So Miles is still faking gay rather than owning up to his inadequacies. He realizes that this newfound identity might actually bring some unexpected perks. He can be Kate's new pet and wear ridiculously tight t-shirts. Kate's not quite as happy with the whole coming-out thingy. But they've got better things to worry about: Hydra is quickly filling up with the hoi-polloi riffraff of the main island and some astonishingly 'wrong' hook ups have obviously taken place. And the thing is: I have no idea why – it's sick really - they just did…..
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Shuck and jive with it
" A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation."
- Saki (1870 - 1916), "The Square Egg", 1924 ' -
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It's sickening. They've spent twenty minutes apart – tops - and already she feels her mouth go dry and her dumb heart thump harder at the thought of him. She's got to shake this absurd infatuation somehow - shuck and jive with it in some way.
But there he is.
Kate spots him from afar, leaning limply forward over the edge of the quay. Someone large in a flowery gaudy shirt seems to hold on to him while slapping him on his back – somewhat comfortingly. Hugo - of course. As she gets nearer to the dock, she sees Miles drooping down like a large lump of Jell-O', spreading himself thin on the wooden pier. Naked feet dangling over the side, head lolling slightly. Hugo lets go of him, placing a final pat on top of his dishevelled hair and meets her halfway down the embankment.
"What's wrong with the asshole?" She indicates the slouching wreck of a man with an indifferent cock of her head. In hope of affecting a suitably pissed-off non-obsessed platonic friend.
"Asshole's in love.." Hugo beams and makes a corny thumbs up sign with both hands as he pushes by her on the narrow stretch. "Toodeloo," he quips behind her like some middle aged English housewife and takes off down the dock - bouncing jollier than Tigger on mattress springs. Making Kate feel a thousand year old.
As she lets the words sink in something breaks in her. She looks at his messy hair, the peaks and pikes sticking up all over. She wants to submerge her nose in the crevice of his neck,…push her hands inside the collar and breathe in, no immerse herself in him.
Fuck it all.
Guess she was wrong after all.
In love…. imagine that.
Damn Sawyer. Always him – all goody goody now -happy as a goldfish with the damn golden Juliet in his little mundane goldfish bowl. Completely oblivious to all the poor suckers falling for him left and right.
She sinks down next to Miles, hesitates for a second before she places a hand on his arm, in a clumsy attempt at consoling him. Shit.
"That true Miles? You're in love?"
He looks awful. Eyebrow set in an odd angle for him. That arrogant fuck-off mode replaced by as sloping pathetic line. Shoulders slumped, looking up at her - bewildered. Searching her eyes, like he doesn't know what's up or down.
"Yep. Pretty much," he says simply and she finds that she really misses his snarkiness. Damn Sawyer to hell and back for doing this.
She knows what it's like. She's been there too. In fact, a large part of the pity she feels for him in this instant is about her too. Damn Sawyer! Always Sawyer. With his blond Adonis looks and the swagger and the confidence. That someone as cool and aloof as Miles could be taken in with that crap. Though come to think of it -they do have certain similarities.
"Oh no, no, no Miles…. " she says as her heart aches for him. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. But he is as straight as they come. I can vouch for it….In fact I could vouch a lot."
What the fuck?!!!
He doesn't want any fucking vouching for Jimmy-boy's skills. Hell no! It's grotesque enough as it is. Her thinking he's hung up on that big Fabio wanna'-be.
This is surreal.
Why the heck can't he tell her as it is? He almost did – he'd tried. At the "That true Miles?" Her green eyes on him and he had answered truthfully and then the last stuff….her automatically assuming he has the hots for LaFleur.
What the hell. But sure. Yep.
It is a bit disturbing that she so readily accepts this newly revealed queerness as a given fact. Really? Not that being gay should be anything unbecoming – quite the opposite actually. But it is a tad counterproductive to getting it on with the hottest chick in this timeline.
Miles quickly does the math in his head. He puts the pros on one side and the cons on the other and anyway he turns it around - revealing that she is the object of his affections (and how!) and fessing up to the Lafleur-induced impotence seems to be an infinitely worse option than death.
