A/N: Haaai welcome back! To me! I've been absent from the world of the internetz for far too long. Hope your holidays were amazing if you celebrated them. I spent mine struggling pretty hardcore with a case of sinusitis. Ew. But the important part is making it through to the other side, yes? And I'm VERY good at that.
Always a million thank-yous to this story's fabulous beta, nicolemack. She beta'd this from the other side of the world and deserves mad props for her dedication.
--
He drove to her place in the morning; not to pick them up, but to go along with them. Brennan had insisted on driving, and her insistence left no room for even light bickering about the topic. He'd tried anyway…"I'm related to them, I should drive them home"…but she brushed that off with a simple "No."
When he asked why, she had a good reason. "Because I still haven't quite forgiven you yet."
It annoyed him a little, but it shut him up. He wanted her forgiveness. Needed it, really. And he'd sit in the passenger seat to get it.
She answered the front door looking surprisingly, deliciously casual in black yoga pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, hair clipped back in a barrette. He saw no sign of Gabrielle and Von. "Where are the kids?"
Shrugging, she turned from him, tossing the overnight bag she held onto the floor beside the door. "Probably cleaning up my guest room and getting their things ready."
"Room, singular? You let them sleep in the same room?" he muttered, low enough to conceal his voice from the bustling couple down the hall.
"Of course I did." She blinked at him. "Why would have I not? You don't think they were sleeping together at the hotel? Or at home?"
"I don't know, and I don't want to know!"
A smile ghosted across her face. "Booth, they're adults, and they're engaged. Surely that's enough to assuage your Catholic sensibilities."
It should have been, but it wasn't. Still, he had no leg to stand on in an argument, so he did his best to push it out of his mind. "Can I take this stuff out to the car?"
She nodded, and he grabbed the bags, happy to have a task. He started lugging the heavier stuff out and tossing it in the trunk of Bones' BMW. When he came back, Gabrielle and Von had finally emerged from the back room. Gabby gave him a smile, while he got the cool look from Von that he was coming to expect. He didn't blame the kid; as far as Von was concerned, Booth had hurt Gabrielle, and the circumstances of that didn't matter. It would take a lot more than a simple ride home to convince Von of Booth's sincerity of feeling towards his fiancée.
"Hey there, guys. Did you have a good night?"
"Yeah," Gabby said with some enthusiasm. "Dr. Brennan has amazing sheets."
"That's good. But I bet you're looking forward to your own bed."
"That's true," she admitted, pulling her wheeled suitcase from its spot by the hallway. "It'll be nice to be home. Where, you know, no one mugs me."
He gave her a sympathetic look. "Are you ready?" he asked, holding out his hand to shuttle her towards the door.
"I was ready yesterday," she sighed, following his lead and being joined by her fiancé. Bones brought up the rear, fussing with her keys. Gabby smiled at him again briefly. "Thanks again, Seeley. It means a lot to me, what you're doing."
It was surprising, how happy her smile made him. He wasn't used to not knowing how he felt; not anymore, since he woke up from his coma and did some serious soul-searching. But he wasn't entirely sure what to make of the emotions inside of him that Gabby stirred up. Thinking of her as his sister felt far too personal; he knew so little of her, and despite her familiar smile and the fact that her eyes were like looking in a mirror, part of him still felt vaguely suspicious of how connected they really could be, sharing the genes of one estranged parent. Even with the steps they'd taken in the past few days, much of her was still a mystery to him; and the part of the mystery that included his father, he wasn't terribly anxious to figure out.
Yet he'd enjoyed his time with her, once he'd allowed himself to relax a bit; she was sweet and smart and personable, and she hadn't pushed him at all. It was shocking to him, the near-immediate protective instinct that had overcome him when he thought she was in danger—and he knew it was more than the simple desire to protect the innocent that was an always-present part of himself. He'd found himself wanting to shield her from hurt and fear with a ferocity that was typically reserved only for Parker and Bones. Part of him felt half-guilty that she'd been exposed to hurt and fear at all during her time in D.C. It was a disorienting way of reacting to a near-stranger.
Ten minutes after they got on the road, Bones looking pleased with herself in the driver's seat while he sat resignedly next to her, he checked his hair in the visor mirror and spotted Gabrielle and Von drooping together in the backseat, already dozing. He chuckled at the sight.
"Typical college students," he told Bones, who looked at him impassively.
"Even in college I was quite capable of maintaining a rigorous schedule on six hours of sleep a night."
"You weren't a typical college student."
"I was an intelligent, productive, efficient one."
"Awh, c'mon Bones. Didn't you ever let go? Stay up late partying then sleep in until two in the afternoon? Eat cornflakes for lunch, have beer for dinner and then do it all over again the next day?"
