Disclaimer: We own Doctor Who. However, in this Universe, every time your computer breaks, you have to throw it out and get a new one. And they break every time you throw them. We've already had enough computer problems in our own Universe, thanks, so we're off to find a Universe with magic computers that never break.

Never Quite Simple

Chapter 2:

Joshua buried his face in his hands and shook, hard. Rose, who didn't know for sure what else to do, just wrapped herself around him from behind, her head resting between his shoulder blades, and tried to offer him whatever comfort she could.

"I'm sorry," he kept whispering. "I'm so sorry. Romana... I'm sorry."

He remembered. Rose had seen him wake from his nightmares before, knew he usually had no idea what had happened to him in the horrific dream-world that his mind made to torment him. Tonight, however, he knew, and Rose was afraid she wouldn't be able to help him.

She felt completely lost when he detached himself from her suddenly, bolted to his feet, and started to restlessly pace up and down the length of the hotel room. An agitated sort of anger was written all over his face. "What're you thinkin'?" he demanded abruptly.

Rose started. He hadn't spoken to her like that in months. In her astonishment, she couldn't answer him, and he made a noise of disgust and started muttering under his breath. She stood up and waited in the line of his pacing where he would have no choice but to deal with her. Arms wrapped around herself defensively, she felt very stupid and very, very young, but she wasn't going to let him know any of that. "Joshua," she said, when he moved to walk around her anyway. "You don't have to say anything, but please let me help."

"There's nothin' to help with," he grated out. "Nothin' at all."

"I... I don't understand."

Joshua snorted and shot her a grim, angry look. "Ya wouldn't," he snapped.

"You're right," Rose agreed. Sinking into a chair, defeated, she stared out the window at the Eiffel Tower. "I love you," she whispered. "I don't have to understand to want to help you."

Looking even more weary and defeated than Rose felt, Joshua sank into the chair across from her. "I want a drink," he muttered.

"I know," Rose agreed. She wasn't about to tell him he couldn't have one - that would almost certainly guarantee he'd go out and drink Paris under the table. That was one thing she knew for sure about her Joshua. He was almost always able to handle a challenge.

"S'not worth it," he added. "C'mon."

Rose nodded and stood up. "Where are we going?"

"Back to London," he said. "I..." He stopped, looked in revulsion out at the Eiffel Tower. Then, he looked at her, doubt and shadows making him look every minute of his age and then some.

"No, that's fine," Rose said calmly. "Give me time ta get some things done before work on Monday, anyway."

She immediately set about gathering their things, not so sure this was a good idea but unwilling to force him to endure one more minute of this city if it was causing him such terrible pain. While she worked, Joshua might have been watching her or he might have been glowering out at the city. Rose didn't know. She didn't dare look at him.

She'd been looking forward to this. Not because they didn't spend enough time together - they did, but there were always distractions and responsibilities, and there was the slight awkwardness because she'd only been living with Joshua for a week now.

She wanted to spend time with him, alone with just them, without the phones and her friends showing up and her mum asking loaded questions. She loved her friends and her mother, but sometimes it was difficult to choose who needed her more at any given minute.

The hotel room door slammed closed with a heavy thud. Rose startled, gaping at it in astonishment. She ran to the door, intent to tear after Joshua, but there was a note taped to it just at her eye level.

"Get some sleep," the nearly illegible scrawl read. "I'll be back."

Right, like she could possibly sleep like this.

Rose sank down into the chair next to the window, the note in her hand, and wondered what to do. She couldn't find him if he didn't want to be found, that much was certain, not here. She didn't speak one fucking word of French and speaking English would only get her in the locals' bad graces.

Was this what would happen, then? Every time she wasn't enough to keep the nightmares away, would he run? And if he ran, why couldn't she run with him?

Determinedly dry-eyed, Rose curled up into a ball on the chair and waited.

Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart was pulled out of a sound sleep by a ringing phone. He had no idea why, but the end of the world couldn't get through to him if he was asleep. Only three sounds had any chance - the TARDIS because she was louder than just about anything on Earth, his wife's voice saying his name for a lot of very good reasons, and the ringing phone because he was a soldier and he was always ready to take the call.

He answered on the second ring, taking the phone out into the hallway so as not to disturb Doris. The voice on the other end of the line was harsh and Northern and utterly devastated. "How many?"

"Joshua?" Lethbridge-Stewart was incredulous to hear from his nephew at this time of night, and in this state of mind. "What's happened, son?" He'd hoped that nights like this were over.

"How many friends am I gonna suddenly remember I got killed? D'you know?"

