A/N: I've been working on this chapter almost all day, trying to get the chapter be how I wanted it to be, and it was a tough one to write. However, I finally managed to get it done! *happy dance* So, happy reading and keep those reviews coming! I love reading what you guys have to say :)

Chapter 2 – Shape of My Heart

Johnny looked down at his watch and sighed heavily. The cocktail party had begun about thirty minutes ago and he was standing outside of the main parlor on the balcony. He had no desire to even be there let alone make idle conversation with the inhabitants of Port Charles. They probably all despised him anyway for what he had done to Lulu and he didn't blame them. He deserved their cold stares and snide remarks, telling their neighbors about how he had the nerve to show his face in town after all the damage that he inflicted.

"John?"

He turned around and his eyes met with his sister's and she smiled. She was wearing a black knee-length dress with a diamond necklace, a present from Nikolas most likely, and matching black heels. He didn't say anything but just returned to his contemplative stance as he looked over the grounds of Wyndamere.

"Is everything ok?" she asked quietly as she stood next to him at the balcony.

"I'm fine…" he exhaled but Claudia knew her brother too well.

"You're a horrible liar…" she chuckled and he managed to crack a small smile.

"I'm sorry… I'm not really in a celebratory mood right now, I guess…" he muttered.

"Yeah, but you came and I'm so grateful for that, Johnny…" she said.

She linked her arm with his and looked up at him, smiling brightly. His sister's transformation from cynical and scorned woman to loving fiancée was quite remarkable. Claudia rested her head on her little brother's shoulder and sighed softly, looking back into the room where the party was taking place.

"She's not here yet, John…" she whispered.

"Who?" he asked, feigning ignorance of who she was referring to.

"Lulu isn't here yet… I know that's why you're out here… you don't want to see her…" she said and Johnny groaned, shrugging his sister's embrace off him.

"Claudia, I thought that we weren't going to talk about this…" he warned.

"Well, I can't ignore it anymore… John, this is eating you alive... let me help you…" she said but he vehemently shook his head.

This was his burden to bear and no one else's. He had made the decision to abandon her and he alone would have to suffer the consequences. He would perform this perverse penance for as long as he lived because it was what he deserved. It was the only way to make this right. He felt Claudia's slim hand come to his shoulder and he exhaled shakily. She meant well and he was grateful for that but there was nothing that she could do or that he would even allow her to do for him.

"Well, can we at least go back inside? It's starting to get chilly and I will not have you sporting a fever and a runny nose at my wedding…" she laughed and he nodded.

He followed her back into the parlor and the room got noticeably quieter as Johnny stepped through the doors. He saw the eyes of Elizabeth Webber, Alexis Davis and Carly Jacks narrow on him before they resumed their conversations. Attempting to ignore the onslaught of glares that were being hurled in his direction, Johnny made his way over to the bar area where he picked up a glass of scotch.

"Scotch over champagne? Not in much of a celebratory mood, huh?"

Johnny turned around to see Nikolas Cassadine standing before him. Again, he was in a black tailored blazer and matching slacks and he carried himself like he was ten feet tall, as all Cassadines were taught to. Johnny didn't respond to his future brother-in-law but rather just rolled his eyes and took another long sip from his glass.

"I have some advice for you…" Nikolas said.

"I guess that I must've missed the part where I said that I wanted advice from you…" Johnny bit back and Nikolas let out a small laugh.

"Fair enough… look, I know that I'm not your favorite person right now…" Nikolas started.

"Or ever…" Johnny muttered.

"But I just got word from the docks… Lulu's on her way over on the launch as we speak…" Nikolas said.

"And let me guess, you want me to stay away from her… don't worry, Nikolas… I have no intentions of seeking Lulu out or telling her that it was you who made me leave her at the altar…" Johnny said.

Nikolas' eyes narrowed in contempt towards his soon-to-be brother-in-law and Johnny met his angry glare with one of his own.