So he lets the notion rest there. Sinking in firmly. If he's got to be gay. Then so be it. Well it just seems too good an explanation to bother correcting it. He'll be the frigging awesomest gay, this side of the equator. Her deadly cool, hip awesomely stylish (oh well..) handsome BGF; best gay friend. For a moment he imagines himself as her new hip accessory – a bit like a ridiculously small Chihuahua lugged around in a designer bag. He can wear preposterously tight t-shirts and pierce his navel – and nobody would dare to lift an eyebrow. She'd keep him near. Always.
There are worse things that could happen…..
She could doubt his manliness… Oh wait a minute….She does already!
Oh fuck. He can't think straight.
Her hand on his arm – he can't get enough air. Warm little fingers stroking the naked skin just below the sleeve. Oh sweet Jayzus! He can feel goose bumps popping up in the backwater of her touch. Giving him away. Shit, he can't keep this together a second longer – the nausea wells up.
"Listen Kate - unless you want me to puke in front of you – you better remove your hand."
He swallows hard – making a sound like some goofy cartoon character. And just as he turns to look out over the water, he spots something moving towards them. A little motor boat, he realizes as it gets closer. With a few people in it. Three persons clearly discernible by now, approaching the dock. They catch Kate's interest too.
"See that Miles? Who's that in the boat?"
Oh mercy.
He squints to make them out, lifting his hand to scratch his hair, suspended there, like some kind of looser-salute. Oh. And he shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. Still he can't help it.
"Oh hell. Is that who I think it is?...." Kate is the one who says it but frankly she took the words right out of his mouth.
It's definitely Yin in the front, then a blond long hair,…Juliet? And Phil at the rear - steering the boat in a shattering speed towards the pier. Jules blond head appears first as she hoists herself up with the grace of a ballerina. Then Jin, and last a scowling but curiously subdued Phil, clambering up like a one-legged spastic crab.
"Hi there Miles….. Kate." Juliet bestows them both with a little dignified tip of her regal head before they can think of anything to say. They just sit there like two idiots, gawking at the new arrivals. Heads turned backwards in a truly uncomfortable angle.
Honestly.
He can't say he is thrilled to see anyone of them. But the real shock hits him when Jules, gorgeous queen of cool – reaches out - and frigging clasps Jin's hand in hers!
Like a – c-o-u-p-l-e!
Nah. Can't be. But then - Jin's normally deadpan face that can't hide his smug triumph, or won't. The glimmer of evil genius in his eyes knocks Miles knickers off. Or would have – had he still worn a pair.
"Hello Miles," he says, ever so civil, accent barely noticeable. Dressed in some newly ironed non-descript civilian clothes.
But what the fickle fucking hell?!
Miles can but fake a large ugly smile in place of a proper greeting.
When pigs can fly and all that kind of crap! It had never even hit near his radar – and Miles prides himself on noticing these sort of things. He's got a pretty awesome radar – at least when it comes to other people – other than himself. And Jin – of all the weird hogwild handsome Asians young men available (mainly Miles himself) Jin is way too wishy-washy, milquetoast for someone like Jules. How the fuck that aberration of nature had been allowed to happen – he'll never understand. And he'd never even had the slightest inkling. Probably far too busy pining for Kate – fat big lot of good that has done for him.
Juliet and Jin. – How freakin' catchy.
Juliet and Jim. Damn near enough. At least she won't have to worry so much about crying out the wrong name in the throws of..…fuck no! He's not even going to think it.
He tries to get himself together, almost pulling a muscle as he leans back feebly to study the happy couple from his sitting position. Kate has also completely distorted herself in an attempt to take the incongruous little scene in.
"So you and James are …." is all that he can come up with it. Only to be napalmed down by Jules sub-zero hyperborean glare. And Miles finds that he doesn't really want to know. – Not really.
Juliet - satisfied to have put a swift end to the possibility of any mildly intrusive inquiries - resolutely turns her attention towards Kate.
Miles take advantage of the respite only to mouth a : "You are married you stupid fuck!" in Jin's direction. "Sun - remember?" He swears that Jin understands this perfectly well but the bastard makes his narrow eyes completely symmetrically round and shakes his head as if Miles is the one who has lost his frigging marbles. Then, just as Miles turns his head back straight, he is almost certain he sees Jin make the delightful little Italian gesture for heavy balls. He wonders what the heck that means in Korean. And who the fuck has tough Jin the quaint little ins and outs of colloquial Italian?