The Brigadier stared at the phone, wondering if this might be his own waking nightmare. "Joshua, what's happened to you?"

"Jus' answer the question, Uncle Alistair. I just remembered... I can't even remember her face, you know that? But now I know I killed her. Who else?"

The Brigadier took a deep breath. "This isn't the sort of thing for a phone call, Joshua. Where are you?"

There was a pause and then the sound of a clearing throat. Please don't let him be drinking again, Alistair thought. It would devastate Doris and Rose and he didn't think it would do much for him or Harry or even John, either. "In Paris," Joshua said at last. "I forgot. We came here... her and me. Some mess with the Mona Lisa and..." The voice changed from frustrated to angry. "And I can't remember!!"

"Do you want me to come to you?" the Brigadier offered hesitantly. "I can be there in the morning, if you like."

There was a chuff of exasperation. "No, I... I just want it ta stop." Joshua let out an explosive breath. "Why'm I still alive?"

"I don't know, son," the Brigadier admitted grimly. "Why are any of us? We just have to keep trying to do the right thing, to be better than we were last time."

Joshua's voice broke. "What's the right thing, then? 'Cuz I can't see it from here."

The Brigadier shook his head and shoved open the door to Joshua's room. "I don't believe that, son. I really don't. If anyone, ever, knew what the right thing was, I think it's you. I've always been able to count on that about you - that'll you'll try to your last to save what can be saved." He remembered how many times the Doctor still wouldn't give up, even when things seemed utterly hopeless for everyone. "And then continue trying, just in case." He sighed when there was no response. "Where's Rose?"

"Left her in the hotel. She's gonna kill me when I get back."

"I doubt it," Lethbridge-Stewart said. "Women really do put up with a lot of difficult things for the men they love, you know."

"She's already been through so much." Joshua's voice suddenly changed tones, going from dead and dry to humorous. "Met some aliens today. Didn't run screaming. Looked like she was thinkin' about it for a minute there, though."

The Brigadier had gone still at the mention of aliens and now he was worried. "Joshua, what sort of aliens, and why wasn't I called?"

"They were just tourists - you get that all the time, ya know. Wouldn'ta even noticed 'em meself, except their pet ran off without them. Cute little thing. Rose called it a Nerf-cat. Might wanna note that for the record - Nerfifflets don't like ordinary humans with no alien contact. It wanted nothin' whatever ta do with Rose." Joshua chuckled then, and the Brigadier knew he was probably going to be all right after all. "Couldn't tell who was scareder for a minute there."

The Brigadier stifled a sigh of relief. "Right. I'll have it noted. Why don't you come by here when you get home, Joshua, and we can talk about all this if you want."

There was a nervous shuffling sound, and then Joshua said, "I need ta come by there anyway. Somethin' I wanna talk to you about - a way ta keep me outta trouble."

The Brigadier felt a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "Well, you know I'm all for that," he said. "Will it be Monday?"

"Tomorrow, I think," he said. "I can't stand this place. Wanna take Rose ta see Notre Dame 'cuz she's never been, but then I think we're comin' back. That be ok?"

"You're always welcome, and Doris loves having you both, you know that. Feel free." The Brigadier smiled and looked around the room to be sure it was set up to have the couple for the night.

"Right. If we leave here before lunchtime, we can be there for a late supper - 'less Rose wants me ta take her back to her mum's an' leave her the hell alone, which I can't say I'd blame her."

"You need to have more faith in the girl, Joshua," the Brigadier said sternly. "And you probably need to sincerely apologize."

"Yeah," he said, sounding quite ashamed. Joshua cleared his throat. "Thanks, Uncle. Sorry I dragged you outta bed."

The Brigadier chuckled. "You can make it up to me, Sunday. Doris has some trees she wants put in in the back garden."

There was a decidedly humorous chuffing noise, and then Joshua said, "Manual labor's good for me, still? Good ta know. I'll see you tomorrow."

He rang off and the Brigadier shook his head, walking slowly back to the bedroom where his warm bed and his lovely wife awaited him. If there was anyone in the Universe he would never wish to be for even a minute, it was the Doctor. No matter who the Time Lord thought he was.

Joshua cautiously opened the door to their room a few inches and paused, braced for impact from some projectile launched by an enraged Rose Tyler. Nothing came.

Pushing it open all the way, Joshua stood in the doorway and scanned the room. Rose wasn't in bed as he'd hoped; nor was she screaming at him as he'd feared. Then again, his Rose was a firecracker, Joshua thought with affection, maybe screaming was best.

