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Soda
I turned my head from the doctor as he turned off the machines. I just looked at Ponyboy. He was so still.
"I'll be here watching."
I looked toward the monitor. I'd recognized by now what each thing means by now. His heart rate began to drop. My chest clinched and my stomach felt queasy. I sighed. Pony was leaving us, for good.
And then it happened. I heard Darry gasp. I looked at him. He was looking down. My eyes trailed to the spot where he was looking. My eyes widened. His chest was rising. Pony's chest was rising. He was breathing. Slowly but surely his breathing evened out.
I looked at the monitor. His heart rate, it was normal or I think it was.
"I was afraid of this." I turned to Doctor Hansen. Surely this was a good thing. Ponyboy was coming back. He was breathing on his own and he was going to wake up. He wanted to live.
"What do you mean you were afraid of this?" Darry asked letting go of our brother's hand and crossing his arms to his chest.
I just held onto Pony tighter. I'm right here, baby. I'm right here.
"He can now breathe on his own. I believe he may be emerging from his coma into a vegetative state. You were informed on his arrival that this was a possibility. Now we can't be sure, he may remain in his coma. He will still need feedings, if you decide to continue them. I suggest of course that he be removed."
'Wait you said he was getting better." I replied angrily
"Yes and no. In a vegetative state he will be conscious but he will not be aware. Nothing much will have changed."
"Then why did you have us do this huh?" I let go of Pony's hand. "You said he wouldn't suffer, this was for the best. Now look at him. He's still stuck.!"
Darry grunted, waiting for an answer. "This was a foreseeable possibility but highly improvable."
"Meaning…"
"He means that he knew it might happen but he didn't think it would."
I clinched my fist and muttered some words that my mother would have swiftly sent me to wash my mouth out for. Darry grunted again.
"Well, what do you want us to do huh? What are we going to do now? Do you want us to try killing him again? Do you want to let him waste away huh? Or better yet why don't we leave him there huh? Leave him there and then pretend you're trying to help. Because everything you've done has worked so well so far hasn't it?"
I panted. Darry came to my side. "Easy Soda." He whispered softly. His hands clinched on my shoulders. He was angry too. He was angry but he was in control. If Darry could, then I should be able to. I sighed.
Doctor Hansen put his arm up behind his head. He was frowning. "I am truly sorry to you both. I would never do anything to make the situation worse, not intentionally."
"So what do you suggest we do now?"
"You have a couple of options. You can remove the feeding tube. He will slowly eat up his fats and he will die. It is a far more uncomfortable way to go, if he can feel pain at all. Or you can continue the feedings and transfer him to a home. He'll have round the clock care. We can wait and see but I doubt improvement will be made."
Darry loosened his grip on me. "Which would you suggest? What would be best for Ponyboy?" He sounded upset, so upset. I know I just wanted to crawl up somewhere and die. This wasn't fare. Ponyboy shouldn't have to die and he shouldn't have to live his life in a bed like this not able to think, to dream. Oh Pony.
Doctor Hansen sighed. "I stand by my first decision?"
"Kill him?"
He nodded. "In simplest terms, yes. This is no life for a child to live."
"He'll be in pain." I said bluntly. "You said it will be harder on him then what we tried to do today."
"We'd be starving him, am I right?" Darry asked. Doctor Hansen nodded.
Darry walked over to Ponyboy. He just stood there and just looked at him, just stared. I saw him glance back at his hand. The guilt was eating at him.
"The feeding tube stays." I looked up at him. If he lived, if Pony lived he would be a prisoner in his own body. He would waste away. But if he died, starving to death was torture too. If he was breathing on his own, it meant something. Maybe that was Pony telling us that he wanted to stay. Maybe…….
I'm sorry if its crappy. I know I say that a lot but I do mean it.