The Roommate;
[It's an abstinence problem!]
I don't own-
Scattered couples-
Hetalia characters-
Shenanigans abound-
Violence and language galore-
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Edward Mason was having an off day-it had been two weeks into summer and Kumajiro had nearly destroyed any alone time he could have had. The white polar bear was whiney, needy and addicted to pancakes and maple syrup-currently as Edward stood in the cereal isle the bear huffed atop his head, pointing a claw towards the box Edward had been examining in his hand.
"No good. You'll want the Special K with strawberries. That one is good."
"Do you do this to Mathieu, too?"
"Who?"
A sigh breaks from Edward's lips as sets the Lucky Charms box back where it had been. He didn't know how Mathieu could deal with this thing! Francis had mentioned to him last night that Mathieu had gotten the bear as a present from Alfred years ago and didn't seem to really care that Kumajiro didn't recognize him.
"Overgrown cat." Edward mused as he grabbed a Honeycombs box and threw it into the basket in his hand. He turned to the right, from the distance he could see the milk. "Soy milk...yum..." He said walking in that direction.
So far he had cheese, cereal, miso soup. The last thing would be the milk and then he would be set for the weekend.
As he reached the opening he heard a strange strangled cry followed by two shouts loudly coming from his right.
"Raivis!"
"Jasper!"
Jasper Whitlock and his younger half brother, Raivis Galante were currently sprawled on the floor. Above them Alice and Raivis' "big brother" Eduard were attempting to shake them awake. Ivan Braginski was standing above them with his sister, a smile on his face.
"I can understand Raivis being afraid of Ivan, he's a big guy and sometimes you can't hear him when he walks up behind you...but I cannot even begin to understand Jasper's fear of Natalia."
He reached the milk isle and grabbed one at random. "Huh...vanilla flavor? What do you think Kumajiro?"
"Try it."
He threw it into the basket.
"Ah! Comrade Edward." A strong hand firmly grasps his shoulder. Ivan smiles warmly down at him. "How has your vacation gone?"
"Well I guess."
"You have gotten rid of that roommate, Jacob, da?"
"I have."
Ivan was nice, always smiling sweetly. Edward still could not understand why everyone was so afraid of him.
"It seems that Raivis has fainted yet again." Ivan said not the least bit troubled. "I wonder if it is because of me that более старый брат has fainted as well. Belarus assumes that he is frightened of her."
Natalia, Edward notes, is half hidden behind her older brother. Her dull blue eyes were trained on the bear on Edward head. "Oh I didn't even see you there. Hello, Natalia."
"Edward." She greets in monotone. Again, another person Edward cannot understand, that is feared by so many others. "I see that you have Matvey's bear for the summer. How has that been?"
"Tedious." He said honestly. "He's a lot to handle."
"I see." She peered into his basket, pale blond hair catching in the fluorescent light.
"Well, I'm going to pay for this and head out. I'll see you both later then."
-
"So I hear that you and the commie bastard have been hanging out."
Edward rolls his eyes. Currently seated on Rasputin, he pats the fuzzy head of the bear in his lap. The speaker is on as Alfred continues to drone on about Ivan the Commie Bastard.
"Are you in love with him or something?"
"What?!"
Edward chuckles under his breath. It's always fun to tease Alfred, he realizes.
"Well, I had to ask. For someone you despise so much he seems to be constantly on your mind."
"So not awesome, Eduardo, so not cool!"
"I had to say it."
The front door swings opened loudly, Kumajiro "who's" as expected then scurries off of Edward lap deciding to hide under the sofa instead. Leah is at the door with a duffle bag in her hand and a devilish smile on her dark face.
"Eduardo, what's going on?" Alfred sounds panicked; maybe he'd heard the slamming door. "Sound like an elephant in there. You okay?"
"Shut up Alfie."
"Leland!!!!"
And they talk for about twelve minutes about Ivan the crazy commie bastard which both dislike to great proportions. It takes time for Edward to realize that if he doesn't say anything to stop the conversation that it would continue on for hours, which in retrospect was ridiculous.
Alfred lived next door.
"Hey, not to cut this short, but if you could continue this conversation in person it would be most appreciated."
"Oh shit, sorry man." He can almost see Alfred flushing. "Door opened?"
"Yeah, come right on in."
"See you in five."
