Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 2

It was one in the morning. I had gone to bed three hours ago, and I had yet to fall asleep. I had promised myself I would call Esme in the morning, but now it seemed I wouldn't be able to bear the anticipation any longer.

Would she be glad to hear from me, or would she hate me?

God, it was horrible. Seven years…seven years ago I had left this part of me behind. It was all coming back now, and I hated it. It made me feel like a teenager again. Now I was twenty-five. I was no longer the little girl who was dependent on her parents and all the other people she cared about. Because I couldn't count on other people to make things happen for me. If I wanted something, I was the only one who could make it come true.

Only me.

But the thought of hearing Esme's voice, of being in her warm and motherly embrace…

A part of me longed for the comfort of my mother, and Esme was the closest thing
I had. Or rather had had.

Giving up, I left my bed and made my way toward my bedroom couch, grabbing my cell phone from my desk as I passed it. I curled up on the couch under the window and stared at the phone in my hand.

It made me feel even worse to realize I still knew the number to the house.

With shaking fingers, I pressed each digit into the phone and held it to my ear as it rang. It was eleven in Forks. Maybe she was asleep already.

"Hello?" a voice asked. My breath caught in my throat. Her voice was exactly like I remembered. Soft, with authority. Like melting caramel…

"Hello?" she asked again.

I cleared my throat. "Hi." It came out sounding strained.

When I didn't continue, she asked, "With whom am I speaking?"

I cleared my throat. "Um…"

Esme was patient. She waited for me to answer.

"It's Bella," I whispered.

Esme gasped quietly, and neither of us spoke for a while. I knew she'd speak when she was ready.

"How are you, Sweetie?" she asked quietly. I could hear the tears in her voice, and it made me cry too. I tiny sob escaped my lips.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Oh, Bella," she sobbed, and before I knew it, we were both crying.

***

Esme and I had talked straight into the morning, and even though I hadn't slept at all, I was feeling more awake than I had for a long time, but also more pain than I had for the same amount of time. We never spoke of the past. Just of our lives in the present. I laughed and smiled through our entire conversation (after we finished crying, of course) and I promised to call her this evening. She even invited me for Thanksgiving two weeks from now. I had told her I would think about it, and just that made her happy.

A knock on my door startled me from my thoughts.

"Come in," I said.

Rosalie cracked the door open and peered inside for entering my bedroom.

"What, no music this morning?" she asked jokingly.

"Nope. Just lots of thinking."

She became serious. "Are you going to call her today?"

"I just got off the phone with her, actually. I called her at one last night."

Rosalie looked skeptical, and when she held her hand out for my phone, it proved my suspicions correct. She scrolled through the call history and was satisfied when she found I had been on a long distance call for six hours.

"That's one loooong conversation," she said, dragging out the O.

"Yeah. It was nice."

"Did you talk about…" she hesitated. "It?" I knew what she was talking about.

"No, not at all. We just caught up on everything."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Thanks, Rose," I said earnestly.

She feigned surprise.

"For what?"

"You know what."

She smiled wryly. "Yeah, I do."

I laughed. "Well, like I said, thanks."

She turned to leave but I stopped her. "Hey, what are you and Jazz doing for Thanksgiving break?" I asked.

She was suddenly guilty. "My family is actually going down to Texas to visit his, and we were going to join them. You could come too if you want," she offered. I waved her off.

"No, it's fine. I think I might actually go to Forks."

This time, Rosalie's surprise wasn't pretend. "Seriously?"

I just smiled.

"Have you been back since…" she trailed off suggestively.

"No. But it's been seven years, you know? I think it's time."

Rose sighed. "Make sure you think about this, okay? Remember, you'll have to see the house, the police station, the—"

"I know," I said, stopping her. "I thought about that. But I'm ready for it."

Rose shook her head. "Stop scaring me, Bella. I'm starting to regret asking you to phone her."

I rolled my eyes. "Rose, I'm fine. Quit worrying about me. I'm an adult and I can handle myself perfectly well."

"I know, Bella. I just don't want to see you like I did when I met you."

I sighed. "I know." I remembered that day well.

Two years. Two years, and I still felt shitty as hell. I was never going to get over this. The pain would last forever.

Everywhere I turned, I saw their faces. Renee's on the lady at the supermarket. Charlie's on the college football coach. Edward's…everywhere. Absolutely everywhere I turned.

I looked out the open window of my apartment building and to the ground, thirty feet below me. This wasn't going to be as painless as I had hoped, but seeing as I didn't have a gun to shoot myself or water near by to drown in, this was the next best thing. I took one step out onto the ledge, and almost fell right there and then as a voiced spoke up and startled me.

"Are you Bella?"

