"So you're seriously not on Facebook or Myspace?!"
"Uh, no. It's just not my scene. Is that a problem?"
"No, not a problem, I guess. Just weird. Really weird."
"Oh," I say while cracking a smile, "so I'm a weirdo now?"
He laughs. He has a nice laugh, deep and rich.
"Well, I didn't say those words. But since you mentioned it..."
"Jacob! Shut it, mister, or our date's off for tonight!"
"Hey! You don't play fair!"
"Didn't your mom ever tell you? All's fair in love and war."
"So you love me, huh? Look, Bella, I'm flattered and all. But I just don't see you that way."
"Ha. Ha." I laugh dryly. "You wish. Where are we going tonight anyway?"
"Only the best freakin' place e-ver! But I'm not tellin', Miss Bella. I will tell you to dress casually, though. Jeans, t-shirt and ponytail-type casual."
"Wow. I think I really do love you now. My kinda guy! Well. I hate to rush off the phone, Mr. Black, but I have a super busy schedule to adhere to before our big date tonight. There's laundry to do and Food Network to watch."
"So you're dissin' me for TV and crusty socks? Miss Swan, my heart is breaking! Alright, I'll see you tonight. Pick you up at your place, 6 o'clock, right?"
"Right...bye, Jacob."
"See ya, Miss Swan."
I hang up and smile. He's such a nice guy. For the last week we've been talking daily, sometimes multiple times a day and he always makes me smile. Jacob got my number from Alice, insisting we get to know each other before our first date. Not a bad idea at all. It's been refreshing getting to know who I'm dating before actually meeting him. Even though I've grown pretty comfortable talking with Jacob, I'm still nervous about the date. I don't wanna screw up and have him think I'm a pistachio nut.
I pick up the phone and dial Alice's number; she always knows what to say to make me feel better. My brows knit together as I hear the voicemail prompt. Weird. She always picks up the phone. In all of our years being friends, she's never not answered the phone. There's even been a few times when I had horrible timing and called while she and Jasper were...in the throes of passion...and she even answered the phone then. The moaning and wet sounds traumatized the shit out of me. Thinking about it makes me shudder. She's never without her phone, always sneaking and talking while on planes, in church, at work...the girl has a big damn mouth. I hope she's okay; this just isn't right. I try one more time. Voicemail again. Hmmm…I decide to leave a message, telling her how worried I am and to call me back ASAP so I know she's okay.
I spend the rest of the day doing laundry, watching reruns of Choppedand thinking of Club Guywhile folding my clothes. When I pair the last two socks, I look up at the time and realize it's time to start getting ready. I find myself wondering what Club Guy is doing right now. Does he ever think of me? I snap myself out of this train of thought because I can spend hours daydreaming about him. I didn't get a good look at him because the club was so dark, but I remember his gorgeous smile.
I walk to my room, thinking of what to wear. Jake and I agreed to wear shirts with quotes from our favorite movies. I can't wait to see what his says. I snicker as I pull my shirt out of the drawer. It's a quote from Team America: World Police, one of the most hilarious, dumbest movies ever.
"America... F%#k Yeah!" my shirt says in bright red, white, and blue letters.
I start loudly singing the song, flailing around while pulling on my "cute butt" jeans.
"America...FUCK YEAH! Freedom is the only way, yeah. Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to...America...FUCK YEAH! So lick my butt and suck on my balls--"
I'm yanked out of my super fun times by the phone ringing. This better be good, interrupting my fuckawesome song. While rushing to the phone, I slap on some lip gloss. Rose's name is on the caller ID. I answer the phone and sing:
"America! FUCK YEAH!"
"Oh, God. Not that song again. If I have to hear it one more time! Oh no, you're not wearing that retarded shirt on your date, are you?"
"FUCK YEAH!"
She groans and I laugh.
"ROSE! Where are you scallywags? I'm here getting dressed with no assistance!"
"Bella, I can't make it tonight. I'm...busy."
"Busy, huh? AKA having sex. Who is it, skank?"
"Uh, not now."
I gasp, "He's there with you?! How long have you been seeing him?"
I hear the phone moving around and her muffled giggling.
"Okay, I do not need to hear this. Bye Rose."
"Oh, wait, Bella! Ange can't make it either. She and Ben are having a date night. So...*giggle* Emmeeett! Stop! Looks like it's just you and Big Al tonight."
Emmett? She's never mentioned him before. He must be something special to have her acting like a schoolgirl.
"She's not here and she's not answering her phone. I'm kinda worried," I tell Rose.
"Huh?! Oh. Hmmm, *giggle* I'm sure she's okay. *double giggle* But um, I can't make it. Uuuum...ohhhh...ooooh...mmmm...Eeeemmmett."
Grody.
"You filthy, dirty whore! You better give me all the details tomorrow. I'm hanging up now. I've had enough hearing my friends having sex to last a lifetime."
I hang up and walk back to my closet to pick out some shoes. Chuck's or Air Force Ones? I think I'll go with the AF1's tonight. Yeah. I walk to my bathroom to put my hair in a ponytail. Should it be a low and simple pony or a high pony with swooped bangs? I'm feeling lazy so low and simple it is. Jacob did say casual, after all. I look at the clock: 5:37. Still enough time to toast some S'mores Pop Tarts. Yum-o.
The doorbell rings and I take a deep, shaky breath. I hope he isn't a nutcase. I walk to the door and open it. And gasp.
"I know you!"
"Yeah, you look really familiar too."
He looks at my shirt and cracks up.
"Holy shit! I love that movie! 'I'll put a jihad on you!'" We both laugh and I look at his shirt.
"'Graduate of The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.' Hahaha! Glad to know you can read good." I laugh and give him my best Zoolander face. By the time I invite him in, we're both laughing hard.
