When they arrived at the mall, Artie bluntly stated that he had to go to the bathroom. "And since you've rendered me completely helpless, which one of you lucky dudes gets to hold my penis?" He didn't even care that Brittany and Santana were sitting in the car with him. Kurt, who certainly wasn't going to volunteer, agreed that they would find him a bathroom and untie his hands so that he could take care of his own business.
"How generous of you," Artie mumbled, as they parked in a handicapped space. "You know you don't have a window hanger for that, right? So it's still illegal. How is a cop supposed to know I'm with you?"
"Got it covered," Finn, their driver, announced proudly. He whipped out the window hanger and stuck it on the window for all to see. Finn turned to grin at Artie, who was stuck riding rather miserably between Brittany and Santana. "I borrowed this from my Nana while I was pretending to be in a wheelchair so I could keep my job. Nana can't drive anymore so she doesn't really need it."
"I hope you don't use that all the time," Artie retorted, taking a nasty tone with Finn. Artie figured Finn deserved it just as much as the rest of them, and he continued this pattern of making sarcastic comebacks and snarky comments all the way across the parking lot until finally, Puck told him he would be wearing a slushie every single day next week if he didn't cool it already.
They took Artie straight to a bathroom, as requested, and untied his hands. They had been getting funny looks from people, walking through the mall pushing a kid in a wheelchair while his hands were currently tied together. "Let's not tie him up again," Kurt suggested, as they watched him disappear into the men's room. "There might be laws against that, particularly for the handicapped."
"You think?" Tina put her hands on her hips, staring at Kurt in disgust. If he had known Kurt was going to take things this far, she never would have gone along with it. She wondered how she was ever going to get Artie to forgive her for this. Kurt turned away from her and asked Finn if he thought Artie looked good in ripped jeans, like the ones he'd worn when they sang Crazy in Love. Finn stated rather frankly that he had no idea how to answer a question like that.
When Artie returned from the bathroom, he tried to make a break for it. He had rolled himself out behind the cover of a very fat man who was leaving the restroom at the same time. But suddenly, the man turned and walked in a different direction, leaving Artie exposed. When he made eye contact with Santana, Artie doubled his speed and began pushing himself frantically through the mall, nearly knocking over several people who got in his way.
"GET HIM!" Santana screeched.
And there was no way Artie could outwheel the rest of them when they all came running after him. Puck was the first one to catch up with Artie, yanking him to a hault by his handles. Artie yelped in protest, but Puck plastered a hand over his mouth. "MMMFFFF!" Artie furrowed his brow in disgust, narrowing his eyes at Puck. Tina jogged up behind them and surprised everyone, including herself, by shoving Puck off of Artie.
"If everyone here could treat Artie with a little more respect," she began, looking at them all accusingly and causing Artie to fall silent as well. "Then I think he would be more agreeable and realize that we're all just trying to do him a little favor. We've pooled our money together, Artie. We just want to buy you a few new outfits, try out a new look on you. Would that be okay with you?"
"Well, if you'd just said that from the beginning," Artie replied, rolling his eyes. "Then sure."
"See?" Tina told Kurt. "I told you so."
"Whoa, is that you, Artie?" Mr. Schuester stepped in front of Artie as he took his usual spot in during glee practice.
Artie blushed and stared at his (new) shoes, still not used to all the attention he was getting. He'd gotten comments from girls all day, and a female teacher had actually stopped in the middle of teaching a class to step out in the hall and compliment Artie on his clothes. He'd never known that clothes could have such power, and if he were the type to enjoy that sort of attention, he would have liked it.
"It's me, Mr. Schue," said Artie, reminding himself that he couldn't roll his eyes at a teacher. "My friends kidnapped me for a makeover yesterday. We went to the mall, they took me in a zillion stores and this is the result."
Artie only wore clothes because there were laws that said you had to. And since you had to wear clothes, Artie always figured it was important to look his best. True, most of that came from his father's influence and the theory of always dressing as though you were on your way to an interview. And personally, he never thought Kurt was that great at wearing his clothes. He never could figure out why you would wear a scarf when it wasn't particularly cold outside. But then, Kurt didn't get Artie's reasons for wearing belts and suspenders.
Today, Kurt's best efforts (with lots of input from Mercedes and Tina) had resulted in Artie dressed in a dark blue v-neck shirt that "brought out his eyes," dark denim designer jeans that were frayed at the bottom with one or two deliberately-placed holes at the thighs, and black-and-white Pumas. The most interesting thing about this outfit was that Kurt had allowed Artie to wear suspenders, a pair of skinny black ones. He informed Artie that suspenders would work, if worn for their decorative appeal rather than holding up ones pants. And naturally, Artie was not allowed a belt with this ensemble.
"Lookin' great," Mr. Schuester praised him.
But that was the end of the attention as, to Artie's relief, Mr. Schue went back to discussing their latest project, a mash-up of the girls singing These Boots Are Made for Walking intertwined with the boys doing 500 Miles. Artie and Finn sang the lead harmonies for the boys' song, and Artie enjoyed the artistic irony of singing about walking while sitting in a wheelchair. (As one would predict, Rachel was totally at a loss.)
When practice dismissed, Artie found himself cornered by Tina, who blocked the door. They were the only ones left in the room. She had a rather crazy look in her eye, and before Artie could ask what that was about, she'd leaned over his chair, her hair falling all over his face. Grabbing his face, she gave him a deep and passionate kiss. He could only reciprocate in surprise, allowing her to take the lead.
Drawing back, Tina straightened up and swept her hair black with one hand, looking flushed. "I just love you seeing you in blue," she gushed, giggling as she made this confession. She'd been staring Artie down, waiting for a moment alone with him all day. "You need to wear that shirt everyday. Let's go back to the mall later and buy you seven of them."
Artie grinned. "Only if you'll kidnap me again and tie my hands," he said, deviously. He wasn't sure what brought out the horny teenager in him all of the sudden. Maybe clothes were good for more than just warmth and modesty afterall. "Just you this time. Don't bring our friends."
Tina's eyes danced with mischief as she agreed. "It's a date." She planted another kiss on him before turning on her heels and marching out, leaving Artie sitting in the choir room, still trying to catch his breath. He might have to swear off sweater vests and khakis altogether if it meant he could have this kind of response from Tina on a daily basis.
"Well, where's my thanks?" asked Kurt, startling Artie as he slipped back into the room. He'd been standing by the door the entire time to make certain that his makeover was a huge success. When he overheard Tina's reaction, Kurt knew that Artie couldn't deny the success of the makeover now.
Artie was still touching his lips, looking a bit dazed. He surveyed his outfit again, trying to figure out what had made the difference. He wore blue all the time, but Tina never commented on it until now. "Th-thanks?" Artie stammered.
"Oh, the pleasure was all mine," Kurt countered. "She's right, you know. Blue does bring out your eyes, but I disagree with the idea of wearing the same blue t-shirt every day. That would be very cartoon character of you. No, you want to use fashion as your weapon. Until now, you've been the victim. But that's all changed, my friend. Now that you know what not to wear."
A/N: In all honestly, I would hate it if Artie suddenly dressed "cool" all the time. He's Artie and those goofy sweater vests and suspenders are part of his charm. We don't know if the show will ever feature a storyline where Artie gets a makeover. I would imagine that if they do, it'll be like Rachel's makeover. She went back to her old style when Finn didn't go for it.
But that's why this story was just a stand-alone, two-parter. I hope you enjoyed it!
- gigundoly