More Psychopaths, Oh Joy:
The gods stood there and screamed like idiots for five minutes. The psycho with goat hooves just stood there holding his chainsaw in the air. It whirred menacingly but didn't come crashing down on anybody's head.
Hermes tapped Athena on the shoulder, "Is he dead?" He asked nervously.
Suddenly Prometheus and Atlas appeared out of nowhere, literally. Everybody blinked.
"Good job Pan!" Prometheus congratulated. Atlas discreetly slipped a few hundred dollar bills into the murder's pocket. The chainsaw wielding psycho dropped his chainsaw and pushed down his hockey mask. He had a scraggly beard and big green eyes. Protruding from his long russet hair were small goat horns.
Demeter squealed, "You're Pan, god of the wild and panic?! I'm your biggest fan! I've got your face tattooed on my butt!" She widened her eyes crazily, "Wanna see?"
Hermes put his hands over his eyes, "TMI! TMI!" Pan held up his hands and backed away slowly. Then he turned and bolted.
Athena pushed past Hermes, "What is this all about?" She demanded in her man voice.
Prometheus clapped his hands together, "We wanted to see your reactions in the face of danger, so we devised a plan."
"So you were just messing with us?" Artemis asked astounded. There was absolutely no point to this at all?
"I knew it!" Hermes exclaimed. Athena rolled her eyes.
"Plus mortal peril kept you out of our hair for a little while," Atlas grumbled, "It gave us enough time to bring in the new brats."
Athena raised her eyebrows, "What new brats?" She asked suspiciously. After the war the twelve Olympians had been taken prisoner and sent to this camp. But there were other gods out there. Most the Titans didn't care about like Eros and Pan. Others had to go into hiding like Nike, Amphitrite, Nemesis, etc.
Prometheus waved toward the woods, "Bring in the armored car boys!" A large armored car came crashing out of the woods, smashing trees all the way. Demeter fainted in horror.
It screeched to a stop in front of Athena and Artemis. The back door flew open revealing a teenage couple. The boy had straight dark hair hanging in front of his brooding face. His baggy pants sagged despite his spiked belt. On his right hand he wore brass knuckles.
The girl, on the other hand, wore a bright flowery sundress and a pair of sandals. Her long reddish brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was engaged in a fierce argument with the boy.
"It's all your fault!" She yelled.
The boy clenched his fist, "That's bull Persephone! If you hadn't pulled that claustrophobia nonsense we wouldn't have gotten caught in the first place!"
Persephone was aghast, "How dare you accuse me Hades! It just so happens that I am claustrophobic! I hate you!"
"I hate you too!" Hades shouted.
Then they embraced in a tight hug and kissed each other passionately. A little bird flew over their heads and a deer leaped nimbly next to them.
Persephone pulled away gasping, "I love you!" She exclaimed.
"I love you too Persephone!" Hades cried, "Let's never fight again!" Then they hugged once more.
The driver of the armored car got out and shook his head, "They've been like that for miles," he grumbled. He wore a tight muscle shirt and a pair of khakis. He was almost as buff as Atlas.
"You'll be paid extra Iapetus," Prometheus sighed, "But I recall you saying you found three outlaws."
Iapetus looked nervous. Pushing Persephone and Hades out of the way, he crawled into the back of the car. He grunted and pulled out a large steel bow with a couple of air holes drilled in. He set it on the ground gently.
"Step back," he warned, Hermes whimpered and hid behind Poseidon who hid behind Athena.
Iapetus unscrewed the bolts and the front of the box fell open. All the gods flinched and took an involuntary step back. Standing inside the box was… a little girl with red pigtails clutching her hands sweetly.
"Hi! I'm Hestia and I like to burn stuff!" She introduced happily. She batted her eyelashes angelically.
Prometheus stared at her skeptically. She beamed cheerfully, showing off her baby teeth.
"I've never had a cavity!" She exclaimed as if she had read his mind. He blinked.
