My apologies for the lateness of this chapter. You miss one deadline and the rest go out the window. Thanks to BuJyo for the speedy beta. I hope it was worth the wait.
Ch. 9: What's in a Letter?
"Jesus H. Christ! Who the hell do those damn people think they are?" Mary yelled as she entered the motel room.
They were the first words she'd uttered since they left the Hefferman's and Marshall breathed a sigh of relief. She had sat in silence in the truck after her final confrontation with Lauren, almost non-responsive, and he'd begun to worry that she may be in shock.
"I mean, seriously, acting all high and mighty; Ms. Realtor with her perfect house and her perfect family. Talk about control issues."
Marshall, who had followed Mary into the room and taken a seat in the chair by the window, regarded her last comment with a raised eyebrow. He knew the afternoon was upsetting for Mary and that this was her way of coping, but Gail's control issues paled in comparison to those of his partner.
"What?" Mary snapped when she noticed the way Marshall was looking at her. "C'mon, you can't seriously tell me that there wasn't something strange going on in that house?"
"Do I think there was something they weren't telling us? Yes."
"See. I knew it wasn't just me," Mary added before Marshall had had time to complete his thoughts.
"But...," he injected, "Her husband and their father is missing. I can see them not wanting to discuss it in front of strangers, especially if they believe he just left."
"Well that certainly seems to be what he's best at, doesn't it. But in this case, who could blame him? I don't know how he ever lasted this long." Mary paced about the room, picking things up and putting them back down, not really sure what to do with herself. She was hurt and angry, but couldn't really focus on anything past the anger at the moment.
"Mary," Marshall warned at the absurdity of her statement. He knew she needed to work through it, but he couldn't let her live in denial either. James Shannon had left Mary when she was seven. He'd been in the role of James Hefferman for over twenty-five years. Even if he did leave in the end, the situations were by no mean comparable.
"Fine, yes, they had their perfect little family growing up. Mom and Dad together, family vacations and little league. Woo Hoo!" she said waving her hands in the air. "What the hell was the point when we all ended up the same damn place?" She had stopped moving and was staring at Marshall with her hands on her hips, waiting, hoping for confirmation.
Marshall could see she was getting more desperate, grabbing at straws, trying to hold on to anything that would keep her from having to deal with what she learned today. He fought back his own emotions, the desire to rescue her, and reminded himself to just be there for her. The chinks in the armor were there and he knew it wouldn't be long before it would crumble.
"What do you want to do now?" he asked, knowing she hadn't given any thought to the next step, but thinking he may be able to redirect her attention.
"I need to call the other sister," Mary said as if stating the obvious. "See if I can drag any information out of her since Lauren's obviously not going to be of any help. What was her deal, anyway? All I did was ask her mother whether her husband was coming home. It's not like I jumped up on the table and announced I was her long lost step-daughter, for chrissakes," Mary barked, starting to pace once again. "Oh, or better yet, I could call Jinx and Brandi and we could have a bigamist family reunion."
Marshall winced at the reference; not particularly liking the path Mary was headed down.
"That's good, right," Mary continued, very animated, "sounds just like one of those reality TV shows. My Big, Fat Bigamist Family. Jinx can finally have that acting career she always wanted. The poor, single mom left to raise two little girls all on her own. That is, when she decided to come up out of the bottle for air. Why my parents ever chose to procreate is something I'll never understand. Just another reason you should need a license in order to have kids. What the hell were they thinking bringing kids into this world?"
Mary voice trailed off as she stopped in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. She couldn't imagine any kind of reason or master plan that could possibly exist when it came to her life. It seemed to be a series of disappointments and never ending pain resulting from the stupid decisions her parents had made. She hung her head, avoiding her own gaze, not wanting to feel anything.
He was behind her before she even realized he'd moved. She felt the heat from his body along the back of her as his hands came to rest on her shoulders. Then looking up into the mirror once more, she found the brilliant blue of his eyes waiting there for her.
