As always: Everything and anything related to the Twilight saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. This is a work of fiction based on her writings. No harm is meant by it.
Special thanks and much adoration to my beta Kelly.
"Sometimes, kismet happens."
~Bella Swan, Chapter 5, Cheater, New Moon, Stephenie Meyers
Chapter Twenty-Six: K is for Kismet
Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Edward couldn't even begin to count how many times those words had flown out of his mouth when he was growing up or how many times Bella had said them. For any little insult that he and Bella threw at each other, be it about that Bella's pajamas were funny looking or that Edward was starting to grow a mustache, the words were quickly shouted, screamed, taunted, or any variation possible and then they would laugh.
Insults were always so easily thrown about when Edward and Bella were children. It wasn't odd for one of them to call the other a loser or when they were kids they would sprout out long, convoluted insults about being supersonic disconnected idiots and what not, but as kids it never really meant much. They were just petty little insults; even when the insults were a little bit too personal they were still juvenile diatribes.
Emmett had always been the one when they were younger who would take the insults too far. In elementary school, it had been stupid little things like Edward still wetting the bed when he was ten even though it was false. When it came to insulting Bella, Emmett always targeted her lack of interaction with kids, going so far as calling her a social pariah though at seven the word choice went a little more like, "Bella has cooties that's why she doesn't talk to anyone."
When they got older, Emmett started targeting the two of them and the close relationship they had. He would make lewd comments, usually garnering odd looks from all of their friends because everyone knew that Edward and Bella were just friends. They would all scoff and brush it aside knowing that anything he was saying about the two 'bumping uglies' was falser than the breasts on a porn star.
Though there had always been one person that thought Edward and Bella would end up together: Angela Weber. Countless times, she had made little comments about how the two were made for each other. That fate had brought them together, that it was written in the stars. She would make remarks about how they would finish each other's sentences and knew exactly what the other wanted to do by just looking at them. When the two would argue that all best friends could do that, Angela would shake her head and roll her eyes, saying they were just fighting it.
When Angela had heard the story of how they met because of Bella's mother at the supermarket, she had laughed out loud and shouted, "You see, that's fate". Edward could never forget the look on Angela's face as she said it. "That's kismet, you guys. Stuff like that doesn't happen without reason. You two are meant to be with each other."
Those words always resonated with Edward, but he had never really given it much thought until now, as he watched Bella tearing from across the room.
"We need to talk."
Edward kept repeating the four words in his head as he stumbled back onto the bed. Four words had never sounded more daunting and ominous in his entire life. In his head he heard them like a haunting symphonic tune, violins blaring and organ pounding, as he watched Bella slowly and timidly came to sit beside him.
"We need to talk about us."
His mind raced as he sat down on the soft mattress. He couldn't even begin to conjure up all the possibilities of the conversation, the directions it could go, what would be said. He could think of two, and only two and neither one was good. Neither one of them involved a remotely decent conclusion. The end was all Edward could imagine. This is the end, he kept thinking. I've lost her forever.
The tension in the room was thick, palpable really; it was suffocating and he could tell it wasn't just him that it was affecting. It hung heavy in the air and affected Edward in a way he couldn't describe. It almost felt like a dark cloud was looming over the two of them.
He had never felt this nervous. He couldn't even remember a time where he had felt this kind of anxiety. Not even when he was on his way home had it been as bad as it was right then, but he knew it wasn't just him. He could see the nerves reeking havoc in Bella as well.
All his nerves were shot, the synapses firing away agitatedly. Every part of his body had sparked to life; every part trembled in its own way. His hands shook in his lap and his left knee bounced uncontrollably. There was a lump in his throat and he knew that at any moment he could lean over and throw up with ease. All the pain, all the nerves would be released but not calmed.
He looked down at himself and wasn't even fazed by the fact that he was still naked, while Bella was dressed in the tiny camisole and boy shorts she had been wearing when he walked in earlier. Realization kicked in that he had only been home a few hours and already the shit had hit the fan.
Even now, looking like a nervous wreck, Bella looked stunning. Her hair was tangled, the sure sign that his fingers had been carded in the soft wavy locks, her face was flushed, and her posture was atrocious. She was hunched over herself, her shoulders sagging forward in a despondent manner, but regardless of it all she still looked absolutely beautiful to him.
For five minutes, the two stared at each other and anywhere else in the room when they caught the other one looking. The moment one realized they were discovered, their eyes would dart to an insignificant piece of furniture, or in Edward's case the Mariner's shirt discarded on his dresser. He wondered if Bella had worn it while he was away, and for a brief moment a wistful smile played on his face at the thought of the large, navy blue shirt covering her.
The few times that Edward had been able to stare at Bella, to actually look at her without her noticing, he could see the trepidation in her eyes; he knew the look all too well. She too was nervous.
The natural instinct was to comfort her, to ask what was wrong, to wrap his arms around her and make her feel better, make her laugh, make her forget what it was they had to talk about, but he knew he couldn't. He was the reason for the distress and worry splayed across her face. He was the reason for her pain.
