Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters or anything you recongize from the SPN show.

A.N: Some major Sam angst coming up.....

Summary: Tag to 5x14- My Bloody Valentine. How was he going to fix Sam when he couldn't even fix himself? Sequel to fanfic: From Laughter to Desperation. Major DepressiveDean, AngstLimp Sam, SupportativeCastiel N Bobby

Chapter 6: Panic and Anger

"Sam, what are you doing out of bed?" Bobby asked concerned.

"I woke up to all of the yelling", Sam stated, still looking at his brother. He was looking at Dean confused, trying to read him, but finding himself unable to.

And it scared him.

Dean wasn't even looking at him. "Dean, what do you mean that I don't need a dead brother?" Sam asked.

Dean didn't answer nor look at his younger brother.

Sam felt himself starting to panic, though he tried to remain calm. The word 'dead' accompany with Dean in any way shape or form made him think ill thoughts thus the panicking.

"What did you do? Why did you say that?" Sam asked more firmly. Well, as firmly as he could, though some panic broke through his voice.

Dean shifted but otherwise stubbornly kept his glaze away from Sam. He heard the panic in this voice but for once didn't do anything about it. What could he do? What could he say?

"Answer me, darn it!" Sam yelled, "Are you going somewhere? I know I messed up again and I know I don't deserve you to stay but……Are you guys leaving me?" He looked around wildly, his eyes huge and glistening. There was a chance Sam might develop a fever, if he wasn't already in the mist of one brewing, since panic seemed to be gripping him so easily.

"Wait a second, Sam no one is leaving anyone", Bobby said. He could see the panic that was overtaking Sam. He glared at Dean, who hasn't said anything. He was hoping to get this situation under control. He still couldn't believe that it was this out of control.

"Sam, calm down", Castiel said stepping to Sam's said to steady him. He was looked at the younger male concerned, his lips tightly pressed in a line. Sam looked ready to pass out as well.

"I'm so sorry you guys. I know I'm a screw-up, but I swear to you that I'm trying so, so hard. I'm sorry. I just….."

That did it for Dean. He couldn't take this speech he heard a thousand time and all its variations. "SHUT UP, SAM!!" he exploded making Sam jump and then cower a bit.

"DEAN!" Bobby yelled applauded.

"NO, okay!! God, Sam you need to stop apologizing!!", Dean was looking at Sam now, "You need to stop thinking everything is your fault, directly or indirectly!! Not everything is about you!! Can't you see that in your teenage angst party?"

"Dean!! That was uncalled for!" Bobby said. He wished he could walk so he could tan Dean's hide at this moment. Couldn't he see that Sam was panicking? He wouldn't be surprised if he had developed, was developing or is developing a fever after all this.

"I'm sorry….." Sam murmured, his chest tightening. He didn't know what else to say.

"What the heck did I just say?" Dean asked menacing taking a step forward. His voice made Sam jump slightly and look back at Dean a little helplessly.

Castiel stood in front of Sam, holding out his hand. Upon his usually impassive face he had a warning glint in his eyes. "Stand down, Dean. I will not repeat myself."

"What? What are you going to do? Huh? Nothing, that's what you are going to do! Not a thing. Not a darn thing", Dean spat.

"Why are you acting like this? What else am I suppose to say?" Sam asked seeing the anger clearly visible on Dean's face. He couldn't understand what was happening to his big brother. He didn't know what else to say or do.

"I need for you to stop thinking everything is your fault. Can you do that for me? Can you do that one little thing, huh? Actually better yet, don't say anything. Just stop talking. I'm tired of hearing your mouth…..all that comes out is angst." Dean shot back.

Bobby growled and rolled his chair towards Dean.

"What are you going to do, old man? Run me down with a wheelchair?" Dean snorted.

Bobby shook his head sadly, knowing that Dean was far gone in his anger and depression to see the harm he was causing. Castiel looked a little shocked at Dean's attitude.

Sam looked down at the ground, trying to wish away the tears that had began to cloud his eyes. The ache in his chest increased and it took everything in him not to clutch his chest. "I'll do whatever you want, Dean. I'm just begging you not to leave me. At least not right now.", he said looking up after he got himself together.

Dean scoffed. "I'm still here, Sam."

"It doesn't seem like you are because you want to be", Sam said softly.

"Sam", Dean's voice and eyes held a warning note.

Sam licked his lips. "Dean…..listen…….It……"

"No, just……no", Dean deflated suddenly seeming to crash as he features donned the depressed look the others had come to be familiar with over the days.

This deflation somehow made the ache in Sam's chest and the panic in this body dull a little. "I still don't know what you meant by that statement you made", Sam persisted. He needed to know for his own peace of mind.

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter." Dean said softly as he turned to leave the kitchen.

"It does to me. Please Dean. I'm just worried, that's all." Panic was in full swing now. "Dean, please. I'm begging you man!"

