A/N: So here is the last chapter, thank you to all of you who reviewed!
Shawn sped along the highway heading out of Santa Barbara. He was running again and he could feel the familiar knot of anxiety in his chest that always flared up when he felt the urge to run. It had been growing bigger and bigger over the last weeks, starting the moment that Yin had taken Juliet, and continuing until he could ignore it no longer. Over the years, Gus had become an expert at seeing the first sign of Shawn's overpowering flight instinct, and most times he could quickly and efficiently subdue it before Shawn got too serious about leaving. But not this time. This time things were different. This time Shawn wasn't leaving because of some juvenile need to escape an issue he should just turn around and face. This time Shawn wasn't leaving because he couldn't handle a problem, this time he was leaving because he had actually caused the problem and this was the only solution he could think of.
The anxious feeling kicked up another notch, urging Shawn to push his bike a little faster. He needed to get out of here, before he was responsible further hardship. His bike responded to his wishes, propelling him faster and faster towards the outskirts of the city. Shawn took a moment to appreciate the feel of the wind whipping furiously past him. He crouched lower on the bike, enjoying the power and speed that vibrated below him. If he had to be honest with himself, this was the reason that he had never gotten rid of the bike, even though his dad had been opposed to it from the moment he had seen Shawn drive up on it. It offered him an escape and a way to freedom that a proper vehicle never could. A car was permanent, a car meant that he was settling down, accepting responsibilities, growing up. And those were things that Shawn always avoided. So he had kept the Norton, even when a car would have been more practical, he needed an escape route open, just in case he had to run at a moment's notice. It was sure coming in handy now
He was approaching the city limit sign, and he could feel the tension that had been building up in him build higher. It would be gone soon enough, as soon as he passed the city limits and had nothing but open highway in front of him. Then he would drive until all traces of tension and anxiety had been erased from his body, left behind like the miles of open roadway in his past.
That's when he caught site of her. He had almost missed her entirely, his mind so focused on getting out of this place that he wasn't really focusing on the things that were zipping past him. She was leaning calmly against the hood of her car and starring absently into the distance, as though she were doing nothing more than enjoying the surrounding scenery. Juliet. His heart sped up as he recognized her and he had to admit that he was pleased to see her out here. Although Shawn knew that Juliet was put here for a reason, after all, there wasn't really anything worth looking at out here. Shawn was willing to bet that whatever had brought Jules out here, Gus had something to do with it.
Good one buddy, thought Shawn.
Gus knew that since Shawn wasn't willing to listen to his best friend, that Juliet was probably the only person in Santa Barbara that could make him stop long enough to consider staying. Who said Gus wasn't devious and cunning? As much as Shawn wanted to just keep speeding on by, pretending that he did not see her waiting for him there, he couldn't. Shawn could never pass up an opportunity to speak with Juliet, everything about her called to him, like the brightly colored petals of a flower called to a honey bee. There was no way for him to resist. So, Shawn forced his urge to run down, as he eased off and allowed his bike to slow. He would see what Juliet wanted, if nothing else he would get the chance to say goodbye to her. His heart tightened at the thought of saying goodbye, but he knew that it was something he had to do. It's best for everyone, he told himself as he guided the bike to a stop behind her car.
Shawn cut the engine and pulled his helmet off, shaking his head to help ruffle his hair out. Juliet slowly moved around behind her car as he placed the helmet down on the seat in front of him. She was beautiful, as always, but Shawn could see how tired she was, and he truly felt sorry for the fact that she had got dragged out to the middle of nowhere to deal with him right now. Shawn had wanted nothing more than to quietly slip out of town without anyone knowing until it was too late, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her even more by having to say goodbye. But it was something that had to be done, it was dangerous for Jules to be around him, and that's why he had to leave. So Shawn plastered on his characteristic smile and tried to look relaxed, as though he met her out here everyday and nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Jules!" Shawn exclaimed, with what he hoped was the appropriate amount of enthusiasm, "What are you doing all the way out here?"
"Just enjoying the scenery," she replied, trying to be casual but failing miserably. They both knew perfectly well that she wasn't there for the scenery.
"Yeah, it sure is pretty out here. You can see trees, or rocks, or look there's even a road. Definitely the best view in the city." Shawn said, effectively pointing out the fact that he knew the real reason she was here.
Juliet expertly ignored this, leaning leisurely against the back of her car as she looked directly at Shawn, who had been unable to make real eye contact with her since he had stopped. A sure sign that something important was bothering him.
"So what are you doing out here then Shawn?" Juliet asked.
