AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This chapter focuses on Sammy, but it has a defining moment for Grace and Dean at the same time.

WARNINGS: Language, Controversial Topics, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood

ENJOY!

****

Sam had been feeling jumpy ever since he'd called Miranda and asked her what she was up to that night. She'd seemed happy enough to meet Sam at the bar that they'd met in before, and Sam didn't understand why he was feeling so nervous. He'd just felt like he could open up to Miranda, and he'd actually enjoyed his time with her and he wanted to explain things.

Of course he knew that there was no way he could explain things in terms of hunting and in terms of demon blood, but Sam needed to talk to her. She'd been so friendly and she'd seemed honestly interested in him and in his problems, and Sam felt like he'd been rude to her before and he needed to make it up to her. Sam felt like he needed to take what Bobby had said to heart: he felt like he needed to stop closing himself off.

Just thinking about that made him think about Dean—Dean who no matter what, had a habit of ignoring everything and pushing his problems aside. Sam didn't like bottling everything up inside and yet he hadn't had a true outlet in ages…he hadn't had anyone to actually talk to. Now he had Grace, who kept making it perfectly clear to him that he could talk to her about anything and he knew he could—she understood, and she never judged him.

"Sam?" Miranda asked him as she came up to the bar.

Sam's thoughts were interrupted by her voice and he looked up, smiling at her as her blonde waves framed her face. She was wearing her hair straighter than she had the first time they had met and her hair was darker, but she was still the beautiful Miranda that he had met before. Miranda smiled as Sam beamed and then she took a seat next to him at the bar and ordered two shots—it hadn't even been a hard day, she was just kind of nervous about what was going on here.

Miranda had been waiting for Sam to call her, and when he never did she had completely given up on the idea. Well, she had thought about completely giving up, but the fact that she was so excited to hear from him had made her realize that she wanted to see Sam again. So she'd jumped at the chance to meet up with him, while at the same time not knowing what was coming next and needing to be prepared for anything.

"I was surprised you wanted to show." Sam told her, shrugging.

Miranda smiled and downed the shots. "Well, at first I thought about not coming, but I wanted to see you again. Wanna get out of here?"

"Out of here?" Sam asked her nervously.

Sam hadn't been looking for a booty call, but that was the first thought that ran across his mind: he thought that Miranda thought Sam wanted to get laid. Miranda wasn't thinking any such thing, she just realized Sam was as nervous as she was and she didn't much feel like playing pool—not that any pool tables were even open. She just wanted to get out into the fresh air and she wanted to get to know Sam better.

"I need some fresh air and I figured maybe you'd want to come with me?" Miranda asked him, blushing a little as she came to understand what it was that Sam was thinking. "Unless you had something else in mind? I mean you were the one to call me so…what did you have in mind, Sam?"

Sam swallowed and then smiled. "Let's go get that fresh air."

"Perfect." Miranda said with a smile.

She led Sam out of the bar and they got into her car, Miranda driving them to a park that was close. Miranda came to the park when she needed to think, or even when she just felt the need to be outside someplace peaceful. It was dark out so they were alone, and Sam sat next to her on the bench, watching her zip up her coat and smile a little as she watched her breath in front of her for a moment.

"How are you, Sam?" Miranda asked him.

Sam hadn't been asked that question in quite a while, and he didn't know how to answer it without spilling all of his secrets. He knew he couldn't tell her anything about his real life—at least not where hunting was concerned, or he'd never see her again…but he had to tell her something. Miranda smiled softly at him and genuinely looked interested in what he had to say, so Sam decided to take the chance because he felt like he needed to…she made him feel like more than a 'sick bastard who killed things for fun'.

"My brother and I are learning how to trust again—it's why I didn't call you." Sam explained to her, continuing as she opened her mouth to speak. "I wanted to, but I was trying to devote time to him because we've both been pretty broken lately. I have some baggage and I didn't want to involve you, but honestly, I can't stop thinking about you, Miranda. I just…I was having a bad day and even though we really don't know anything about each other, I wanted to see you again."

