A couple of months later, the volunteers for the trip were ready. They had commandeered a sailboat on one of their last raids and we had spent the weeks since getting it ready to sail. We'd outfitted it with new sails pilfered from a store with large pieces of canvas and stocked it with food and water for their journey. They'd be eating mostly fish but they had vitamins and some home canned vegetables to help fight off any diseases they might encounter. We all gathered on the docks to see them off, all of us completely anxious and worried.

Emmett was insistent that he go, as were a couple of the soldiers, Seth and Paul, and Jake Black. It wasn't a large sailboat, so four was just about the absolute maximum for the trip. It was also the minimum.

If I were Rosalie or Sarah, Jake's mom, I would have been a complete wreck but both women were stoic as we gathered to watch the boat set out in the early morning light. They anticipated the trip taking about two weeks, maybe more depending on weather, a couple of weeks there, then hopefully, just a couple more weeks back. We were going to be looking for them in six to eight weeks. That'd be in the middle of September. I really hoped they came back with good news. We had no idea what we'd do if the infection had spread abroad. The government had been pretty quick to shut down the borders, going so far as to recall planes in mid-flight the day they realized what was going on. The borders into Canada and Mexico had been closed but who knew if that actually worked. For all we knew, the infection had spread throughout the Americas and overseas and we were the last people on earth.

I really hoped we weren't. I hadn't told anyone yet, but I was pregnant.

I was terrified of what would happen when the others found out. Would they kick me off the island, send me back to the mainland? Would they insist the baby be killed when it was born? What would happen to us?

I knew Edward would go with me if I was sent away and that he wouldn't let the baby be killed. I just wasn't sure if he would be that successful in stopping them. One against many wasn't good odds.

I shivered slightly as a cool breeze off the water blew over me. I hugged myself and shifted from foot to foot tiredly. Jake wasn't here yet and the others were getting anxious.

"We need to get going," Seth finally announced. "Someone else want to volunteer or should we just go with who we've got?"

"You need four," Carlisle muttered, looking around. Not many people were very good on boats, the four who volunteered were pretty much it.

"I'll go."

I looked up, startled. "Edward, no. You promised."

"I know but they need a fourth and I'm the only other person other than Jasper who knows boats."

"Then let him go," I hissed desperately.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the others. "Bella, I would, but Alice is sick. He'd be no use."

"Sick?"

He nodded. "She had cancer a few years ago and they think it's come back. She found a lump. They're not talking about it much but she's not doing well."

My heart hammered in my chest and I looked towards her. She was thinner and paler than she had been. I could kick myself for only just realizing it. It also accounted some for her recent lack of appetite. I'd figured she was just eating less so her kids would have more.

"If something happens to the men on the boat, her kids would be left orphans, Bella. I can't do that, no matter how much of a dick he is."

"What about me, though?"

"I'll come back to you. I swear."

I swallowed hard. I had a trump card. I knew I could play it. I knew if I told him I was pregnant that he'd stay. I also knew how big of a step this was for him to volunteer at the last minute. I stepped up and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him firmly.

"If you don't come back to me, you'll regret it."

He smiled softly and nodded. "You bet your ass I will." He kissed me again and we turned and walked back to the dock. Esme wrapped her arms around me as we watched the men climb into the boat, Edward shaking hands with the others in greeting. My heart was in my throat as I watched them pull away and leave.

We all stood and watched until the boat disappeared over the horizon. Esme and I stood longer than anyone else before we finally turned and went back to the house. Life would have to go on, no matter what, no matter the fact that our hearts were breaking even as they sailed away in search of hope.

The days and weeks dragged by and I gained some appreciation for captains' wives from two or three hundred years ago. Every time I was outside, I found my eyes scanning the horizon for the mast with white sails, even when it was way too soon to expect them. I knew that Rosalie and Esme did, too. All of us did, but it felt like we had the most to lose. Seth and Paul were essentially single.

We searched the island for Jake and I found him sitting on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

I stood back for a moment, watching him. He was sitting, staring out towards the east with his hands wrapped around his knees. I finally sighed and sat down beside him.

"You ok?"

He flinched at the sound of my voice. "I'm a chicken shit."

I bit my lip. I agreed with him but I could see the wisdom in keeping that bit of information to myself. "You're just scared, like all of us."

He nodded and rested his chin on his knees. It was strange to realize he was the same age I was when right now he looked so much like a child that I had to resist the urge to pull him into my lap and comfort him.

We sat in silence for a while, my urge to kick him off the cliff slowly dissipating as the sun set behind us.

"You should come in," I said finally as everything around us was dusky. "It'll be hard enough to find our way back now. You shouldn't wait until full on dark."

"I know. I think I'll just…sit here a little longer. If that's ok."