"What's wrong with Miles?" Juliet tosses the question carelessly over his head as if he were just a washed-up decomposing jelly fish by her feet. The edges of her mouth turned down as if afraid the sludge of him might get on her shoes.
Kate's face is weird and empty, like she can't wrap her head around this latest morsel of news either and he has time to think that –fuck- she is considering the reality of a LaFleur/Sawyer-lovegod minus a hip-attached Juliet in the way of all the fun.
Shit - He's so screwed. She won't be carting around with him in her purse if she's got flipping Casanova pleasuring her. That'll be the end of her fashionable hot gay sidekick.
And then the unthinkable. - She freakin' goes and outs him!
"Oh Miles - he's just come out - and he's in love.." and it flips Miles out how dispassionately Kate says this in a loud fucking theater whisper: "…he's in love with James!"
She underlines all this by patting him sisterly on the arm he'd banned her from touching and Juliet's reaction is nothing but astonishing. She instantly releases Jin's hand, obviously to his great chagrin, gets down next to Miles and drapes one long elegant arm over his shoulders. Miles grasps the opportunity to expeditiously flash Jin a saucy grin behind Jules head. At which Jin's normally smooth complexion promptly erupts in angry pink spots.
Then he remembers briefly the unsettling information he'd studied in Jin's file all those years ago. Assassin. – Er. Better go light on the teasing. In any case, Juliet's hand hugging his shoulder in the most maternal way demands his immediate attention.
"Oh sweetie, you're in love…" she sighs. "I'm so sorry. Of course you are – how could you not be? He's just like that….But honey – you know - he just doesn't swing that way…" Her compassion moving Miles so deeply –he almost imagines himself actually in love with the arrogant fucking doochbag in question. He's even starting to feel mighty sorry for himself, until he hears a quiet:
"He just might - if he knew how this guy kisses….." A barely audible mumble from Kate that he doubts was meant for anyone's ears. But he heard. He heard! His back instantly springs up straight under Jules heavy pity-hug. A smile spreading across his face that he just knows looks ludicrous as hell.
She likes the way he kisses.
Kate n' Miles sitting in a tree......
"Sweetheart, I'm sure if he did, if that's the way he was made, he'd absolutely like you," continues Juliet until she becomes uncomfortably aware of the change in Miles' whole demeanor. "Hey, Miles, are you alright? You look a little odd." Jules loosens her embrace and pulls herself back at which they clearly hear Jin exhale behind them.
Kate likes him!
Freaky Phil has obviously had enough of this lovey-dovey nonsense galore. He mercifully interrupting the humiliating symposium on Miles' love-life. Stomping impatiently as he stands there Lurch-like in his freakishly large boots. Miles assumes that he stuffs them with newspaper – nobody has that kind of feet. Like two big fat 'Kahunas'. Miles can't help noticing these things since he has been blessed with a pair of large healthy genuinely yacht-sized feet himself.
"Where is Mrs Chang? I heard she arrived with the Pala earlier." Phil grumbles. His weird shifty eyes not really looking at anyone of them under those creepy Ernie-and-Bert eyebrows.
Miles just signals with his thumb backwards, towards the barracks and the main building at which Phil, without a word of thanks, just clumps off like a herd of wild buffaloes leaving the entire jetty shuddering from the impact.
"So why are you here?" Kate stands up, heaving up Miles' slothlike body, and the three of them follow slowly in the tracks of Phil's gigantic boots. Miles notices Juliet and Jin exchanging a hesitant look before Jin nods ever so vaguely and Juliet bursts out:
"Something bad is going down – we couldn't stay any longer. It is madness over there. Jack, Dan and Dr. Chang have taken off with Ben to presumable join the 'Others'. They even abducted Ben and as far as Jin and I can understand, they are aiming to blow something up. We're not really clear as to what…."
So daddy-o too. Hmm imagine that. Gone and joined the other loony-toons on their kookoo mission. No wonder, mom had never wanted him to find the old wacko-head.