"No one worries about a living dead man", Dean spat before leaving quickly.

"Dean….." Sam went to move follow him but swayed.

Castiel steadied him but Sam squirmed to get to Dean. "Let me go, I gotta talk to Dean. Is he gonna die or something? Is he leaving? If he leaves again, what I'm I suppose to do?" He was like a little kid again, that 5 year old depending on his brother to make things right. "I barely survived last time. Then he'll take you guys and then I'll be alone. And then Lucifer will come and I won't be able to resist. God, I'm sorry Dean, please don't hate me!"

"Sam….Sam" both Castiel and Bobby had been trying to get Sam to calm in his rambling and the more he talked the more worried the pair got.

Sam turned to Castiel gripping the front of his trench coat. His eyes were wide searching Castiel's face. "Castiel, what does he mean by that? Is he gonna leave me? It's not any less than I deserved but I had hoped…..Is he going to die, again? That's it isn't it? You can't let that happen. You resurrected him the first time…"

"Sam", Castiel tried to break in, lifting his hands to grip Sam's wrists.

"But if he dies again, you can't do anything can you?"

"Sam", Bobby tried.

"I swear to you, I'd let Lucifer have free reign if you let that happen." Sam's eyes momentarily got their blaze back.

"Sam!" Bobby cried.

"Listen to me, Sam", Castiel was calm as he spoke to Sam who was glaring determinedly, yet still held a wildness in his eyes, down at him, "You must not allow Lucifer in, no matter what. Do you understand me?"

"Then someone better get me in the loop and fast", Sam spat returning to his normal self for that brief moment, "I swear Castiel…..Aren't you Dean's guardian angel or something?"

"Sam, please calm down!", Castiel cried shaking him once. Sam quieted but still had a wild look in his eyes, "The Famine, he claimed that Dean was dead inside for the reason that he was not affected."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Sam cried, "That is a load of crap if I ever heard it. Dean is not dead inside. I should know; I'm his brother."

"Sam, Dean has been wrestling with this for days and he refused to allow us to help."

"But he isn't dying right", Sam reaffirmed.

"No, he isn't dying", Bobby said.

Sam looked relived to hear that as he looked down breathing a little easier, releasing Castiel's trench coat slightly. The panic began to die away. "Good….I had thought. When I heard that…..I thought he might have done something stupid or going to do something stupid. He's been so……depressed lately that he has been scaring me. I just want him to be okay, that's all. If he left I could handle that better than if he died. Just as long as he is alive, that is all that matters to me."

"No one is leaving anyone Sam, whether in death or just plain shipping out. You need to get better as well, Sam", Bobby said.

Sam let go of Castiel's trench coat and clutched the wall, leaning on it. He looked off the side away from Bobby and Castiel. "Maybe…."

"What the heck do you mean, 'maybe'?" Bobby asked sternly.

Sam was silent before answering, "Maybe I deserve this."

"No, Sam you do not."

"I messed up…..again. Story of my ever-loving life", Sam stated bitterly, "I couldn't even do this right and then I help send Dean into a downward spiral."

"Didn't you hear what Castiel just said, boy?" Bobby asked exasperated with the likes of Winchesters and their stubborn attitude.

"I heard, Bobby, but let's face it, I didn't help him any. Because of my actions, he is suffering as well and I try so hard to do the right thing and I still mess up."

"And the Famine had no part in this huh?" Bobby asked mockingly glaring at Sam.

Sam looked at him as if he hadn't considered the point. But as always Sam would find a way around it, "Bobby, if I hadn't been into demon blood before, it wouldn't have been there for the Famine to use against me."

"If it wasn't the demon blood, Sam it would have been something else", Castiel reassured.

Sam shook his head sadly. "No, I'm……." he stared off into space longingly. He snapped out of it and lowered his head, his long bangs shielding his eyes. "I'm tired." He sagged against the wall, all his energy spent.

"Castiel, will see you are tucked in", Bobby said glancing at the angel who nodded and quietly lead Sam back to the couch.

Bobby sighed. They might have gotten somewhere tonight but not as well as he hoped. He turned out the kitchen lights before rolling away to bed.

Unbeknownst to all of them, Dean had listened to part of the conversation from his seat on the steps. His head was buried in his hands. It wasn't fair to Sam. Now that anger had been washed away, he berated himself for yelling at his brother like that. For yelling at his friends like that. Seeing such panic in Sam's eyes he should have laid it to rest not bait his brother.

How was he going to fix Sam when he couldn't even fix himself?

TBC....

A.N: Sam's rambling didn't make a whole lot of sense, but that was kinda the point. He was rambling.

I think Dean has realized what he has done and is slowly undepressing. This was sorta hard to write with Dean acting so mean to everyone. Though, I'm not done torturing Sam. Major LimpAngstSam coming up. You thought this was angst, you have no idea. And re-entering BigBrother Dean. Yay!