He saw her curled up in the armchair facing the door. Light streaming in from the hallway illuminated twin trails down her cheeks. She was staring at him as though he were a skittish horse, and she was terrified of sending him running, but desperate to touch him, embrace him.

"Thank you for coming back." Rose said in a subdued voice. Dammit, was this what he intended to reduce her to every time he got scared? He stepped fully into the room and kicked the door shut behind him. A soft click and the lamp next to him flared into life. Rose blinked against the sudden brightness.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you," he said hoarsely. Rose didn't bother to say anything to that. They both knew it was true. She would only sound bitter if she agreed, and fake if she didn't.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked instead.

Joshua sighed. "Not really. I called uncle Alistair." Rose nodded with a small wince. It occurred to Joshua that it must be very hard for Rose to not be able to help him, to not be allowed to even try. He crossed the room so he was standing next to where she sat. "I've never remembered one before," Joshua said needlessly. She already knew this He was stalling. "I thought he could tell me who she was, or how many others have been killed because I wasn't good enough." Both of his hearts were pounding, trying their level best to crack at least one rib. Joshua was terrified of what Rose would say.

She didn't say anything, just slipped her hand into his. A brief tug later, and she was standing in the tight circle of his arms.

"Oh, Rose. I'm so sorry," he almost sobbed. "I was scared, so scared. And I can't even remember her face." Rose's arms tightened around him.

"It's okay to run, Joshua. Sometimes you have to do. You can't fight everything. But when you do run, take me with you. I promise to do everything I can not to slow you down. Let me be there when you stop."

Joshua seized her lips in a desperate, lonely kiss. Rose was right. He could shut out the world, but he'd never be able to shut out this woman, this perfect being. It was unfair to both of them to even try.

"I promise," he whispered raggedly when he let her pull away for air.

Doris was surprised to have her guests arriving early, and even more surprised to find them casually sniping at each other. There wasn't anything overtly rude about their behavior, nothing completely obvious to indicate that they were having a serious problem, but they weren't holding hands like they usually did. When Rose dragged her bag out of the car and insisted on carrying it herself over Joshua's rather annoyed protest, Doris was absolutely certain something was wrong.

She decided to stay out of it. Reluctantly. Mostly stayed out of it. She did listen at the stairs.

"I'm fine," Rose was saying brightly. "I'm not fragile, I can carry a bag, thanks."

Rose came down the stairs a few minutes later with an extremely brittle looking knock-off of her sunny smile. "Can I help with anything?" she asked. The look in her eyes was pleading and, again reluctantly, Doris gave in. She set the girl to working on the salad for lunch and went looking for her nephew.

He was standing in Alistair's study, looking every bit as confused as if he was an alien who'd never seen it before (as opposed to an alien who saw it all the time). "He's gone into London for something, but he promised he'd be back for lunch. Are you all right?"

Joshua's smile was wistful, and Doris didn't bother restraining the urge to give him a comforting hug. When he pulled away, the grin was back full force, even if it did look a bit strained around the edges. "It's your birthday, next week, isn't it?" he asked.

Doris chuckled. "It is," she agreed. "I didn't expect you to remember, though."

"Remember everything, me, thanks," he said flippantly. "Can't even imagine what Uncle Alistair's up to, then." He winked one bright eye and Doris shook her head. "I'll just find somethin' to keep me busy 'til he gets back, then."

"You can come in the kitchen, you know. We don't bite."

Joshua shrugged. "Gimme a mo'," he said, and strode back for the staircase.

"What happened to Notre Dame?" Doris asked Rose as she slipped back into the kitchen.

Rose shrugged. "It was... he was... we needed to leave." She sighed. "He was uncomfortable. I can see the place any time."

Doris smiled. "You take good care of him," she said gently.

Rose looked up from where she was slicing up a fresh tomato and shook her head. "I... well, I try, yeah?" She forced another wobbly smile and turned back to her work and Doris went over to help her.

When Joshua finally did stick his head back into the kitchen, they were washing their hands, having just assembled the salad and put everything away. "D'ya know what I did with my notebook?" he asked.

Rose frowned and Doris watched as she made a couple gestures, then shrugged. "I can't remember," she apologized. "But your sketchpad and some pencils are in the bottom of my bag. Does that help?"

He grinned. "Loads," he replied. "How'd you think ta pack those, then?"

Rose shrugged. Joshua crossed the kitchen in three long strides and hugged her quickly. "Thanks, love," he said and turned and bounded from the room.

You could have lit up central London all night with the return of Rose's smile.