Chapter Twenty Two

"Great show Ichigo. You were awesome tonight." Shuuhei said to Ichigo as he exited the stage.

It had been a week since he left Grimmjow's condo and he had thrown himself into work and school, giving himself only enough time to sleep a few hours at night before starting the next day. If he wasn't keeping himself busy he was thinking too much and that never led to good things. Z had let him come back to work under the condition that he find a way to cover the stitched up part of his shoulder while he danced. The forehead was fine since the mask covered it and the cuts on his chest were easily covered by makeup, readily supplied by Yumi. Ichigo knew that Shinji must have said something to the guys at work, not everything of course, but everyone was being overly nice and more than a little obvious. He would have minded a bit but he wouldn't let himself think about it. If he thought about others knowing then he would think about the problem and that would lead back to Grimmjow. He couldn't think about him. It hurt to remember him.

"Thanks." Ichigo smiled and pulled his mask over his head.

Shinji was sitting at a dressing table and handed him a towel. Ichigo was doing three sets a night and waiting tables as well. Shinji knew he was pushing himself but he knew better than to say anything about it. Ichigo would just tell him that he was fine and stop butting in.

"Is it just me or has your dancing become a bit more dark?" Yumi asked as he sat in the chair next to Shinji.

Ichigo shrugged as he stepped into a tight pair of shiny black pleather pants. "I guess."

"Well whatever it is, the crowed loves it. You're living up to your bad boy image." He added with a smile before taking his leave.

"You ready to call off fer tanight?" Shinji asked when Ichigo handed back the towel.

"Nah, I think I can do some tables for a while. It's still early." It was two in the morning.

Shinji sighed as he watched him reach for his mask once more and walk away. Running tables sucked sometimes; the guys were all hands but the tips were great. Ichigo had never wanted to do it before now for obvious reasons but he didn't seem to mind it anymore. He'd smile and flirt with the customers and walked home with a pocket bursting with yen. If Shinji hadn't been so worried about him he would have been jealous.

Ichigo grabbed a tablet from the bar and started his rounds, hitting each table in the section Z had assigned to him when he asked to do it. The men in his section were all around their thirties, well dressed and liked to tip. And touch his ass. It had bothered him a bit at first, but like everything else lately he eventually ignored it, playing into it sometimes for a few more yen. It wasn't like it mattered anymore anyway.

"You boys need anything tonight?" Ichigo asked as he got to his first table and a tall brown haired man in a business suit smiled up at.

"No I think I'm good for now. The view from here is great."

Ichigo smiled and stuck his tablet in his back pocket. "Well, just let me know when ya do." He said before sauntering away. If they weren't touching they were looking, either way he got tips.

At the end of the night Ichigo was putting his things away when Yumi came up to speak with him in private. It surprised Ichigo but he didn't say anything about it.

"Hey, Ichigo. You ever thought about doing private shows?" Yumi had been wondering how to bring up the subject but after the twentieth person had asked him if "The Strawberry" did privates he had to ask.

Ichigo frowned as unwanted images flooded his vision and he shook his head. No, he wasn't ready for that. Not yet.

"I can't."

"You'd make so much money. That's where it is you know. You think you get a lot waiting tables and dancing?" Yumi sighed dramatically. "Well let me know when you change your mind."

Ichigo scowled at the floor as he redressed and gathered his things. He hadn't wanted to think of those things and now he was having trouble getting the images of the night he had danced for Grimmjow out of his head. Shinji, who had been over talking with Shuuhei, walked over to him with the other man in tow.

"Hey Ichi. Ya think you'd be up ta goin' out next Saturday? Shuuhei is starting his second job in a week so we thought it'd be cool to celebrate before he doesn't have the time anymore."

"It'll be fun. Shinji told me about the Discothèque you two always used to go to and it sounds great."

Ichigo smiled and nodded. "That sounds cool." Maybe some non work related dancing would be good for him.

"Awesome. I'll give you the details later in the week then."

After Shuuhei had left Ichigo turned to Shinji and grinned. "You're not gonna ditch me and take off with him are you?"

Shinji grinned back. "I don't know, maybe." He giggled before grabbing Ichigo's bag and slinging it over his shoulder and sighing. "We haven't done anything yet, ya know. Not that we're dating or anything, but I thought something would have happened by now. Not even a kiss." He grumbled.

Ichigo chuckled and shook his head. Same old Shinji. Once back at the apartment they set up their sleeping spaces, Shinji on the floor tonight while Ichigo took the couch. Because the area was so small they alternated each night of the week who got the futon and who got the couch, though neither one of them were very comfortable. Ichigo took a quick shower to wash off the majority of the nights accumulated filth and came out to Shinji holding out a cup of hot tea for him.

"Thanks." He said before sitting down on the couch and sipping at it.

"So how was the floor tonight?" Shinji asked, filling the silence.

Ichigo shrugged. "Not as bad as yesterday. Only three guys grabbed my ass and one asked if I would go home with him. Everyone else was pretty respectful."

