Disclaimer- I do not own the Outsiders

Johnny

The nurses have helped me dress and for the first time in months I feel like a normal person even if my hair is cut short. I lift myself into the wheelchair, my transportation and my prison. I heave a sigh. I'm going home today and I am not sure how to feel about that.

Mom has come by a few times and I still can't really believe that she's my mom. My mom ignores me unless she's hacked, and then the whole neighborhood can hear her yell. My mom gets beat up by my old man when they fight. My mom drinks and doesn't take care of herself.

This mom is clean, neat and sober. She's nervous around me and doesn't k now what to say. All she does is apologies over and over again. She gives a crap. Her hair isn't oily and she's pretty. She smiles at me and cries. She is actually trying, for me. They are the same person but they are not. I can't wrap my head around it, too dumb I guess.

"Johnny?" I looked up. She was standing at the doorway. She licked her lips. She's sober. It's what I've always wanted, always. I've wanted my own family to care, to give a crap. I mean the gang is nice but they're not my parents.

"Hi mom."

"Are you ready?"

I just nod my head. I don't want to say anything wrong. I don't want to ruin this. I can't do anything right.

Mom smiled and walked over. She kneeled down so we were at eye level. "I'm going to try to make home better Johnny. I'm trying really hard." She lifted my chin so we were at eye level. "No more yelling no more fighting."

I smiled at her and she grabbed my hand. I wanted to recoil. Mom never touched me, not to hug, not to say good job. It was usually a hit. Mostly though, dad did the hitting. She gave it a squeeze and I sighed.

Darry

I nodded toward the nursing home. "Come on Soda." Soda bit his lip but followed me. He's starting to lose weight and his eyes have bags under them. He isn't smiling. I don't blame him. Seeing Pony this way, it's…….. It's hard, so hard.

I throw an arm over Soda's shoulders. "It's cold out here little buddy. Let's go get warmed up." He nods and we go into the home. It's downright depressing. There are old people everywhere and the walls are dreary. It smells funny. Soda sighs. I squeeze his shoulder and we go to the front desk to sign in,

"We're to see Ponyboy Curtis."

"Names?"

"Darrel and Sodapop, we are his brothers and I am his legal guardian."

"Sign here."

We sign and then we go to Pony's room. It is small but at least he doesn't have a roommate. Not an easy feet in a state run faculty, I think it's his age that clinched it for him.

He was awake just staring at the ceiling unfocused. The lights are on but my brother is not home, as Doctor Hansen put it. He is both aware and completely unaware of his surroundings. I glanced at Soda who was pale and shaky. He feels like I do.

At least he doesn't have to live with the guilt.

I walked over to Pony's bedside. His hair was a mess and he was pale and skinny. The track sweats that bounce fit him like a glove were as loose and baggy as if he were wearing my cloths, not his own.

Nothing has changed. He doesn't look like our Ponyboy anymore. Our Pony is getting to be handsome, "He's going to be stealing all the gals from me soon if we don't watch out." Soda had said once causing Pony to blush. Now he looks like a corpse and it's all my fault.

I shudder but force a smile. If by any chance my brother is aware, even a little, I don't want to scare him. "Hey buddy, sorry we didn't spend Thanksgiving with you." My throat is suddenly dry and my voice horse. I don't know what to say to him or if it does any good. I just can't live with myself. The moment I start treating him like an invalid is the moment that it feels permanent. I can't let that happen.

I am responsible for what happened to Ponyboy and I want rest until I make things right for my little brother.

I felt Soda walk over. He looked down at Pony and frowned. He looked close to tears. I sat on the bed and patted it. Soda joined me. "It'll be okay." I told him.

Soda shakes his head and he looks at Ponyboy. "How can you say that? Look at him Darry, look at him. It's not Pony anymore. He's gone. He's gone and we're keeping what's left of him. He can't go anywhere. We've trapped him Darry." Soda was sobbing. I pulled him into a hug. I'm not so great with affection but I've gotten better.

"Don't give up on him Pepsi-Cola, don't you go and give up on him. He's crazy about you. If you give up he might as well wave the white flag. Pony's a fighter; he's done so well so far because we've been there for him. If we give up on him he'll give up."

Soda tried to smile. "You sounded like dad."

Dad, I'm so sorry dad. I've failed you. "Well one of us has to."

Soda nodded and he grabbed Pony's hand. "Get better Pony, please get better."

I leaned over and messed up his hair, we locked eyes, Pony and me. Or I guess I locked eyes with him.

Two-Bit rolled his eyes. "Kid you're nuts. He messed up Pony's hair. Pony immediately took out a comb to fix it.

"Not the hair."

He was always very particular about his hair. At least that was one way I could help him. 'Soda give me your comb."

"Huh?"

"Give me your comb."

Soda cocked his head to the side but did as he was asked. I grabbed it and held Ponyboy up. He was stiff and ridged today. I sighed and began to comb his hair back. Soda let a cough. He looked awful.

I sighed and put Ponyboy back down. "That's at least a little improvement."

Sorry it took so long to update. There will be a few more chapters and then maybe, just maybe a sequel.