"I thought it was pretty obvious, I'm here for the trees and rocks too," Shawn said, throwing another of his smiles at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
When Juliet just continued to stare at him, waiting for the real answer, he realized he was going to have to give her more than that. He looked down at his hands, which were resting on top of his helmet and let out a sigh. There was no point in trying to deny what he was planning on doing. Shawn knew that the only reason Juliet had known where to find him was because Gus had told her, which meant that his friend had also told Jules that he was leaving. So he decided to go with the truth.
"I'm leaving Jules," Shawn stated simply, directing his gaze downwards at his hands.
She clearly hadn't expected him to be that direct, Shawn was a master at avoidance. And there was no way that anyone could get him to give a straight answer to a question if he didn't want to. Shawn could see Juliet's surprise at his direct answer flash across her face.
"What, why Shawn?" demanded Juliet.
"Its time for me to spread my wings and see the world Jules. I'm all grown up and need to stand on my own two feet." Shawn joked. He tried to keep his tone light, but risking a quick glance up at Juliet he could see that she wasn't buying it. Her next words confirmed this. He could see the concern and worry etched across her beautiful features. The knowledge that he was the cause of her distress tore at his insides, slowly replacing a little bit of the anxiety that was still urging him to run.
"I don't believe that for a second Shawn. What's really going on?"
"Look, Jules, I just need to get out of here for a while. There has been way too much excitement going on around here lately, and you know me, I yearn for the quiet life. With the farm and the cows and the rocking chair on the front porch so I can watch my crops grow and the little children playing in the yard, and maybe…"
"Shawn," Juliet cut him off calmly, "I don't believe that either. You are many things, but quiet has never been one of them. Why don't you tell me what's really going on? And why you think leaving is a good idea?"
Shawn tried to distract her, "As soon as you tell me how you suddenly became psychic enough to know that I was going to be here."
"Gus told me. Stop stalling Shawn, I want an answer."
Shawn let out a heavy sigh, "Because it's dangerous for you to be around me. I can't stay here and let this happen again, I can't let him hurt you again."
Juliet softened immediately, leaning off her car and moving towards where Shawn was still straddling his motorcycle.
"Shawn, it's ok. I'm ok, and Yin is not going to get away with this, we're going to find him." Juliet tried to reassure him. Shawn could detect the slight uncertainty in her voice that let him know that she was still far from alright.
"No, it's not ok, don't you understand? This all happened because of me Jules. You, and Abigail, you were taken because you're important to me, because you could be used to hurt me. He's still out there Jules, and I'm not going to sit around here and wait for that lunatic to come after you again. I can't do this again."
There was more that he was not saying, more that he wanted to say but couldn't find the words. Shawn wanted to tell her that the thought of Yin, or anyone even thinking about hurting her tore at his heart and filled him with dread. He wanted to tell her how hard the decision to leave was. That he wanted nothing more than to believe that everything was going to be alright and that they could just continue on with their lives, together. But he would rather let her go, and never see her again than have some crazy criminal harm her just to get at him.
Juliet stared at him with surprise, "So what? You're just going to leave? That won't fix anything Shawn, and it won't change what happened either. You can't blame yourself for what happened. I knew the risk when I walked in there. It's part of the job, and none of us even thought that Abigail was going to get dragged into this mess. I know that this is hard for you right now, it's hard for me too," She moved forward and rested her hand on the handle bar of his bike, "But we can get through this together, you don't have to do it alone."
Shawn shook his head, carefully making real eye contact with her for the first time since he had stopped to talk to her, "Yes Jules, I do have to do this alone. I can't put any of you in danger anymore."
"Shawn" she started to protest as she moved forward to put a hand on his arm, but he flinched and pulled away.
"Jules, stop," he said, cutting her off. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is."
She was hurt by his reaction. Shawn could see it reflected in her eyes and in the way she seemed to shrink backwards. Her eyes got huge and she just stared back at him, like a puppy he had just chastised. He almost broke down right there. But before he could begin to tell her that he was sorry and hadn't meant it to be like that, Juliet suddenly changed. Shawn should have known how fragile her control really was and how dangerously close she was to loosing it.
"Hard?" Juliet questioned, her voice filled with cold, hard, anger.
Shawn could see all of the things that Juliet had kept bottled up inside since that night finally come rushing to the surface. Juliet was about to erupt, he could see the warning signs and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Juliet continued on, not bothering to wait to see if she even had his attention. Her hands flew animatedly as they accentuated her point, and her face contorted with the frustration and anger she was feeling.
"You think this is hard for you?" she demanded, "What about me Shawn? It's not always about you. I was dangled over the edge of a clock tower! I could hear the hands counting down the minutes behind me Shawn. I could hear the gears in that clock grinding their way to my death. And I couldn't do anything about it. All I could do was wait. Wait and hope that you got to me in time, even though I knew that you, and the Chief would be obligated to save Abigail first."
