A/N: Happy Halloween everybody! I had some free time this morning so I decided to finish up this chapter and post it. Happy reading and don't forget to leave a review!! :)

Chapter 1 – Be Still My Beating Heart

"May I get another one for you, sir?"

Johnny looked at his empty scotch glass and nodded. He was probably going to need at least three more of these to deal with the evening that he was about to have. Claudia had insisted on him having dinner with her and Nikolas and he figured that he had to be somewhat intoxicated in order to stomach both the mere sight of his future brother-in-law and his sister's uncharacteristic giddiness about their upcoming wedding. The bartender handed him another glass of scotch and Johnny downed it within seconds. He groaned as the amber liquid burned his throat. He knew that he shouldn't have come back and he had no idea how Claudia had convinced him that this was a good idea. Looking down at his watch, he saw that it was a quarter to six. Claudia, who was in the middle of moving her things from the Zacchara mansion to Wyndamere, instructed him to be at the dock at six o'clock sharp for the launch to ferry him across to Spoon Island. He knew that at this rate, he was going to be late but he really couldn't have cared less. He had no desire to made idle chit-chat with Nikolas and Claudia tonight and then attend their father's memorial service in the morning. However, his "better" nature got the best of him and he scooted off his barstool, not wanting to upset his sister by being too tardy. He quickly threw a fifty-dollar bill onto the bar, taking care of the tab that he had run up at the bar, and he began walking towards the elevator.

And that's when he saw her.

Lulu Spencer was sitting at a table on the terrace, looking down at her cell phone. Her golden hair was in soft waves that went well past her shoulders. Her lips were full and carried a faint trace of gloss. She was still as beautiful as he remembered. She was dressed in a white dress shirt with soft ruffles along the collar, a sleek black pencil skirt and matching black pumps. Time had definitely been good to her.

"Lulu! I'm so sorry that I'm late!"

She immediately looked up in the direction of the voice and smiled. A young man with blond hair was walking towards her with an even bigger grin on his face. He was tall but his spiked hair made him seem a few inches taller than he was. He was dressed casually, a moss green t-shirt, a pair of black cargo pants and tennis shoes, which was almost inappropriate for dining at the MetroCourt. He also had one of his ears pierced and a leather bracelet resting on his wrist. Setting down her phone, she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

"That's ok… I was just checking my emails from Kate. She and Maxie are in Milan for the week so I'm running the entire office. Speaking of traveling, how was Florence?" she asked, taking her seat.

"Eh, I've shot on location tons of times so it was nothing special… I just couldn't wait to get back home to you…" he said and he took her hand and kissed it.

Johnny could feel the lump in his throat grow, slowly cutting his ability to breathe away from him. Of course he wanted, and hoped, that she would find someone else that could make her happy. The last thing he ever wanted for her is to still be in mourning for their relationship after all this time but the last thing he wanted was to visually see her move on.

Because he knew that he would never be able to.

After loving her, he knew that he would never be able to love anyone like he loved Lulu Spencer. All of the women in the world could never hold his attention and he knew that he could never experience that type of love ever again.

"You are so good to me, Dillon…" she sighed and he smiled again.

Still holding her hand, Dillon gently touched something on her third finger. Johnny squinted to see what had caught Dillon's attention and his stomach dropped to his feet when he saw the diamond that was resting on her slim finger.

"Mrs. Lesley Lu Quartermaine… or do you prefer Spencer-Quartermaine?" Dillon asked, looking up at his fiancée, and Lulu chuckled.

"Before we decide which last name I'll take, we need to pick a place to actually get married…" she said.

"You know that Tracy and Edward would love to have the wedding at the house… in Lila's rose garden…" Dillon started and he drew small circles on the top of her hand.

Johnny saw Lulu's face turn white and she averted Dillon's gaze. She quickly withdrew her hand from him and she curled her hair around her ear. A heaviness filled his heart upon seeing that a small bit of the damage that he had wrecked on her life still lingered. She looked like she was going to say something when Carly Jacks briskly walked into the restaurant of the hotel towards the couple.