Miranda smiled at him and nodded. "Okay, I believe you but…how are you, Sam?"

Sam smiled at her because he hadn't answered her question and she honestly wanted to know. There was something different about Miranda and Sam couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew that she was definitely being honest with him. She wasn't looking for a fun night, or for any sex or drunken fun, she just honestly wanted to be his friend. Suddenly Sam felt like he knew how Dean felt about Grace because both Grace and Miranda had one very distinct trait in common—they were genuinely friendly…they genuinely cared about others…and Sam missed that.

"I'm doing better now that I'm talking to you." Sam admitted with a nod.

Miranda laughed a little and nodded too. "That's a start, Sam."

**

Dean had a restless night at first because he was thinking about everything that had happened with Grace and the demon. He wasn't upset that Grace had killed someone—even though she was going to have to cope with that—he was upset about how she had done it. Sam had done it before with Casey and the Priest being possessed by the demon, and Dean himself had done it a few times as well…that was why he was upset.

He knew that upon just hearing that, it didn't make any sense at all, but Dean knew that to him it did. Dean had spent his whole life trying to find and kill the demon that had killed his mother out of revenge—in fact all of the Winchesters had found that burning desire to kill Azazel a driving factor in hunting. The thing of the matter was though, that Dean also found himself hunting as an outlet…he found himself blurring the lines of hunting just because he was upset—he didn't want that to happen for Grace.

When they'd first met, Grace was this happy, optimistic young woman who was able to handle her past…now Dean was torn. He'd been opening up to this beautiful woman and he'd been so envious and proud of what she was and Dean was suddenly afraid that hunting was going to turn her like it had turned him—like it had corrupted everyone that he knew. Dean just didn't want Grace to end up the hunter that she was going to have to be to do this job—the hunter that every hunter ended up becoming.

He was aware that sooner or later Grace was going to have to face all of this because she was part of it, and he hated the thought. For some reason Dean felt like he wanted her to have the innocence of normalcy even though he knew that she had lost the ability to keep that innocence the day she saw Bobby killing his wife to protect his daughter. Why Dean even cared so much about it all, was just adding to everything else that was eating away at him and sending him into a restless sleep.

"Dean, just pull yourself together." Dean breathed out that morning, thinking over what he had thought about the night before.

Sam hadn't come in after he'd taken off, and after Grace had fallen asleep, Dean had left her side only long enough to eat something, and then he'd come right back. He held her all night long and thought about things, and had come to the conclusion that in order to keep her safe, he had to keep her close…but he also had to keep her far away from him and that was going to be hard for him. The idea of keeping her close professionally and keeping her far away emotionally just seemed daunting.

The old Dean could have done that in his sleep, but this new Dean was too attracted to the idea of feeling something. He had begun to feel things with Grace and after everything he'd been through with Famine, Dean wanted to prove to himself that he could feel—he wanted to prove to everyone that Famine had actually been wrong. Just the fact that Dean had started to feel things with Grace, was proving to Dean that he wasn't dead inside…but was he really feeling?

"You really did stay all night." Grace said sleepily, yawning as Dean looked at her and smiled. "I appreciate it."

Dean nodded and stroked her hair. "I told you I would be."

"Yes, you did, and you seem to be a man of your word." Grace replied, scooting closer to him on the bed and smiling when he opened his arms up to her and held her, letting her nuzzle her face into his chest. "Are we okay, Dean?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Dean asked her shrugging.

The words had simply come out of his mouth, but they had and he knew that there was no taking them back now. Grace was still pretty distraught about what she had done the night before, and Dean knew that she could read him well enough to know that he had been upset with her. Thinking about it as much as he had, he realized that thought at first he thought he was upset with her, he was just upset about what could potentially happen to her—he was worried about her.

"You just seem pretty unhappy about what went down last night, and I really don't blame you." Grace replied, looking up at him.

Dean looked at her and their eyes met, Dean not wanting to talk about anything, be that unhealthy or not. So he just shook his head softly and then kissed her, letting the feeling of kissing her sink in, kissing her back a little harder when she responded to him, returning his kiss. He pulled her close and they both resituated a little, lying on their sides, Dean cupping Grace's face and teasing the corners of her mouth with his tongue.