"I was protecting my little sister…" Nikolas growled.

"And you're damn lucky that I'm not protecting mine right now… I could tell Claudia what really happened two years ago so that she knows what kind of man she's marrying but I won't… because despite how much I despise you, she loves you… and I want my sister to be happy, even if it is with you…" Johnny said.

Nikolas gave him a terse nod and returned to Claudia's side. Johnny took another glass of scotch from the bar and gulped it down quickly. He thought about quietly sneaking away from the party and heading back to the mainland but he knew that he was trapped. There was no way that he could escape from Wyndamere without running straight into her. He gripped the glass as the alcohol burned his throat and then ran his fingers through his dark hair.

"Lulu! You're here!"

It was Carly's voice that called to Lulu but he did not dare move a muscle. Fear was something that rarely shook him to his core but in that moment, with his back to the parlor doors where she undoubtedly stood, cold fear paralyzed him. Staring down the barrel of a gun or down a twelve story drop was something that he used to laugh at but now it was the eyes of a girl that scared him the most. He was afraid to look into her eyes and see the hatred and the betrayal in her eyes when all he wanted to see in them were the love and adoration that was reserved only for him that used to fill her beautiful irises.

Exhaling deeply, he slowly turned around, succumbing to his fate.

"You seem anxious…"

Lulu immediately stopped fidgeting with her fingers and flashed Dillon a smile as they sped along the water towards Spoon Island. She was starting to think that Nikolas' warning earlier this morning didn't do anything to ease her nerves but rather just excite them even more. Her heart was beating so fast and so hard that it felt as if it was leaping up into her throat. Dillon took her hand in his and she flinched slightly.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Your hands are just cold, that's all…" she said and he smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sorry… here, I'll warm them up for you a bit…" he said and he began to rub them together.

His now warm hands encased hers but it did nothing to calm her. The fact still remained that she was about to come face to face with Johnny Zacchara after two years. In her mind, she had tried to downplay the significance of the night but her heart couldn't make the same rationalizations as her brain could. The boat lurched to a stop and parked next to the dock. The driver of the boat propped up the ladder and both Lulu and Dillon climbed out of the small boat and onto the dock. Dillon extended his arm out to his fiancée and she linked her arm with his, clutching to him like a crutch as they made their way towards the house.

"Miss Lulu! Master Dillon! So glad that you are able to join us…" Alfred said, eagerly taking their coats.

"Sorry for being so late… an emergency at the office came up…" Lulu apologized.

"Not at all… please, everyone is in the parlor…" Alfred said, leading the way.

Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears now with every step that she took. Every step brought her closer to the past that she thought that she had shut away forever. It had taken her so long to finally put it behind her and now the door had just burst wide open and all of the demons that she thought that she had conquered were free to come back and haunt her again.

"Lulu! You're here!"

Carly's voice was bright and exuberant as it always was and it brought her out of her thoughts. She felt Carly's arms wrap around her and Lulu returned her cousin's embrace. As Carly's incessant chatter started up, Lulu looked up into the crowd of people that were now looking in their direction. All of those faces staring at her, looking at her if she were a porcelain doll that would shatter in an instant, and their scrutinizing glares were probably going to make her crack underneath the immense pressure that was exuding from their eyes.

But only one set of eyes held her attention.

Johnny Zacchara was standing at the bar, dressed like most of the men in the parlor with a black blazer and black slacks but with a white dress shirt that wasn't fully buttoned and slightly rumpled. His chocolate colored eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights, reminiscent of the look on his face when their eyes met at the MetroCourt. She gripped Dillon's arm tightly because she was certain that the floor had disappeared underneath her feet.

"Hey, are you alive in there?" Carly asked, waving her hand in front of her cousin's face.

"Y—Yeah… of course I am… why wouldn't I be?" Lulu asked.

