characters again!"

I bust out laughing and look at Emmett incredulously.

"What?! You're fucking kidding me!" I screech.

I pull the phone from my ear and yell at Emmett.

"Where the hell are these Disney porno's? I've gotta see this!"

I can hear Jasper laughing on the phone while Emmett grins and runs in the direction of his bedroom. Ew. If he keeps that in his bedroom then that means...

Stop that train of thought right there before I have to pour bleach into my brain.

"Jasper, it's not one of the porno's but get your ass here. You've got to see this!"

I can hear him rolling his eyes when he responds. The man is too easy to predict.

Well, maybe he used to be. Do I even know the real Jasper? I mean... soap operas?! The man served in Iraq. He makes a big deal out of being tough. He's a good friend and will have a heart to heart with you if you need one but that man does not do girly things.

He's the only person I know that has gotten away from Alice when she demands a shopping spree.

Or has he?

Now I'm questioning everything I know about him.

This is too damn good.

"Alright, alright. I'm leaving your house now. I should be there in 10."

I grin.

"Good."

I hang up the phone as Emmett comes running back into the living room with his Disney porno in hand. He goes to put the movie in the DVD player but I stop him.

"Dude, I am NOT watching porn with you! I just want to see the case."

Emmett grins but puts the DVD in anyways.

"No way, man. You at least have to see 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Gang Bang Edition.' It's too fucking funny!"

I laugh and shake my head.

"I'm not watching porn with you, funny or not. Give me the case."

He nods reluctantly and hands me the DVD case while taking the movie out of the DVD player. I take a look at this case and can't help but bust out laughing.

The cover is a picture of Princess Jasmine from 'Aladdin' getting reamed from behind by her pet tiger, Raja.

"Where the hell did you get this?"

He turns to me and grins.

"I stole it from a video store. I rented it out and never returned it. That shit is too good to give up."

I shake my head at Emmett.

"You're a cop, man."

He chuckles.

"It was the day before my final test to be a cop. I had to do something illegal."

I laugh and shake my head.

I sit here examining the case for a minute, laughing at the small pictures on the back until Jasper walks in.

"Ok, ok, I'm here. What is it that is so important for me to see?"

Both Emmett and I grin at Jasper.

Jasper's eyes get wide. He knows something is up.

"So... how's your day been, Jazz?"

I turn to Emmett and grin. Lead him in. It'll be funnier this way.

Jasper looks at us in confusion.

"Uh... It's been good, I guess."

"What you been doin'?"

Jasper turns to me when I ask my question and I can see him trying to keep his composure. He knows we're up to something and he knows us well enough to know he's going to get the brunt of whatever it is.

"I, uh, I hung out with Alice for a little bit before she left. Then I chilled with Bella. We just talked about work and stuff."

I grin.

"And stuff? You haven't, oh I don't know, watched anything interesting today?"

Jasper's eyes widen in horror at my question.

"No?"

His voice squeaks. He's bracing himself, but I can see him slouching a little bit. He is waiting for it.

"You sure you haven't?"

Jasper shakes his head 'no' to Emmett.

"Damn, I was figuring you could update Rosalie on what she missed on 'Days of Our Lives' later."

Jasper freezes.

We wait for it.

"Fuck." Jasper whispers, looking down.

Emmett and I lose it.

"You fucking pussy!" Emmett yells.

I hold onto my stomach I'm laughing so hard. My eyes are clenched shut picturing Jasper sitting on a couch with Bella watching some girlie soap opera, painting his nails.

I laugh harder.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up. I've got shit on the both of you, too."

That shut me up. Emmett's mouth snapped shut, too.

"What the hell do you have on me?" I ask.

Jasper grins.

"Oh, I don't know, Edward. Perhaps something about you prancing about in high heels singing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.'"

I widen my eyes in horror.

Then I glare.

Alice. That little shit is going to get it.

It was the first time I was ever drunk. And I was 16 years old.

Emmett is pointing a finger at me laughing and I shoot my glare to him. Before I can say anything Jasper speaks.

"And what are you laughing at? Huh, sparkles?"

I look at Jasper in confusion while Emmett suddenly becomes quiet. Jasper looks smug as hell.

"You're not the only one who can get information out of drunk, Bella."

Emmett glares at Jasper.

"Why did you call him sparkles?"

Jasper looks at me and laughs.

"Emmett, here, got bored one night and got into Bella's stuff. She had some sparkles you use for make-up left over from Halloween so apparently he did a little experimenting. From what she told me, she walked into her bedroom to find Emmett's lips and eyelids covered in sparkles. She said he looked like the bulky version of Boy George."

I bust out laughing at the image my mind conjured up. Big Emmett, dimples and all, smiling widely with glittered lips and eyelids.

I hope Bella has some pictures somewhere.

Emmett starts grumbling but I can barely hear him I'm laughing so hard.

After a good five minutes I finally sober up. We all sit down quietly thinking about how our most embarrassing secrets are now public knowledge. Damn.

Obviously, our blackmail is out the window since he has shit on both of us.

Damn, it was a good plan, too.

"Well, boys, I'm going to take off. I've got a lovely brunette waiting for me at home who could definitely use an orgasm or two since Jasper spoiled our plans earlier."

Both Emmett and Jasper scowl at me while I chuckle at them. I love taunting them about Bella and sex.

I grab my keys and head out.

Driving home I can't help but think about my two dumb ass best friends. Well, family. Brother-in-laws. Well, Emmett isn't my brother-in-law, yet.

