Disclaimer: I own nothing… still.
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What is Cake?
Chapter 5
Duo woke up the next morning bright and early to a loud and annoying screaming person. Duo sighed darkly and rolled out of bed hell bent on destroying whoever was creating such a noise at nine in the morning. He kicked the hallway door open with a loud roar to find Relena standing over Heero, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, who were all sitting on the couch leaning back as far as they could. She was screaming at them for their idiocy and what they had done.
"What did we do?" Duo asked as he rubbed the back of his head anger forgotten. The other pilots sighed and hung their heads. Relena whirled on the American her face twisted up in rage.
"You went to that factory! Even though I told you not to!" Relena screeched pulling at her hair.
"Technically, you told us not to destroy the factory." Duo pointed out with a triumphant smile. Relena's eyes narrowed to slits.
"I will shove a screwdriver down your throat the next time you try to deny that I told you not to go to the factory last night."
"Where'd you get a screwdriver?" Heero asked from the couch. Relena reached into her hair and pulled the screwdriver out with a wicked grin. She turned back to Duo.
"I may not be the Queen of the World anymore, but I can make your world miserable."
"I don't like threats." Duo shuffled his feet uncomfortable. Over on the couch Trowa leaned to Heero and whispered something in his ear a pleading look on his face. Heero thought about it and nodded. The Japanese boy stood and walked over to Relena.
"Relena…" Heero stated. Relena turned and went from glaring to a cute smile in a matter of seconds.
"Yes Heero?"
"I'll kill you." Heero looked at her expectantly. Relena just shot him a look and whirled back to Duo to continue screaming at him. Heero turned to the other three pilots and shrugged and got pleading looks back. Quatre mouthed 'Figure something out!' Heero turned looking thoughtful again. A light bulb appeared over Heero's head with a 'ping' noise. Heero looked up at it and grabbed it. He held on to it for a moment before walking to the kitchen and replaced the light bulb that had been out for a few days. He nodded and turned back to his current problem. Heero knew just the thing.
"And another thing!"
"No please… I don't wanna hear anymore!" Duo wailed at Relena hoping his pleas would get through to her. She opened her mouth to continue, but Heero interrupted her.
"Relena" Heero paused uncertain then continued "I'll… screw you." Relena's face went pale. Her eyes went wide and her face went blank. All of the other pilots just looked at Heero like he had grown a few extra limbs in that instant. "What? The 'I'll kill you' didn't work. I had to improvise."
"Let's get her out of here! I really need to take something for this new headache I just got." Duo muttered just wanting to lie down and curl up under a blanket. Wufei nodded and grabbed Relena around the waist and lifted her out of the apartment like a mannequin. He was gone a few hours and when he returned, Relena was not with him.
"Where did you take her?" Trowa asked uncertainly. "Do I want to know?" Wufei just shook his head with a wicked grin.
"Where are we going today Duo?" Quatre asked with a laugh.
"Well, I was thinking about going to the lake since we almost died last night." Duo smiled broadly and waved his arms out excitedly. "I wanna fish! I wanna FISH!"
"Fishing isn't exactly the most fun activity." Trowa frowned not understanding Duo's excitement.
"What are you talking about!? Fishing is GREAT!" Duo cried exuberantly as he ran from one room to the next in search of the rods. The guys just sighed and went to dress for a day at the lake. When Quatre walked out in a sundress again the pilots turned him around and pushed him back towards his room yelling protests and telling him to burn the dress as soon as possible.
The pilots left the apartment complex soon after Quatre had removed the sundress and was dressed for a day at the lake. They stopped for only a moment to grab sunscreen and steal a van parked conveniently in the secluded alleyway not far from their apartment. The trip to the lake was short but, their convenient van had no air conditioning so they were dying of heat the entire way.
When the poor pilots finally arrived at the lake, Duo burst from the back of the van gasping for air yelling his pleasure to the heavens. Heero and Trowa got out and unloaded all of the fishing gear. Wufei ran down to the lake after a squirrel, his knitting stuff in hand. Quatre laughed and yelled to Wufei to leave the poor squirrel alone.
When the pilots finally got all the fishing gear down to the water's edge they sighed in relief. Duo dropped his tackle box with a huge grin. He turned and asked, "You've all fished before right?" He got nods from the other pilots who were all getting their stuff set up. "GREAT! I don't have to show you how a master fishes then." Duo smirked as he baited his fishing pole.
"Oh really, how a master fishes huh?" Wufei turned with a wicked look. "Just how does a master fish Duo?" Wufei crossed his arms forgetting his fishing pole and whacked Quatre in the head with it.
"Hah! Watch and learn Wufei. Just watch and learn." Duo turned and cast far out into the lake. He waited for a nibble that would tell him to reel it in. Duo was grinning and waiting because he knew he would catch the biggest fish of the day.
