Ch. 2: Shadow of Doubt

February 5, 1978

Mary,

Sweetheart, I must leave quickly so this has to be short. If you haven't already been told, I've done some bad things and have to go away.

There was no reason to read the words, Mary had had it memorized since she was 7 years old. She held the letter to her chest and closed her eyes. Then she watched the words float across her mind as tears began to form behind her eyelids.

You will no doubt hear from people in the coming months that I am a very bad man. I am sorry you have to go through this. For what it's worth, I don't think of myself as bad, just very, very foolish.

'Why, Daddy? Why?' Mary thought, wishing for an answer to that and her many other questions regarding her father. Blinking back the tears, she cursed her emotions. She was a grown woman and a U.S. Marshal, for chrissake, she knew she was stronger than this and hated the fact that her father's words could still reduce her to such a state.

She was about to put the letter away when something drew her attention to it yet again. She noted that he called himself foolish, not bad. 'Why foolish?' she pondered. Then the possibility that he got himself mixed up in something formed in her head, leading to the hope that maybe her father was just a victim of circumstance.

Mary had spent years in law enforcement developing skills that helped her sort through information to find the facts and observe things that others usually didn't notice. She realized that that was what she needed to do now. It was time to say goodbye to the sad, little girl that missed her father and change her perspective.

Focusing on the letter, she read it carefully before folding it back up and setting it aside. Then, she spent the next couple of hours pouring over each and every word he ever wrote to her. It was mentally exhausting, and as much as she tried to remain impartial, she slowly began to lose her focus. By the time she was nearly done, she had once again begun to feel like that 7 year-old that sat by the window each day after school for weeks, watching for her father's car.

And as she read the end of last letter she had received from him, the tears were back and now leaving wet trails down her cheeks.

You have become a strong and independent woman and not a day goes by that I am not proud to be your father. Just remember that for all the bad in this world, good can still be found. Don't close yourself off to the possibility of more. You may be surprised at what you find if you are willing to open your eyes and see it. I hold you close in my heart, as always. A million kisses, the sun and the moon.

Daddy

Despite the recent events in her life, including her shooting and Raph's departure, Mary had not allowed herself to cry. Not once. But now, with the realization that the little girl's dream of being reunited with her father was just that, a dream, the floodgates opened and she could no longer keep the sobs at bay.

She curled up in a ball on the bed and wept until there was nothing left in her, grateful for an empty house and the fact that Marshall wouldn't be stopping by to check on her.

As she calmed down, her thoughts drifted back to the last time she had let herself cry. That, too, had been a result of emotions surfacing because of her father and it had been Marshall that she had allowed to comfort her. She unknowingly let out a small sigh at the memory and pulled herself off the bed.

"Enough, Mary," she said as she made her way to the bathroom to splash water on face.

Walking into the kitchen, she was surprised to see Jinx at the stove.

"Mom?"

"Hi, Sweetie," she said a little too cheerfully, making Mary wonder whether her mother had heard her crying. Then, confirming her fears, her mother asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Is there any…" Jinx recognized the look on Mary's face and decided not to push her luck. Instead, she chose to take a chance with food. "Are you hungry?"

"Um, I don't think…"

"Don't worry," she said reassuringly as she held up the package. "I didn't make it. It's heat and serve."

"Well, maybe I could eat a little something," Mary conceded, knowing full well that there was a great possibility that Jinx could still screw it up.

Mary sat at the table while her mother finished heating up dinner.

"So, Mom, what were you up to all day today?"

"Oh, you know," Jinx said, evading the question.

"No, Mom, I don't or I wouldn't have asked."

"Well, things have just been a little difficult around here lately. I'm still not really sure what happened with Raphael…and I don't want to push you while you're still healing, but you and Brandi have barely said two words to each other all week. And not being able to help has been hard, so I went to meeting today and then was out looking for a job."

Mary stared at Jinx a moment, before saying, "I know it's been weird around here lately, but you shouldn't feel like you're stuck in the middle of it." She paused before adding, "I'm proud of you, Mom. For not drinking and for knowing when to go to a meeting." She stopped there, not wanting to get her hopes up that her mother may actually start contributing financially around the house.

"Thanks, Mary. That means a lot."

"And I'll talk to Brandi," Mary uttered, letting out sigh. "I mean, it's been a week. I can't imagine she's still that hung up on the Raph thing."

Jinx smiled, silently thanking Mary, as she placed the plates of food on the table.

Mary felt her stomach rumble from hunger and took a bite before continuing. "About Raph. It's not that I'm trying to keep anything from you and I'm sure Brandi told you her version, but that's not what happened. He tried to make me choose, Mom. He wanted me to give up who I am to be who he wanted me to be and I can't do it. I won't marry someone that won't accept me, won't love me, for me. I'd only end up resenting him in the end."

