1. Nope. Not dead. Halfway there, though, since I slept at 7:30 (AM) and woke up at half past ten so sorry if this sucks.
2. Read 'Clinically Insane' by Phoenix Satori. It's brilliant and it's a companion fic to 'What You Call Winter'! She's kind of too awesome to actually live. Also a very happy b'day to Liz! :)
disclaimer: Not mine. Also the last line is from an awesome HP fic called 'Water'!
(She'd always wanted an older brother. Somebody who'd make fun of her, but who'd be there every single time she needed him. Somebody who'd look out for her and buy her ridiculously useless trinkets. Somebody who would tease her about her crushes and yet discreetly try to set her up with his best friend. Somebody who'd really care about her and protect her and be all…like a brother.
She got…well…him.)
The entire hockey team seems to have made her head their personal net. (Hangovers? Way underrated.)
And it's odd that she thinks in terms of hockey. Because she hates it (and all its stupidmoronic worshippers). She always used touch-downs and kick-offs for metaphors (once she'd gotten over her initial fling-flong stage. Yeah, she'd still like to give him the opening groin-kick for that one) because Lizzie had always loved football, and then there'd been Max.
(When did that change?)
She turns over and catches a glimpse of a white tablet lying on her dresser with a glass of water.
Sally.
And strangely enough she realizes her stomach's clenching and she's feeling guilty as hell. Without even a worthy sin to justify it.
(But nothing happened. And nothing could have happened. Because…and she doesn't even know what she's talking about.)
"Feeling better?"
(No, not really. She's thinking of commissioning someone for a time machine to make yesterday un-happen actually).
"Yeah."
Lyra looks up at her, her mouth drawn into a silent Cheshire Cat grin, "I always knew even with all your morning-hair, keener tendencies and periodic bouts of insanity, you really couldn't be as lame as you seemed."
"Umm…thanks?" (Because yes, it is a compliment. Sort of).
Lyra scoots closer to the edge of the sofa, "So you have to tell me your secret. It's that whole super-geek thing you've got going on, isn't it? That gets the guys? I bet they're all imagining you in a tight shirt with dorky glasses and a bun. The whole striptease fantasy, you know. And…"
Nonono, she doesn't remember it at all. Because it's not even related to…anything. And she should really just go back to sleep (and preferably never wake up.)
Because she'd lost a bet to him in her senior year (She's slowly starting to realize she's a really good loser. Probably even the best. She's got it down to a fine art) and he'd taken full advantage. He'd made her bring him food for a week, and do his chores, and even picked out her 'maid-outfit' for her. (Except somewhere in between he'd messed up and picked Lizzie's work-shirt up from the laundry). And then made her wear it anyway because making her uncomfortable was his life's primary aim. And the glasses actually had lenses in them, and he made her wear them because it gave him extreme pleasure to watch her falling about. The bun had been another Casey-doesn't-like-it-so-she-has-to-do-it kind of thing. So she'd stumbled around for a week and then written his mobile number on the school bathroom wall. Hah.
(Although she doesn't know why she's thinking of that, because it's…striptease?...not related at all. And anyway, she's 'asexual' apparently and "…annoying brother" "Step-brother" "Same difference"…)
"…and then the pink elephant killed off the hooker. Thank you for listening."
She looks at Lyra guiltily. "Sorry."
"Are you all right?"
She looks up to see Sally.
(And this isn't awkward at all. Really.)
"Yeah, I'm fine." She says again (and she wants to say something else except she doesn't know what) and catches Sally's unreadable glance.
"You're still wearing my dress," she says casually.
She looks down and yes, she is. It's all creased and it's going to take hours of labor to get it back to its original state. (And it's going to take years of therapy to- Did you want me to stay.)
"Sorry, I'll just…I'll get it." She rushes to the door, to answer the persistent ringing.
He's there.
She's looking right at him and he's looking…over her shoulder.
He almost pushes her aside, except it's not a shove. It's almost…as if he doesn't even know she's there. As if she hadn't really registered on his radar.
(This wasn't what usually happened. They weren't people who could fake indifference as much as they tried, their non-relationship was too...much for that. Because as much as they fought and screwed each other up, they also always couldn't stay away. And she hates change of any kind, which is the only reason why she's finding it difficult to breathe.)
"Derek," Sally acknowledges, her voice dull.
He moves towards her single-mindedly, every muscle in his body stretched to breaking point, his hands clenched at his sides and suddenly his mouth is on Sally's, hard (and that hangover must really be still affecting her because she wants to throw up).
"Wow," Lyra says (she still exists?) her eyes wide "I think I'm going to have to turn away, even though I'm all for PDA, just so I don't slip up and 'accidentally' knife Sally in her bed. She must've been Gandhi in her previous lifetime to warranty this. I thought this kind of intensity was a myth originating from the world of sparkling vampires."
