A/N: Once again, Kanji is a foul-mouthed dude (and so is his shadow), so the swearing is pretty intense. If that bothers you, you probably shouldn't read this. Again, I use some derogatory words for homosexuals, but this by no means reflects my actual sentiments about that lifestyle. It is purely for the situation in the plot and is not meant to offend anyone. Also, I use actual dialogue from the game in this chapter. Persona 4 is copyrighted. I've also added a poem: I Am Not I by Juan Ramon Jimenez and translated by Robert Bly. Also copyrighted.

Borderline of Madness, Part 2: Sauna

Chapter Seven: Borderline of Madness

I am not I.

I am this one

Walking beside me whom I do not see,

Whom at times I manage to visit,

And at other times I forget.

The one who remains silent when I talk,

The one who forgives, sweet, when I hate,

The one who takes a walk when I am indoors,

The one who will remain standing when I die.

Kanji was pacing a whole in the floor of the sauna and he knew it. That goddamn fruit of a double kept pointing it out to him. Like he didn't know. Pacing was his thing. When he got nervous, he paced. Back and forth. Back and forth.

How long are you going to keep that up, hmm? You're just wasting time.

Time? How long had he even been in this piece of shit bathhouse? Didn't matter.

"Shut up!" Kanji growled, attempting to keep his fear from showing through. That thing was freaking him out. Real bad. When it had glowed earlier…Kanji thought it was gonna kill him. It could still kill him.

That's right, Kanji dear. You are my bitch. The shadow smirked and sauntered over to Kanji. You know what you want. You even know that I am you. So why won't you just accept me?

Kanji stopped pacing and glared at the double. "Because you're being a dick about it!"

The double chuckled. Oh…the delicious, delicious irony. Me. Being a dick? Aren't dicks masculine? You, my dear, are no man. The shadow smiled wickedly and made a fast grab for Kanji, catching him between the legs.

Kanji shrieked and tried to detach the double's hand from the awkward place it had latched onto. "THE FUCK YOU DOIN'?!"

Oh, nothing. Just trying to get you to admit that I am you. The double squeezed, causing Kanji to wheeze in pain. Now, say it.

Kanji glared up at his double, tears threatening to leak out the corner of his eyes. "Fuck you."

The double let go of Kanji and then sent him reeling with a punch to the gut. Say it. C'mon you punk. Say it!

Kanji spat into the double's face. "I ain't sayin' nothin' you goddamn freak!"

The double growled and kicked Kanji between the legs, sending him to his knees in a crumpled heap. Accept me. What the fuck is so hard about accepting me? This is who you are, Kanji. It's who you've always been. You can never live up to what your family wants…to what people expect. You are now, and forever, a fuckin' faggot! So just accept it. Accept that you want to fuck men. Accept that you aren't a real man. And accept me. Because I'm the only one you've even got!

Kanji could not help the tears that streamed out of his eyes. That bastard had just kicked him in the goddamn balls. And it fucking hurt. And there was no way he was admitting anything. Fucker had pissed him off too much. He was about to say as much when he heard a door swing open.

"There they are!" a female voice exclaimed. Kanji could hear footsteps. He staggered to his feet and looked behind him.

A group of teens had filed into the room. There were two dudes, one with silver hair wielding a fucking katana and another dude with brown hair and giant-ass headphones. Dude had knives too. Then there were two girls. One of 'em had short brown hair and the other…holy shit, was that Yukiko Amagi?! And what the fuck was that thing behind them? Looked like some sort of crazy-ass mascot or something.

Kanji's thoughts were interrupted as the boy with the headphones took a step forward and said his name. Wait a minute…wasn't that boy the asshole who'd been spying on him the other day?

Kanji tried to respond, but all that came out of his mouth was a jumbled garble of what was potentially human speech. "I-I..."

"Oh, come now, enough with the charade." Kanji whirled around. The double had walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulder. Kanji realized that it was the first time that the double had actually spoken out loud. Everything else had been said in his head. That was some fucked up shit.

"Isn't it awful to deceive people? To deceive yourself...? What's so bad about doing what I want to do?" The double brought Kanji's attention back. Shit, was this guy gonna say anything weird in front of these other people?

"That has nothin' to do with it!" Kanji pushed his double away violently.

The double only smirked and walked back over to Kanji. He stood imposingly near him, almost nose to nose. "I'm what you really want, aren't I?"

"Hell no!" Kanji begged his double to stay silent.

Hmph. Not after all the shit you've given me, my dear Tatsumi. The voice echoed in his head.

The double then turned to the group who had just entered the room. And made a dramatic gesture. "Ohh, how I hate girls. So arrogant and self-centered! They cry if you get angry, gossip behind your back, they spread nasty lies…They look at me like some... some disgusting THING and say that I'm a weirdo... Laughing at me, all the while!" The double punched the wall angrily then turned back to the group, adopting a high-pitched voice. "'You like to sew? What a queer!' 'Painting is so not you.' 'But you're a guy. You don't act like a guy.' 'Why aren't you manly?'"

The double whirled around to face Kanji. "What does it mean to be 'a guy?' What does it mean to be 'manly?'" The double shuddered. "Girls are so scary."

"I-I ain't scared of 'em!" Kanji stammered the lie.

The double shook its head. "Men are much better. They'd never say those awful, degrading things." It turned to look at the silver-haired boy and the brown-haired boy, grinning wolfishly. "Yes, I vastly prefer men."

The silver-haired boy took a barely noticeable step backwards while the brown-haired boy skittered backwards with an audible whimper.

Kanji turned to his double with an angry growl. "Hell with that! What makes you think you can say that shit with my face!?"

The double looked at Kanji, placing a hand over his heart, as if wounded. "Why, you're me. And I'm you. You do know that, don't you?"

Of course Kanji knew that. But there was no way he was admitting it. Not now. Not when there were other people around. "No... Nuh-uh! No way! There's no way in hell that you're me!"

The double pushed Kanji to the floor and began glowing darkly. It seemed almost as if he was…growing. But that couldn't be…

The double laughed evilly as it began to tower over Kanji, still glowing dark. "You're me, and there's no denying it!"

A cloud of black surrounded the double and Kanji began to feel faint.

"Kanji-kun!" He could hear Yukiko's voice, but it sounded almost as if it came from inside a tin can.

His vision was blurring and his mind was beginning to get fuzzy. The last thing he saw before everything went dark was a gigantic buff dude…with some sort of weird-ass flower.

Kanji had never been so happy to pass the fuck out.