She wrinkled her nose distastefully as she merged onto the highway. "That does not sound fun at all."
"You never had to do the walk of shame?" he teased her, and she frowned even harder.
"What would I be ashamed of? Being a good student?"
"No, that's what we called it when you had to walk back to your dorm in the morning in the same clothes the night after you…ya know…"
"Had sexual intercourse?"
"Yeah, that."
"I didn't have sexual intercourse until after I graduated from college."
"As well you shouldn't have."
"But you just said I should have had sexual intercourse in college after going to a party and eating cornflakes."
"I was kidding, Bones. It was good you waited."
"Did you ever have a walk of shame?"
"Well…usually that was just a term for the girls' walks home."
She scowled. "That's incredibly sexist."
"What's incredibly sexist?" came a sleepy voice from the back seat.
"Your brother having sexual intercourse with women in college and not having a "walk of shame" afterwards."
"Bones!" he exclaimed with horror, while Gabby nodded seriously in the back and said "That is sexist. And ew."
He should have known better than to banter as usual with guests in the car. "Okay. You," he pointed back at Gabrielle, "go back to sleep. You," he pointed at Bones, "concentrate on driving."
"I'm driving fine," she said breezily. "I can easily drive and converse at the same time."
"Well don't," he snapped, and couldn't tell if he were imagining the look of amusement in her eyes.
Taking pity on him, or merely tiring of the game, they all settled into a companionable silence, enjoying the improvement of the view as they left city territory. Gabrielle didn't return to sleep, and eventually when they got closer to their destination, she and Von started pointing out landmarks along the way. Despite himself, Booth almost found himself enjoying the trip.
The plan was to drop Von off at the apartment he and Gabby shared. Then came the more tricky issue; Gabrielle's car was at her parents' place, and Von didn't have his own. They hadn't talked about how they were getting her to Ground Zero yet, but he needed to figure out just how prepared he was to be this close to his estranged father.
At the apartment, he and Bones helped Von take his luggage to the door; Gabby said she'd take her own suitcase to her parents because there were gifts in there. She kissed her fiancé and promised to be home later; Von shook Booth's hand and, despite his obvious reticence to trust him, thanked him for all his help.
Then they were back in the car, Gabby talking on her cell in the backseat to a friend and describing her mugging with a dramatic flair that made Booth smile.
Bones spoke softly. "I'm going to drop you off at the hotel and take Gabrielle home.
There it was. He hated making this her burden.
"I'll take her," he insisted weakly. "It's not like it'll be a family reunion. I'll just drop her off."
Her strong blue gaze was unwavering. "Booth, I hope you don't take this as me judging any sort of weakness on your part. But I don't think you're ready for that."
And she was right; he could argue all day with her, but it didn't change the fact that she was spot-on. It was a stretch for him to be here, in this town, where his father had recovered and raised a new family without him. Driving up to his doorstep felt to be a near-insurmountable mission. The option of her being the one driving to that doorstop barely felt better.
"Bones," he whispered, willing her to see his struggle even though he knew she didn't have the answer to it.
"It's okay," she said quietly, under Gabby's conversation. "I'll just drop her off, and drive away. It won't have anything to do with him, okay?"
In the moment, he was supremely grateful for her. For all their differences, and for all her still-present anger with him, she accurately assessed his anxieties, his hesitations, and responded to them in just the right way. He still HATED this, but…God he loved her. At times like this, it was all he could do not to say it, over and over again.
She smiled reassuringly, reaching over the console and giving his fingers a squeeze. "Just hang out in the hotel for awhile. Decide what we're going to do for dinner. I'll be right back."
In the hotel lobby, he said goodbye to Gabby. She hugged him; it was a much less emotional gesture than her one from yesterday, yet somehow felt more significant.
"Will you keep in touch?" she asked, her (Parker's, his father's) eyes looking vulnerable.
"Yes," he said solemnly. "I'll call you." He pinched her chin between two fingers and looked at her seriously. "No more getting into trouble."
She beamed. "Let me know when you find my ring, okay?"
"I will," he promised.
And he meant it.
--
It was so quiet here. He was accustomed to being alone in his apartment, but he had plenty of distractions there that were not present in this sparse hotel room. There was nothing on TV he wanted to watch at this time of the day, and his reading choices included an Explore Richmond! brochure and the copy of the Gideon Bible in the nightstand drawer. The former he was done with in five minutes, and he wasn't exactly in the mood right now for the latter.
Unfortunately, he had a more important task that he'd probably already neglected for too long.
It was with great reluctance that he pulled out his phone, plugging it in to charge while sitting down under the harsh light of the desk. The pretense of waiting for the battery to be full helped waste some time, as did going to the bathroom and unpacking his overnight bag. When he couldn't avoid it any longer, he sunk to the chair and dialed his brother.