Dillon put his arm around his fiancée and squeezed her affectionately. Johnny's eyes tore from hers, almost as if he was in agony, and turned his attention back to the bartender. She exhaled shakily and began her tour around the room, saying hello to all of the guests at Claudia and Nikolas' party. The faces and the mindless small talk washed over her in a fog. She stood relatively silent as people admired her engagement ring and Dillon relayed information about their upcoming nuptials. All the while, she was willing herself to not look over at the bar.

"Do you know that man standing at the bar?" Dillon whispered.

"What man?" Lulu asked, not even bothering to look up.

"The one who keeps trying hard not to have anyone notice that he's been staring at you from across the room for the past half-hour…" he chuckled.

"That would be John Zacchara…" she exhaled.

"Claudia's brother?" he asked, incredulously.

"Yeah… he used to live here but moved away about two years ago… he must be back for the wedding…" she said.

She hadn't disclosed the details of her relationship with Johnny to Dillon because there was nothing to say. Johnny had been the one to walk out on her and when he did, she no longer wanted to even bring him up. She had shut the door on that life and not even the promise of full disclosure with her fiancé could ever break that. Dillon stared at Johnny intently with a scrutinizing eye.

"Didn't you date him for a while?" he asked.

"Yes but nothing came of it…" she said quickly, wanting to dismiss the subject all together.

"What happened?" he asked but she shook her head.

"Excuse me for a minute… I need to go to the ladies' room…" she said, turning away from him.

Dillon nodded, the look of concern resonating in his eyes. She made her way through the crowd of people and into one of the ornate bathrooms. If she didn't know any better, she would've thought that she was having panic attacks whenever the subject of Johnny Zacchara came up. She turned on the water from the faucet but turned it off when she realized that she would ruin her makeup if she splashed cold water on her face. She set her hands flat on the marble countertop and exhaled shakily, trying to regroup her emotions.

"This is ridiculous… he left… he left you… on your wedding day with just a stupid note saying that he was sorry… and you're falling apart at the mere sight of him…" she said, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

She closed her eyes, continually thinking about how ridiculous her reaction to Johnny was, and she gradually calmed her frazzled nerves. She grabbed her black purse and headed out the door. She pressed her fingertips to her temple as she walked and smacked into another person.

"Oh my god, I'm so—" she started but her voice disappeared when she looked up.

Johnny Zacchara was looking down at her, his hands on her shoulders as if he had just caught her. His hands were still large but soft like she remembered and so warm on her bare skin. His face was still as perfect as she remembered with the same angular bone structure, perfectly sculpted lips and expressive brown eyes. For a split second, she forgot that the man that was standing in front of her had broken her so badly.

"Lulu…" he whispered in that voice that seemed foreign but familiar at the same time.

"Johnny…" she sighed.

"You look—you look well…" he said, removing his hands from her shoulders and putting them into his pockets.

"Thank you… and so do you…" she said, folding her arms across her chest.

He smiled meekly at her and his eyes fell to her hand, specifically her left and the ring that was glimmering in the light. She caught his gaze and immediately blushed. She knew that he would find out about her engagement, if he didn't know already, and it didn't give her the sense of ease or the sense of satisfaction that she hoped for.

"That's quite a ring…" he said softly.

"Yeah… I told Dillon that it was too much when he proposed…" she laughed nervously.

"Congratulations, he's a lucky man…" he said.

Suddenly, the conversation had stumbled into that awkward territory about marriage, that very same union that was supposed to unite them for the rest of their days but that now stood between the two of them.

"Yeah, Dillon tells me that every day…" she said, shifting her weight uneasily.

"I tell you what every day?" Dillon asked, coming up behind her.

Her fiancé pressed a kiss to the back of her earlobe and Lulu saw what she thought was sorrow cross his face. She plastered a smile on her face as he squeezed her hand affectionately. She was thankful that he had butted into the conversation when he did because god only knows what she would've blurted out if it had gone any further.

"I don't believe that we've met… Dillon Quartermaine…" Dillon said, extending his hand out to Johnny.