Her words stung, cutting deep into a wound that had not yet even begun to heal properly. Juliet had no idea how hard it had been for him to sit in the station waiting for the call to come in, knowing that there was a very real possibility that either Abigail or Juliet would end up dead by the end of the night. And there had been nothing that he could do about it, it was pure luck that Shawn had been able to figure out where Abigail was in time to rescue both of them. He had wanted to be there for Juliet so bad that it ate at him the entire time he was rescuing Abigail. Shawn knew that there was no way that he could have saved them both by himself, and sending Gus to Juliet was the only way he could even begin to live with himself. And then Abigail had left him. Shawn wasn't entirely too upset about that fact, he had realized during her absence that he felt stronger about Juliet. But if Abigail was willing to break up with him after he had saved her, what would Jules do when Shawn hadn't even been there? Would she even want to talk to him again? Shawn couldn't risk it, and so he had come up with the only solution that made sense, leave. Juliet was still venting her frustrations, and Shawn could sense that she was coming closer and closer to the end of her rope. Shawn slowly got off his bike and started heading towards Juliet.
"Then, when I wanted to talk to someone…to talk to you, you weren't there Shawn. I needed to talk to you, to see that you were all right because you're right Shawn, Yin did this to get to you. I went through this because of you. So what about me? What about what I want? Did you ever stop to think about anybody else but yourself?"
"Jules," Shawn said softly as he moved towards her, "It's ok now."
"No, it's not ok Shawn. I was tied to a chair and hung over the edge of a clock tower! There is nothing ok about that."
Shawn could see that she was so close to losing her tentative grip on control that she had held onto all week. There was only do far you could go with pretending everything was alright. Shawn knew that only too well.
"No, there's not Jules, your right."
Juliet stopped suddenly and looked at him. Shawn could see the tears quickly welling up behind her eyes. He took the last step towards her and then opened his arms to gently pull her into a secure embrace. She didn't fight him, and allowed him to embrace her. Shawn wanted nothing more than keep her here, safe forever.
"I am so sorry Jules," he said as Juliet melted into his embrace and finally let loose on everything she had been holding back. Shawn could do nothing but stand there and hold her as a continual stream of sobs wracked through her body and she cried herself out for the second time in as many weeks. Shawn just stood there and continue to hold her, as he gently began to rock back and forth trying to sooth Juliet any way he could. He had to admit that it felt good to finally have her in his arms, where she belonged, and the knot in his chest melted away a little more as it was replaced with his feelings for Juliet.
After a few minutes, or maybe it was longer, Shawn really had no way of knowing how much time had passed, she slowly pushed herself away from him and brought her arm up to wipe the stray tears from her eyes.
"I'm so sorry Jules," Shawn repeated, " I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I just wanted to keep you safe."
"I know Shawn, but running isn't the answer."
He was about to answer, but paused, knowing that now was the right moment to tell her how he really felt. Well maybe it wasn't the first right moment he had ever come across. Shawn could think of at least a dozen other moments before this that would have been better, but he didn't want to wait any longer, he couldn't wait any more. So he looked down into her beautiful blue eyes and told her what he had been trying to say for so long.
"I know it's not Jules, but I just wanted to protect you, because I… I love you Juliet."
There, he had said it, those three little words that had been so hard for him to say. Then all of a sudden, he couldn't stop talking.
" Wow, you have no idea how hard it was to finally say that Jules, I've been trying for so long, and then all of a sudden they just come spilling ou…"
Shawn was cut off abruptly as Juliet reached up and silenced him with a kiss. He was surprised and startled by her sudden move, but it lasted only a moment before he closed his eyes and went with the moment. As he stood there, on the road, kissing Juliet, the last remnants of his urge to run disappeared. Shawn had to say this for Gus, his best friend sure knew which buttons to push.
Juliet was the first to break apart.
"I don't want you to leave Shawn," Juliet stated as she pulled away.
He looked down into her beautiful blue eyes, "I'm having similar thoughts at the moment. I don't want to leave either Jules."
"Then why don't you just stay?"
"Well I think you might be able to persuade me, that is if you don't mind being occasionally kidnapped for my sake."
"As long as it means that you'll be staying here, I will gladly be kidnapped again…just make sure that this time, it's you that comes to rescue me, not Gus."
"I think that can be arranged, Gus might be disappointed, you have no idea how much he likes to play the hero, but I think in this case he can make an exception."
Juliet smiled, and for the first time in two weeks, it was a real.
"Then what do you say we head back into town and go get something to eat?" asked Juliet
"Sounds good to me." Replied Shawn as he let her go and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Oh, and Shawn," Juliet continued as she looked up into his eyes, "I love you too."