I gasped and slipped and started to plummet to my death. Before I could get too far, however, two strong hands grasped my wrist.

"What the hell are you doing?" the woman's voice screeched as she hauled me back up into the room.

I looked up at the insanely beautiful blond who didn't look as strong as she was, and burst into tears. Understanding lit up her face, and she pulled me into her arms. She let me cry for almost an hour, when my tears finally started to dry up.

"I'll help you," she whispered.

It dawned on me right there and then that I might actually have a change at happiness. I had someone who could comfort me and be there for me during my grieving. With him gone, I had had no one to help me through this. Maybe this woman could help me.

"I'm Rosalie Hale, by the way. Your new roommate."

It was then that I had started referring to him as he. No name. It hurt too much to think or say his name.

Rosalie had helped me cope with my parents' deaths, and I did find happiness. I was a remarkably happy person now. No one would ever guess that I had gone through three physical and emotional losses all at once.

I was just like everyone else. Except that I liked to think of myself as a much more independent person than most. I suppose it was true. Even though Rose pretty much saved my life, I didn't allow myself to be dependent on her. The adult Bella Swan was dependent on no one.

***

EPOV

I stood in front of the crowd, and they cheered me on, pleading for an encore.

"Edward, they love you!" Bella yelled from behind me. She looked like she always had, except a little older. Hair in a ponytail, hoodie, jeans, converse shoes. She was pretty, though. She always had been.

"They love you, too," I yelled back. She smiled and shook her head.

"No, they don't. They're cheering for you. They all think I'm selfish and needy."

I frowned. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

She continued to smile. "Remember when I was told those were my two strongest qualities?"

I shook my head, still frowning. "No. Who told you that?"

She eyes me skeptically.

"You."

"Eddie-boy!" someone screamed into my ear. I jolted upright, pulling myself from my nightmare and into my bedroom.

Emmett stood by my bed, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Holy shit, Emmett!" I yelled at him, completely shaken by the dream I just had.

He just continued to grin.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he said, imitating me in a girly voice. I frowned at him.

"And that completes one whole week of dreaming about Bella," he said and pretended to draw a check mark on the air.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"What going on, Edward?" he asked. "I haven't heard you say a word about her all these years, and now, all of a sudden, you keep having dreams of her?"

"I don't know what's going on, Emmett," I said honestly. "I've never dreamt of Bella. It just started out of the blue."

"I bet you think of her all the time."

I grimaced. "Why would you think that?" I demanded.

"Alice and I think about her all the time and we aren't even the ones who spent every minute of the day with her."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"Whatever," Emmett said, batting his eyelashes and waving his hand. "God, Edward, sometimes you're exactly like a gay moody teenager."

"I'm not acting gay," I protested.

Emmett stood and walked out of the door as he said, "Whatever."

I walked over to my stereo and pressed play. The song "Holiday" by "Green Day" blasted through the speakers. There blaring music was a good distraction from both the dream and Emmett. Normally Emmett would suffice as my distraction, but since he seemed to feed the festering thoughts I was having lately, he wouldn't work this time.

I spent ten minutes preparing myself for the day. I did nothing with my hair except run some frizz cream through it. Trying to make it stay flat was hopeless.

Just as I reached out to grab my phone and put it in my pocket, it began to vibrate. I flipped it open and simultaneously turned off my music.

"Yeah?" I said into the phone a little irritably. The dream was still on my mind.

"Am I calling at a bad time?" came my mother's soft voice from the other end.

"No, not at all. Sorry, Mom."

"It's fine, don't worry yourself, dear."

"How has your week been?"

"Lovely. I had a wonderful surprise."

"Which was?" I asked. My mother sounded delighted. Her voice was calm, but I could hear an undercurrent of excitement.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you," she confessed softly.

"Oh really?" I asked dryly. "Is it about me?"

She chuckled. "No, dear. Someone is feeling a little self absorbed today, aren't they?"

"I just meant that if it wasn't about me, I should be allowed to know."

"I know, my sweet. Still, it does not change a thing." Before I could reply, she continued speaking. "Will you be coming down for thanksgiving?"

"What day is it?" I hadn't thought about it at all.

"The twenty-sixth. Alice and Emmett are both getting two weeks off."

"You already spoke to Emmett?" I asked.

"Yes. And before you ask, he does not know the surprise either." I smiled wryly. My mother knew her children well.

"I'll see, Mom, but I'm not sure I can come down until Christmas. I kind of need to work as much as possible to get all the money I can."

"Your father and I can pay you for all the time—"

"Thanks, but I don't need my parents to support me. I'm twenty-five, Mom."

"I know," she sighed. "Sometimes I just wish you'd find a better job."

"So I can sit behind a desk all day?" I asked sarcastically.