"John Zacchara…" Johnny said, firmly shaking her fiancé's hand.

"So, what kept you away from Port Charles for… how long did you say it was, Lulu? Two years?" Dillon bluntly asked.

If Lulu could see her face, she was sure that it had gone ashen white at Dillon's question. She didn't want to know what had transpired in his life while he was away, where he had gone, who he had been with, or what had he been doing until Claudia dragged him back to Port Charles for her wedding. Johnny looked down, clearly uncomfortable with the question that Dillon had just posed.

"Life… I guess… and some bad choices…" Johnny said.

He had answered, to some extent, Dillon's question but did not look at his interviewer but rather had his gaze on Lulu. The reflection of the light in his eyes was dazzling and entranced her. She fought the urge to touch his face, like she had done so many times in the past to soothe him, but her hands stayed at her sides like heavy bricks. There was so much that needed to be said, so many unanswered questions that she had for him but wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answers to.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to go find my sister… Dillon, it was a pleasure meeting you… and Lulu, congratulations again and I hope that you are truly happy… that's all that I could ever want for you…" Johnny said, politely excusing himself from their company and quickly disappearing into the crowd of people.

"I don't like him…"

Lulu looked over at Dillon and sighed as she unzipped her black cocktail dress. Johnny had made his exit from the party soon after they spoke but she couldn't get him out of her mind and it didn't take long for Carly to notice her fixation on her ex-fiancé. She had given Lulu a warning about Johnny before she had taken off with Jax but Lulu insisted that her elder cousin had nothing to be worried about.

"He didn't say anything to you to make you not like him…" Lulu said as she entered their walk-in closet to retrieve a pair of pajamas.

"He didn't have to say anything… he was looking at you in this really weird way… and then that thing that he said to you before he took off…" he said, pulling a gray t-shirt over his head.

"Johnny just said that he wanted me to be happy… is that criminal?" Lulu asked.

"No… but the way that he said it was… I don't know… he just seemed… tortured… by the mere sight of you, Lulu." Dillon said, sitting down on the edge of their bed.

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She wasn't the only one who noticed but she still didn't understand. How could he have felt such an immense sense of agony when he looked at her? He had been the one who had left her after all and now he was back, exuding the same sense of guilt as if he still cared for her.

"Regardless of how he was looking at me, it doesn't matter, Dillon. I don't care about how Johnny feels about me… not anymore at least…" she said.

"But you did once… didn't you?" he asked, turning towards her.

"Yes… but that was a long time ago…" she sighed as she reached over to their bedside table and pulled out her hairbrush.

"What happened between you two?" he asked.

"Nothing… it was a short fling… if you could even call it that." Lulu said, wanting to avoid the subject at altogether.

"How did it end? Badly?" he asked, leaning in as if to implore her for an answer.

"Why are you asking me these ridiculous questions? Why does it matter?" she cried, slamming down her brush on the bed.

"It matters because the man is still hung up on you after two years…" he said flatly.

The words shook her to her very core. How could he still have feelings for her when he had done nothing to prove it? Not once in his two year absence did he ever try to contact her in order to rectify the damage that he caused. He didn't feel guilty and he certainly didn't still feel anything for her, if he ever did so.

"That's—that's ridiculous… and even if it were true, I'm not hung up on him… I love you and I'm going to marry you… not John Zacchara…" she said, smoothing her fingers over his features and he sighed, letting a smile curve across his lips.

"I'm sorry… I know that I'm overreacting… but it's just that I love you so much and I—" he started but she pressed a finger to his lips to silence him.

"Let's not talk about it anymore, ok? We have a wedding and a future to plan, remember?" she asked, smiling.

He leaned in and kissed her softly and slowly, gently laying her down beneath him on their bed. She closed her eyes and surrendered herself to him, letting him make love to her that night. However, as he lay sleeping beside her, sleep did not come as easily to Lulu as it did her fiancé, for as she closed her eyes, she was met with the pained ones of John Zacchara.