hey guys. . . so it was kinda a hard chapter for everyone .. dont worry things will work out for everyone.. maybe not how you expect, but everyone is happy. Believe me. So here is the next chapter. It's a bit shorter. Thnxs for all the comments, its really encouraging to hear your thoughts!! so here you go!! enjoy!

rachx.

EPOV:

"Bella I'm "

Jacob black was standing over a very unconscious and bleeding Bella.

Jacob turned at the sound of my voice.

"What did you do to her? What happened? Call 911!" I ran to Bella's side. "Bella?? Oh god Bella can you hear me?" Her face was shallow and whiter than usual.

"Hey, I just got here and the door was open. She was like this when I got here." Jacob complained as he reached for the phone. I heard his voice mumble off as I tended to Bella. Tears were streaming down my face now. Oh god what have I done!?

"Ok, ambulance is on the way. What should we do? Move her?" Jacob kneeled down next to her and looked at me. Anger rose into my cheeks, and he backed away.

"Go home Jacob. You don't belong here." My voice was bleak and cold. Jacob arose and left, slamming the door behind him. Bella's body was still, pulse was slowing, and the bleeding was getting worse. I tried applying pressure to where she was bleeding, it only made it worse. 'Oh god why aren't they here yet!' "Bella, honey please answer me!" Nothing.

Tears were streaming down my face as i faintly heard the sirens coming. I picked Bella up in my arms and held her tightly. I walked to the door and waited. It felt like hours were going by. My ... my girl was dying.. and our baby might already be. "God hurry up!" Just as I said that, the EMT's came rushing out of the elevator.

They took her from my arms and started attaching tubes and wires to her, strapping her to a gurney. "God please help her!" I cried as they wheeled her away.

BPOV:

"Miss Swan? Bella Swan?"

"Mmhmm?" I mumbled. Slowly opening my eyes, confusion swept over me, and I sat up instantly grabbing my stomach. "Oh ... oh no where am I? Edward?"

"He's here. Just rest Miss Swan. You're in St. Joseph's hospital. You've had a serious fall and I need to talk with you. I'm Dr. Slater. Do you mind if we talk?"

Dr. Slater looked like a nice man. I had never seen him, but he looked concerned. "Uh, sure.. is everything ok with my baby?"

"Well.. i'm very sorry to tell you this, but ... Miss Swan.. we lost the baby."

That was more than I could handle.

"Miss Swan, yesterday, can you tell me what you ingested?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Miss Swan, you ingested a drug yesterday that cause you to have a serious miscarriage."

Oh no.

"I'll give you a minute to digest this. I'll send your husband in. I'm very sorry Miss Swan."

I couldn't wrap my head around this. I couldn't keep Edward's baby. I lost him.. or her. Edward was right. Tears were brimming my eyes when Edward walked in. Worry and confusion crossed his face.

"So what did the doctor say? Are you ok? Is the baby ok? What happened?" Edward pulled the chair to the side of the bed and took my hand and placed it on his cheek. "Whatever it is, we can fix it. I'm here"

Oh no. All I could do was stare.

"Bella? Talk to me."

I looked down at my empty stomach. "I lost the baby .."

.....

Edward sat there quiet and unmoving for more than 10 minutes.

"Edward I'm sorry" I cried when he wouldn't move. I tried to stroke his face, but he jerked away. Anger came into his eyes.

"How ... how did this happen?"

He wouldn't look at me..

"He said i ingested something and it caused this. I'm so sorry, I-"

Edward got up and pushed the chair away.

"How convenient isn't this!? You don't want the baby, and suddenly, bam, this happens. I have to get out of here."

"Edward I didn't do this on purpose! I want this baby, I was scared ok!" Crying made words almost impossible as he stormed out of the room and past the doctor.

Dr. Slater walked back into the room and you could tell her was anxious and worried.

"Is everything ok Miss Swan?"

I couldn't answer, just shook my head.

"Miss Swan, I know this is hard to grasp all at once, but we need to ... well you were to far along in your pregnancy, and we need to extract the baby."

I was numb all over. I just shook my head for him to do as he wishes. Life had no more meaning. Edward was gone, my baby was gone, and I was alone.

BPOV:

"Dad?" Sitting in my father's house, I felt alone, but at home. It had been 3 weeks since I had lost the baby, and it had been three weeks since I had heard from Edward. I never went back to the apartment when I left the hospital. I wasn't ready to face him. I couldn't tell him what I had discovered after he left me at the hospital. He would never believe me.

