Disclaimer:Don't own any of the characters or anything you recongize from the SPN show.

A.N:I don't think I have anything to say before hand here. Continue with Angst Sam from last chapter of course and BigBrother Dean. Oh yes, and thanks for all the favs, reviews, etc.....My inbox was flooding last night. lol. I greatly appreciate everyone's interest in this story and my others as well. Big thanks.

Summary:Tag to 5x14- My Bloody Valentine. How was he going to fix Sam when he couldn't even fix himself? Sequel to fanfic: From Laughter to Desperation. Major DepressiveDean, AngstLimp Sam, SupportativeCastiel N Bobby

Chapter 8: Building, Unbuilding, and Rebuilding the Obstacles

Sam unexpectedly jolted out of his fever stupor. He was breathing hard, stopping his weak blows at Dean. His hands unconsciously fisted in Dean's shirt, his eyes running around wildly trying to get his bearings.

"Sammy?" Dean asked cautiously, his green eyes searching Sam's or rather trying to since Sam's was still all over the place.

Sam finally calmed down enough to slowly become aware of his surroundings. He shut his eyes.

Dean shook Sam's head softly, "Open your eyes, Sammy. Open your eyes for me."

Sam opened his eyes and looked at Dean. "I…..I can't." Tears began to pour out of his eyes trailing down the side of his face. Dean felt his tears on his hands but refused to remove his hands from the side of Sam's face. "I don't know how much more I can take. Everyone leaves me. I know I deserved it, but I'll be alone someday, I know it. I don't…."

"Sammy, listen to me", Dean said firmly, tears still trailing down his own face. He waited until Sam's eyes were locked to his.

He was unaware that Bobby and Castiel had slipped back into the kitchen as his only focus was his brother.

"You will not be alone, not now and not ever. I will always be with you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm so sorry for last night. I messed up big time."

Sam shook his head as best he could, "No, you have every right to be angry with me. I know I'm a screw-up and…." He closed his eyes.

"Sammy, open your eyes. Keep them open", Dean ordered.

Sam opened his eyes but didn't look at Dean.

"Look at me, Sammy", Dean said.

Sam refused to do so, so Dean tried to catch his eyes by moving his face. Sam's eyes darted the opposite way. Dean moved his head in time to try to catch Sam's eyes but each time Sam avoided him.

"Sammy please", Dean resorted to begging, "You are not a screw-up and I'm not angry with you. Please little brother, please talk to me."

"I'm tired, Dean" came a soft barely thread of a voice. Dean felt the hands in his shirt slacking.

"I know you are little brother but we need to talk right now. It has been too long already. I was scared. Scared you'd give in to Lucifer." Dean confessed.

Sam didn't say anything and that did not help with the situation.

"I've run out of words, Dean. All that is left is I'm tired. Please leave me be", Sam said so softly that if Dean wasn't so close he wouldn't have been able to hear it.

Dean shook his head, "I've abandoned you enough already Sam. I will not now."

"Dean…."

"Sammy, please. I'm begging you. Look I'm on my knees too. I'm begging, man, begging", Dean cried in desperation. He could not help but to gently shake's Sam's head in emphasis. What would it take to get through to his little brother? He refused to believe he had come too late. After all they have been through he would not let this beat them. He wouldn't!

Sam looked at Dean seeing for the first time the tears in his eyes, tears that did roll down his face.

"Have you been crying? Are you crying?" Sam asked in a little bit of a stronger voice. He seemed confused.

"I dunno, am I?" Dean asked. He just now became aware of the tears.

"Yes."

Dean laughed shortly. "Huh, I guess I have."

"What? You just now realized it?" Sam asked softly.

"Apparently, you had me worried bro. I wasn't concerned about anything else."

Sam's eyes drifted away from his but to Dean's relief did not close. "Why?"

Dean was floored. "What do you mean, why?"

"You have a right to be mad you know", Sam said instead.

"Sam, I told you before, I wasn't mad at you and that stands true today. I'm not mad at you." Dean persisted.

Sam's hands dropped from fisting Dean's shirt. "I know you are. The longer you had the think about it the madder you got. It's only common sense. It took awhile for the events to settle into your brain and fester long enough to get a true reaction."

"What is this? Chemistry or something?" Dean joked lightly but was disappointed that Sam did not have a comeback. He sighed softly, "I'm not mad at you, Sammy."