"Honey," Jinx said, clasping her hands together toward the sky as if in prayer, "all I ever wanted is for you to be happy. That's still all I want. And as much as I like Raphael, as good a man as I think he is, I don't want you to settle because you think that's what's expected of you. Or, God forbid, that you think you don't have any other options. There are always other options."

Mary was taken aback by the understanding and support in her mother's words. It wasn't something she had ever experienced before and she hoped that it was an indication that Jinx really was starting to turn her life around.

"Is that what they teach you at those meetings of yours?"

Jinx just smiled and shrugged as she took a bite of food.

"Cause maybe I should start going with you," Mary said, returning the smile.

The rest of the meal took place in a comfortable silence. Each woman lost in her thoughts regarding the recent and distant past events of the Shannon family. It wasn't until she starting clearing the table that Jinx spoke again.

"Are you sure you're okay, Sweetie? You just seem…preoccupied."

"Do you still have that letter from Dad that Lauren gave you?" Mary blurted out, taking Jinx by surprise.

"I...I thought you didn't believe Lauren was telling the truth," Jinx muttered as she recalled the events surrounding Lauren's visit.

"I didn't believe it, Mom. I still don't want to believe it. That Daddy could have gone off and had another family." Mary said, remembering how difficult that time had been and how she'd laid into Jinx for being so gullible. "May I see the letter, please?"

"Of course," Jinx replied after a moment, knowing that Mary had shared all of her letters and there was nothing in the letter that Mary couldn't see. "I'll be right back." But then, something stopped her and she turned back to her daughter.

"Mary, is this what has you so upset today? Have you been reading your father's letters?"

"What difference does it make if I have?" she said defensively.

"I just don't think it's healthy. Maybe it's time to let it go."

"You're one to talk, Mom."

"Exactly, Sweetie. I was making myself crazy over those letters and for what? Your father obviously moved on without us."

"Mom, the letter," Mary urged, indicating she was not ready to let it go.

"Okay, okay," Jinx conceded, going to get the letter.

Handing the envelope to Mary, Jinx sat down across from her and waited for her to read it.

Mary removed the letter, cautiously, almost as if she were afraid to read it. Unfolding it, her eyes scanned the words as her mind absorbed their meaning and she wondered what could have prompted her father to write such a letter after all these years.

"Mom, this is dated May 2008."

"I know. Your father wrote it, but obviously hadn't intended to actually mail it. Lauren said she found it in his pocket after he was in an accident."

"What kind of accident? Did she say if he was okay?" Mary asked quickly, concerned about her father and wishing she had taken Jinx seriously when she first mentioned Lauren. But how was she supposed to have reacted? There had been so much happening and she just honestly couldn't bring herself to even consider the possibility that her father had had another family. Especially one that he hadn't abandoned.

"She didn't say what happened. Only that he had some memory loss and took a long time to recover."

"So, he did recover?"

"Yes, but…"

"What, Mom? Tell me."

"She said that he had disappeared."

Mary stared at her mother as the meaning of her words sunk in.

It was those words, along with the many that her father had written, that haunted her thoughts that night, as she lay awake in the darkness of her room.

***

The next day, Marshall walked out of the Sunshine Building and breathed in the fresh air.

The previous evening with his new witness had ended up lasting well into the night, which Marshall had not planned on, and it had made him unusually cranky this morning. But it was Friday and now that Stan had given him the rest of the day off, he smiled as he walked to the SUV and thought about his lunch date with Mary.

'Just don't use that word with her,' he warned himself as he realized that was not the first time today he'd referred to it as a date. 'Cause you know she'll find a way to kick your ass, even if she isn't at full strength.'

His mind quickly conjured up some images of a smack down with Mary and laughing, he put the car in drive and headed in the direction of her house. He knew it was a little early, but figured she'd be glad for the company after having been left to her own devices the day before.

As he walked toward the house, he was almost bowled over by Brandi.

"In a hurry?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Marshall," Brandi said, looking up from her phone to finally acknowledge him. "I gotta get to class. Just let yourself in." Then after taking a few steps, she turned around and yelled back sarcastically, "Have fun."

He stood for a moment, watching as she got in the car and pondering the significance of her remark. Then, filing it under one of the many curiosities that made up the Shannon women, he walked up the steps and let himself in.

Not seeing anyone as he entered, he closed the door and was about to call out when he heard Jinx's unmistakable voice echo from within the house.

"How is this helping?" she asked, sounding frustrated and annoyed. "Look at yourself, Mary, you're exhausted. You need to let it go."

Marshall wondered what kind of grief Mary's mother was causing her and assumed this was the reason behind Brandi's comment to him outside. He was debating as to whether he should intervene when Jinx spoke up again.

"Sweetie," she said in a much softer tone, "I just don't want to see you get hurt. Haven't you been through enough this year?" There was a brief pause in the one-sided conversation before she added, "Just please promise me you won't let this make you crazy and you'll get some rest."

