vii.
S.O.R.A.N.D.O.M.G.I.R.L.S
-a n g e l-
T awn i
She looks like an angel. A perfect one at that.
Golden ringlets, and pink lip gloss, and enchanting not quite silver eyes. Bestowed with an infectious laugh and gracefulness.
On the outside she looks so pretty and angelic, but on the outside no one can she her broken halo and clipped wings. The halo that once shone so brightly and the wings that use to be so free, now so restricting and pain inflicting. She tries so hard to just shine. To be noticed. To be wanted and needed. But people don't want a bitter, mean, broken angel, (and no matter what she says, she knows she's not bitter or mean or broken in a good way, and eventually it's gotten boring, so it's really not fun). So, she's left walking among her splintering halo, feeling the pieces cut into her head. Her angelic eyes that use to shine so brightly are getting duller and duller by the second, and her hair is flattening, while her laugh sounds strained, and everything is so imperfect that she turns to her addictions trying to find a bliss, free feeling that she holds so dear to her heart.
She likes how alcohol blurs the lines and restrictions, and how it makes her halo feel fixed, and how it makes her head not hurt so badly (even if it is only temporary). She likes the drunken nights and strangers and the burning sensation that makes her feel so special and rebellious. She also likes the magic pixie dust that is so white and glittering and makes her feel so free, and able to fly again. These two little addictions get her noticed and wanted again. The boys beg and plead and want her and need her and she feels on top all over again.
And when she gets home in her empty house in her ripped clothes surrounded by false realities, she sits on the cold hard floor and watches at how pretty the razor looks as it catches the light and makes those pretty scars on her wrist that act as fountains for the pretty red liquid that glitters and glistens in the light even more than the razor itself and makes her feel like a shining, sparkling angel again.
Tawni Hart may be a tainted, broken, bitter, bleeding angel, but she still sparkles and that counts for something in her mind.
Z or a
She was her mommy and daddy's angel. Or use to be.
Now her halo is fallen, and her wings are demonic, and she's really the least bit angelic. She's more of a fallen angel. Wearing strange clothes, and black because happy colors would feel so wrong. She doesn't feel the same way anymore. Things that used to seem so normal seem so distant, and she feels twisted inside. She doesn't like the feeling. It makes her feel dirty and hated. But, she can't help it. She's lost sense of direction, and keeps spiraling further and further down. Everyone she gets close to leaves, and she's left braving hell alone.
Her parents wanted her long enough to leave her when she turned eight. Everything was fine once upon a time. They loved her and they dressed her up in pretty dresses and tied her hair in ribbons and bows and said: "Look at our little angel." when she walked into the room. She pranced around with rosy cheeks and a glistening smile. Then she turned eight. That's when Theo was born. And everyone knows Theo is so much better with his presidential name (which she refuses to call him by) and his little button nose. Everyone knows that Theo is twice of everything that she will never be.
It wasn't even her fault when Theo got hurt. After all, she wasn't the baby sitter and she wasn't even in the room. She walked in and found him like that. She was just there at the wrong place, wrong time. In all honesty, she had been trying to save him. No matter how many times she said she hated him, and screamed she wanted to send him back, and wished he was never alive, she didn't want him to die. So when she walked in, and he wasn't breathing, she ran up and tried to wake him up, and poke his little chest, and rocked him back and forth. That's when the baby sitter came in, and that's when Theo was jerked from her arms (which she didn't want because she true fully loved her little brother), and that's when things went from bad to worst. Her parents who called her angel sent her to So Random, not wanting to see her, because Theo became the angel.
That's when she changed, and cracked under the pressure. She wants someone so badly. Just needs someone. But people don't want a twisted, demonic, fallen angel. So she decides she'll be an undercover angel. Like a guardian angel that she prays to God that she has (because she really needs someone). She'll look down from the vents with a devious smile that people misperceive, and it makes her feel so much more powerful and distinguished knowing that she can look out for people even though they don't know it. She does this because she evidently doesn't deserve someone to look after her. She hides her breaking point, and learned at a young age that you don't always get what you want, and life isn't always full of dreams and guarantees.
Zora Nelson may be a twisted, demonic, fallen angel, but she still can hide and wish that maybe someday someone will protect her from the mean, bad world, so she doesn't have to do all the work.
S onn y
They call her the angel of America. Because, let's be honest, she is.
Brilliant smile and eyes that light up the room with laughter saying: "Here I am, world." Her smile and eyes convincing others that nothing is wrong, and everything is perfect. Or, more trying to convince herself. Her halo is crooked and her wings broken. She's trying so hard to keep flying and keep soaring and remain positive. But, it's so hard when it hurts so much, and the pain keeps dragging you down. They expect so much from her, and she's just not prepared. There are so many people who want a naïve, confused, caring angel. One who smiles at them and they feel a little bit more complete. One who walks with a bounce in her step. One who needs and relies on them, even though it's really the other way around.
She digs her hole so deep, and drowns in her lies, just to keep the image. The image she worked so hard to achieve. No one wants someone mean, so she's nice. She's so nice, it's practically sickening. And she hates it. She hates that she's so nice, people perceive her as being a diva if she does the littlest thing. She hates that she's so nice, she can't tell the truth. She hates that no matter how nice she is, it's never enough for the people she wants to be wanted by the most (Tawni, Chad, her daddy dearest who loved her just enough to leave her). She knows the people she wants to be wanted by need her too. She wants to be their angel. She wants them to be the one to need her, not the other way around. And the more they hurt her, the more she's drawn to them, because she wants so badly to be like them, because she knows they're hurting too (Tawni's bleeding wrists, Chad's broken eyes, her daddy's alcohol breath). She wants to be their angel.
Sonny Monroe may be a naïve, confused, caring angel, but she wants (needs) someone to see through her lies, and she wants (needs) someone to want (need) her to save them.
So, it's been a couple days since I last updated. Sorry! I originally had a Tawni/Chad dialog, but I decided to post this instead, and maybe post the dialog separately, because it got long, and lost point… Anyway, there was some confusion last chapter. The point of the chapter was that anything can happen in a day, and when Sonny changes her favorite number it's the day after she kissed Chad on the cheek, so I was just implying that they kind of got together or something. I left it up to the reader, but it was confusing, so I'm sorry. I should've included it! Also, the night one could have been perceived as any couple, but I intentionally wrote it for Tawni/James. Just to let you know. Anyways…
Next up: Chocolate; Undecided; Undecided (I have several options!)
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The note above was my original note for this chapter, this is my current note: Ok, not a strong come back. My writing isn't doing too well lately, so I'm sorry if this is a disappointment. I've been on vacation/ a break, and haven't updated/read stories, so I have some busy times ahead. I want to say sorry for being a terrible person and making you wait so long.