Dawn of the Dimwits
"So your plan is for everyone to act stupid and then the one with the most dense gets out of this place?" Athena inquired. Some of the less intelligent gods had sought out Athena for confirmation that their scheme was foolproof. They were not getting that said confirmation.
"Uh-huh, isn't it great?" Apollo asked enthusiastically. Soon he would finally be able to get out of this place and hook up with that nymph again. And that mortal girl as well.
"No," Athena snorted. There was no way that she would ever participate in this.
Apollo's face fell. Aphrodite pursed her lips in what she knew was a cute pout.
"Why not?" Poseidon asked confused. He thought it was a great plan. Even better than the time he planned on choosing the city of Athens for his own. Wait a minute…
"Because everyone knows that Hermes is going to be the one who gets out," Athena said gesturing at Hermes who was sitting in front of the dying fire of the latrine; Hestia had burned down many things last night, staring in awe.
"Pretty lights…" He muttered.
"Er, you may be right Athena," Poseidon remarked. He was about two IQ points above Hermes.
"Right about what?" Artemis asked, walking over to join the crowd.
"That if anybody leaves this dumb place it will be Hermes," Athena explained quickly.
Hermes blinked and turned away from the embers, "Leave? Salir? Αφήνω? Laisser? Eavelay? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He ran away screaming at the top of his lungs until he faded from view.
Apollo nodded, "Yep, he's going to win."
Poseidon sighed, "Amnday."
***
Hermes banged his fist against the door of the clinic. He had to see the love of his life.
Calypso peered out the peep hole, "Unless you're dying I'm not letting you in," she said roughly. She so did not need this. Ares coming in and out of this place was bad enough. She didn't need the original Looney Tune too.
Hermes clutched his heart, "I'm dying of love for you!"
"Your heart is on the other side of your chest," Calypso said sarcastically.
Hermes hastily repositioned his hand, "I knew that!"
Calypso sighed and still didn't open the door, "Why are you here?"
Hermes heaved a great sigh, "It seems, my beloved that fate works in mysterious ways. My kin is under the impression that I shall soon be departing this land. How I wish I didn't have to leave thee. I am a man who is not in control of his destiny. Even though he has found a woman whose beauty overpowers even Aphrodite, whose melodious trilling voice sounds sweeter than bird song. Only a fool could not fall in love with such a perfect creature. Oh woe is me! Alas, I cannot be with the woman who holds my heart!"
There was a long silence. Hermes was trying to catch his breath after his long speech. Calypso took a deep breath and let out all her feelings.
"Yes!!!!!!!!"
***
"I hope you're not participating in the act!" Persephone exclaimed. She had just learned about Apollo, Aphrodite, and Poseidon's scheme and was absolutely against it.
"Of course not. I will not pretend for this pack of…" Hades trailed off, muttering obscenities under his breath.
Persephone threw her arms around him, "If you left you would miss me right?" She wheedled.
"Of course I would. But I'm not leaving."
"I love you," Persephone giggled.
"I love you more," Hades said lovingly.
"No, I love you more," Persephone said forcefully, frowning.
"I love you more! Now get that through your thick skull!" Hades yelled.
Persephone put her hands to her face, "I hate you!" She sobbed and ran off into the woods. Hades ran after her.
"I love you Persephone!" He yelled, catching up to her in the clearing that had been made by Hephaestus and Zeus's fight a while ago.
She sat down on a piece of hacked off branch, "Really?" she sniffled.
"Of course, I love you more than words can explain," Hades gushed.
Persephone threw her arms around him (again), "I love you too!"
"I love you more."
"No I love you way more."
"I said I love you the most!"
***
Demeter hung upside down from a tree growing near the mess hall, "Are you pretending to be an idiot Hera? I heard Aphrodite, Apollo and Poseidon were."
Hera sat on the stairs leading up to the mess hall door, painting her toes. She smirked, "As if! All I have to say is may the best imbecile get the heck out of here."
Demeter swung back and forth, "I'm betting Poseidon's going to win."
"My money is on Hermes. Did you see him running around last night in his underwear singing Christmas carols with the lyrics rearranged?" Hera remarked rolling her eyes.
"Jingle bells
Atlas smells
Demeter grew some hay
Poseidon always controls the tide
And Hades stays away
Hey!"
Demeter sang. Hestia skipped up to them, pigtails bouncing. A few chipmunks and other small furry rodents danced around her. Hera raised a thin eyebrow.
"Hi guys!" Hestia chirped, "What are you doing?" A robin perched upon her shoulder and belted out a tune.
"Watching a Snow White rip-off," Demeter replied coolly.
"Painting my nails?" Hera said uncertainly.
Suddenly the chipmunks didn't look so sweet. Their fur stood on ends and a few started foaming at the mouth. The robin screed harshly.
Hestia's face turned into an expression of utter insanity, "You know nail polish is flammable right?"
Demeter pulled out a water bottle, "Back! Back!"
Hestia hissed and drew back quickly. The chipmunks ran off in all different directions.
As Hestia slunk away she pointed threateningly at Demeter, "Your precious H2O can't protect you forever! If I were you I would be sleeping with my eyes open."
She ran off, laughing insanely at the thought. Hera and Demeter shared a frightened glance. The robin flew over Hera's head and… splat.
***
"Are you guys ready to act stupid?" Apollo asked enthusiastically.
"I was born ready!" Poseidon said seriously. Than he blinked, "Do you ever get the feeling that somewhere, people are laughing at you?"
"I get the feeling that somewhere, people are envying me," Aphrodite said winking at an imaginary camera.
"You're ready!" Apollo yelled.
AN: Sorry for the late update! Computer problems. Also, apparently my Greek mythology book lied and the metal that could kill gods was not adamanteum but adamant. Oh well, adamanteum sounds better.