Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders
We walked through two big double doors. I had my hand on Soda's shoulder the whole time. He leaned into me. I could feel him shaking. By now I was too. I wasn't sure if either of us was ready to see Ponyboy like that but we had to.
The ICU was probably the most depressing room on any floor but here it was so, I can't even explain it. There's something about a hurt kid that just kind of eats at you, you know; and there were a lot of sick kids here. I could see through the glass just how small some of them were too.
We reached the end of the hall and Soda let out a whimper. I felt my guilt eating at me even more. "Are you ready?"
Of course I wasn't ready. I would never be ready for this. I couldn't look at Pony knowing I caused this. I just couldn't. "Yes." I lied.
The doctor opened the door and walked in with us. I shook as I looked up. Ponyboy was on a hospital bed. There were tubes and wires everywhere. He looked so small and pale. There were IVs in both arms. The machines practically ate him up so that he looked, tiny fragile. He was so little in the bed.
I felt hot tears well into my eyes. How could he live, how could he be like this and live? It was my fault. I had put him there. I had run him off and now either way he was as good as dead.
"Ah, Pony." I heard Soda whisper silently to himself. "Pony…" His voice grew louder. He fell to his knees and started to shake. Soda was bawling and my heart was breaking. That little voice echoed louder and louder within me. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU DID THIS!" I gulped and knelt beside my brother.
"Its okay Pepsi. Just come on." I started to cry. I was loseing it. I was loseing it and there was nothing I could do. "We got, we need to be strong." I helped Soda up and turned him to look at me. His eyes were wide, haunted.
"I can't Darry. I…I can't stand to see him like that."
"YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS!"
I bit my lower lip. 'Come on little buddy. We got to." I took a deep breath trying to fight back more tears. "He needs us."
"He needs Sodapop. He doesn't need you. You did this to him. He'd hate you. You as good as killed him."
"Okay. I'll do it." Soda walked inaudibly to the bed and peered down at our brother. I walked to the end of the bed and just watched the two of them. I didn't dare touch Ponyboy. My hands had already done enough damage.
Soda gasped. "Awe, honey who would do this to you?"
"I did, I did this."
I turned my head away and shivered. I couldn't face them. Soda walked over to me and looked at the doctor. 'We can't hurt him, I mean if we touch him…."
"Not unless its intentional. Just be careful of the machines that they don't get unplugged." I could sense Soda nodding as he turned around to walk back to Ponyboy.
"Glory, Darry look at his hair." I turned around. My brother's head was wrapped in thick bandages, caked with blood. There was no hair poking through.
"We had to shave it off for the surgery. If he lives it will grow back"
Ponyboy has always been proud of his hair. I'll admit it is one of his best physical features. It was just one of many things I had taken from him. And to make things worse I could not shake that if he lived comment.
"I'll go get some of those antibotics."
"Thank you." I said gruffily as he walked out.
SODA"S POV
I looked down at Ponyboy. Man oh man he looked something awful. I grabbed his hand laced in IV lines and began to rub his palm with my thumb. I needed some contact some touch, some since that he was still real. I needed to know that he was alive and he was here.
I wanted to believe that he was okay that everything was fine. I knew I would be lying to myself but I have never needed a lie so badly in my life. I just sat there rubbing his hand.
"Hey honey. It's me…" I sucked in my breath. "its Sodapop. Everythings okay. Its going to be okay." My shoulders shook. This couldn't be happening, it shouldn't be happening. I turned around to look at Darry. He hadn't left his spot in the corner.
"Come on Darry you can't hurt him. I know he'd ask for you if he was awake." Darry said nothing just stared down at his shoes and shook his head.
"I've done enough damage already. He wouldn't want to see me."
I kissed Ponyboy's hand and let it go walking over to Darry. The guilt on his face was horrible. He thought this was his fault, his. He lost his temper but it wasn't him who put Pony in that fountain.
"Darry………"
"He doesn't need me Soda."
I put a hand on Darry's shoulder. "How can you say that Darry? Pony loves you. Of course he needs you."
"He's going to need you now more then ever." We both turned to look. The doctor had walked back in with a bag. He walked to Ponyboy's bedside and started to connect it to an IV in Pony's wrist.
"It's that bad?" I asked. I had only gotten the basic gest of what the doctor had told us earlier. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the smartest guy around and all this medical mumbo jumbo has thrown me through a loop.
"Yes Mr. Curtis, I'm afraid it is." He'd finished connecting the antibotics and was now walking over to us.
"Ponyboy has a significant head injury. He is in critical condition. His body has been under a great deal of stress and right now he is unable to fully sustain himself. Because of the brain injury he cannot control normal functions such as breathing or bodily excretions. We are currently doing that for him. If your brother lives there is a great deal of chance that he will spend the rest of his life hooked to these machines. He won't be able to take care of himself. He won't even be fully aware of what is going on. That is what being in a vegetative state entails and that is what the best case scenario is for your brother. Do you understand now?"
I nodded my head. 'Yes." But man oh man I wished that I hadn't.
Darry had been quiet this whole time. "Is there, is there any hope. Could he bounce back from this?" I was stunned to see he was crying. I hadn't seen Darry cry in front of me since we were kids. He cried when our parents died but never in front of me or Pony. The only reason I knew about this was I had heard him in the shower. He had just sat in there and sobbed and sobbed. Now he was doing it in front of me. I felt tears sting my own eyes.
"I really am sorry. We'll do some EKGs and other tests over the next few days but doesn't look promising."
"Thank-you." Darry said gruffly. He looked awful just awful. There were so many things in that look. Guilt, anger, sorrow I couldn't place them all but knew I felt them too.
"I'll leave you three alone now. Would you like a nurse to bring you some blankets and chairs? I know you haven't gotten very much sleep." And I was sure we wouldn't be inclined to get any more.
Darry nodded. 'Alright then. Take care." He left the room. I looked over at Pony. My smart, funny sensitive little brother hadn't moved a muscle. He looked asleep except that I knew he wasn't. He romped and rolled around too much when he was asleep for this to even look real.
I watched him laying there so still and wondered if the doctor was right. I wondered if Ponyboy was in there at all. Did he know we were here? Would he ever run track again, read a book, watch a sunset? Would live long enough for us to find out? I sighed and grabbed my head.
I hated these thoughts, just hated them.
* * * * * *
Darry's Pov
"Hello."
I looked up. A nurse came in carrying some blankets. "You both look like you could use some sleep."
I just nodded.
"Get some please. It won't do your brother any good if the both of you are in the next room with exsustion. Just let Doctor Faller do his job. I know he comes off a bit unoptimisitc side but he knows what he's doing. He's all facts and figures, he just likes to tell things the way they are. Itr makes famlies worry more but at least they know what is going on. Your brother is young and other weise healthy. Her might be just fine."
"Thanks."
She smiled at me and Soda and then left. Her words only m ade me feel worse some how. I looked at my younger brothers. Soda was whispering something to Ponyboy, tears streaming down his face.
"Glory what had I done."