A.N. I'm so sorry for the delaying in posting. I've been really under the weather the past couple of weeks, but I'll do my best to get the next chapter up much sooner! Thanks for your patience.

Chapter 20 – The Hardest Word to Say

As her hangover wound down, snippets of her conversation with Romano came flooding back to her. She was in disbelief thinking about how much had changed in the span of a day and feeling sorry for herself, decided to take a walk down by the river. It usually made her feel better and she hoped today wouldn't be any different. She unexpectedly ran into Carter on his way to work.

"Hey."

"Hey, you. So, are the rumors true?"

"Yeah, I quit."

"Really? I don't believe it. You can't let Romano get to you."

"It's complicated, John."

"Far be it from me to say I told you so."

Grace just glared at him.

"I'm sorry, Grace. But you can't leave. You're too good for us to lose you. Can't you work this out somehow?"

"I don't think so. Things were said, too many things. Anyway today's a new day. I'm fine."

"I don't think you are. You look like hell."

"Thanks a lot!" She said, swatting him on the arm. "Well if I'm not now, I will be. Listen, thanks for being there, Carter. I'm really going to miss you." She said as they hugged each other.

"Call me if you need a reference. Are you really sure about this?"

Grace nodded and Carter began walking towards the hospital, but stopped and called back to her. "Look, I've got some time before my shift starts and I don't like leaving you like this. Let me buy you a coffee."

Grace welcomed the gesture and after she'd vented to him about her situation and filled him in on the details, they went their separate ways. As Carter walked towards the hospital, he became more incensed and promptly marched up to Romano's office once he arrived at the hospital.

"Dr. Carter, and to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He said sarcastically.

Slamming the door, Carter approached Romano. "You pompous little prick! Grace quit because of you!"

"She did nothing of the sort."

"You treated her with a complete lack of respect and you humiliated her. I should smash your face in!" He said, gripping Romano's lab coat and holding a fist near his face.

"I'm still the Chief of Staff, Carter. Do you really want to be fired for insubordination and sued for assault? Not to mention potentially fracturing your valuable suturing hand?"

"You're right, you're not worth it!" Carter yelled and took a step back. "How could you do that to her, hmm? You know she had it bad for you? I have absolutely no idea why, but for some unknown reason, she thought very highly of you. Your opinion mattered to her and then you go and destroy her like that? I hope you can sleep at night you fucking asshole!" Carter stormed out of the room before he lost all composure.

Romano knew it was true, all of it. He knew he had done irreparable damage to his relationship with the woman he held most dear in the world. And even he could not understand why. It had just been his way, his habit of lashing out when things went wrong. As long as there was someone to blame, it somehow seemed easier to deal with. With the earlier events of the day coupled with his petty jealousies, which were fueled by his encounter with Mancini, he had let himself begin to doubt what he had with Grace; the woman who had never done anything but make him feel so incredibly alive.

Soon it was Weaver who was knocking on his door. "Robert, it's Kerry."

He rolled his eyes as he told her to come in.

"There's been a development with what went on here yesterday with Grace."

"Yeah, she quit. Tell me something I don't know. You just missed Carter in here reading me the riot act." He barked.

"One of the housekeeping staff found a vial of epi in the trauma room. It looks like it got pushed behind some supplies on the counter and it's nearly full. It appears there's been a single dose removed from it…I think we might have made a terrible mistake blaming Grace for overmedicating that patient."

He looked at her in disbelief. "You're telling me this is the epi vial she used?"

"It must be. She was adamant that she had only given him 5 mg and I believe this is the vial she used."

"So where the hell did the other one come from?"

"After further discussion with some of the overnight staff, Haleh told me they dropped an empty one during an early morning trauma. That must have been the one Chuny found and assumed incorrectly it was the vial Grace used."

Romano was furious. "Assumed incorrectly? Do you know what we've done here, Kerry? We've just ruined a girl's nursing career and even worse…"

"Her career isn't ruined, Robert, and technically she was still intoxicated."