"I'm so sorry that I'm late! I hope that you weren't waiting too long…" Carly said, setting down her black portfolio onto their table.

Lulu quickly hid her uneasiness and smiled warmly at her cousin. The two women embraced and Carly took a seat next to Lulu and began discussing details about having the wedding at the MetroCourt. With that, Johnny decided that he had procrastinated long enough. Looking down at his watch, he knew that Claudia was going to give him an earful when he got to the docks. He walked towards the elevator, making sure that he kept out of sight. He pressed the down button but was immediately grabbed by the sound of Lulu's laugh. He could listen to the sweet sound of her laughter until the day that he died. Carly was admiring Lulu's engagement ring and Dillon was looking on proudly and only one thought ran though his mind.

It should be me…

Johnny shook his head, banishing the useless thought from his mind. There was no use in obsessing over things that he couldn't change. He could and would never have her and even though he had accepted this as reality, it still stung every time he had to remind himself of it. The elevator doors opened and he tore his eyes away from the woman that he would love for the rest of his life and he stepped through the doors of the elevator. He knew that she would be happy with Dillon Quartermaine. He would give her everything that he couldn't. He would give her the life that she deserved. That's what he wanted for her. Even though it killed him to see her happy with another man, it was all for the best that she never see him again.

But nothing could've prepared him for the shock on Lulu's face as her eyes met his as the elevator doors shut.

"It took you long enough!"

Johnny groaned but greeted his uncharacteristically overzealous sister as she waited for him at the docks. Claudia chatted incessantly about the wedding details while he just stared at the reflection of the moon on the black water as the boat sped towards Wyndamere. He couldn't get the image of Lulu's face out of his mind before the elevator doors closed. The look of astonishment on her face knocked the wind out of his chest.

It was like she had seen a ghost.

And that's what he was: a ghost of the man that she used to know. The Johnny Zacchara that she had fallen in love with had died on that day that he left her in Port Charles. He wasn't the same man that had picked her up on the side of the road on that fateful night in September, or the man that had first made love to her underneath midnight sky on the Haunted Star, or the man who had vowed to love her for rest of his days, no matter how long that happened to be, as their world began to crumble around them. He didn't have the right to make such promises because he knew that he couldn't keep them.

And he broke her because of that.

The boat landed at the dock and Claudia briskly hopped off, landing perfectly in her red stilettos, and Johnny managed to smile slightly. She could be moody, possessive, and downright crazy but she was his sister and he loved her regardless. Why else would he have returned to the one place that he vowed he would never come back to? Claudia linked her arm with his as they walked up to the main house where Alfred, Nikolas' trusted butler, was there to greet them at the door.

"Welcome back, Miss Claudia…" the old man said cheerfully.

"Alfred, how many times have I told you to just call me Claudia?" she chuckled as Alfred closed the door behind Johnny.

"I insist, Miss Claudia… but welcome Mr. Zacchara…" Alfred said, turning towards Johnny.

"John or Johnny will do just fine…" Johnny politely insisted as he began to take off his coat.

"Oh, allow me… Master Nikolas is in the dining room…" Alfred said, taking Johnny's coat and then escorting them into the dining room.

Nikolas, with a glass of brandy in his hand, was looking at one of the many paintings that adorned the formal dining room at Wyndamere. He was dressed immaculately as always with a crisp grey button up shirt, black slacks, and Italian loafers. His gaze immediately snapped to the three of them as they entered the dining room and he smiled affectionately at Claudia. He extended his hand out to his fiancée and she gladly took it and was eagerly swept into Nikolas' arms.

"Miss me?" Claudia asked before he planted a kiss on her lips.

"Whenever you leave a room…" he said.

Johnny rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with witnessing his sister's amorous actions. Claudia laughed softly as Nikolas released her from his arms.

"Sorry, John…" she said.

She probably wasn't sorry for showing her affection towards Nikolas. Nikolas and Johnny locked eyes and Nikolas' smile faded while Johnny's lip curled in distaste. Although it was partially his own fault for why things didn't work out with Lulu, Nikolas was the one who forced his hand to leave Lulu. Nikolas had countless opportunities to blow the secret but instead chose to lull Johnny into a false sense of security, saying that he wouldn't divulge the secret, only to pull the theoretical rug from underneath him and blackmailed him into leaving her on the day of their wedding.

