Disclaimer- The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me.

Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns, not me.

A/N- If you haven't read "Guilty Pleasures" by Bombshellchic on LJ, you're missing out. That's where I got a lot of the titles for the books that Alice supplied. Warning- masturbation. I know some people don't find it too tasteful, but come on, we all do it.

BPOV

When I got back to my apartment, Alice wanted to do laundry and go over the weekend's events.

"Well, Edward's things mysteriously appeared in my room while we were at Jacob and Angela's," I said.

"Oh yeah, speaking of being at Jake and Angela's, I heard about the conversation Angela had with you," Alice said. "I know I've been teasing you a lot, but really, she's right. About a lot of things."

"Even Edward heard about that," I said, blushing, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"There's no shame in knowing what you're doing," Alice replied. "Look, if you need the apartment to yourself the next few nights, I'll be happy to vacate to Jasper's place."

"Actually… That'd be nice."

That night, since Edward was back at the hospital for another three-day shift until Wednesday, I asked Alice if I could have a night alone. She didn't crack jokes, just said sure and packed a bag.

After Angela's insistence that I try the books and the rocket, I fed Dizzy to keep her busy and climbed into my bed in a long night shirt. I took the rocket out of the package, and got the necessary double A batteries, but didn't use it right away. I leafed through Wet, a book about having sex in the water, but it was ridiculous. I had already showered with him, twice. I picked up Good Sex: A Woman's Guide to Losing Inhibitions and leafed through that. It was embarrassing at first, but then, kind of exciting. Would he find me dirty and perverted if he found out I did this? I hoped not.

"Please, Edward, don't hate me for this," I muttered.

I studied each picture and felt arousal burning between my legs with each turn of the page.

Back in my room, I took off my panties. I didn't normally wear a bra to bed, because I didn't normally need one. Under the covers, I felt my legs and carefully felt my way in between my thighs. I wasn't sure what to call it. I tried to ignore that I even had this area of my body. It was time to accept it. I thought that men just put up with it. I personally found my own vagina disgusting.

Well, I reasoned with myself, if men found it as disgusting as I did, they'd all be gay. Edward seemed pretty eager to touch me. I had only masturbated a few times in the middle of the night, between sleep and waking, and I felt thoroughly ashamed afterwards. I remembered the way it felt when Edward touched me the other night. I finally decided to just take off my top. I was naked under the sheets, now. I picked up the rocket, grimacing, turning the end. It buzzed, embarrassingly loud in the silence. I was going to have to turn on the radio next time I did this if Alice was around. I nervously ran the rocket under the covers.

I tried first to stick it inside me. It didn't quite work that way- I was too tight for it. I liked it best when Edward stroked my clit. Okay. There was a start.

The pulsating tip quivered against my... um lips? I cringed. Oh god... he was going to hate me if he found out I was doing this. He'd never find out, I'd beg Alice.

Okay, I had to think of myself, here.

I imagine myself with him, naked, again. Only this time, I was beautiful, thin, had hard muscles on my stomach and a toned rear end. Edward was, as always, beautiful. My pubic hair wasn't so ungroomed, I had taken Alice's advice and gotten a wax... yes, that's it. I was perfect. His lips grazed mine, and I gripped his middle as his fingers went into my cleft. He strummed me, his fingers trembling. "Oh, Bella, you're so beautiful," he whispers. I moan in response. He penetrates me, and it hurts, making my eyes water, but his hand keeps on stroking along... oh yes, and he starts pumping... god yes... yes, it feels so good!

It happened. Only for a second. It was like a small waterfall was opened inside me, my vision became hazy, just like what he had done for me. My veins were on fire. That was... endorphins?

Wow.

How was I ever going to get my homework done, now, when I could do for myself? Why I had waited so long?

"How was your night alone?" Alice asked, coming in the door.

"What, no Honey, I'm home?"

"You know I know what you were doing," she said. "How did it go?"

"Better."

She squealed. "You moved the books!" she cried. "So, you're using them! It only took you three weeks!"

"I'm so proud," I said. "Don't ever tell your parents. Or my Dad!"

"I won't, I won't."

"Too bad I didn't have any of this information Friday night."

"You didn't fool around at Charlie's?"

"No way!"

"Why not?" she asked. "Forbidden, exciting-"

"My room isn't that far from Charlie's," I said. "How embarrassing would that be to wake him up in the middle of the night to that?"

"So, what's this I hear about a blow job?" she asked. She smiled wickedly. She could be downright evil, sometimes.

"Where'd you hear about that!?"

"Where do you think? Ang."

"I'm gonna kill her!"

"Relax, we're friends, I haven't told anybody else," Alice said airily. "When did it happen?"

"The night before we left for Forks."

"Oh," Alice said, a hint of smugness in her voice. "You're going to be banging in him in no time."

"Alice!"

"Come on, it's funny!" she cried. "Ang and I were discussing taking bets."

"I don't know Angela nearly as well as I thought I did," I muttered.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower and get an early night's rest. Just so you know, that rocket is waterproof!"

Mt first reaction was to cry ew! and to be a prude, but then, I thought about how fun it would be to orgasm in water. Hmmm...