"And probably still more fit than any one of the residents after a 36 hour shift! Jesus Christ, Kerry!" He said throwing a chart across the room. "This entire incident need never have happened!"

"Calm down, Robert. I haven't filed the paperwork from her resignation yet. We still have time to offer her position back. However, as Chief of Staff, that decision is up to you."

"Oh, and you think she'll take the offer, after the way she's been treated?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who lambasted her and hung her out to dry. That's all on your head, Robert." Kerry's pager went off, "I've got to run, it's the ER. Let me know what you want to do with this before the end of the day otherwise I'll send the paperwork up to human resources."

Sitting alone after Weaver closed the door, he wondered how he could ever begin to repair the damage that had been done. He needed to get to her, to try to make her understand, if it wasn't already too late.

He wasted no time driving to Grace's apartment and was relieved when she answered the door. Looking tired, she stood in the doorway, but didn't offer to let him inside.

"I don't have anything more to say to you." She said calmly.

"Well, I sure as hell do. It's important. Please let me in?"

"What's the point, Robert?"

"I have some news that I need to discuss with you right away."

Begrudgingly, she let him in and listened quietly as he explained about the missing vial.

"So I was subjected to being humiliated and berated, all because of a mix up?" She said so angry, her hands started to shake.

"Grace, you need to understand my state of mind when I walked into that meeting yesterday."

"Do I? I need to understand that you can overreact and fly off the handle and treat people with a complete lack of respect…what, all because you had a bad day? I guess your ego knows no bounds."

"It's not that black and white. Mancini had just…"

Grace cut him off, "Now you're trying to blame this on Steven? We all have choices to make, Robert. Why don't you just admit it was easier for you and Weaver to jump to conclusions than do a full investigation of what really happened? Weaver is one thing, that damn bitch practically got on her knees, begging me to work, but you…you didn't trust me when I told you what happened, and you didn't believe in me." She said with a deep sadness in her eyes.

It was killing him to see that look directed at him. He reached over to touch her and she pulled away.

"If you're here to offer me my job back, don't bother."

"Connor's surgery is tomorrow. You could still be a part of it."

"No, I can't, because in the state of mind I'm in right now, I know I'm not fit to do my job. I realize that I wouldn't be focused on Connor and that is what being a good nurse is about. Stepping back and admitting when the patient's life may be at risk and putting their needs ahead of our own."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not just talking about what happened yesterday?"

"I had an interesting chat with Carter today. Do you remember Christmas Eve, a few years ago? You were at a party and Dr. Benton was operating on a patient without an attending."

"What?"

"I'm sure you must remember, but if not, I'll be happy to remind you. You came back from a party after your beloved Elizabeth had stood you up and you walked into the OR with a blood alcohol level of .12."

He was quiet for a moment. "Grace, that was a completely different set of circumstances and there was a lot more to it than that."

"I'll bet there was, especially for the Chief of Staff or were you just the Chief of Surgery back then? Just how drunk are you allowed to be when you're performing surgery?"

"But I didn't operate."

"Only because Benton stopped you."

"This has nothing to do with us, here and now Grace."

"It shouldn't, but it does in a strange way. Knowing that you were in a much worse position makes the way you treated me even more tough to take."

"I still love you, Grace."

She laughed a little and shook her head, "You know I can't figure out what it is about me, that lends itself to men telling me they love me and then turning around and doing the complete opposite. Steven 'loved' me so much that he lied and cheated on me. You say you love me, but when I needed you the most, you completely let me down. I was the one person who loved and accepted you in every way and if this is what love is, I think I'm better off without it."

"Fine, forget about me for a minute. You're not thinking about all this in the long-term."

"It's true, I may be running away from my responsibilities at County, but I'm not interested in playing political games to try to further my career. I was happy being an ER nurse and really proud of my work, but I just can't go back there and be reminded of…everything."

"So there's nothing I can say to change your mind?"

She simply shook her head.

"I am sorry, Grace." Romano said, turning to leave. "I hope you two will be happy together."

She looked at him somewhat bewildered as he walked down the hall, confused at his final comment.