"Safer here." Jin adds uselessly. Really – Juliet has obviously lost her mind. Jin! She'd be better off with a wooden clog shoved down her throat. And Jin – wasn't that dry sack of scum married on top of all?! Doesn't taking a frigging vow mean anything to anyone anymore?
"That and we had to get away from James. He's not taking this very well at all actually," continues Juliet holding up hers and Jin's clasped hands as illustration but looking pretty darn miserable herself. Figures. With that dipstick.
"And Phil? How did you get that psycho to bring you?" Miles can't help butting in. It's all so flipping weird. (But she likes the way he kisses!) He peeps at her where she walks on the other side of Jin. Smiling and dirty as hell. Cute as a kitten.
Loves her. Fucking loves her! - No.- Don't even go there.
"We don't know really but when he heard we were getting away from James he was very eager to help with the boat. Seems he has a bit of a grudge towards him too…"
Miles can't be buggered all by all that crap. He's somewhere between hell and a fucking mirage that keeps moving every time he dares to get near it. Her tangled, ratty hair swinging on her back as she walks. Loves….. oh hell – cut it out!
"Hah,..." Kate says. "Who doesn't. We're all here because of him."
He sobers up instantly at the sound of her voice. Who – him? God? Are they getting into some existentialist pondering? He makes an effort to focus – but hell: she likes the way he kisses!
"Kate – I don't know what to say. It is a bit awkward to say this, but I wasn't all that surprised when he exiled you. It was Miles being sent off here by James that really threw me. I couldn't believe it. It didn't make sense. You guys have been good friends for a long time."
Miles blushes involuntarily at Juliet's words but decides to say nothing.
"But now it makes perfect sense! He obviously knows you have feelings for him. What is that about? Sending off every one who becomes a little uncomfortable to be around!" Juliet exclaims indignantly on their behalf - aiming the outburst pointedly at Kate this time. She quietly adds "Though I am not sure it wasn't entirely undeserved in some cases…"
Hah, like letting that dodgy son of a bitch grope your boobs while you're drunk.
Miles notices Kate's jaw slackening as Juliet's accusation sink in and before she has a moment to rebut Juliet's theory he cuts in to confirm it.
"That heartless lowlife! Leads you on and then just packs you off when you become a nuisance…Uhum, happens to the best of us obviously!" he says with as camp and attitude as he can muster. Needs to pull the smog tighter around him.
Kate swings her face towards him. Mouthing something under a frown darker than the folds of Churchill's triple chins. He shrugs and flips his palms out innocently at her.
They all gripe about the insensitive prick together. Kate pretty half hearted at first he notices, with frequent death stare glares shot backwards at him but as they near the Hydra station she seems to be warming up to the communal feeling of bitching about LaFleur.
The kindred feeling swells in their chests as they all whine about the evil Head of Security's betrayal and how he pushes away all the people who care for him. Except Yin. He doesn't say much. Just watches Juliet, his possessiveness clearly on display across his stereotypical (stupid) handsome Korean soap opera features. A threatening frown fired off in Miles direction every now and then. Miles effortlessly counters this hostility with a little coy wink or a flirty raise of the eyebrow. Clearly freaking the stiff homophobe out of his stiffly starched bourgeois Korean pants.
He finds himself deliberately lollygagging behind the rest of the dregs of the Dharma Initiative, their little LaFleur-slopsucker ensemble. A chance to watch her for a moment – he drags behind there - with his idiotic fucking heart on his sleeve.
She likes the way he kisses.
And just as their little group reaches the yard outside the main building they are met by the sight of a little gathering.
"Well hello fellows! Ain't this a nice little reunion!" La Fleur waves jovially to them as if he's been waiting. The blond hanging on to his arm looks familiar. Yep. Crap – just exactly what he needs right now. A giggling Cindy with her pert little boobs pushed up on Jimbo's legendary fucking irresistible biceps.
The only thing good about it all; Kate doesn't exactly look ecstatic either.
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So – on a little soap opera galore here, people mixing it up, switching partners and showing up with the most unsuitable cohorts. It will most certainly get worse in the next chapter. Yes definitely. People hooking up all over the place. But Sulietters and JinJuns don't depair, there is still hope that things will return to an uneasy truce by the end of the story. Maybe.
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