"How is driving a taxi any better?" she demanded. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb. This wasn't the first time we'd had this argument.

"Okay, forget it. I don't want to fight. But I really don't think I'll be able to make it."

"Alright then. You have to promise me you'll come for Christmas, though."

"I will."

"For more than a day."

I didn't answer. "Edward," she warned.

"Fine. I'll come for at least five days."

"Good," she said, finally satisfied.

I checked my watch. "I have to get going, Mom. I'll talk to you tonight though."

"Call me after dinner, please."

"I promise I will."

"Alright, dear. Until then."

"Bye, Mom."

"Goodbye, Edward."

I threw my cell phone down onto my bed and collapsed beside it. What a fucked up life I had. No drive for anything except music, which I found myself unable to pursue without Bella. It was obvious I'd die an old, lonely cabdriver of New York who still lived in this shithole apartment which I shared with my older brother.

Yeah, I was feeling really optimistic.

***

BPOV

It was four o'clock when my cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Bella!"

I smiled. "Esme, how are you?"

"Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful." I could hear that she was excited about something.

"What happened?"

"Alice is engaged!" she squealed.

She proceeded to launch into the story of Alice's boyfriend asking her and Carlisle for permission, and how excited Alice was.

"That's so amazing," I whispered. "Alice must be over the moon."

"Oh, she is," Esme assured me. "She's even more energetic than she usually is."

I laughed. "I can't even imagine that." Esme laughed with me.

I sighed. "I miss her. A lot."

"Have you thought about coming here for the holidays?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did. If it's still alright with you, I plan on coming."

Esme gasped in delight. "Really?"

"Yes, definitely."

"Oh, Bella, I'm so happy. I really am. You made my day. First Alice, now you…"

I started to feel uncomfortable. I had never gotten past the part of my apology last night that was the 'I'm sorry'. There was more I needed to say.

"Esme…I…"

She waited for me to continue.

"I'm so sorry. What I did…you don't know the half of it, but it was still entirely my fault, and—"

"Shh," she whispered in a soothing voice. I shut up immediately. "This is not a proper conversation to be held over the phone. When you come, you'll tell me."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see. "Sounds good to me."

"Perfect."

I decided to change the subject. "Would you like me to bring anything?"

"No, no, we're fine. Oh, and just so you know, he won't be with us for the holidays." I knew who she meant, and I was surprised I hadn't even thought of the fact that he would most likely be there too. It was his family, after all. Thank goodness he actually wouldn't be there. I don't think I'd be able to survive that.

I suddenly remembered something else. "Do you still have karaoke at Thanksgiving?"

She laughed. "We've neglected that tradition for a few years now."

I felt disappointed and relieved at the same time.

"We should do it this year, though," she said. "I miss it."

"That would be fun."

"Would you like to participate in it?"

"Yes," I said without thinking, completely shocking myself. I had planned on saying no, but the opposite somehow found its way out of my mouth.

What's wrong with you? asked Independent Bella.

Oh, come on. We haven't sung since high school, Reckless Bella argued.

Do you want to start depending on music again?

Of course not. This is just for fun, though.

Oh really? You sure about that?

Shut up.

Still, Reckless Bella ignored Independent Bella.

"Great!" Esme exclaimed.

"We could do it out in the gazebo, if it's not too cold," I suggested.

Okay, time for you to shut up! Independent Bella hissed.

"Oh, that would be beautiful! We could have lights, and the keyboard and drums and guitar out, too. We could have live performances!"

Even Reckless Bella wasn't too keen on that idea.

"You mean make up our own songs?" I asked.

"Yes, exactly!"

"I don't know…"

Reckless Bella tried to convince herself, while Independent Bella screamed at her.

"I know you've written at least one song since I last saw you," she said knowingly.

"I have, actually. It was almost four years ago, but yes, I have."

"Then sing it for us!" she pleaded. "I've missed your voice. I've missed hearing you and Edw—"

"I'll sing," I said quickly. Five years and not once had his name entered my head. I wasn't about to break that streak now.

Esme immediately noticed what she had done. However, she didn't say anything. She always knew what to do.

"Wonderful, Bella. Wonderful. I can't wait."

"Me neither." I glanced at the clock. "I better start on supper. My turn to cook."

She laughed. "Mine too." I laughed with her. It was always Esme's turn to cook.

"I'll talk to you soon, then."

"I'll be expecting it."

"I sure hope so."

"Good evening, my Bellflower." I almost started crying. I had forgotten her nickname for me. It also hurt quite a bit. He had called me that, too.

"Good evening, Esme." She hung up, as did I.

Reckless Bella cheered while Independent Bella began to worry and plan how to detach her emotions from the song I would sing at Thanksgiving.