And it killed him.
"What about us?" Edward asked, finally mustering up the courage, swallowing his nerves as best he could. The sudden outpouring of sound in the absolute silent room startled Bella.
Again, the natural instinct to comfort her kicked in but again, he couldn't. This too had been his fault.
"Bella, please say something," Edward pleaded as she remained stoic, soundless tears streamed down her cheeks. For a moment, he watched entranced as a tear drop hung on her chin before slipping down onto her thigh.
"I don't know what to say…where to start," she whispered and the knot in Edward's chest pulsed and expanded.
"Take your time," Edward stuttered out now feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. It almost felt like his body itched in discomfort. He leaned over the side of his bed and picked up his underwear from the floor and slipped them on.
"We…" Bella began, stopping as Edward looked at her fretfully. A sob ripped through her and this time Edward threw caution to the wind and grabbed her hand. He rubbed the pad of his thumb along the top, feeling the ridges of knuckles and the softness of her skin that he adored so much.
"We what Bells? We what?" he frantically begged, tightening the hold on Bella's hand, silently rejoicing when she gripped it back just as hard.
"It just hurts too much," she confessed and Edward looked at her in shock. He didn't know what was going on with her and it was frightening him. He always had a handle on her emotions, but now he was confused, especially since it had something to do with him.
"What hurts, Bella? What? You're not telling me anything!" he groaned as he sunk to his knees. He now sat in front of Bella as she still remained seated at the foot of the bed. Both of her hands were now in his, and they were resting against her knees. Edward swallowed deeply as he felt the jostling of her knees under his hands. They were shaking worse than his had been.
"This," she replied, moving their arms in a motion that pointed to both of them, but never once unlocking their hands. "We can't do this anymore, Edward, this stupid game. We should have never started it."
"Okay," he whispered, still holding onto Bella, but now he sunk his body down onto the backs of his feet. "But tell me why? Give me a legitimate reason as to why we have to stop?" The knot in his chest felt larger and suddenly it ruptured, painfully. Edward felt like his world was spinning off its axis. He couldn't stop. He needed her, all of her. He needed to be able to wake up and see her face and feel her body against his.
"Because it hurts," Bella screeched as she pulled herself away from Edward and stood up and walked to the corner of the room. "It fucking hurts Edward. I can't do this anymore."
Edward rushed off the floor and leapt across the bed to get to Bella. Gripping her by the shoulders he turned her around to face him. Bella's arms were wrapped around herself and Edward hands swiftly clasped her biceps gently as if he were afraid that she would break. The movement caused Bella's arms to hang limply by her side.
"Bella? Why?" he tired to goad an answer of out of her by gently cooing, whispering that everything would be alright, but Bella ignored him.
"Everything will not be alright," she yelled as she tore herself out of Edward's arm. "You don't get it, Edward! Of course you don't. I knew you wouldn't."
"Get what, Bella?" Edward frustratingly huffed as he pulled at the roots of his hair. "I don't know what you're trying to say. Why do we have to stop this?"
"Because it's too much," she conceded, slumping back down onto the bed.
"What is too much, Bella? You're not letting me in. Let me in."
Edward sank back down onto the floor in front of Bella, again grabbing her smaller hands in his.
"I can't do this anymore…I can't wake up knowing…" she sobbed mid-sentence and stopped. Edward comforted her by gently rubbing her hand.
"You can't wake up knowing what, Bella? Let me in love. Just let me in. Tell me what's wrong."
Bella stared at him, her eyes red from crying, and again her head fell forward as another series of sobs raked her lithe body. The whole ordeal was painful for Edward to watch because he couldn't do anything about it. This was his entire fault, and there was nothing he could do to stop the tears from falling or the pain from escalating.
"Don't call me that," she defiantly whispered, and Edward tilted his head, confused.
"Call you what Bella?" he asked and she scoffed.
"Of course you don't even realize you're doing it," she whimpered. "Don't call me love, and not mean it."
"But I do mean it," he countered and Bella again scoffed.
"I can't keep this doing…I can't wake up knowing that when this whole charade is over, we're gonna go back to being just friends. That's all we'll ever be, just friends. Isn't it?" she mumbled but Edward still managed to hear her.
"Just friends," he repeated the words out loud and immediately Edward felt a sharper pain in his chest. It was almost unbearable. The two words ripped through his heart like gun shots.
"Yeah Edward," Bella answered timidly and the room grew silent, neither saying a word until Edward crawled across the floor and collected the fallen pieces of paper and collected them all back into the hat. Swiftly he stood up and walked toward Bella holding the hat out towards her, and watched as her eyes widened in fear.
"Pick a letter, Bella," Edward whispered and Bella shook her head no.
"Pick a letter, Bella," he repeated and again Bella shook her head. This time she began to cry and Edward knelt down to her.
"Pick a letter, love."
"Don't call me that, Edward," Bella hiccupped through her tears.