"No matter how many bad decisions they made. Regardless of all the mean and stupid things they may have done. There is one thing in this world for which I will always be grateful to your parents." Marshall turned Mary to face him and placing his hand gently under her chin, guided her to meet his gaze. "And that is you, Mary Shannon. The world is a better place...my world is a better place because of you. Don't ever doubt it and don't ever forget it."
She felt the water in her eyes and tried to blink back the tears, but a single drop escaped and slowly trailed down her cheek. Marshall reached up and brushed it lightly away with his thumb, letting it linger to caress her cheek. He could see her struggling and his eyes pleaded with her to share the burden.
"Every once in awhile," he whispered, holding his arms open to her, "it's okay not to be the strongest one in the room."
Stepping into his arms, she wondered at what point she'd done whatever it was she did to deserve Marshall. She couldn't think of a single thing. She'd always been hard, abusive and closed off. Her behavior toward him had been no exception. If anything, the longer he'd stuck around, the more abusive she'd been. Thankful he hadn't given up on her, she made a mental note to tell him just that because in this moment, she was content to stay quietly cocooned in his arms.
A knock at the door disturbed the newly found calm within the motel room and each groaned as they were forced to break apart. After sharing a questioning look as to who it may be, Marshall stepped over and opened the door, surprised to find Lauren standing on the other side.
"I hope I'm not intruding," she said, glancing over at Mary. "Is it okay if I come in for a minute?"
Mary nodded and Marshall moved to let Lauren in, while at the same time asking Mary in the form of an unspoken question if she wanted him to give them some time alone. She nodded again and Marshall grabbed his jacket, excusing himself as he left the room. He wouldn't wander far, but would use the time to check in with Stan while giving the sisters an opportunity to clear the air, he hoped.
"Look, Mary," Lauren began, "I'm sorry about earlier. It's just the subject of my...our father is a very sensitive one for my mother. He's been gone almost a year and I still don't think she's dealt with it. She continues on like it's just another day, like he's going to walk in the door from work any minute."
Mary had behaved the same way, but she rolled her eyes at Lauren's comment, thinking a grown woman should know better. "Don't worry about it. He's not my father. I'm just some distant cousin from New Jersey," she said snidely. "Was there something else you needed? Cause I, for one, think this little chat has been really helpful." She turned away and started playing with the items in her bag as she tried to keep her hands from shaking.
"I told you, I didn't know about the picture," Lauren said in exasperation. "You can't blame my mother when she was only repeating what Dad had told her."
"Disowning the disappointing family back east for the perfect one in California."
"Mary, please."
"No. It's fine, really," she said, accompanied by a sarcastic laugh that kicked in as a defense mechanism. "Seriously, I believe I'm the lucky one in this scenario. I've had my whole life to get used the fact that he's gone. And after a disappointment like that, all the other crap life throws at you is cake. You're the one that's gonna have to learn to accept that your perfect little world, wasn't as perfect as you thought."
"I only came here to apologize for earlier and give you this," Lauren stated, pulling an envelope from her pocket.
"What's that?" Mary asked, exhaustion evident in her voice.
"I lied earlier," she admitted. "I got a letter from Dad a couple of months after he disappeared. I haven't told anyone about it, not even my family, but if it can help you figure out what happened to him..."
"A letter?"
"Yeah. I have it memorized, so you can take it with you," Lauren said as she turned toward the door. Opening it, she turned back to Mary and said, "I know he hurt you, but please don't blame my family for something they had no control over and don't even know about. You have my number, please call me if you find out anything."
Mary watched her go, the letter held tight between two fists. Time slowed as she as she pulled it from the envelope with trembling hands and sat down on the bed, afraid of her legs giving out on her. She hadn't received a letter since the day she bought the house and she blamed herself, afraid her father took her seriously when she had said she didn't need him any more and destroyed the bug.
June 17, 2009
Lauren,
Sweetheart, I am sorry that I left so quickly, but I've done some things and I must go away.
