For disclaimers, notes, thanks: see prologue

Ch. 1: A Hard Pill to Swallow

Present Day: Albuquerque

She watched the door close behind him, but couldn't actually grasp the fact that he'd really gone.

Mary collapsed into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. It had been 15 days since the shooting, 12 days since she had regained consciousness and 7 days since she had been released from the hospital.

"It's got to be some kind of record," she said out loud to the empty room.

'Who are you kidding, Mary?' her subconscious spat back. 'It was only a matter of time. You're not actually surprised he made you choose, are you?'

Despite her best effort to ignore herself, she did have to admit that she shouldn't have been so shocked when the words came out his mouth.

She'd known deep down that he wouldn't be able to handle her not wanting all those "traditional" things that he felt a woman should want; like popping out babies and having dinner on the table every night by 6pm. That is why Mary didn't stop him from leaving yesterday, and why she certainly didn't stop him today as he carried the last of his things out the door.

"Screw this," she said picking herself up off the couch and heading into the bedroom. "Time to take back what's mine." And with that, Mary proceeded to reclaim the drawers and closet space she had so unwillingly given up to Raphael in the first place.

'Who the hell invited him to move in here in the first place?' she thought as she pulled sweaters from boxes under the bed that would once again be able to find homes in more suitable places. 'Cause it sure as hell wasn't me.'

She spread out her clothes in the closet and smiled at the realization that they would no longer be wrinkled all the time from being shoved so close together. But the smile faded quickly as she looked up and saw that the box with the letters from her father had been moved.

Her abdomen screamed in response as she reached up for it, pulling at her still sore wound, but she didn't care. Her only thought was about making sure there was nothing missing and that no one had invaded her privacy. As she lifted the lid, she swore she'd hunt Raph down and shoot him if he went through her things without her permission.

Pulling out all the letters, she carefully stacked them on her bed. Then, one by one, she put them back in the box. She checked the dates on each and examined them for signs of tampering. Satisfied that the box must have been moved as Raph packed his things, she placed the top back on and ran a hand over it as she thought about her father.

"Mary! Hey, Mare!"

Mary was startled out of her reverie by her sister's scream.

"I'm in here, Squish," she called back, rolling her eyes at her sister's behavior and shoving the box underneath her bed.

"What the hell did you do to Chico?" Brandi said, barging into the room. "I know you've been fighting, but I can't believe you kicked him out."

"I didn't kick him out, Squish."

"Yeah, right," Brandi replied sarcastically, obviously not believing Mary. "Your shooting's been so hard on him, Mare."

"Excuse me?" Mary questioned, trying to comprehend how her shooting was now all about Raph.

"Not knowing if you were going to make it or if you were going to have brain damage. It wasn't easy on him. It wasn't easy on any of us."

"Well, I'm so sorry to have inconvenienced all of you by being shot," Mary snapped back, once again not believing how incredibly selfish her family could be. "But I didn't kick him out, Squish. He tried to make me choose and that's not fair to me."

"Fair to you? Seriously? All you ever think about is you!" Brandi spat as she turned and stormed back down the hall, slamming the back door as she left.

"Squish!" Mary yelled, jumping up a little too fast. She reached out and steadied herself on the bed as she slowly sat back down, holding her hand against her belly. She was starting to fear that in her determination to grab the box of letters, she had really hurt herself.

Grabbing her phone, she hit the speed dial and waited impatiently through the two short rings it took him to answer.

"Well, to what do I owe…"

"Can it, Doofus!" she barked into the phone. "Why haven't I seen you for the last two days?"

"I just thought maybe…"

"I don't care what you thought. This is my house and I expect to see your ass walking through the door in 15 minutes."

"Um, okay," Marshall said hesitantly.

"On second thought," she said as the harsh tone disappeared from her words, "make it 20 and bring food. I'm starving."

Normally, spending his day off with an irritated Mary wouldn't rate high on his list of things to do, but he'd been worried ever since she was released from the hospital. He'd visited her every day, making sure she was comfortable and supplying her with her favorite foods, all the while trying not to seem like he was hovering or untrusting of her caretakers.