"Hey Seels. What's up? It's been forever."
He talked to his brother sporadically, but it had indeed been a much longer stretch of time than typical. "Yeah, I know. There's been sort of a lot going on." Scratching the back of his head, he sighed. He'd have to jump into this before Jared started up about his last night at the bar, or his last date. "Listen, I've got something kind of important to talk to you about."
"Yeah?" He sounded interested. "You getting married or something?"
"I wish that was it." Fumbling for words, he chose to simply barrel ahead. "Jared, our dad is living in Virgina. He sobered up, got married again, and had a kid."
Jared laughed, a humorless sound. "Yeah, that sounds about right." None of the shock that Booth had initially felt was present in his brother's voice.
"You aren't surprised?"
"You kidding? That's the ultimate cliché. Good for him. Hope he's happy."
Jared's blasé attitude was astounding to him. "I guess." He shook his head. "Jared, we have a sister."
"I heard you. How did you find out about this?"
"She found me."
"Seriously?" His brother's voice was incredulous. "Seeley, tell me you're not taking this chick in like a stray kitten. Or God, you're not planning on seeing Dad again…"
"No, of course not," he replied defensively, feeling a familiar irritation at his brother rising inside of him.
"Good. Who cares if our dirtbag father decided to have kids again? And are you sure this girl is even who she says she is?"
"Yeah, I've seen pictures. If you saw her, you'd know."
"I'm not going to see her. Neither should you. Seeley, you don't need this. You don't owe her anything."
He was developing an all-too-common headache as the conversation continued. "Jared, I know I don't. But this girl…woman…she's special, okay? I just can't brush her aside."
"That's your problem. You get it in your head that things and people are special, when they're just what they are. And what's-her-face…"
"Gabrielle," Booth interrupted.
"Whoever, is just some poor unfortunate kid who got a reformed jerk as a Dad. That's it." Jared sighed hard. "What does Tempe think about this? You can usually count on her to be sentiment-free."
Booth hesitated. "We've…had some disagreements about it. But I think when it comes down to it, she understands this better than anybody else."
"She's not special either, Seeley."
He immediately bristled. "Watch it, Jared."
His brother sighed. "Don't get your panties in a bunch. What I meant is, she doesn't understand any better than me. I was there, remember? I actually knew the son-of-a-bitch. And I'm telling you, he's not worth our time, then or now. And neither are any of the other poor kids he's spawned."
Booth knew this is how this call would go, but was disappointed that Jared hadn't surprised him. He found himself relieved a thousand times over when his call-waiting button beeped. "I gotta go bro, I have another call. I just thought you should know this."
"Thanks," came the sarcastic reply, and he silently thanked God that Jared was two states away so he didn't have to restrain himself from hitting him.
He saw immediately that it was Gabrielle's number when he looked at the display to switch his call. "Yo, Gabs."
"Oh my God, Seeley." She sounded frazzled, or agitated, or disturbed, or something that didn't sound good, and he immediately sat up straighter. Oh God. What now??
"What,what??" he asked, half-panicked.
"Your crazy partner punched my father!!"
--
He heard her come back; they had adjoining rooms, and the slam of the door and the following sounds of things being tossed about did not sound particularly promising. He knocked at the door that separated them gingerly.
She took so long to open the door that he had decided to give up and give her some time, but just as he turned away it was yanked open. "Yes?" she asked brusquely.
"I…" He paused. Her eyes seemed wider, pupils dilated, and she looked a bit more crazed than he was used to seeing her. "Bones, Gabby said that…"
"Yes. And I don't want to talk about it right now." She sounded prim, but her face looked dangerous.
He felt frustrated. "You said you wouldn't even get out of the car."
"I just said…"
"Yeah, I got it," he exhaled. "You don't want to talk about it. Okay, okay. Take the time you need."
She shut the door.
The next hours felt endless. He watched pointless TV programs, read the menus in the phone book, played the Solitaire game he hadn't even known was on his phone. Dinnertime came and went; he gave up hoping that she'd knock or call, offering to go eat with him, so he ordered room service. Once he finished eating, he did a few sets of push-ups and sit-ups, then took a shower. Pulling on his pajama pants, he gave up on this whole crazy day by flopping down on the bed with an exasperated groan. Why did they even get hotel rooms? They should have just come here, dropped off the kids, and drove straight home. Then he'd be in his own bed right now instead of in this impersonal place, wondering just what the fuck happened.
He'd stopped hoping for her appearance tonight, so when the knock softly came he nearly jumped out of his skin. Sitting straight up on the bed, he pulled himself together. "Come in," he called.