Mary stared at the words on the paper. Words that echoed the sentiment of another letter written a lifetime ago.
You will no doubt hear from Jinx, Mary and Brandi that I am a bad man. I am sorry that you had to find out about my past this way and for what it's worth, I don't think of myself as bad, just very, very foolish.
As she continued to read the words that filled the page, her heart pounded faster in her chest. Her father asking Lauren to look after her mother, as well as her brother and sister, saying that they would not understand and it would difficult on them. It wasn't until she read his final words that her heart broke into a million pieces.
I hold you close in my heart, as always. A million kisses, the sun and the moon.
Daddy
As Lauren made her way back to her car, she could see Marshall standing near motel's office on the phone. Not wanting to disturb him, she simply waved. But seeing him motion for her to wait, stopped.
"Thanks for waiting," Marshall said as he approached. "I just wanted you to know that this is the most difficult thing that Mary's had to deal with in her life. It's going to take her some time."
"I know it must have been difficult on her..."
"No. I don't think you could possibly understand what it must have been like to be seven years old and have the one person that meant more to you than anything else in the world just walk out of your life. It was traumatizing, especially when you throw in a mother that couldn't take care of herself, better yet her two little girls, so Mary essentially became the adult."
"I had no idea," Lauren admitted.
"I know. That's why I'm telling you."
"Thank you for telling me. I can see how much you care about her," Lauren paused and silence fell between them for a moment. "Please tell her that I really am sorry. I just gave her a letter I received from my dad, I'm not sure if it'll help, but I figured it couldn't hurt." She noticed the change in Marshall's expression. "Is everything okay?"
"I just really need to get back," he said, preoccupied.
"Well, tell her if she needs anything, if there's anything else I can do, to call me."
"I tell her," he replied. Then before walking away, he added, "It was nice to meet you, Lauren. And the same goes for you, if there's ever anything we can do, call." He handed Lauren his card and offered a smile before making his way back to the room.
He opened the door slowly to reveal her standing near the window, arms wrapped tightly around her chest, face barely visible in the soft glow of the parking lots lights. Due to the lack of light in the room, he wasn't able to make out the paper and envelope tossed aside on the table until he reached her side.
She never turned to look at him or acknowledge his presence, but she knew he was there, standing close enough for her to feel him without touching. Giving the support she needed, without pushing her. And although she felt as if her world had come crashing down around her, there he still stood. Waiting. She knew it was significant, that it meant something, possibly everything and she finally spoke.
"All the letters that he wrote me, the words of love and encouragement, they weren't real. They didn't mean anything because the entire time he was actually being a real father to someone else."
Marshall could see the change in her breathing and knew she was trying to force the sobs back down.
"How do you do that to a child?" she continued. "Promise them the world only to give it to another? And not just take away the fantasies, but make her responsible for all those you left behind when she's not much more than a baby." She turned to face Marshall as the tears began to fall freely. "What kind of a person does something like that?"
He gathered her up in his arms and held her as it all came pouring out of her. Everything that Mary Elizabeth Shannon had ever believed came crashing down in the face of reality, from the hopes and dreams of the little girl to the heartache and disappointment of the woman. She no longer knew who she was or what to believe. All she could do was cling to the man that had become her rock and hope that he could keep her from slipping away.
When the sobs had subsided and her breathing began to even out, he pulled back to look at her. He had never seen her so vulnerable, or so beautiful, and he let the back of his hand caress her cheek until she began to shy away.
"I'm sorry," he said, dropping his hand. "I didn't mean to…"
"No, don't be sorry. I just…"
"Hey, it's me," Marshall whispered. "All you have to do is…"
"…tell you what I need." She looked up at him as his words fell from her lips and his breath hitched at the emotion he saw. "For now, will you just lay down next to me? I don't want to be alone."
"You are not alone, Mare," Marshall insisted. "You are never alone."
It may not seem like it, but we are almost at the end. Are you still with me?