I'm awesome, aren't I? ;) Didn't think I could update this soon again.
Though the next one will take some time. Sorry people, but I've some studying to do!! :(
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"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe?" I asked bleakly. "Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? Black, Newton, Yorkie, Crowly… Fury immobilized me as my hands ached to crush something. "You know a few of them, but some might surprise you." Dowling, Richardson, the entire male population of Forks High School… Yes, she would be very surprised indeed.
She shook her head still refusing to believe any of it. "You're just trying to distract me. Let's get back to the subject."
I exhaled. Yup, I couldn't do anything with this girl. Stubborn little creature!
"Tell me if I have anything wrong." She was trying to appear nonchalant. "Your demands are marriage", she made a tiny grimace that had me smiling, "paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster." She cocked her eyes challenging me. She was adorable. Don't kiss her now! Don't kiss her now! I argued with myself. She'd had enough wrong impressions for one night. But that face…
"Did I get everything? That's a hefty list." Huh? Oh right, she was saying something.
"Only the first is a demand." The best demand I've ever made. Would one quick peck really matter that much? "The others are merely requests."
"And my lone, solitary little demand is —"
"Demand?" Yes, yes it would matter. Darn!
"Yes, demand." She wouldn't let go. "Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."
Fine, I would have to quash my marriage dreams forever. The thought was unbearably painful. Well, there was no way around it. I angled downward to whisper my denial in her ears. "No, it's not possible now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella." Just a little patience. She had no clue how much I wanted it myself.
"But that's the problem." She stated in an unwavering intonation. I could still detect the underlying urgency. "It won't be the same when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same! I don't know who I'll be then."
"You'll still be Bella," I assured her. Always the very same.
She didn't agree. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie — that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance — how can that be true?"
"It will pass." Plus, I'd keep her from hurting any of those she loved. She didn't deserve pain, any pain, physical or emotional. She was far too good. We'd move to Alaska…
An idea struck me then. "And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood." I feigned mortification. I needn't have acted, the dog was nauseating. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that." Trust me Bella, I chortled.
She refused to budge. I needed to work on my distraction skills. That kiss didn't seem like such a bad idea now. I shook the thought away darkly – the very last thing we both needed.
"But that will always be what I want most, won't it?" she disputed. "Blood, blood, and more blood!"
"The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true," I reminded her, editing the near-misses. I inhaled deeply. Get a grip. She's fine now.
"Over eighty years later." She went on. "What I meant was physically, though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself . . . after a while. But just purely physically — I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."
And she had me there. How could I contradict her? I barely remembered my human life. I had never felt for anyone like I felt for Bella. Not even close. But if I'd known her then, I tried to think objectively, would my feelings have changed after Carlisle saved me? I doubted that. I was pretty much the same after transformation, just with heightened abilities, that's all. But then again, that was all cerebral. Physically, as a new-born, blood-lust was all I knew. I winced as I considered that.
"So I will be different." She was triumphant. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically . . ."
And then very softly, she placed a kiss in the centre of my palm. Heat coursed through me. Her touch left me tingling. What I wouldn't do to be human.
"Bella, I could kill you." I had to keep a sane head.
"I don't think you could."
Really? I could feel disbelief cloud my eyes. Well then, a little demonstration was in order. Besides, I could do with the distraction myself. Her kiss was still ringing in my memory. I unwillingly removed my hand from her face and reached for the first thing I saw. The metal flower came apart easily in my hands, making the bed shake slightly. I showed it to her and then crushed it with the gentlest force. Then, I offered her the crumbled remains. That could easily be her, I thought in mute horror. Would she listen to me now?
Instead, she glowered. "That's not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."
"What did you mean then?" I asked perplexed, as I disposed the shreds still in my palm. I couldn't rid my voice of the dread that had filled me.
Would she never fail to surprise me, I wondered as I continued to stare at her. She was simply inscrutable.
"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to . . ." She attempted to assemble her thoughts. "More that, you don't want to hurt me . . . so much so that I don't think that you ever could."
So that's what she was getting at. I shook my head as I tried to make her see sense.
"It might not work like that, Bella." Can't you see? I can kill you. She had no sense of self-preservation at all. Insane.
"Might," she was contemptuous now. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."
Precisely, my point. "Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?"
I glared at her hoping she'd accept that and leave it be. I'd had enough arguments with her already. All I wanted now was to snuggle her in and let her sleep comfortably. She had to be tired. All that arguing wasn't good for her system.
"Please," she requested in a very small voice. "It's all I want. Please." She closed her eyes giving up.
That one word shattered my resolution. I had never seen her so helpless before, literally begging me for the one thing I couldn't give her. Something was gnawing deeply inside me as I tried to brush away the pain. I was completely lost.
She opened her eyes slowly to look at me. I don't know what it was she saw there but it prompted her to try again. "Please?" she implored, her heartbeat had accelerated several notches. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us try . . . only try. And I'll give you what you want, I'll marry you. I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just . . . please. "
She had just promised me everything I'd ever asked for in life. All that she wanted in return was… My heart was swelling unendurably. She was going to win this time too… wait, 'If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that.' What did THAT mean?
I hugged her more tightly as I quietly confessed. "This is unbearable. So many things I've wanted to give you — and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?" Please Bella! Don't do this to me.
"Then don't refuse." She was breathless.
And for a brief moment, I was completely overwhelmed. What if I could do it right? Bella in my arms, sighing my name as she cradled my face… I had wanted it for so long. My breathing hiked. The anticipation of the intense pleasure was drowning me.
"Please." The final call.
"Bella . . ." I couldn't fight this anymore. I trailed my kisses softly across her throat. Don't do this, some tiny component of my brain warned. Before I could ponder over that, Bella turned her head to kiss me full on the mouth. And my will crumbled. All sanity forgotten, I grabbed her face. I was too far gone.