Iapetus patted Prometheus on the back, "Watch that one," he warned grimly.
Prometheus sighed, "Er…okay then. From now on Hestia and Persephone are on the Fantastic Freaks and Hades is on the X-Losers."
"That's not fair!" Hera protested.
"Life's not fair! Get used to it!" Atlas screamed. Athena was lost in thought. What about the weird curse/prophecy? Hades counted as a visit from death she supposed. The Raging Boar thing was just for theatrics sake but what about one of them leaving?
Team Fantastic Freaks: Zeus, Hermes, Ares, Demeter, Athena, Hephaestus, Persephone, and Hestia
Team X-Losers: Poseidon, Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, Apollo, Artemis, and Hades
***
Hades sat down on his bunk bed. He glared at the world. Poseidon and Apollo cowered behind a chair. Dionysus had passed out a couple of hours ago on the floor.
Hades growled and reached out into his pocket. He pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a large box around his bunk. Then he broke the piece of chalk and threw it in Poseidon's face.
"This is my personal space! If anybody goes into my personal space they're dead!" He yelled.
Artemis sighed, "More psychopaths, oh joy."
***
The campfire that night was interesting to say the least. Hermes kept scooting next to Hades.
Hades growled, "Are you trying to be funny? Because I don't find it amusing."
Hermes stared in awe, 'You're my hero. That's why I took the job of guiding souls into the Underworld. I want to be tough like you."
Hades looked at Hermes threateningly, "Drop. Dead."
Hestia skipped toward the fire circle, "Hi!" She said cheerfully. But the moment she caught sight of the flames. Her grin changed into a grotesque smile. She grabbed a branch and plunged it into the fire, "Ha ha ha ha!" She laughed evilly.
Wielding her makeshift torch Hestia ran in the direction of the main buildings, "I will burn this place to the ground!" She screamed maniacally.
The gods, though shocked, made no move to stop her. Why would they care if the camp burned down?
Prometheus sprang to his feet, "Get her Atlas! Get her!" He ordered, losing a little of his cool. It seemed as if being defeated by a six year old would be the ultimate defeat.
Atlas sprang to his feet and ran after Hestia. Even after they faded from view you could still hear Hestia's demonic laughter. Prometheus took a note pad out of his pocket and jotted down; Make sure to keep Hestia FAR AWAY from fire, matches, gasoline, anything flammable, etc. Then he tried to put on a mask of false cheerfulness.
"I have an important announcement to make!" He announced. Just them a brilliant explosion lit up the darkening sky.
"Wow, a mushroom cloud," Artemis remarked.
"Hestia probably got too close to the latrine," Athena figured, "There's enough fumes in there to create that kind of explosion."
Prometheus's right eye twitched but he continued with his speech, "Anyway, when we made up the whole prophecy thing part of it was actually true. One of you does have to leave."
The evening air was filled suddenly with shouts of, "Pick me! Pick me!" and, "If you don't release me from this abhorrent camp I will personally skin you alive," (three guesses who).
Prometheus held up his hands, "That's not exactly what I'm talking about," he said hastily, "Let's just say that there's this job that no one else wants to do. So we need one of you to do it."
"There's a catch isn't there?" Athena interrupted. Nothing was free in this world except the things you didn't want.
"There's actually a lot of catches," Prometheus responded, "One of them is that the person who has to do the job needs to be a bumbling moron."
Everyone looked pointedly at Hermes who just stared back blankly.
"Is there something in my teeth?" He asked, blinking.
AN: Longest chapter yet! I've gotten a lot of reviews saying that there were similarities between this and the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. I personally love that series. I have written two fanfics for it. But I'm not really seeing anything similar besides the Greek Mythology aspect and possibly Mr. D (who was banished to camp in the PJO series) who is notably drunk in my story. If anything I would think that this story shares a lot of similarities with Total Drama Island. That is actually just a coincidence, I swear. And the review asking why the gods act like teenagers… I don't know. It is a parody after all. But I'll probably figure some reason out later.
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