"Yea Bells? Need something?" My dad was overly cautious since I moved back in. He didn't pester me about school, just let me be.

"He's never coming back is he?"

My dad wouldn't look me in the eye.

"I don't know Bells, I really don't know."

EPOV:

The TV was a blur, the sun hurt my eyes, and I needed another beer. It had been three weeks since Bella killed our baby, and killed us. I felt empty and abandoned. The phone was turned off, the doorman was informed to let no one in to see me, and I had not moved from here in 5 days.

The beer had run dry, the food was gone, I had a 5 o'clock shadow so thick, it would be considered a beard. Sleep was pointless when I tried, because whenever I closed my eyes, her face came to me.

Days and days had gone by, but it felt like one long, miserable day.

She never came back after that day. Never called, never said anything. It was for the better. She had no right to show her face here ever again.

Slowly I got off the couch, and dragged my feet into the kitchen. Boxes were everywhere, the blood now seeped into the floor. I didn't care. I walked past it and opened the fridge. The beer here to, had run dry.

BPOV:

Sitting on my bed, in my very empty room, my eyes were locked on the phone. My heart ached to hear his voice, to know if he was ok, to apologize. I missed him more than I could explain.

My trembling fingers dialled the familiar number...but couldn't punch in the last number to complete the call. I must have sat there for two hours doing this. Was it really worth it? Would he even talk to me if he answered? I knew in my heart that the only way to maybe fix this would be to talk to him. Slowly i got off the bed and headed for the door.

My dad must have known I would choose to go, because my keys were in his hand and a small smirk was on his fragile lips. I took them out of his palm and tears were in my eyes.

"Go"

He patted me on the back and pushed me towards the door.

Driving to the apartment didn't take as long as i hoped for. In what felt like seconds, I was in the familiar parking lot, looking at the doorman who was also staring back at me. His eyes got big, and he picked up the house phone. I didn't have to ask to know he would be calling up to Edward. Reluctantly, I dragged my body out of the cab, and up to the door.

"Hello" i said very quietly

"Hello Miss Swan, welcome back. I hope you are well."

He opened the door, but he looked very uncomfortable.

"Uh, yes thank you."

I slid by him, not meeting his eyes, and went to the elevator.

Pressing the floor button, a knot entered my stomach and I knew that Edward would know I was here. Would he still be angry? I was worried about what was about to happen. The clicking of the door snapped me out of my worry.

Slowly I stepped out and faced the hallway. What I saw was not what I expected. Edward was standing there looking like a cave man, my bags in his hands. A huge lump came to my throat. He was still angry. I needed to explain.

Step by step I got closer to him. He looked like hell. Dark circles rimmed his beautiful eyes, a thick beard covered his face, and he was still in the clothes i had last seen him in. He was in hell.

"Hi" i slowly looked into his eyes and spoke very quietly.

He didn't answer. He wouldn't look me in the eye, just over my head.

"Uh, I came to see if we could maybe talk ..?"

Still he did not move, he did not speak.

Humph. "Look Edward, there is something you need to know. After you left I found out something and I know you won't believe me but-"

Edward put his hand up.

"I don't want to hear your excuses."

He put my bags down at my feet. "I took the liberty of packing your things. If I've forgotten anything, let Alice know." His voice was icy and haunted.

"Thank you. I'm so sorry Edward."

"mhmm"

He took a step back and went into the apartment, closing the door behind him. Not another word was spoken.

I must have stood staring at the door for an hour before I picked up my bags and left. He was never going to forgive me, and I couldn't even explain what had happened. I did want the baby. I felt empty knowing that he would never understand that me losing the baby was inevitable. I could never tell him that I was sorry that my body couldn't hold a baby. I was sick. Not sick as in something that can hurt or kill me, but in a way that meant holding a baby was a very hard thing to do.

My own mother had this disease when she was carrying me. I should have 3 other siblings, but I was the only to survive. It never occurred to any of us, or my doctors, that I had carried on the gene that my mother had. It all made sense now when I really thought about it. The constant fear for the baby or the hate of it, the pains, the dreams. My mother had all of these symptoms when she was expecting as well.

Edward would never know, or want to know what had happened. I felt as if my whole world was pulled out from under me. Edward was gone, my baby was gone, a whole new family that I already loved and adored was gone. My dad was the only other person that I had right now. I needed my mom, and not even she was around. When she heard what happened, she stopped answering the phone. I knew she felt responsible and guilty for this, but it never really was any of her faults.

I took the truck a different way home, and avoided the house. I ended up at the one place where I felt safe at a time like this. I ended up at the lighthouse.