Duo watched growing angrier every time a fish was reeled in. So far Heero had caught the most fish although they were very small. Wufei had caught a few and Trowa had managed to pull in a good sized one. Duo and Quatre had yet to catch a single fish. If it wasn't for Heero catching so many Duo would have thought this lake was completely empty.
Duo stiffened, he felt the nibble in his fingers. He grinned and gave a triumphant yell and reeled in his line. "Wow! This thing is really fighting back! It must be huge!" Duo stood quickly still reeling the fish in. He reached in and pulled on the line. Duo pulled a boot from the lake. Wufei couldn't contain his laughter.
"Some master you are! You can't even catch one fish." Wufei snorted as he pulled another small fish in.
"This is just a bad day for me! I'm usually a fishing master."
"Duo, you'll get one stop whining like a little girl." Heero turned to Duo with a slightly annoyed look on his face. He didn't want to hear it.
"Fine." Duo closed his mouth with a snap and went back to fishing. "The God of Death won't be beaten here." The pilots managed to fish for about an hour before Duo stood angrily and growled, "I hate fishing! Who the hell wanted to go on this trip anyways." Quatre pointed straight at Duo with a frown. "Oh, Right I forgot." Duo sat back down his face glum.
Quatre sighed he hadn't caught any fish either. He didn't really understand why Duo was getting so mad about it. Then Quatre thought about all the bragging Duo had done on the way here and it made a little more sense. Quatre reeled in his line and sighed darkly. His bait was gone again. He recast after putting another worm on the hook and settled in to wait.
Two more hours and no fish for Duo or Quatre, Duo was livid. He slammed his fist down every time he looked at the boot, branch, or seaweed he pulled up from the lake bottom. Quatre had just started to nod off when he felt the lightest twitch. He snapped awake and tugged on the rod. It didn't budge and the pilots watched as the end began to bend down towards the water.
"Quatre reel it in!" The pilots all called excitedly. Quatre spun that little wheel thing like never before. With each few inches of line pulled back in a dark shadow got larger on the lake surface. Quatre fought with the fish for a good fifteen minutes before it finally surfaced with a flying leap at the dock.
"Quatre what the hell did you catch!?" Duo yelled out, his eyes wide in shock. The fish landed in front of the dock and glared down at them. Only it wasn't a fish, it was the loch ness monster.
"I take a vacation for the first time in twenty years and I get hooked by a group of idiots." The monster growled. The pilots could only stare up in shock.
"I can't believe he caught the loch ness monster." Trowa breathed.
"I can't believe it's not butter!" Heero said as he spread some of his not butter on a piece of toast. Everyone turned to Heero and just stared at him. "What? I can't."
"Anyways, I'm sorry I hooked you. We were actually looking for fish." Quatre laughed a bit.
"Well, there aren't many fish left. I have to eat you know." Nessie grinned.
"Well that explains why the only fish we've caught are tiny." Trowa muttered under his breath.
"I'm not sure it explains why I haven't caught anything." Duo sighed.
"No you just move around too much and scare any fish who might want to bite." Nessie rolled its eyes as it pointed out the obvious.
"Oh, ok well THAT explains it." Duo grinned.
"We still need to eat. I don't think the fish we caught will feed us all." Wufei toed the bucket with the small fish inside as a wide grin spread across Duo's face.
"Hey Nessie! Is the cake a lie?" Duo asked still grinning.
"What cake? I haven't heard such a thing." Nessie looked thoughtful for a moment. "No, I don't believe the cake is a lie. Now it was a lovely chat boys, but I have to head home since people saw me. I don't really want another search party after me. It's rather annoying."
"We won't tell anyone we saw you Nessie." Quatre smiled and waved as the creature swam away diving down into the lake once more.
"Don't want fish." Heero kicked the bucket of fish over back into the lake and walked back to the van. "Let's eat steak." The pilots agreed and cleaned up their crap before heading back up to their stolen van. They turned back towards the road and took off hoping Relena hadn't figured out where they were yet.
They were halfway up the trail when Duo yelled out "Are we there yet?!" Wufei proceeded to beat him over the head with a pool noodle while threatening him with actual bodily harm. The pilots were laughing the entire way to the steakhouse. Since they were all laughing so hard, nobody noticed the pink car following right behind them.
Trowa turned and saw it in the mirror. "What a fugly car." The pilots all looked and agreed with odd looks on their faces. Heero squawked and stomped on the gas. Quatre toppled backwards since he didn't have his seatbelt on.
"It's Relena's car!" Heero growled darkly while steering the van expertly through the city streets. Duo screamed like a little girl as that information sank in. "I'm going to have to find a way to lose her." Heero swerved wheels screeching around a corner. A sharp U-turn in a no U-turn zone bought them some time. When he saw her car in his rear-view mirror Heero swore and swerved to the right, however there wasn't a road there. There was only a cliff.
The van went over with the pilots all screaming like little school girls. Relena's car stopped on the cliff. Relena got out of her car and yelled, "Heero! I'll wait for you!"