"John…" Nikolas said tersely, extending his hand out to his future brother in law.

"Nikolas…" Johnny said curtly, shaking the man's hand.

Thankfully, the kitchen staff came into the dining room, carrying trays of food for dinner, breaking the awkward moment. They all took their seats at the dining room table, Nikolas sitting close to Claudia on one side of the table and Johnny on the other side.

"So, when's dad's memorial?" Johnny asked, as a member of the kitchen staff placed a plate in front of him.

"Tomorrow morning… and don't get mad but we're having a small gathering here tomorrow to celebrate our upcoming marriage and we'd love for you to come…" Claudia said, placing her hand on Nikolas'.

"No way… that wasn't our deal… I only agreed to dad's memorial and your wedding… as soon as the wedding is over with, I'm getting on a plane to go back to Milan…" Johnny insisted.

"Oh come on, Johnny! You're already in town and it's just a small get together… just some friends and family… it's nothing serious." Claudia sighed and Johnny sensed that his protests were starting to wear his sister down. However, his blood ran cold as soon as the words passed over his sister's lips.

Lulu.

Lulu would definitely be at the party. She was Nikolas' only sister and they had always been close. There was no way that Lulu wouldn't be at the engagement party. He then flashed to her eyes at the MetroCourt. They were full of shock and, dare he say, fear. In the back of his mind he knew that he would run into her, and he would've been lying if he said that he had no desire to see her, but the thought of being in the same room, watching their siblings exchange vows that they were supposed to do two years ago would be excruciating for him.

"You know I can't do this, Claudia…" Johnny whispered.

Dinner had concluded and Nikolas was upstairs putting Spencer to bed. Johnny was sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room, head in his hands. Though he couldn't see it, the expression on Claudia's face was one of concern. She put her hand on his shoulder and sighed.

"I knew that this would be hard for you…" she began.

"No, Claudia… not hard… impossible…" he said, looking up at his sister, and she sighed heavily.

"And I know that I'm asking so much of you but you know that I wouldn't ask you if I really didn't need you here for me." Claudia insisted.

"I know… but I'm here aren't I?" he sighed and she offered a small smile.

"If you need me to keep saying thank you for being here then I will…" she laughed, putting her hand in his.

Despite all his protests and all of her craziness, Johnny loved his sister dearly and maybe a small part of him was glad that he was back in Port Charles. He put his arms around Claudia and she kissed his cheek affectionately.

"I hate this, John… I hate seeing you like this… you're still hung up on her and I don't understand why. Why after all this time does she still have a hold on you? After all, it was you who left her, John… remember?" she asked.

She didn't understand and how could she? She didn't know that her loving fiancé was the one who had twisted his arm to get him to abandon her. He never liked keeping secrets from his sister but this would be one that he would have to. She looked so happy with Nikolas, happier than he had ever seen her, and as much as he wanted to out Nikolas for what he had done, he couldn't do that to her. He wouldn't let his bitterness make her lose her happiness.

"Of course I remember… how could I ever forget?" he cried.

"But she's moved on, Johnny… I mean, she's getting married soon too… and I think it's time for you to do the same and move on… your life can't just stop because of one choice or decision..." she said.

"I know but… I'll never forgive myself for it…" he whispered.

"You didn't sleep well last night…"

Lulu looked up from her morning coffee at Dillon and smiled. He was always so attentive and protective of her. She leaned over the kitchen island that separated them and she plucked a piece of toast from his plate and he chuckled.

"Not really… wedding planning has got me super frantic… and trying to decide on a location for our wedding is difficult." Lulu said, taking a bite.

"Well you're the one who wanted to look at more locations. After Carly's impressive presentation about weddings at the MetroCourt, I was ready to sign on the dotted-line to have our wedding there…" Dillon reminded her.

