Don't worry... it should get better...
I was in a good mood when I wrote this, so they are happy in the end
but what's fanfic without a little angst?
Enjoy :)
Song 2 - Rise Against - Saviour
To listen: youtube .com/watch?v=_Qhry7ufxno
(remove the space between "youtube" and ".com")
"Norman pushed... Norman jumped... Norman fell..."
"Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs Roper?"
Her dry San Fransico accent cut through the babble of the crowd.
Hearing the smile in her voice, memories flashed thorugh Grissoms mind.
The colour of her eyes, her scars, how she had got them.
How he wanted her.
It had been so long ago.
But, even if it killed him, he would never forget any of it.
"I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle."
"It's me"
As her turned he took in how she had changed.
Just the simple way she slid those shades off to reveal the intelligent mahogany eyes he had so dearly missed.
The eyes that shown she she knew far more than her years, that revealed hardships she had vowed never to speak of, the windows to her soul.
She was no longer a student, but a beautiful woman.
A very beautiful woman.
Wow.
She made Grissom feel old. Here she was, so young and exuberant, and he, he was simply becoming an old man.
An old, lonely man.
There was no reconciliation that would sort it out. Nothing that could be changed.
"Shit happens Gil", he told himself. "This was your fault."
But, while he could, he might aswell drink those draining seconds. Just admire how the sunlight reflected on her wavy brown hair. The signiture Sidle smile, he instinctively knew everyone at the lab would love.
He knew he was staring. She smiled again, shyly.
He had failed her back in San Fransisco, and yet she was still here.
Here where he would ony fail her again.
He was an old man.
She was a beautiful young woman.
The words rang true in his head. He was constantly failing her, what she wanted from him, what he couldn't give.
The walls that he just couldn't break through, until she disappeared. Until he knew he could no longer hurt her.
When he was on his own, he couldn't get her out of his head.
Work was merely a distraction.
And now she was there too.
He knew there were questions she still had.
How he wanted to give her those answers she desired.
He couldn't.
It wasn't his place.
But the day still pressed on like crushing weights, for no man did it ever wait. Especially not for Gil Grissom. He had worked to forget, until he forgot it was work.
The lab had consumed him, a safety net, holding him, saving him.
The memories of dying days, spent laughing, smiling, with her by his side.
It was at the beach, when she had grabbed him, dragging him down to the sea, despite the October weather.
He had laughed as they shrieked at the ice cold water, getting soaking wet.
It had fallen silent as he uncurled his fingers in her hand, grasping her, blue eyes melting into brown. The waves continued to splash across their thighs, as the simple gesture took momentus value.
They were holding hands. She just smiled and pulled him further out to sea, still jumping & splashing. He had never laughed as much as he did that day.
After, as they crashed out onto the beach, he realised what had happened.
He had been having fun.
Since he had met Sara Sidle, Gil Grissom had been enjoying himself.
For the first time since he had lost his dad, he was finally able to let go.
The sand pressed into his flesh as the revelation sunk in.
He finally understood.
A week later he had to return to Vegas, to the lab.
He had to leave that happiness behind.
As he miserably stepped into the carpark, he pondered a question that had plagued him since that day at the beach.
"If this ain't love then how do I get out?"
He understood the concept of love, but when it had hit him, he ran.
He ran like never before.
And now, he was still in love, but there was nothing he could do about it.
It felt as though his heart was 1000 miles away
But he was the one who had left it there
Back in San Fransisco.
Back with Sara Sidle
There was nothing left to say. It had been done
But there so much left that he didn't know, that he should have done, that he could've done.
He knew they never had a choice.
He didn't hate her. No it was quite the opposite.
But he had resposibilites. She was a student for Christ's sake! But now...
"God Sara, I have so many unanswered whys." he watched her swallow, as she regained her composure, such a simple statement upsetting her so easily.
"There's only one why that matters now." She recognised his reference to their tangled past. But that's all it was. The past.
"Why did Warrick Brown leave that scene..." The resignation in her voice echoed in Gil's head.
This world has too much noise.
He had brought her here.
She had took him under.
And he wasn't about to let go.
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