A/N: Wow, this chapter took me a lot longer to write than I thought! But yay! It's done... I'm not sure if I like it or not but I just wanted to get this out to keep the momentum of this story going. Happy reading and don't forget to review!

Chapter 3 – Back to You

The start of spring was never a disappointment in Port Charles. People traded in their bulky winter coats for bright colored sweaters and their sleds for large blankets for picnics in the park. The weather was so nice that even Johnny couldn't resist the urge to leave Crimson Pointe and go for a long walk. It had been a few days since the party at Wyndamere and he had made himself scarce around Port Charles, not wanting to answer prying questions about his whereabouts for the past two years. People in small towns were too nosy for their own good and it seemed that the citizens of Port Charles were an extreme of this fact. Everyone who he passed on the street seemed to know who he was and he could feel their lingering stares on his back as he trudged along. No one would let him get away with forgetting his past transgressions.

Not that he could do it anyway.

He sighed as he reached Kelly's and saw virtually no one inside. He quickly ducked into the café and walked straight up to the counter. Mike Corbin emerged from the back and his eyes widened when he saw Johnny.

"Well, I guess the rumors are true…" Mike said as he set a dishtowel on the counter.

"I guess so…" Johnny said, smiling sheepishly.

"What can I get for you, Johnny?" Mike asked, trying to be as cordial as possible.

Johnny was just about to order a coffee when he heard the door behind him open. He turned around to see Lulu standing in front of the door, clutching her brown purse. She was dressed in a green sweater, dark jeans and a pair of brown boots that he recognized as being her favorites. Mike cleared his throat uncomfortably and Johnny turned back around towards him.

"Can I get a large coffee with two sugars and a blueberry muffin?" Johnny sighed, pressing his fingertips to his temple.

"Sure thing…" Mike said.

Johnny heard Lulu's footsteps grow louder as she approached the counter and he gritted his teeth to stop himself from saying anything. He had already made a fool of himself at the party by not having complete reign over his emotions. Her presence was that intoxicating to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her sweep her hair over her shoulder, exposing her neck to him, and he had to fight the urge to run a finger from behind her ear down her silky skin towards her collarbone, like he had done so many times.

"How long are you going to pretend that you don't know me, Johnny?" she whispered.

Her voice was low and sad and it made his stomach twist into a knot. It was astonishing how well she could still read him despite all the time that had passed. He sighed and looked up at her. She was staring down at the counter, slowly tracing circles on the wood with her fingernail.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

She looked up at him but said nothing. She was just as unsure and scared to talk to him as he was when he was around her. There was so much that he needed to say but she probably didn't want to hear it. She probably didn't want to hear how sorry he was for abandoning her on their wedding day. She probably didn't want to know how his heart and body cried for her every single second of the past two years. How could he dump that on her when she was about to marry another man? He wouldn't allow his selfish tendencies to affect her life anymore. She quickly looked away as Mike reemerged from the back with a tray of freshly baked muffins. He put one of the blueberry muffins in a brown bag and poured Johnny his cup of coffee.

"Here you go, Johnny…" Mike said.

"Thanks… keep the change." Johnny said, sliding a ten dollar bill to him.

"Lulu, what can I get for you? Oh wait, let me see if I can guess… a chai tea latte and a cinnamon raisin bagel?" Mike asked and Lulu smiled.

"You know me well…" she chuckled.

Mike went into the back to prepare Lulu's order and she turned back around to face Johnny. Her arms were folded uneasily across her chest like she was bracing herself for something bad. He didn't blame her for being wary of him because he had hurt her. However, it didn't make him feel any better to see how much she still didn't trust him.

"I'll see you around, I guess…" Johnny said.

The situation was already awkward enough and the pain of being near her was even more excruciating than the pain of missing her. When he could see her and be close enough to smell her perfume or to touch her but at the same time know that she was no longer his, the pain was almost unbearable. He started walking towards the door, just wanting to lock himself in Crimson Pointe until Claudia's wedding.

"Wait…" she said.

His feet obeyed her request and he stopped before he could reach the door. He was still putty in her hands. He sighed and gestured to a nearby table. He had stared death in the face and laughed but sitting across from the only woman that he was sure that he would ever love was more terrifying than anything that he had ever experienced.

"You being back in Port Charles and seeing you is…" she started.

"Difficult?" he asked, staring straight down at his cup of coffee.