-
"So Jasper falls right over and I mean right over Toris' lap like a sack of potatoes with this shriek and I tell you, Alice Brandon just stands there with a look like a fish outta water. And Natalia has her hand extended. She'd been trying to ask him if she could use his phone."
And Leah throws her head back and laughs loudly. Edward isn't sure why he's so infatuated with her. Leah is nothing like the pretty demure girls from his past. Nothing like innocent Bella and her shy smiles and blushing cheeks, nothing like Jessica who loved to tease and gossip and hold his hand. There's no frailty in her at all and she's pure spitfire. Vulgar as a man and Lord help him because he was so in love.
"Fuck me sideways! Whitlock's afraid of the Arlovskaya girl?"
Alfred nods.
"Yep." He takes a long swig from the brown glass bottle in his hand. "Sometimes I think she likes scaring him like that, just walking up behind him real quiet."
"Isn't she in love with her "brother" Ivan?"
"Fuck that Commie."
It occurs to Edward that Alfred may hate Ivan for another reason entirely. Something just screams Natalia Arlovskaya.
"So uh, what'd you name this bad boy?" Alfred asks. He's seated on the new beanbag unsure whether he likes it or not.
"Rasputin."
"So anyway Leland, how goes it with the job?" Alfred asks, ignoring the name of the beanbag. "I keep forgetting that you just graduated a year ago...crazy."
"Yeah, I'm an adult. Its nuts right? Well," She smirks. "Its easier work then I realized."
"This entire time, going to school for a lit degree and you work in realty. Seems like a waste of a good few years of schooling just to go into work for something that far off." Alfred said to which Edward agreed to.
"Its good pay, it's easy. Do I have to explain further? Besides, I enjoyed going to school more then the prospect of jobs afterwards in the required field of my degree."
"So it was for fun."
"Damn skippy. I met a lot of good people in school, it helped me move on from the ex fiancée and I grew up. The education was just a bonus."
They knock back a few more drinks and watch a movie. Hours roll by and now it's three thirty in the morning. Kumajiro if fast asleep on Alfred's chest who's lying on the sofa without his glasses and Leah suppresses a yawn after she removes Alfred's shoes.
"So, wanna...do it?"
He was in the bedroom before she could blink.
"I think Eddie's trying to say yes. Might wanna get in there before he starts without you." Alfred said before turned his back to her and snoring loudly.
Leah threw her head back and laughed.
-
[Edward was, despite popular belief, not prudish in the bedroom. Bella would swear that Edward was a gentle lover and Jessica Stanley would wholeheartedly agree and they might not be lying. In truth, when Edward had been with them he had tried to perform at their paces and their likes and dislikes.
When he began to date Leah Clearwater however...oh that changed, Leah would be the first one to praise the minx in the bedroom who had her this way and that way and exhausted unable to move until noon the next day. To say that Edward Anthony Mason had a very good sexual appetite (read: Nymphomaniac) was the understatement of the century.
So when he looked into the drawer of his nightstand, where he kept his condoms, he was incredibly surprised (Read: horrified) to find an IOU from Jacob Black.]
"...DAMN YOU JACOB!"
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[Somewhere in Forks Washington]
"Achoo!"
"You alright, son?"
"Yeah."
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Looks like Edward can't unwind, huh? Poor Jacob is just adding points to Edward's "Reasons why Jacob Black has to die" list...
Yes, ladies and gents, he has one.
So more Hetalia character's here. Alfred lives next door. Why he couldn't watch over Kumajiro? Because Matthew doesn't trust him with animals. Edward and Kumajiro seem to be getting along well. I'm tempted to give him an animal to love.
Ivan and Natalia (Russia and Belarus) are friends of Edward's. I find that hilarious. More hilarious that Belarus seems to have the same effect of Jasper that Russia has on Latvia.
What Leah said about school isn't so off base. I know some people who went to school for the enjoyment of it rather then the hard work (not that they didn't work hard they just really liked school). Also, it seemed to go with her character.
What is to come (probably) next chapter?
The Bad Touch Trio kidnap Rasputin-
Sam Uley has an encounter with Arthur Kirkland (England) at a bar (Lord save him)-
Roderich Edlestein's (Austria) piano meets the sea-
Kiku Honda (Japan) makes a surprising appearance Bella's wardrobe?!?-
And Edward finally has a good day-