Sam seemed unconvinced. Dean breathed; he would never get through Sam until he made that first step. He released Sam's face and sat back on his heals leaning against the couch, he ran his hands over his face to get rid of the tears. He wiped his hands on his shirt, yet all the while he never took his eyes off Sam who now being released turned his head to the back of the couch. Dean could see that Sam had not closed his eyes and was grateful he did not have to fight him on that issue. He still could not bear to see Sam's eyes closed right now. It was a close call.

Too close for Dean's comfort and probably Castiel's and Bobby's as well.

Dean sighed again. "I…..I was mad at myself, and the Famine."

This made Sam turn his head to face Dean who was staring back at him. Their eyes locked and bore into each other. "I get being mad at the Famine but why yourself?"

Dean's eyes skittered away from Sam, almost ashamed. He so did not want to talk about this, but he knew that for the good he would have to. Sam wouldn't think that he wasn't mad at him unless he had a good reason.

And a good reason that Sam either brought or believed.

Sam would not believe just anything pitched at him in this state and unless Dean had a heart-to-heart that he normally avoided like the plague itself, they were never gonna get anywhere. And Dean would whether have a chick flick worthy of making it to the top three of the 'Winchester Chick Flick moments' than to just let Sam drown in his perceived guilt. So he guessed he had no choice but to state what actually been bothering him for the last week, before Sam was beyond listening and believing anything he said. And then Sam would make up something in his own mind and let that fester and that would not be good. He had already done that and Dean needed to undo it. So lost in his thoughts, it took a moment to catch onto someone getting his attention.

"Dean. Dean! Are you okay? You are checking out on me", Sam said a little worried.

Dean still didn't look at him. Instead he cleared his throat, "Yea, uh sorry..."

"Look at me Dean", Sam ordered softly.

Dean obeyed after a moment hesitation.

"Why are you mad at yourself?" Sam asked once again.

Dean was silent as he lowered his glaze. Sam's shirt became very interesting.

Sam scoffed, and shook his head in frustration as he turned and looked back at the ceiling. How could he help his brother if he would not allow him to help? He understood that Dean learned from the best (or the worse depending on your view) on how to avoid your feelings:

Take them all and shove them in a dark corner of your mind. Place it under heavy chains and a bus loads of locks. Build a solid concrete wall around the feelings that are now on lockdown. Buried so deep, you can barely see them under all the chains and lock. But wait, then put some explosive in front of the wall. After that put some yellow DO NOT ENTER tape around the area and then after that....this is the kicker, put some land mines around the area and then finally swear on the pain of death, that ye shall not distrub.

Overkill? Yeah, definitely.

Dean's mind would make a harden military personal shudder at the obstacles he had to overcome.

Sam snorted to himself. He hated that his father passed that onto his older brother. And normally, even though he hated that trait he dealt with it, but he was a firm believer that some things should not be buried. Because if they are, they would self destruct and then no one would be able to help because then not even the person who created the obstacles would be able to undo all the chains and walls.

For if it exploded what could they undo?

"Famine said something to me."

Sam shifted his head but did not look at Dean. Dean's eyes skittered over his brother's face briefly before looking back down at the shirt.

"Yeah?" Sam prompted. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. He was told last night, but he desperately needed to hear Dean say it.

To acknowledge it.

Dean cleared his voice. This was so hard! He fought to keep his voice steady, "It said......that.....I was.....because I wasn't affected.....because......it said......." Dean couldn't even seem to speak right.

Sam kept silent, allowing Dean to fumble through until he got it out.

"It said.......I was............" Dean paused. He didn't want to tell his brother this!! What would Sam think?

Uncomfortable silence on Dean's part drifted between them. Still Sam didn't say anything but just stare up at the ceiling. Finally the silent was broken.

"You know what, no, uh-huh....." Dean shook his head.

Sam snapped and looked at him wide eyed at the unexpected show of feeling.

Dean stood up, careful not to mean Sam's glaze. He folded his arms and turned sideways. "I can't do this, I can't.....nope.....no way....no...nope", he frowned shaking his head almost violently.

Sam just continued to stare his mouth opened slightly, eyes wide in surprise still.

TBC.....

A.N: I got carried away with the locking down the feelings. It just came to me, and it kept going. Sorta some humor there in the midst of this drama.

Now, originally, this was supposed to be the second to the last chapter and then next woulda been the epilogue but for some reason it seems that Dean has more to say. I dunno, I was just re-reading and editing somehow this happened. So, we'll all be in the same boat in wondering what's with Dean now.

So, good news, seems we'll get an extra chapter at least. lol