Disclaimer: I do not own anything. At all. Still trying to incorporate little bits of what is happening in my life.
He slammed closed his book on the cafe table. A few people turned around aggravated at the noise, but quickly recovered and went back to their lives. He smiled apologetically at them and looked down at his book. It wasn't enough distraction for him. He needed music, something drown out his thoughts. He pulled his IPod out of his left pocket and plugged the headphones, blocking the life going on around him.
The first song that popped up was a jazz song that she told him she listened to all the time. She replied that she actually enjoyed jazz music with lots of trombone and piano. He told her that he wasn't the type for that kind of music. It was to all over the place for him. But here he was listening to Miles Davis, tapping his feet to the beat. He had to admit it, there was a charisma to this music that he couldn't find in the posh punk-rock ballads he always found himself singing in the showers. He liked the springiness of it, it reminded him of her.
She was at the hospital now, about to have a gorgeous baby that will no doubt look just like her. He shook his head in disbelief in frustration. He really couldn't believe she was having baby. It only felt like a few days ago that it was his first time meeting her. She was engaged then too, and he just couldn't picture her being married to that guy. He could picture her with baby though. she had that maternal thing about her. He told her that several times before. Even before she got pregnant or married he told her she was mom. She had this nurturing way about her and he could easily see her wiping some baby's chin or cradling an infant close to her.
The song ended and he opened eyes again. Another senseless pop-rock song bursted into his headphones and he quickly changed the song. The song that cam one hit him like poppy piano and guitar quartet in the form of The Hush Sound. He paused it. The song that came on was "City Traffic Puzzle." He had this song repeat when he saw them holding hands. He sang it constantly when he found she was getting married. He tried forgetting it every day when he found out she was pregnant. It was the refrain that really got him. He hit the play button again and found himself that listening to family piano keys.
The refrain came at him extremely too fast. He remembered what made this song so painful to him.
"I don't want to love you if love leaves me this cold
I don't want to love you if love is this alone"
Hearing those words, the temp realized how much they meant o him, how much they reminded him of her. He tapped his foot to the beat to try to get the thoughts out of head as he listened to the next words.
"Silence couldn't stop the sound
The news and gossip got around
A whisper here whisper there
I do but don't know why I care"
This song was about him. It was about him wanting her and being afraid of wanting her. It was him knowing he could not have her.
What a pathetic temp he was. He had to stop doing this. He couldn't just stay here and wallow in his pity. That was not who he was. He was better than that. Once upon a time he even believed he was better than her. He knew it could never be true but he had to redeem himself someone how. But he humbled himself, and that made him the better person. Yeah. He could do this. Just walk away and forget he ever liked (loved) her. He was stronger than that.
At that exact moment, his phone went off with a text message. It was from his girlfriend (not really his girlfriend, just a girl friend). It read
OMG!! They named her Cecelia Marie! So cute 3
He slumped back in his seat. So, she arrived. He suddenly wasn't feeling so confident again.