"No… not difficult… it's just a lot to take in, I guess…" she said.

"Well, given everything that's happened, I understand…" he said.

"Look, we're going to see each other between now and Claudia and Nikolas' wedding so I just—I want to clear the air between us…" she said.

"Clear the air?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't want to feel like I have to walk around eggshells around you and I'm pretty sure you don't want to either, right?" she asked as she twisted a strand of her hair around her fingers.

"I guess so…" he said.

At that moment, Mike came to their table to deliver Lulu's chai latte and bagel. He watched her intently as she paid for her breakfast and kindly thanked Mike. She hadn't change a bit since the last time they were together. She still twirled her hair around her finger when she was nervous about something, she still had that small wrinkle appear on her nose when she laughed, and she still bit her bottom lip when she was deep in thought. She was still that same girl that he had fallen in love with.

"I'm sorry…" he finally said.

"For what?" she asked, looking down as she took a sip of her latte.

"The wedding…" he said.

Her gaze immediately snapped up to his upon mentioning the wedding that they were supposed to have. She cleared her throat and set down her cup, clearly flustered by his comment, and he instantly regretted saying anything about it.

"Our—our wedding?" she stammered.

"Yes…" he whispered.

"Why?" she asked.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why did you—why did you leave me, Johnny?" she asked.

He knew that she had tried to hide that small break in her voice but he knew her too well. He always knew how she never liked to appear vulnerable but there she was, wanting the answer to a question that had probably always weighed on her mind. Her eyes were piercing his soul, demanding some honesty.

Honesty that he couldn't give her.

He folded his hands on the table and met her gaze. He never liked lying to her because it took her so long to open up and to trust people and he betrayed that trust whenever he told a lie, regardless if it was in her best interest or not. No matter how much he wanted to tell her the truth about why he left and how he wished that he could take it all back, he couldn't do that to her. It would be unfair to bring her back into his dangerous orbit. She deserved more than that.

"I—I was being self-destructive… like always… I thought that I didn't deserve you… I probably still don't… and I thought that you would be better off without being married to me… that's—that's why I left… it wasn't anything that you did, Lulu… I swear…" he said.

He hadn't exactly lied but rather just left out the part where he was convinced by Lulu's brother to give her up on their wedding day. She had probably waited all this time for some sort of closure and he wanted to give that to her but the truth wouldn't have set her free. He didn't want to wreck her life anymore than he already did and that what he would've done if he had told the truth. Lulu exhaled and let out a small chuckle.

"Your timing to come to that conclusion sucked though…" she said and he forced a laugh.

"True… but I thought that ruining one day would've been better than ruining your entire life…" he said, his voice returning to a more serious tone.

She looked down as she broke off a piece of her coffee cake with her fingers. Above everything, including his own selfish desires, he wanted her to be happy and she would be happier if she were married to Dillon instead of him.

"I truly am sorry for that and maybe not now but maybe sometime in the future, I hope that you can forgive me for it…" he said.

"I'd like to try…" Lulu said quietly.

"If that's what you want…" he said.

"Yeah… it is what I want…" she said, finally giving him a genuine smile.

Johnny's eyes met hers and he smiled slightly. Why she could ever be able to forgive him was beyond him but he was grateful for her better nature. Even if they could never be together like they were, she could still be a part of his life, as a friend and that was better than completely cutting himself off from her.

"So, we're agreed? Friends?" she asked, holding out her hand.

"Friends." Johnny said, shaking her hand.

"You're late!"

Lulu sighed as she walked into the boutique. Carly Jacks was standing there with the owner of the store with her hands on her hips and a look of disapproval. Lulu smiled sheepishly and hugged her cousin affectionately.

"I'm sorry… I lost track of time at Kelly's…" Lulu apologized and Carly raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Cynthia here has pulled only the best gowns so let's get started! Let's find the wedding dress of your dreams!" Carly squealed.

Lulu did her best to put on a good face for her cousin because Carly seemed to be more enthusiastic about shopping for wedding dresses than she was. However, it was because her mind was preoccupied with other things rather than sifting through the piles of satin, lace and chiffon trying to find the perfect wedding dress.

"So, have you seen Johnny Zacchara since Claudia and Nikolas' party?"

Preoccupied with things like that.