She opened up automatically, pressing her body firmly against Dean's, Dean slipping his tongue in and moaning ever so softly. It felt like ages since he'd been this close to a woman, and though he knew it hadn't been as long as he felt like it had been, Dean wanted to be close to her. Grace was the first person in a long time, that Dean felt like he wanted to share all of his secrets with, and he wanted to feel…he wanted to feel like he had back in the lighter hunting days when hooking up with a girl made him feel like he was still holding onto something normal even though he couldn't have that normal forever.

"Okay, I get it," Grace said playfully, smiling as Dean placed kisses on her jaw line and then her neck, "we're totally okay."

Dean chuckled and then ran his fingers along her pajama pants, slipping his finger under the waistband and pausing. He half expected Grace to stop or push him off of her, but she kept her body right where it was and suddenly Dean started to feel sick to his stomach. It wasn't even Grace—he was definitely attracted to Grace—it was just that she was Bobby's daughter, and she had just gone through something terrible. So what, now he was just going to take advantage of her after she had to face the demon that was responsible for her mother's death?

In the past Dean wouldn't have even thought twice about it, but for some reason suddenly, it was all he could think about. He'd never even cared before if he took advantage of a woman like this—if she wanted to be serviced and he wanted to service her, he always looked at it as a win-win situation, but not then. Grace meant something to him—she had to other wise this would have been easy for him.

"Dean?" Grace asked softly.

His whole body had paused and she knew he was thinking and she was blushing like crazy and she knew it. She didn't think of herself as the kind of girl to just sleep with a guy she barely knew, but she wanted this. Grace was attracted to Dean and she was entertaining the idea that being with him like this when he wanted it too, would make both of them feel better…but it was a bandaid. It was a bandaid and she had thought about stopping what they were doing but what if Dean really did need this?

"It's just a bandaid." Dean told her, getting up and heading for her door. "Damn-it, I'm sorry, Grace."

He was out of the door before she could apologize herself and tell him it wasn't his fault and she bit her lip. Suddenly it was all feeling so rushed to her and she wished that she hadn't put Dean in this kind of situation—she felt like it was all her fault. Dean needed to feel better and so did she, but sex wasn't the answer and they both knew it. There was something deeper though…something that Grace didn't understand about his actions but she wanted to understand—she wanted to be there for Dean like he had been there for her the night before.

**

Bobby looked up at Dean when Dean came into the kitchen and he sipped his coffee slowly, watching Dean's every move. He had been reading the paper that morning, very aware that Dean had spent the night in Grace's room with her and Bobby wasn't feeling as torn as he had been. Grace was a big girl and she made her own decisions and though Bobby wanted to look out for both Grace and Dean, he knew he trusted and love them both and if being together was their choice, then he was going to accept that choice.

"Morning." Dean managed, pouring himself some coffee. "I think Grace is fine."

Bobby nodded slowly. "Thank you for taking care of her last night."

"No problem." Dean said, sipping the coffee, his eyes focused on nothing in particular as he started to think again.

"You care about her." Bobby told Dean, shaking his head when Dean shot him a look. "Don't play dumb with me, Boy, I'm not an idjit. The looks between you two are unmistakable and I'm trying to let you know I'm okay with it without getting all deep about it."

Dean smiled a little. "All right, Bobby."

Dean didn't want to admit it because as much as he wanted to feel, Dean didn't want Grace to get killed. If there was a feeling that Dean knew he had, it was pain…and guilt. He was never going to forgive himself for the lives that had been lost that were his fault, and he didn't want Grace to end up on that list. Talking to Bobby about all of this seemed all well and good, but Dean didn't want to get mushy about it—he didn't want to sit around and talk about his feelings when those talks never ended well.

"If you're not willing to let her all the way in, Son…don't do this to her." Bobby said suddenly, feeling like he couldn't keep it in anymore. "I hate that you have so much on your mind that you blame yourself for, but don't punish Grace for that."