The rapid improvement she had made in the hospital seemed to slow after she arrived home and Marshall couldn't fail to notice the increased signs of tension and irritation, even if he couldn't see the cause. He had been debating whether or not to broach the subject with her the other day when the answer presented itself. Raph had arrived home early and he witnessed first hand the source of Mary's aggravation.

Marshall realized now, that it had been wishful thinking on his part to believe that his absence would help facilitate some sort of balance in the household. And as he drove, all he could hope for was that the required damage control would be minimal and that Mary's recovery hadn't been set back too much.

He juggled the bags of food in his arms as he neared the door and attempted to knock.

"Just use your key, numb nuts," hollered a familiar voice from within.

"Well, that's easier said than done," he responded with a smile as he heard her feet pad across the carpet to the door.

"Jesus Christ, Marshall," Mary said as she opened the door and took him in. "How many people are you planning on feeding?" Then, she stepped aside and watched as he made his way tentatively toward the kitchen.

"Just one," he quipped as he looked around, trying to discern if the lack of cars really meant that no one else was home.

"Relax, Nelly," Mary said, coming up behind him and grabbing one of the bags. "You can stop sneaking around. Nobody's home."

"I do not sneak," he insisted.

"Sure you don't," she threw back at him sarcastically, "Either way, you don't have to worry about it anymore."

Something in the definitiveness of her tone immediately caught Marshall's attention and he raised his eyebrows questioningly.

She turned away from his gaze, focusing on the bag of groceries in front of her and said, "Raph's gone. Moved out this morning."

When there was no response from her partner, Mary let silence settle between them as she searched for the courage to face him in light of what she viewed as her latest failure.

"Mare," Marshall whispered softly after a moment in an attempt to draw her attention. He was trying to gauge her reaction to the situation and promised himself that he'd make Raph pay if he hurt her, especially while she was still recovering from being shot.

As she braced herself for the anticipated pity, she raised her head and was taken off guard by what she saw. It was a look of concern and caring, mixed with something she couldn't quite read and she felt slightly overwhelmed by the emotions it stirred in her. Turning away quickly, she regained her composure and moved toward the living room.

"Now, what's a wounded girl gotta do to get a decent meal around here?" she tossed back over her shoulder to lighten the mood.

Marshall watched her, concerned, as she plopped down on the couch. He was amazed by his partner's ability to take whatever life threw at her, but knew the shooting and Raph's subsequent departure had taken its toll after what had already been a difficult year.

So he promised, then and there, that he would make sure that Mary recovered without any further set backs or aggravations. And knowing this meant spending as much time with Mary as she would allow, a small smile formed on his lips as he set about making something to eat.

***

In the past week, they had fallen into an easy routine and Mary didn't realize, at first, just how much she had begun to rely on Marshall's visits. He had been coming by everyday after work and often stopping by over his lunch break as well. But today, he was busy with a new witness and she knew there was the possibility he may not get there at all.

Mary walked around the house, happy for the peace and quiet that came with her mother and sister being out, yet looking for something to do. As her medical leave continued, she was getting increasingly restless, especially when Marshall wasn't there to distract her.

Wandering from room to room, she opened cabinets and looked through drawers as she searched for a distraction. Not finding anything that piqued her interest, she found herself once again in her bedroom.

Raph's night table caught her attention and she realized that even though he'd been gone over a week, she still hadn't looked in it to see if was anything left behind. Making her way around the bed, she opened the draw to reveal two items. A box of condoms and the WITSEC book she'd given him before she was shot.

Not wanting to deal with the implications of the book just yet, she reached for the box and her thoughts drifted to how long it had been since she'd had sex. Since someone had touched her…

'No, Mary,' she scolded herself, 'let's not go there. You don't need to add depression to your already too long list of problems.'

As she tossed the box back in the drawer, something about the fact that the condoms were there in the first place started to bother her. She couldn't put her finger on it and even smiled thinking about just how active their sex life had been. Then she slowly pieced it together.

Raph had been her fiancé. They were engaged to be married. And she was on the pill. When you added it all up, they should have been well past the stage of condoms.