Lulu groaned at Carly's bluntness and the fact that she was being stuffed into the seventh dress that was too poufy and gilded for her taste. She didn't want to talk about Johnny, especially not with Carly. She loved her cousin with all of her heart but Carly had the tendency to harp on her with her past mistakes. Of course Lulu knew that Carly only did it out of love and concern but it was still beyond irritating.

"How come you're picking dresses that make me look like I should be on top of a wedding cake?" Lulu asked, wrinkling her nose as she took in her appearance in the mirror and Carly laughed.

"Come on, every girl wants to be a princess on their wedding day… and you're dodging the question… have you seen Johnny since the party?" Carly asked.

"So what if I have?" Lulu asked nonchalantly.

Carly immediately set down one of the many bridal magazines that the store had on a nearby coffee table and rose to her feet. Lulu could tell that Carly wasn't happy with her answer and braced herself for a long lecture about the pitfalls of letting an ex back into her life.

"Lulu…" Carly warned but Lulu held up her hand to silence her cousin.

"No lectures please… not today…" Lulu insisted.

"Well too bad because you're about to get one hell of a lecture right now…" Carly said, walking around to look her in the eye.

Lulu put her hand on her hip and let out an exasperated sigh. Maybe it was best to let Carly get it all out of her system so that they could move on and she wouldn't have to think about Johnny being back in her life any more than she already was. The exchange that they had at Kelly's earlier that day had been replaying in her mind, trying to read between the lines of everything that he had said. The sincerity in his eyes and his voice as he apologized for his actions two years ago were not a part of some nefarious plan to lure her back into his life. However, something in his eyes was just unsettling. That sense of regret and longing as he looked at her sent chills down her spine and almost sent her spiraling back into that hysterical mess that she had once been when he had abandoned her.

"Ok, fine… do your worst…" Lulu said.

"Lulu... this man—this man broke you… abandoned you on your wedding day and now he's magically back in your life…" Carly started.

"I know exactly what Johnny did… I haven't forgotten, Carly… it's something that I'm never going to be able to forget..." Lulu said firmly.

There was no way that she could ever forget what Johnny had done to her. She could still vividly remember lying on the carpet of her room at the Quartermaines in her wedding dress, clutching that stupid letter to her chest, unable to pick herself off the floor because she had lost the will to live for a moment. That kind of pain simply doesn't just vanish because of an apology over coffee but she couldn't let him see that. She couldn't let him see that she was still that girl who couldn't find the strength to even stand after being left by him.

"I swear to god… this self-sabotaging thing must be a genetic trait because you are acting just like me…" Carly said, shaking her head.

"What? That's ridiculous! I'm not sabotaging myself!" Lulu cried as one of the attendants began to unzip her out of the dress.

"You're doing everything in your power to make sure that you don't marry Dillon… your wedding date is almost two months away and you have yet to commit to a venue, I had to drag you here to try on dresses and now your ex-fiancé shows up and you're trying to reconnect with him…" Carly prattled off.

"Johnny and I have agreed to be friends… nothing more! That does not mean that I don't want to marry Dillon…" Lulu explained and Carly put her hands on her young cousin's shoulders.

"I'm just worried about you, Lulu… you worked so hard to piece your life back together after Johnny left and I just don't want you to blow it up again because of him…" Carly said softly.

Carly's concern did come from a valid place. In addition to Nikolas, it was Carly that was her rock throughout these two years. Their bond had strengthened as Carly took Lulu in helped her get her life back. Carly had been everything to her: a mother, a sister and a best friend and that had also made her extremely overprotective.

"I appreciate your concern but you have nothing to worry about… Johnny is my past and I'm moving forward with my life… I promise not to give into that family impulse to self-destruct… I know what I have with Dillon is good and it's real and I'm not going to mess it up…" Lulu insisted as she took Carly's hand.

"You know that I'm only hard on you because I love you, right?" Carly asked.

"Of course I do… now can we please find a dress that doesn't make me look like a Disney princess?" Lulu laughed.

Carly looked down at the ornate dress that was beaded and covered in lace that her cousin was wearing and she too had to laugh. The dress was pretty ridiculous. Carly immediately went to the owner of the boutique and asked for some more elegant dresses. As Carly was absorbed in pulling more pieces from the closets, Lulu stared at herself in the mirror. She knew that she had everything that she could ever want with Dillon. He was a successful film director, he had plenty of money, he came from a good family, he was charming and good-looking and above it all, he adored her.

But somehow, that wasn't enough.