She wants to turn away too. In fact she should just go before she lines the floor with the contents of her stomach (she's going to send a complaint letter to Tylenol manufacturers, because it doesn't help at all) but she can't because…just because.
(Derek hates PDA. Except apparently not when it's with Sally. Because he l…ikes her.)
And then he's pulled her into the room and slammed the door shut.
(And she's left right there with dressesmirrorsandyesterday).
"So...how's college. Meet any cute guys lately?"
She knows Emily's saying something, but she can't hear much over the roaring in her own head which is just too loud and makes her want to bang her body against the wall so the physical pain could replace that queer strangled feeling in her throat.
(Who likes to see their step-brother indulging in excessive displays of intimacy? Really, it's enough to make anyone sick.)
Emily pauses on the phone, "Too soon after him…?"
"What? No, no way. I'm just…repulsed. He shouldn't just walk in and start doing…that. Because it's disgusting even though it's not wrong for them because they're not…whatever."
"Umm…Casey, earth speak. Truman just walked in? How?"
(What?)
"Not Truman, him."
There's silence on the phone for a couple of seconds, and then "Oh, Derek," Emily says flatly. "He's around a lot, I'm sure. Like always"
"Yeah, for…Sally. And he just walked in and started kissing and you guys have been broken up only since five months. Doesn't he have any decency and decorum about maintaining the period of mourning? He's so…"
"Casey," she interrupts her voice gentle, almost as if she's reading too much into it, "We just…broke up. He isn't my widower, you know."
"But he hates PDA." (And that's what gets her the most. He's probably made out with more girls than she can count but his rules were rigid and he'd simply never cared enough to actually break any of them.) She does something which might even pass for laughing in some universe "I've never seen him like this, Em. So…wrapped up in someone, he never even notices anybody else any longer. It's only Sally. All these girls here are flirting with him and he flirts back but it's automatic. Who'd have thought Derek Venturi would ever be so absorbed by a girl. He wasn't ever like this before."
There's silence again and then Emily chirps in, her voice overly (fake) bright, "Oh, sorry Casey, roomie's calling for breakfast. I really have to go. I'll call you as soon as I can, 'kay? So sharpen your describing skills because I'm going to need a description of every single guy you've met till now for my file. And…"
"Yeah?"
(They must be running up a gigantic phone bill with all these strange silences) "Derek's always been like that, Casey. The only difference is that that girl used to be you."
Sally's glowing. Honest-to-god glowing.
She's also humming as she sets the breakfast plates and she reallyreally wants to snap that it's way too early for this. And then Sally's hugging her. (And cue Twilight Zone music again. The theme song of her life.)
"I'm sorry." (What is she sorry for?)
"I just…I don't know, Casey, I just lost my mind. I put two and two together and made a fucking forty-four. I'm was just…so stupid. I was making up these impossible, twisted scenarios in my head…and you don't even know what I'm talking about but…sorry."
(Except for the part where she does know what she's talking about. And impossible scenarios just about sums it up.)
"Can I tell you something?" and it's just the tone that gets her, because Sally is never hesitant. She's confident as all hell.
"Sure."
"I'm thinking of, you know, going all the way with him. It's just becoming so much…harder to stop and I think I don't want to stop. We'd discussed this, and he's, well…Derek, so he's obviously done it, but he was willing to wait. And God, Casey, you have no idea how difficult it is because I want all of him now."
(Tylenol causes causes three times as many cases of liver failure as all other drugs combined. And she's experiencing it first-hand. She's soon going to be a statistic. Or maybe it was lung failure, because, hell, she can't breathe.)
"I wouldn't suggest that" and she even sounds like she's going to die of lung (or is it liver?) failure, "If…if you want to pass your next blood test."
Sally laughs, "I think I'll risk it. And Casey, I know this is highly odd, but you have to come lingerie shopping with me, you know what he likes better than anyone else. And I want to look good. Because…" she hesitates again, "He's always in control. It's like sometimes it's too…easy for him to stop, while I'm just…begging for more."
"He likes making people beg." (She didn't mean to say that. But she has too many memories of kneeling before him, and yes, she knows exactly what it feels like. Like wrong dipped in dark chocolate.)
(It tastes a little like heaven's polluted.)
1. Emily wasn't really speaking in a romantic sense (although I think she's guessed) but generally how, when Casey was there he'd just give up all his time and even go out on dates just to annoy her. He was always totally consumed by her.
2. I think I might feel sorry for Sally a little, since she's obviously trying to hold on to something which she probably knows isn't working. It's kind of what happens a lot, actually, when people prefer to turn a blind eye instead of actually taking a stand. And...I do think she likes Derek a lot.
3. The fantasy, totally canon (Venturian Candidate). How awesome is this show again?