"Uhg, I can't wait to get this stupid cast off. I wanna dance too!" Shinji whined dramatically with a smile.

"Only a few more weeks. You'll just have to pay me back somehow when you start up again for all the shit I've been buying for this place."

"Ichi, ya know ya don't hafta do that…."

"Shut up. You realize that you were out of toilet paper, you had almost nothing to clean up with and the cupboards were practically empty. You a week out of work is ridiculous."

Shinji chuckled and shrugged. "It's all 'cause I splurged on the TV last month. I can't seem to get back into the groove."

"Baka." Ichigo shook his head before stretching and laying down. "I'm beat."

Shinji pulled the blanket over himself and laid down. "Cue to shut up and turn the lights off taken."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Shinji smiled into the sudden darkness. "Night Ichi."

"Night Shin."

Now came the hardest part of the day. Pushing back the memories that always swam to the surface as soon as the lights were out. Ichigo took a deep breath and swallowed hard. He would force it out tonight. He would get some sleep. After an hour he gave up and tried to count as high as he could.

Ichigo had been thinking a lot lately, though he tried his best not to, and had decided that it was time to try and let things go instead of running from everything. He couldn't forget about Grimmjow, not completely anyway, and he knew it was pointless to even try. He tried to think of only the good things, tried to laugh at the funny things and even did his best to sigh at the intimate things. It was when he thought of those times that he was at his worst though and he tried not to think of those as often. It was funny, in a way. After all the times of him denying that he belonged to Grimmjow he hadn't realized until it was over that it was every bit true. Nearly two weeks had passed and he hadn't gone one night without dreaming about him. He felt like such a sap but a part of him loved it. He just hoped he hadn't been sleep talking or anything else.

As he was walking up the stairs to Shinji's apartment, Shinji digging in his pocket for his keys, the neighbor, Renji, was exiting his apartment and an idea struck Ichigo so suddenly that he stopped walking and turned around.

"Yo, Renji?"

Renji turned around and cocked an eyebrow at the young man he had only ever spoken to once. Ichigo turned to Shinji and told him that he'd be right in before walking of to where the redhead stood. Shinji watched with a curious frown on his face as he opened the door and stepped inside. It didn't take long for Ichigo to return and he had a smile on his face when he did. Shinji didn't want to think what that smile was for but his mouth asked before his brain could stop it.

"What's with the shit eatin' grin?"

Ichigo continued to smile and shook his head. "It's nothing. I'll tell you about it later."

Shinji frowned at that, not at all pleased with that answer. He was about to ask again when Ichigo's phone rang. Things seemed to have been getting better lately, Ichigo was smiling more, real smiles now instead of those fake "I'm totally not okay" ones that he had been doing the week before. He hoped that meant he was pushing Grimmjow out of his life for good and forgetting about him. It's what he would have done but then again he wasn't Ichigo. They were very different when it came to lovers. Shinji never really got attached while Ichigo had always gotten a little too attached to certain things, if not lovers, because he had only ever had one other and that was back in high school, then everything else.

Ichigo was smiling when he hung up the phone and turned to Shinji.

"Yuzu and everyone are coming home some time next week."

"Really? Oh that's great Ichi!"

"Yeah. It is."

The next day Shinji spent with his mother, same as he did every Thursday afternoon and Ichigo headed next door to Renji's apartment, knocking quietly and waiting as patiently as he could for the door to open. He had been thinking about it all night and debating about going through with it. It was a big decision after all, something he would have to live with for the rest of his life. He had even written down exactly what he wanted, making sure every detail was to his liking. He wanted this to be perfect.

Renji opened the door and smiled, stepping back to let Ichigo in and shutting it quietly behind him.

"So you made up yer mind I take it."

Ichigo nodded and handed Renji the paper he had written everything down on. Renji cocked an eyebrow at him and pursed his lips.

"You sure you want this?" He said, waving the paper in his hands.

"Yes. Definitely."

Renji shrugged. "Alright then. Take yer pants off."

Grimmjow sat behind his desk and sighed. He'd been doing a lot of that lately and he didn't think it was going to stop anytime soon. He was tired and pissed off at everyone that lived and he just wanted to go on a rampage and strike down anything in his way. And it had nothing to do with a certain orange haired young man. He wouldn't let himself believe that it did no matter how many times Nnoitra pointed it out; nor how many times his own traitorous mind did as well. No. He was pissed off that he still had a hit out on him and the fucker hadn't been caught yet. Not even a word had been heard about the man in the past two weeks and he was becoming increasingly wary. No one boasted about wanting to kill someone and then fell off the face of the earth. It just didn't happen. Even Nnoitra had had little luck and was beginning to become discouraged.

He had started working late into the night and sleeping at the hotel he frequented. It had nothing to do with the fact that every inch of his condo reminded him of Ichigo. That his bed still smelled like Ichigo. No, he'd destroyed his living room. Even though it had been repaired quickly he still didn't feel like going back. There was nothing wrong with that, damn it. It didn't mean that he missed him. It didn't mean that he was sad that he was gone. It didn't mean that he still had Ichigo followed and got daily reports of his activities. He sighed again and looked at his phone. Shawlong should have called by now to tell him if anything had happened that day or not. He practically jumped when the phone rang and wanted to hit himself for it.