That was made abundantly clear when she realized that the man on her mind as she tried on dress after dress was not her loving and adoring fiancé, but rather Johnny Zacchara. Lulu shuddered as she looked down at the ring on her left hand. The ring felt like a thousand pounds on her small finger, pressing down on her so hard that no one could hear her screaming to take it off.

"John? John, are you here?"

Johnny set down his copy of the New York Times and looked up. Claudia came into the study and strode to the desk where her brother sat, tossing her purse onto a nearby lounge chair. It had been a week since he had seen her at the party at Wyndamere and he wanted to keep a low profile until her wedding.

"What's wrong?" Johnny asked.

"I love Nikolas but sometimes he can be so infuriating…" she growled.

Johnny couldn't help but to chuckle slightly. Claudia sat on the edge of the desk and folded her arms across her chest. He slid his chair back and walked around the desk so that he was standing in front of her. He knew his sister well and knew that she just needed a soundboard.

"Well, what did he do?" he asked.

"So, I walk into our kitchen and there are men everywhere tearing everything apart! Our cabinets, the kitchen island, the sinks, the tile… everything!" she shouted.

"You're mad at Nikolas for remodeling the kitchen?" he laughed.

"No! I'm mad at Nikolas for remodeling the kitchen two weeks before our rehearsal dinner! Two weeks, John! This messes up everything! I swear to god, Nikolas is just looking for a way to get out of this wedding that I'm planning…" she ranted.

"I can't imagine that Nikolas wouldn't tell you when he was planning to remodel…" Johnny started but Claudia shook her head.

"Nikolas 'said' that he told me last month because he wanted it to be finished when we got back from our honeymoon but he obviously didn't tell me…" she said.

He was about to say something but one of the guards came into the study with a stack of that day's mail. He handed the pile to Johnny and Johnny thanked him as the guard took his leave.

"What's that?" Claudia asked.

Before Johnny could see what she was talking about, Claudia snatched an envelope out of the pile that was addressed to him. The writing on the ivory envelope was in beautifully crafted script. It was addressed to him.

"Give it here, Claudia…" he warned.

Claudia handed her brother the envelope and he turned it over to see the address of the Quartermaine mansion on the back. Curious, Johnny opened the envelope, careful not to rip it in any way, and pulled out the card. His mouth suddenly went dry as he read its contents.

"Save the date of June 21st, 2010 to share in the joy of Lesley Lu Spencer and Dillon Albert Quartermaine as they celebrate their wedding. Invitation to follow…" he read.

"Oh wow…" Claudia whispered.

He shoved the card back into the envelope and tossed it on the desk. He knew that Lulu had sent it as a part of their agreement to be friends. Friends invited each other to their weddings. Claudia reached over and picked up the save the date that her brother just received.

"Are you even going to still be in town when they get married?" she asked.

"I don't know… probably not…" he said quietly.

Claudia tilted her head and stared intently at Johnny. He couldn't hide much from her for long because they were so much alike and they could read each other so easily. She already knew that he was going to run back across the world as soon as she married Nikolas and never come back to Port Charles.

"John… did something else happen?" she asked but he shook his head.

"I'm not going to talk to you about this, Claudia…" he said as he walked over to the liquor cart and poured himself a glass of scotch.

"Why is it that you shut down every single time the issue of Lulu comes up?" she asked.

"Because I have to, Claudia! I hate what I did to Lulu… it still haunts me to think about the damage that I did when I left… do you know how painful it is to look into eyes of the person that you love the most and see that they're terrified of you?" he cried.

Johnny downed his glass of scotch and Claudia sighed heavily. He knew that it was hard for her to see him like this with no possible way to remedy the situation, especially when she was so incredibly and deliriously happy with Nikolas, with the exception of when he decided to undertake remodeling in the midst of preparing for their wedding.

"So you've seen her since the party, haven't you?" she asked.

"Yes… I ran into her at Kelly's and we talked about everything that happened and we've decided to be friends." Johnny explained and Claudia raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure that you can do that?" she asked and he sighed.

Claudia pulled her little brother into a hug as she had done so many times throughout her entire life. As their father had told them numerous times before, they were Zaccharas. They were tough and fearless. They could withstand any obstacle or foe and they looked danger right in the eye and laughed. But he wasn't strong enough for this.

"I know my limits, Claudia and I don't think that I can stand back and watch Lulu marry another man…" he said.