Lulu set down her cup of coffee and looked down at the counter. It wasn't a lie to say that planning a wedding was the only thing that was causing her to lose sleep. The last time that she had gone through the notions of finding a venue, deciding on a caterer, picking flowers, trying on dresses, and creating a guest list, the result was catastrophic. The doubts and the fears came rushing back. She had been left before and it nearly destroyed her. She told herself and everyone else that would listen that she was over what had happened and that she was moving forward with her life but deep down she knew that it wasn't completely true.

And seeing Johnny Zacchara after two years confirmed it.

Locking eyes with him for that split second was enough to make her heart stop beating. She almost ran to the doors just to make sure that her condition hadn't come back and she wasn't hallucinating. It had been so long since she had seen his face and it brought her right back to the night when they first met.

Dark hair… dark eyes…

"Hey, are you alright?" Dillon asked and Lulu snapped out of her reverie.

"Y—Yeah, I'm alright…" she said, running her fingers through her hair.

"Alright… we'll I'm headed into Manhattan for the day for a conference at NYU… are you going to be ok?" he asked, putting on his jacket.

"Of course!" she insisted.

Dillon smiled and gave Lulu a kiss on the forehead. He walked out of their kitchen and her mind immediately started racing again. Why in the world had he come back now of all times? She was about to get married. She had worked so hard to put everything behind her and with one little glimpse of him, she was right back there in that bedroom, feeling like she was suffocating and falling into an endless darkness.

"Lulu?"

Lulu looked up and saw Nikolas standing in the door of the kitchen. He smiled and Lulu walked around the kitchen island to hug him. There was something about her older brother's presence that was immediately calming to her. She had often said that she was all impulse and he was her conscious.

"I was just on my way up when I saw Dillon and he let me in… I hope that's alright…" Nikolas said.

"Nikolas, you never need a reason to come see me… can I get you some coffee? It may not be as good as the cappuccinos that Alfred makes but at least it's strong…" she offered.

"Sure…" he said, taking a seat across from her.

"So how's Claudia?" she asked.

"She's great… excited and nervous about the wedding… oh and that reminds me, we're having a little cocktail party this evening at Wyndamere… nothing too formal… just to celebrate the wedding." Nikolas said with a content smile on his face.

She was truly happy for Nikolas. After numerous romantic debacles, her brother had finally met a woman that made him truly happy. Sure Lulu and Claudia had some problems in the past but since she made her brother so deliriously happy, she couldn't help but to accept her as a good influence in Nikolas' life.

"Alright, I'll have to go through my closet to find something to wear then…" she laughed.

"That's actually why I came over… I have something to tell you and I didn't think it would be the news that you would want to hear over the phone…" he said, his tone getting more serious.

"What is it?" she asked, brow furrowed into a questioning expression.

"Claudia invited Johnny to the wedding… he's—he's in town right now. Claudia wanted him to stay with us at Wyndamere but he 'did not want to impose' so he's staying at the Zacchara house until after the wedding. He and Claudia are at Anthony's memorial service right now…" he explained.

She already knew that Johnny was here in Port Charles but hearing it confirmed from Nikolas still made her stomach drop. That was why he was here: to watch his sister get married… to her brother.

Fate was a cruel bitch sometimes.

"He's going to be at the cocktail party tonight, isn't he?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, he is… he wanted to back out of it but Claudia was adamant that he come since he's one of her only family members left. I just—I just wanted to give you fair warning… I didn't want you to be blindsided…" he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She managed to smile a little bit. Nikolas was always looking out for her, acting as her protector, and she loved him for that. It was him after all that physically and emotionally picked her up when she could find the strength to do so when Johnny had left her. She leaned over and gave her brother a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for giving me the heads-up but I'll be fine… why should I care if Johnny is going to be there at the party? He's probably moved on and so have I… he—he means nothing to me now…" she exhaled as she poured a fresh cup of coffee for him.

"Of course… and don't forget, you're getting married too…" he pointed out.

"Exactly… to a wonderful man… I'm—I'm fine… perfectly fine…" she muttered.

She picked up her coffee mug and took a long sip, attempting to choke down the immense lie that she just told.