"Please pick a letter, Bells," Edward insisted moving the hat towards her but she shook him off, pushing his hand away.
"I can't Edward. Were you not listening to anything I just said? I can't keep playing this stupid game."
Edward hung his head down and looked up at Bella through his lashes for a brief moment before returning his gaze to the wool hat in his hand. He looked back up at Bella with a hint of a smile and pulled out a letter.
"I guess it'll be my turn," he announced and Bella's jaw dropped.
"Edward! I can't-" she begun to say but was cut off by Edward's lips. He swooped up, placed his hands against her cheeks and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. His intentions were to actually kiss her but Bella roughly shoved him away.
"Why would you hurt me like this?" Bella asked and Edward shook his head.
"Do you honestly think that I don't feel the same way Bella? Do you really think I'm so cold-hearted? This is no longer a game to me; it hasn't been for a while now. Haven't you noticed? I've tried to break everyone single one of your rules as quickly I could. Bella Swan, I love you," Edward confessed staring up at her, watching as a light flashed before her wide eyes.
"What?" she asked breathlessly.
"I love you, Bells."
"Really?"
"Do you actually honestly have to ask that?"
Edward watched as the tiniest hint of a smile started to tug at the sides of Bella's lip. Her eyes began to clear up and breathing began to even out into a steadier rhythm.
"So, no what?" she asked and Edward smiled brightly at her, though there was a hint of pain behind it. Though he confessed to her, she hadn't said it back. Yes, he reasoned that Bella had confessed to wanting more than their just friend's relationship, but she hadn't told him that she loved him back. He could assume that she did, but he wanted to hear it as selfish as it sounded.
"I don't know, but we'll continue playing the game until we reach the end, and then we'll see where we go from there."
"I think you just want just want to keep having 'kinky' sex," Bella teased, quoting Emmett's comments earlier. Edward chuckled as he sat down next to Bella and placed an arm around her. He was happy that she was feeling better, but Edward couldn't help the bitterness he felt at not hearing 'I love you' back. He didn't want to pry or sound needy by asking her to say it, so he remained quiet and acted like things were fine because if he thought about it, they kind of were.
"Can you blame me? I'm used to having mind-blowing sex all the time now. It's your fault, you know," he joked and Bella giggled. Edward silently rejoiced; it was nice for things to be as they had been, sort of.
"But to be serious, Edward? Where does this leave us? What are we?"
"We're two friends who have been far too stupid to see what was right in front of us for the last twenty years?" he stated though it sounded much like a question instead of an affirmation.
"But what now?"
"I don't know," Edward answered. "Let's just see where this all takes us. Besides, I have this lovely little piece of paper here that promises to be a lot of fun," he badgered, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. The mood in the room was lighter now, but there was still a hint of tension that Edward was slowly trying to deteriorate.
"So we're really going to go through with this?" Bella turned to face him completely, and Edward nodded. "Are we gonna abide by the rules?"
"What rules?" Edward replied, smugly. "You said 'fuck the rules', and if I remember correctly you said 'all the rules'."
"I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass," Bella chuckled, her eyes no longer red, and Edward smiled hearing her laugh, though he was still upset with himself.
"Do you want to go back to how things were at the beginning of the game?"
"No!" Bella responded quickly. "No, never."
"Good, because that no kissing rule was killing me. You have no idea," Edward groaned as he leaned forward pulling Bella in for a sweet kiss.
"Me too," she mumbled against his lips as her fingers slipped into his hair.
"What letter did you get?" she asked breaking their kiss.
"K," he replied, staring into her eyes. "Though to be fair, K is really your letter since it's your turn."
"Well, I think I'll take K. I already know what I want to do," she giggled and Edward's heart skipped a beat. Bella was happy, or so it appeared that way, and for now he would do whatever it would take to keep that going. He didn't want to see her pain anymore, ever, if he could help it.
"What then?" he asked as he felt Bella straddled him and push him down by his shoulder. He lay flat on the bed looking up at her and smiled. This was everything he could ever ask for, this was his fate, his kismet, and it was fucking beautiful.
Bella didn't say anything, but she moved the hair on Edward's forehead aside, and she bent forward and kissed his forehead. She then moved her lips down to his left cheek and along his jaw before finally kissing him.
"This," she spoke against his lips. "This is all I want to do." Edward grinned as pulled her closer, latching his arms around her waist and holding her close to him as they kissed.
It was all they did that day. They kissed like a pair of teenagers back in high school, too afraid to take things to the next level. When Edward thought about it, it was pretty fitting to their current situation.
He knew that he should be concerned with where their relationship was headed. What were they? Were they in a relationship, the dating kind? Or were they still just friends with the added benefits? He didn't know.
He knew he should be worried about how Bella was feeling, hell he should be concerned with how he was feeling, but at that moment he didn't care as Bella's lips moved against his in a gentle motion.
This moment was perfection, everything he could have asked for and more.
Sometimes, kismet happens, Edward thought as his hands snaked along Bella's spine, too afraid to stop kissing her for fear that it would stop for good.