A/N: Sorry that it's taken so long to update, thank you for all those lovley reviews. (:
Sitting in this little garden, where just about everything is false. Also, like why should there be restrictions on which parts of the garden you can smoke in, it's stupid.
Effy the skeleton turns out to be the only girl that smokes, Katie who is apparently a saint looked at me as if I was about to go and kill someone by smoking, Emily gave me a sad smile as Pandora spoke to her, they are all a bit weird. Does that make me weird? What's my winning factor for wining a place in isolation away from everything you know, what a fucking piss take.
I'm two hours into this massive self discovery journey and I'm already wishing that I could leave but that's cowardly and Naomi Campbell doesn't back down that easily, Effy comes and joins me just as I light up, she sends me this really pissing off smirk which she acts as if she can see straight through you or something.
"Bit of a loner?" She asks in a teasing, know it all voice.
"Just a bit," she lights her own and sits beside me on the worlds shittest bench, probably from IKEA.
"Interesting," she says blowing perfect smoke rings, "I thought someone like you would be against a show like this."
"Someone like me? I think that half this house won't be able to survive without a constant supply of drugs."
She flicks the butt of her fag and wonders off into the house, I however decide to light up another one when the back doors open and Cook shouts at me to come and join the party. I roll my eyes and look around the garden again to see if there are any interesting places, there's another building with a couple more sofas in and an outside loo. Looking up around the perimeter I see barbed wire and it really is just a luxury prison with cameras or maybe we are just stupid little puppets in a twisted show.
Stubbing it out and putting the butt into the bin provided I make my way back into the house as everyone dances and chatting looking happy, joining in on the small talk and just picking up stupid trivial things which are going in one ear and out the other, I jut smile and chat along.
When we are finally let into the bedroom, it's like Mufusa's death from the Lion King, well not the death as much but the stampede. I hold back which was stupid as it appears that there are two double beds what need to be shared.
In any decent society we would pull straws to see who gets the double beds but instead Effy just slumps onto one and Pandora shrugs and leaps on it, I turn to the other as Katie and Emily argue about who has to share the bed and who gets the single.
"How about you two share and I get the single?" I cut into the conversation earning a hard glare from Katie.
"I'm having the single, yeah since I refuse to share with the fashion reject," she says pointing to me, "and best not give the lads an image of incest, yeah since that's incest and illegal."
Before I even get the chance to open my mouth Katie has walked off towards the last free bed leaving me and Emily at the foot of the double.
"Left or right?" she asks me.
"Right," I look up and she's smiling at me, "this is temporary so you stick to your side and I will stick to mine."
"Whatever, I take it you've never had to share anything?" she doesn't wait for a reply, "I've had to share pretty much everything with one person for 19 years so sharing a bed with you isn't that much of a big deal."
"I don't see why you can't just share with your sister, you are related and-"
"And what? We should automatically have to do everything together because we're twins, get over it Naomi after a week someone will be out of here and you can have your own bed."
"I don't even know you, that's what I'm saying," she glares at me and wonders off out of the main bedroom.
I sit on the bed, why the fuck should I have to share? Surely one of the boys could of just got in there together, not like they care where they sleep at all. I get up and storm into the kitchen to find the curly haired girl, Sophie no Sophia or something looking at me weirdly.
Getting a glass of water I walk back to the sofas where, Thomas, Pandora, Katie and Emily are sitting. I sit next to Pandora, who is going on about bra removing circus trick she knows.
"I can put a condom on with my teeth," Katie says, oh what a life skill, sure she has to use it a lot too.
"Nice one, yeah," Danny the orange sits down putting his arm around Katie.
"What you about you Em, you got any tricks?"
"No, nothing like that, Katie's the one with the party tricks."
"Ems you do have a trick, you do that gay thing which can attract a crowd," twins taking over the entire population between them, one can put a condom on with her teeth and the other will seduce the entire female population. At least I'm not the only gay one in here so I suppose that's not my niche in the house.
"Nice one," Danny says nodding in appreciation.
When I ask me if I have anything special I can do, with a roll of the eyes I ignore the question which leads to Katie calling me a boring cow.
Danny carries on flirting like crazy with Katie, who is revelling in the attention, she's failing to notice the way his eyes are glued to her tits.
Big Brother being the almighty person in a booth with a microphone as it is asks me to visit the diary room, which as I slide back the door a big arm chair which looks more like it's made for a giant.
"Hello Naomi," the monotone voice says but really are you just meant to speak to this? In a little room with a camera?
"How are you finding your stay in the house?" the voice asks again after I don't reply.
"A bit shit, I have to share a bed, the boy's just look at tits and talk about sex, Effy thinks she's mysterious and shit and then you got Sophia who looks like she's about to cry and run off home."
"Are you looking forward to your time in the house?"
"Well yeah, see what happens. Should be interesting I'm sure you will get your entertainment that you have all been waiting for. Also, what is with making us share beds? Couldn't you have just allocated them? Since I have to share with Emily, who is a twin and they should of just been put together, because that is less awkward and it wouldn't have been such a piss take for me just because I didn't get up and sprint to the bedrooms I get shit all?"
"How are you finding your other housemates?" The voice asks and I sit back in the chair, we're going to be here a while.
"What is it with them anyway? You have one shoving her tits in the face of every guy, who thinks having a gay sister is like some sort of fucked up party trip to get more desirable points. Then another who walks around being mysterious with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, which seems to of befriended a girl who belongs in place where they can bake cakes of rainbows and happiness. Then some girl who will probably cry herself to every single night then walk out within the first week, then you have the other twin who is a total fucking doormat. Thomas just seems like a total push over, Freddie just sits there looking like he's on drugs and is totally out of it then looks like you've put the horniest men you could find in here? Where did you find Danny and Cook? In a brothel, strip club?"