Her words caused Marshall to take pause. He was surprised by the concern in Jinx's voice and suddenly worried about what Mary could be doing that would cause such a reaction on her mother's part. As he tried to decide the best course of action, Jinx appeared from the direction of Mary's room.

"Marshall," Jinx said, surprise and relief both evident in her voice. "Thank God you're here. Maybe you can find some way to distract her."

"From?" he questioned and instantly recognized his mistake as he watched a flash of realization cross her face. She began to wring her hands together nervously and he knew she wasn't going tell him anything.

"Oh, you know how she can be," Jinx responded with a wave of the hand. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was just on my way out. Mary's in her room."

He cursed his stupidity as he watched Jinx scurry away and then he walked toward Mary's room, preparing himself for whatever he may find. Her door was partially open and he stopped before entering, deciding it was best to approach the situation as if the last five minutes hadn't happened.

"I hope you're decent," he threw out as he pushed the door open.

"No you don't, pervis," she spat back from inside the room.

Marshall smiled at her retort and took it as an invitation to enter. She was standing with her back to him, facing the bed and appeared to be gathering papers of some kind into a box. He was quickly distracted from them by the fact that she was wearing a pair of sweats that hung nicely from her hips and a tank top that revealed her lean, muscular shoulders and arms. There was nothing different about her outfit this morning from any other day he'd seen her this past week, but he couldn't help but take advantage of any moment she wasn't paying attention to admire her.

His admiration quickly changed back to concern, though, as she turned to face him and he saw the redness in her tired eyes.

"What are you looking at?" Mary snapped at him when she saw him studying her face.

"You," he shot back at her, knowing sometimes it was better to face her head on. "You look tired."

Mary just shrugged and turned her attention back to the task at hand.

"Well, didn't you sleep last night?" he asked, pushing her for an answer since it was obvious she was trying to ignore the question.

"Not really. What the hell are you doing here so early anyway?" she questioned, changing the subject in a classic move of avoidance that Marshall made note of for later, before playing along.

"My reward for being a good Marshal; Stan gave me the rest of the day off."

"You are such a kiss ass. What did you do now? All his progress reports for the week? Or did you organize and label the supply closet again?"

"I never would have had to touch that closet if someone hadn't gone and switched all the supplies into the wrong boxes in the first place," he said, glaring at her.

She just grinned.

"As a matter of fact, I spent half the night with the latest addition to our community."

"Not another nutcase?" she asked and Marshall nodded in agreement.

"Paranoid and delusional," he added.

"And some moron at the DOJ believes these are good qualities in a witness? Unbelievable, yet not surprising."

"True," Marshall agreed as they shared a knowing look. Then, he smiled brightly and plopped down on the bed. The crinkle of paper underneath him caught his attention and he shifted in his seat to reveal a stray envelope. He reached for it as he said, "But the upside is, barring any emergencies, I am now a free man for the next few days and all yours."

Marshall barely had time to process the fact that it was a letter before Mary was grabbing it from his hands with a glare. Making yet another note on his mental list designated for Mary, which seemed to be growing at an exceptional rate for so early in the day, he watched as she carefully placed the letter in the box she was holding and turned to put it the closet.

Grabbing the letter back from Marshall had been a reflex and as she put the box away she felt a small pang of guilt, which she ignored by turning her thoughts back to his previous statement. Her first smile of the day formed on her lips as she reached up into the closet, placing the box on the shelf. She'd gotten used to having Marshall around lately and was glad she didn't have to resort to asking him his plans for the weekend, but there was no way she'd ever let him know that. Instead, she composed herself and put on her best scowl, then faced him with her hands on her hips.

"So your reward becomes my punishment. Tell me how that's fair?"

"Aw, c'mon," Marshall said, feigning offense and a pout.

"Save it, Doofus. That sad, little puppy face of yours will not work on me. Now get the hell out so I can get dressed and then you can buy me lunch."

Impure thoughts crossed Marshall's mind as he reluctantly stood up to leave the room and he tried to shake them off. He knew he was in love with his partner, even before he'd almost lost her recently, he'd known it. But since Raph moved out, and he'd practically moved in, he was having trouble keeping his body in check.

It was simple enough to keep telling himself that he was only there as a friend, but every so often he forgot and would find himself watching her with a little too much longing or reaching out to caress her, only to catch himself at the last minute. 'Down boy,' he thought to himself as Mary's voice rang in his ears.

"Hurry up, numb nuts," Mary teased. "Unless you want a show?"

Marshall turned immediately and looked at her with a raised eyebrow, only to be met by a pillow to the face.

"Get out!" she hollered. "Or you'll be buying me dinner too."

He left the room wearing a big grin, unaware that his partner wore one that matched. But as he sat waiting for her, he began to work through the tidbits of information he'd gathered and tried to figure out what was bothering Mary. Despite their playful banter, she looked much more tired than she had two days ago and he knew something wasn't right.

We are at the one week and counting mark for the Season 3 premiere. I'll keep posting a chapter a day and would love to hear your comments, so push the button and weigh in.