'That's the natural progression for two people getting married, two people that love and trust each other. Isn't it?' she questioned herself.

'You're crazy if you think I was going to take that risk,' her subconscious argued. 'You don't know where Raph had been before you. Hell, you can't even be positive whom he was with while he was seeing you. Remember the physical therapist.'

"Oh, God," Mary said, sitting on the edge of the bed as the reality that she had obviously never really trusted Raphael completely set in. Then, she thought about the fact that he never protested using a condom and understood that he was just as concerned about her faithfulness. Or worse, she had reason not to trust him. "And I almost married him."

Standing, she moved to close the drawer in an attempt to stop the thoughts in her head when she saw the book again and stopped. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her that she had told him about her job, not only putting herself and her witnesses at risk, but Marshall as well.

"Nice clusterfuck of a life, Mary," she said, slamming the drawer shut and walking out of the room.

Ending up on the couch, she flipped through the channels in search of something, anything to take her mind off her recent revelations. She paused briefly on a documentary about National Parks, knowing it was something that Marshall would try to coerce her into watching, eventually settling on a marathon of some procedural crime drama.

Hours later, she woke to a ringing sound. Groping for the coffee table, she found her phone and pushed at the buttons to get it to shut up.

"What?" she growled into the phone without looking to see who was calling.

"Well, hello to you too, Sunshine," Marshall replied.

"Marshall?" Mary questioned as she started become coherent of her surroundings.

"Yes?"

"Jesus, what time is it?" she asked as she sat up and found the remote to shut off the television. Looking out the window, she could tell the sun was lower in the sky and wondered just how much of the afternoon she missed.

"It's about 5 o'clock." Marshall responded with a smile as he pictured her discombobulated state in his mind. "Can I assume that your time gap is a result of some beauty sleep and not from being accidentally sucked through time in a suspicious phone booth?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Marshall said, shaking his head and making a mental note to rent the movie just to torture her. "I wanted to let you know that it doesn't look like I'm going to be out of here in the near future."

"Bonding with the latest member of our exclusive club?"

"Bonding may be a strong word," he said as he rubbed his forehead with his free hand. "So I thought since I won't make it tonight that I'd come and take you out to lunch tomorrow."

"Out? In public?" Mary feigned shock at his words. It was the first time since she got out of the hospital that someone had offered to take her out of the house.

"Yes. Out in public. I hear they even have tables and chairs." he replied sarcastically. "But there's one condition…"

"Here we go. I knew it was too good to be true."

"I want you to go take your medication."

"Is that all? Fine, I'll take it when we get off the phone."

"No. I want you to go take it right now."

"You want to listen to me swallow the damn pill?" she said, unable to believe he was making such a request, yet believing he would make such a request.

"Yes," he responded smugly.

"Fine. Whatever gets your rocks off, pervoid," she teased as she made her way to her bedroom to get the medicine bottle.

She balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she attempted to open the childproof cap.

"Damn. Stupid. Cap." Then, in frustration, she twisted the cap with all her strength and watched helplessly as the bottle slipped from her hands and the pills spread across the floor.

"Are you happy now, Doofus?"

"What happened?" Marshall asked with concern in his voice.

"The damn pills are all over the floor! That's what happened, asswipe!" Mary spat as she peered around looking for the bottle.

"Well, did you at least take one?" he deadpanned.

"So help me God, Marshall…"

"Right. I'm going back to work," Marshall said, cutting her off. He recognized the dangerous tone in her voice and knew to quit while he was ahead. "I'll see you tomorrow." And he hung up without waiting for a reply.

Mary muttered under her breath as she threw the phone on the bed and got down on all fours. Finding the bottle under the night table, she began gathering the little pills. After picking them out of the carpet, she pulled up the bedspread to check if any were under the bed and was surprised to see the box of her father's letters.

She had forgotten that she'd stuck them under the bed earlier that week when Brandi stormed in and accused her of kicking Raph out. Making sure she had all the pills, she closed the bottle and placed it on the table before pulling out the box.

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