Dean sipped his coffee and then looked at Bobby sadly. "I don't know what to do anymore, Bobby. I'm really fond of Grace, but I don't want to get her killed and let's face it: everyone around me dies."

"So far I ain't pushin' up daisies." Bobby replied and then cut Dean off when Dean opened his mouth up to speak again. "Stop being so hard on yourself, Dean—this job ends in casualties but that don't mean we should ignore the ones that we love and trust, all right? We can't carry all of our burdens alone—that's how we get ourselves killed."

"I can't ask anyone to share my burdens with me." Dean said firmly.

Bobby shook his head sadly, realizing that Dean wasn't getting the point as Sam walked into the living room. He and Miranda had talked all night long, and he was feeling pretty good about himself, even when he saw Grace lying on the couch watching a soap opera on TV. Sam chuckled a little at how like Dean that was for her, but honestly Sam found that he got along with Grace because most of her traits were shared with Sam—they had a lot in common. It was nice though that Grace had things in common with Dean…it was part of why Sam was beginning to believe that the two were meant for each other.

"You look happy." Grace said, smiling up at Sam. "Good night, I take it?"

Sam smiled at Grace and sat down next to her. "Miranda and I just talked…how are you holding up?"

"I think I'm all right." Grace told him shrugging. "I'm glad you got to go out and flirt with a girl, Sam."

"I have kind of missed this feeling." Sam admitted nodding and grinning. "That feeling that you can just talk to someone and though you want to cuddle them or kiss them, you know you're content just being with them…you know?"

Grace nodded slowly. "Yeah…I've known that feeling. Honestly, though? I think it's people like that, that you have to hold onto. You seeing her again?"

"She told me she'd call me tonight to let me know what her schedule looks like for the next few weeks, so I'm hoping so." Sam admitted happily.

Grace smiled at him and nodded, wishing that she was feeling as happy right then as Sam was, even though she wasn't. She still felt guilty about killing the girl and she was blaming herself for Dean running out—bandaid excuse or not. Dean hadn't run out because of her, but Grace felt like she was pushing him into things and she was upset with herself for initiating all of this when Dean clearly wasn't looking for a relationship—he was still coping about things and Grace felt like she should have been more perceptive of that.

"I think I need to take a walk." Grace told Sam, handing him the remote. "Dad and Dean are in the kitchen if you need or want them."

With that Grace had grabbed her jacket and headed out the door, going to the park down the street and sitting on the bench. She watched as some kids played on the monkey bars, shaking her head at foolish she was being. Why wasn't she thinking more clearly? Why wasn't she being more attune with the people around her like she used to be so at doing? Why was she so into Dean already when there was still so much about him that she didn't even know or understand?

She knew she wasn't in love with him or anything that drastic, but she knew that she cared deeply for him already. Grace knew that she wanted Dean happy and safe, and she knew that she wanted to protect him—to help to share his burdens because she didn't think he should have to carry all of them on his own. All she knew was that she wanted to make Dean Winchester's life a little easier, but all she seemed to be doing right then was causing him pain and she needed to back off of him and let him breathe.

"I wish I knew what to do." Grace told herself softly.

"Hello, Grace." A female voice said.

Grace turned to see a young woman sitting on the bench next to her and she made a face, but then she just smiled. She knew she didn't recognize the woman, but the woman recognized her and that meant that it was either another demon taunting her, or just someone else who wanted to talk to her. Whomever this person was, Grace knew she needed to give them her attention, and if she needed to, she would get away and deal with this with Bobby.

"And who are you?" Grace asked the woman cautiously.

The woman simply smiled at her. "I'm Thea."

Note: Well, well, well…a cliffy from me. I apologize, but it had to be done and I think you'll understand next chapter as to why. Also, all of the Sam and Dean internalizing is really important to the story and the next chapter has a Sam/Dean talk because it is so overdue so if you're coming back for anything, come back for that. =P I know that some of you have found one of the main conflicts in the plot, and I hope you know I'll definitely be coming back to it quite a few times. Feedback is always appreciated!