"I'm not the one you need to explain yourself to," I said softly. "I actually kind of understand why you backed out. I'm pissed as hell, but I get it. Your mom is scared, though. She's worried about you."

"I feel like you're the one I need to apologize to the most," he said quietly, picking at the grass beside him. "You're the one who's boyfriend…husband…whatever…left in my place."

"You're right. Maybe that means you have to take over Edward's duties."

He looked at me and even in the dim light, I could see a quirk of his eyebrow. I laughed softly and shoved him gently.

"Not all his duties, but some. The work he did at least."

"I can do that."

"And you need to let your mother comfort you."

He sighed and nodded, finally pushing himself up. He held out a hand to me and I took it, letting him pull me up. He pulled me into an awkward hug before we set off down the trail. Jake walked ahead of me, holding the branches back to keep them from smacking me as we walked. I waved goodbye as he ducked into the bunkhouse where his family lived and continued on up the hill to the main house.

I wasn't hungry so I headed straight upstairs to bed. I knew how relieved Sarah was not to lose him to the sea and I couldn't begrudge her her relief. I just hated that I'd had to be the one to lose someone in his place.

I curled up in the bed that was suddenly too big after months of being too small and hugged Edward's pillow to my chest. I buried my face in the pillow and breathed in his scent before dissolving into tears.

He'd left so quickly he hadn't packed anything to take with him. I hoped that he didn't regret that later. Maybe they'd be too busy to miss reading material and I knew he and Emmett were the same height, though Emmett was broader, so at least he'd have something to wear, even if he was swimming in it.

As thin as I was when I got pregnant, I started to show almost immediately. A couple of weeks after the boat left, I was found out. I was with the kids outside, supervising while they splashed around in the pond.

"B!"

I turned and shaded my eyes, smiling as I saw Leah coming down the hill towards me. Her long black hair was loose around her shoulders and she was smiling at me cheerfully.

"Hey," I greeted her, scooting over on my log. "What're you doing here? I thought you had laundry duty today."

"I do. It's all hanging out to dry right now so I thought I'd come hang out with you and the kiddos."

I grinned and shook my head. "How you do it so quickly I'll never understand. It took me all day with machines."

She laughed and stretched her legs out in front of her. "I grew up with a million kids running around and we always had lots of laundry. I got pretty good at it."

"Lots of kids, huh?"

She nodded smiling affectionately at James and Lizbet as they screamed and splashed each other. They were both naked but at their age, it wasn't a big deal for them.

"Yeah, I was one of twelve and we always had friends around, too."

"Wow, twelve?"

She nodded, grinning. "I know, insane, right? Mom and Dad wanted a lot of kids and so they just started adopting and having their own as soon as they could."

"And you?"

Her face darkened slightly. "I had two kids. I wanted more but my husband wasn't so sure. We were talking about having more when…"

I nodded and stared at the ocean horizon again, hopeful.

"Anyway, Embry and I are talking about having some later on."

"Embry?"

She flushed and nodded. I had to admit, the tall Native American man was gorgeous, but I'd never seen the two so much as exchange a romantic glance let alone anything to intimate there was a stronger relationship there.

"Yeah, we've been…whatever you are on this island for about a year now. We're hoping that Europe is safe so that we can go there and have a life again, you know? With each other."

I nodded. I knew exactly what she meant. It was what we all wanted.

I stretched my legs out in front of us and yawned, stretching back a little to work kinks out of my shoulders.

"B."

I looked up and saw that Leah's eyes were locked onto my stomach. I flushed and pulled on my t-shirt.

"How far?"

I sighed. "Couple months. I think three."

"Fuck. Did he know?"

I shook my head. "He wouldn't have gone if he did and they needed him."

"You should have told him."

"I know." I leaned forward then, hugging my knees. "I just didn't want him to worry about me. He needs to focus on the job he's got and not be constantly thinking about me and this." I motioned to my stomach.

"He still deserves to know."

"I know." I rested my chin on my knees and stared at the water unseeingly. She scooted over and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, resting her head against mine.

"Scared?"

I laughed softly. "Shitless."

"Don't be. You'll be fine. Both of you."

I nodded and sat up tiredly. "We should get them in for some lessons. Sue will have my head otherwise."

She laughed and nodded. We called James and Lizbet back and they came willingly enough, following along behind the older ones who complained about having to go in to school work. I agreed with them. It was a beautiful day and it didn't seem right to spend it inside but I was a mere cog in the machinery that kept the island running.

Leah and I herded the kids up towards the house, swatting and laughing as we went.

"B," she said softly as the kids all ran in ahead of us, heading to their rooms to get dressed.

I looked at her. "Yeah?"

"I won't tell anyone, but you should, and soon. We've got to figure out how to deal with a baby around here."

I nodded and gave her a quick hug before walking inside. How to tell everyone that the unspoken rule on the island had been broken?