But he will be.

Because I'll be damned if I don't marry Bella.

The divorce is moving along fairly quickly so hopefully I can make that a reality sooner rather than later.

I pull into our garage and head into the house. I walk into the living room to see Bella reading a book. I smile at my angel. She's always so at peace when she reads. She's oblivious to the world around her. She gets so immersed a story, even if she's already read it 10 times.

I stand there and watch her read for a minute; she hasn't noticed me standing here.

Her eyebrows are furrowed, like it's a sad part in the book. I can see her taking shallow breaths, like she's fighting the urge to cry.

Though it pains me to think of Bella crying or in any sort of pain, I can't help but admire her beauty.

She's always been so beautiful when she cries. Her skin flushes causing her skin to glow. Her eyes become deeper.

I walk to Bella and kiss her on the forehead.

Startled, she jumps then smiles sheepishly when she realizes it's me.

"Hey, love, did you have fun?"

Bella smiles.

"Of course."

I chuckle.

"So 'Days of Our Lives' was good today?"

Bella's beautiful, brown eyes widen in shock.

"How did you know about that?"

I chuckle.

"Emmett told me he got you to spill the beans once. It wasn't hard to figure out."

Bella smiles sheepishly.

"Damn, alcohol. Truth serum I tell you. Jasper is going to kill me."

I laugh and shake my head.

"Apparently, he used the same tactic to get stuff on Emmett so it's no big deal."

Bella blushes and looks down.

"Great, now my brothers will be mad at me."

I put my arm around Bella and pull her in for a hug.

"They're not mad at you. I promise. We didn't really get to make fun of Jasper much because he pulled out his information on us. So, no big deal, love."

Bella sighs.

"Do I even want to know what Jasper had on you guys?"

I laugh.

"Well, Jasper did mention something about sparkles."

Bella busts out laughing. I sit there and laugh with her, praying that she forgot about what Jasper had on me.

"Oh, that was so funny. Imagine my surprise walking into my own bedroom to find my 6'4, bulky as hell brother covered in sparkles."

Bella giggles melodically while I laugh at the mental image of Emmett from earlier.

We settle down and turn on the T.V.

Score! Bella forgot about what Jasper had on me.

"So... What did Jasper have to say about you."

I drop my head in defeat. Damnit.

"I'm not saying a word."

Bella glares at me then smiles smugly. What the hell?

"Fine, don't tell me. I'll just call Jasper."

She reaches for the phone and I lunge across her lap and grab the phone from her.

"Fine. The first time I ever got drunk Alice convinced me to put on some high heels. The highlight of the night was me singing and dancing to 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.'"

Bella laughs at me while I sit and glare.

I fight the urge to be mesmerized by her beauty. Her cheeks flush and her eyes sparkle.

Damnit, I already forgive her for laughing.

When she finally calms down, we snuggle on the couch and turn on some romantic comedy. I can't even pay attention, not that I would want to. Bella feels so good in my arms.

I nuzzle my face in her neck and breathe her in. Like how she is at peace when she's reading, this is when I'm at peace.

I relax and breathe in the scent of my Bella.

The next thing I know, I'm being awaken by the phone ringing. Bella groans and snuggles further into me. I squeeze my arms around her tighter as if the action will shut the phone up. After seven rings, it finally stops and whoever called didn't leave a message.

I nuzzle my face in her hair and begin to fall back asleep.

The phone rings again.

Damnit!

I reach over the arm of the couch and grab the phone.

"Hello." I say groggily.

"Edward Cullen?" Says an unfamiliar, female voice.

I release Bella from my arms and start to sit up.

"Yes?"

The person on the other end clears their throat.

"My name is Leah Clearwater, I work for Diane Sawyer."

I perk up and feel Bella shift beside me, telling me that she is now awake, too.

"Yes?"

"Well, Mr. Cullen, we were wondering if we could bump up your interview sooner. Like Wednesday night?"

My eyes widen. Bella looks at me curiously but I put a finger up, silently telling her to hold on a minute.

"Um, I'm sure that would be fine. May I ask why?"

The woman, Leah, clears her throat again.

"Well, with your mother's apology still fresh, you're still big news. There are many rumors circulating about the two of you and Ms. Sawyer would like to set the record straight."

I nod, though the woman can't see me.

"Ok, that sounds fine. Send the information to my office tomorrow."

"Will do. Thank you, Mr. Cullen. Have a great evening."

I smile at Bella.

"I will, you do the same. Thank you, Ms. Clearwater. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up the phone and sigh, preparing myself for Bella's reaction.

"Who was it?"

I look at Bella and clear my throat.

"That was Leah Clearwater. She works for Diane Sawyer. They're bumping our interview up to Wednesday night. So, you will have to get Wednesday off so Alice can do her thing."

Her eyes widen but she remains silent. I can see her processing the information. She already isn't happy about doing this interview and now she has to do it sooner.

I feel like an ass for asking her to do this.

After a minute, Bella nods once.

I furrow my brows in confusion but keep quiet, waiting for her to speak.

"Might as well get it over with, right?"

I smile 'Bella's smile.'

"That's my girl."

Bella giggles and nuzzles back into me, and her stomach growls causing me to start laughing. I pry myself from her arms and get up from the couch.

"What are you doing?"

I turn to Bella and smile again.

"I'm making you dinner."

Bella smiles and lays back down on the couch. I wink at her then head into the kitchen to make my angel some food. She needs to be served more often.

Thanks to my beta justme317. She's flippin amazing.

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