She did so almost cautiously, near-slinking. She was still wearing that yoga-pants-and-t-shirt combination from earlier, but her hair was down and her eyes red-rimmed as if she'd been crying. Those eyes widened for a microsecond when she actually raised her head to look at him—maybe he should have pulled a shirt on or covered himself a little better—but she quickly recovered.
"You were out of line at therapy the other day," she said.
That's what she finally came in here to talk to him about? He reined in all the patience he could muster. "Yes. I know. I apologized. I still do."
She pursed her lips, walking slowly to the armchair beside the bed and easing down into it while he watched her carefully. A large exhale left her lips.
"It was out of line. But…your accusations were not entirely false."
Well. That he hadn't expected, and he wasn't sure how to respond to it. He goggled at her for a few minutes while she seemed to struggle for words to explain.
"I only got out to help Gabrielle with her bag. It was so big, and she's so small…and when I shut the trunk, I saw him coming. There was no mistaking who he was, and he was smiling. Smiling like nothing had ever happened, and holding his hand out like I'd want to shake it. And God, I got so mad, Booth. It came out of nowhere." Her brow furrowed with trouble. "I didn't even think about it, and…"
"…And you've got a strong right hook, Bones," he finished, finally settling back against the headboard of the bed, his jaw tingling at the memory of her fist connecting with it at his "funeral."
"I could have made it stronger," she mumbled.
Studying her, he recognized this was a more vulnerable Bones…admitting feelings she had no control of—an action she had no control over…and he was glad she was confiding it to him despite their breach of trust several days ago.
"I was angry for you, of course," she admitted. "I hate what you had to go through, Booth, it was wrong and children should never have to endure fear and pain like you and your brother did. But I've been thinking all day about this and I realized that my response was tied into my own hurt, too." She let out a shaky breath and looked at him with honest eyes while she gave a small shrug. "You're right. I am still mad at my Dad. He's apologized, given me several explanations, and I've accepted them easily, except…I haven't. Not really. "
It hadn't occurred to him, as he deflected in their therapy session to turn all the attention on Bones, that he'd actually hit the mark. The thought that he'd done so in anger, without care, made him wish that it was he who Bones had punched. "Nobody would ever blame you for feeling that way," he told her, wishing it wouldn't be so terribly inappropriate to urge her onto the bed so he could hold her.
"Sometimes I wish I could just yell at him, you know? Completely irrational, uncensored screaming. Sometimes I want to hurt his feelings. Can you blame me for that?"
"Awh, Bones," he sighed. "Of course not." Yet he also couldn't blame her for being uncomfortable with those feelings. It wasn't in either of them to enjoy thinking so cruelly.
"I never really thought of us as being much alike, you and me," she said thoughtfully, curling her legs up and hugging them in the chair. "Aside from the work we do, we're mostly different. But I guess…this is a big thing to have in common, isn't it?"
She was right; and he hadn't recognized it until now. Who'd have thought the day would come when she'd figure these things out before him? "You know what, Bones? I'm angry for both of us. Parents can't be perfect. But…you don't get many people in your life who are there for you one hundred percent. Your parents are supposed to be the first two that are, to show you that it's possible. To make you feel secure. And ours failed in doing that, and it's a damn shame. It's not fair."
Her blue eyes shone even in the dim light of the small bedside lamp. "I never expected life to be fair."
"Whether or not you expect it doesn't make it suck any less when it isn't."
Surprising him, she nodded her agreement, not saying a word. They sat in silence for a few long moments, feeling out their understanding, not quite content in it, but still at least a little comforted by its presence. He turned his eyes from her for a bit, doing his own processing of today's new information, and was slightly startled when he glanced back to find her gaze on him, as intense as ever. Her eyes were glazed, softer than when she first came in here, and they were trailing a slow path up his body. When they reached his own, she looked just a little taken aback and guilty, as if she hadn't been expecting to be caught looking.
He smiled at her, gratified by the moment. There were times he worried that this patient path he'd taken had led them to a place where they were close, loving friends, but nothing more; that their friendship was destined to stay this incredibly important, but non-evolving force in their lives. But then sometimes, like now, he saw the evidence of more: this desire and longing. Those times, he knew that the sexuality that had always charged their relationship had not disappeared. It lay smoldering under the surface, just waiting…just like he was waiting.
"I should go," she said, standing slowly. "I'd like to leave early tomorrow so I can get some work done at the lab."
"That's fine." He sat up again, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "I'll set my alarm for six."
She nodded, retreating towards the door to her own room. "Goodnight, Booth."
"Goodnight, Bones," he responded in kind, confused when she paused there for a second.
After her hesitation, she looked back at him, tentativeness written all over her face. "I know that you are one hundred percent there for me," she said softly.
His heart seized a little. "Yeah. I am," he promised. "I will be."
A barely-there smile touched her lips, before she turned again, moving through the door and leaving him alone.