"Yeah?"

"He went into the neighbor's house a while ago and still hasn't come out. Been about an hour. Other than that nothing else has happened. Area is secure. Nothing else to report."

Neighbor? The one with long hair and tattoo's Shawlong had told him about? What the hell kind of business would Ichigo have with that person? He grit his teeth and hung up the phone without signing off. So that's how it was, huh? Ichigo was ready to move on already. It shouldn't have surprised him since it had been Ichigo who had left in the first place but he couldn't stop the twisting in his gut and the pain in his heart. Chest, not heart, he scolded himself. And Ichigo had every right to do whatever he pleased. Right?

"No, damn it!" Grimmjow pounded a fist on his desk and stood, pulling out a cigarette and putting it to his lips without lighting it. He hadn't been able to smoke since… well since Ichigo had left. It was just another thing to add the long list of things that pissed him off recently.

He wanted to go over there right then and there, bust open that door and drag Ichigo out kicking and screaming if necessary. He kicked the side of his desk and was mildly surprised when it didn't fall over. I hadn't exactly been the first time he had kicked it. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time that day. He wasn't going to do anything and he knew it. He had let him go after all. It was his own damn fault if Ichigo slept with someone else.

"Fuck."

It hurt. Just the thought of it hurt and for a brief moment Grimmjow let it take him over before squashing it down again. There was no reason to hurt, right? It's not like he loved Ichigo or anything. Another stab of pain was stamped down and he returned to his desk, breaking the cigarette in his mouth in half and throwing it in the trash with the others. It wasn't love.

"Ahh… shit. It stings." Ichigo grit his teeth as Renji leaned over him.

"It usually does at least a little yer first time. Quit bein' a baby and take it like a man." Renji replied as his hands worked.

"Do you have to do it so hard?" Ichigo asked, not sure about how things worked.

"If I want it to take then yeah. Don't move."

Ichigo sighed and laid back, placing his hands behind his head as Renji bent over his lap once again. There was certainly no going back now, Renji had been going at it for almost an hour now and Ichigo was about numb. With a few more strokes of his hand Renji pulled away and smiled down at him.

"Well, what do ya think?"

Ichigo stood and walked to the full length mirror, looking at himself, a tiny, sad smiled tugging at his lips. Situated just over his right hip bone was a mirror image of the six Grimmjow had tattooed on his back. He bit his lip as he admired it; a perfect copy. Once Renji had seen the poorly drawn sketch he had recognized it for what it was and almost refused until Ichigo explained exactly what he wanted. It was smaller than Grimmjow's, maybe only about three inches in length, but it was there and would be there for the rest of his life. A permanent memory of the first man he had ever fallen in love with.

"It's perfect."

Renji smiled before going over the details of how to care for it, handing over ointments and a few water proof bandages as he did so. Ichigo was only half listening as he continued to admire the mark on his flesh. He wanted to touch it; wanted to trance his fingers over it as he had done to Grimmjow's so many times while he slept.

"Don't touch it yet." Renji said as he spotted Ichigo's hand sliding closer to the fresh tattoo.

"Sorry."

"Look, here's a care list and some items and shit for it all. Do everything it says on the instructions and it should be cool. If not you might have to get it redone."

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, thanks Renji."

"No problem. I needed the cash anyway."

Ichigo pulled his shirt down over his unbuttoned pants and slipped on his shoes. With a wave over his shoulder he left the apartment to head back the Shinji's, happy that his friend wasn't home yet. He wanted to look at his tattoo some more but he didn't want to tell anyone about it yet. He wanted to keep this little secret to himself for as long as he could. He had asked for the next three nights off since he had worked almost twelve days straight and Z had told him to get lost. He walked to the bathroom and lifted his shirt to admire it once again with a smile.

"Perfect."

"Don't you feel even a little fucked up about what we're doing?" The man asked as he cradled the phone between his ear and his shoulder.

"Nah, besides they said no one would get hurt and this would clear all yer debts. It's nothing. So you have to lie a little." The other replied.

"That's the part I don't like. It just doesn't feel right. I know they said no one would get hurt but…."

"Forget it." He was interrupted. "You don't have a choice. Think of this as penance for all the shit you did when you were using. Just remind yerself that this will wipe yer debts clean. You'll never have to deal with this shit again."

The first man let out a small sigh of resignation. "You're right. I have to do this. Thanks otouto."

"No problem, aniki."

He hung up the phone and sighed. It still didn't feel right what they were doing but otouto was right. It had to be done. Whether he liked it or not.

A/N I wasn't sure if I could squeeze anything else out today but here ya go, a short little filler chapter that skips us ahead in time just a bit. I hope you all feel a little better after reading this. I know I do. A little *sniffle*

Aniki-Big Borhter

Otouto-Little Brother

Obviously the polls are closed now for the tattoo thing. Thanks to all that voted!!

~Penny