While he walks around my living room, I check him out. He's very tall, at least 6'7". Beautiful tan skin, dark hair, really muscular, lips I wouldn't mind sucking on...huh? Where did that come from?
When he's done evaluating my living space, he walks over to me and says, "So, do you believe in love at first sight...or do I need to walk by again?"
I laugh. "Seriously?"
He smiles brightly, "Well, it was worth a try."
"So, ready to go?"
"After you, Miss Swan."
We walk in silence to the car.
"Camaro? Nice!"
"Thanks! I love my baby," he says while affectionately patting the hood. "She's my most prized possession. Maybe soon, she'll be my second most prized possession."
I blush and hurry into the car so he won't see.
He laughs and gets in. "Blushing, Miss Swan?"
"Shut it, Black!"
The ride to the amusement park is filled with movie quotes, dirty jokes and laughter. Jacob's so easy and fun to be around. Before I know it, he's parking the car and I look around to see where we are.
"An amusement park?"
"Hells yeah, Bella! We're gonna have fun tonight!"
"I can't wait!"
The next few hours are spent on rollercoasters, ferris wheels, bumper cars and stuffing our faces full of corn dogs and cotton candy. Someone announces that the park is closing in 20 minutes. I pout, sad to see this date coming to an end.
"Aw, Bella, don't be sad. Come here," he drags me over to a booth where players have to shoot into a clown's mouth to fill up a balloon.
"Let's make a bet."
"What kind of bet?" I ask while giving him the side eye.
"If I win, you have to kiss me."
"And if I win?"
"You get to kiss me," he laughs and I roll my eyes.
"When Iwin, you have to make me dinner on our next date."
He beams at me. "Are you asking me out, Swan?"
I smile at him before picking up a water gun. "Maybe I am, Black. Now, let's go!"
I forgot to mention to Jacob that I'm super competitive and hate losing. My balloon's filling up pretty damn fast. I silently thank all of those shooting lessons Charlie made me take. I spare a glance at Jacob's balloon and see he's catching up to me really fast. Shit! I snap my head back to my own balloon and squint my eyes in concentration. I. Will. Not. Lose! Just then the siren wails and announces me the winner.
"YIPPEEE!!!" I scream while doing a combination of the Running Man and Cabbage Patch. "Take THAT, Black! I WON! Fuck yeah! Eat my fucking dust! No one can beat me! Resistance is futile!"
The booth guy reaches out to hand me my four-inch-tall teddy bear and I snatch it from him.
"Victory is MINE!" I yell, tap dancing around Jacob.
He laughs at me and grabs me by my waist, "Are your parents retarded, Swan? 'Cause you sure are special."
I hit his chest and laugh, giddy because of my win. Oh yeah. I'm awesome.
Dear Diary,
Hey Diary! Sorry I haven't written to you in a while. Remember Jacob? Well, for the last few weeks, Jake and I have spent any time we can together. We've been practically joined at the hip and I love it. We've become incredibly close. He's funny, smart, respectful, and incredibly handsome. He really makes me happy, Diary. And it's a wonderful feeling. I find myself smiling for no reason nowadays.
Last week, he took me on a picnic and told me he was "in like with me" and asked me to be his girlfriend. How cute is that?! He's so thoughtful and sweet. Sigh. He's coming over tonight so we can watch a "Best Movies Ever Marathon." We collectively agreed on ten movies including Superbad, Fanboys, Grandma's Boy, Tropic Thunder, Me, Myself & Irene,Planes, Trains &Automobilesand a few others. I can't wait! It seems like all we do is laugh, kiss and dry-hump. He's such a good kisser. And a great humper. Makes me wonder how much dry-humping he's done in his life. Hmmm...
I think Charlie has someone following me, though. I told him I have a boyfriend and then I noticed this car has been following me. He's probably run all kinds of background checks on Jake too. Good ol', overprotective cop-dad :-)
Anyway, I could really fall for this guy, Diary. Well, gotta go. Popcorn's ready!
"Alice, what the hell is going on? We've hardly talked for weeks, your voicemail picks up all the time. I miss you, A."
"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I miss you too. I've just been busy...with planning a party..."
"A party? Party for what?"
"Oh...for my aunt in Wisconsin. I'm really busy, Bells. Can I call you later?"
I huff in frustration, "Fine, Alice. Bye."
I hang up the phone, highly frustrated. She's been so distant lately, always preoccupied. And she looks like hell. What the hell is happening with her?
"Hey babe, ready to go?" Jake asks as he comes out of the bathroom. I look at him suggestively and arch my brow as he pulls up his fly.
"See something you like?"
"Nope," I smile. "Let's go."
While driving to the movie theater, I notice someone following my car again and shake my head. Damn, Charlie, he's not a murderer or something! Get a grip!
We get out of the car and walk toward the building when I have an epiphany.
"I know where I know you from!!!"
"You do? 'Cause it's been driving me crazy not being able to remember!"
"I feel so dumb! I don't know how I didn't put two and two together!"
"Well...where did we meet?!"
"You seriously don't remember? How could you forget? We're SO retarded!"
"Hey, speak for yourself, Smella!"
I hit his arm and laugh.
"Okay, seriously. You remember about 12 years ago, that fishing competition? Our dads knew each other and introduced us. We spent that week having so much fun together, but forgot to get each other's numbers when it was over!"
"Well, I guess destiny brought us back together," he smiles brightly at me and grabs my waist to pull me closer.
"Yeah, I guess so," I say while smiling up at him.
All of a sudden, there are bright lights everywhere and I can't see anything. What the hell?!
"Jake? What's going on?"
He grabs me tighter, squinting his eyes trying to look into the lights. "I don't know, babe."
"JACOB!" I hear a woman yell.
I look up at him and his face pales.
"What's wrong, Jake?"
"Jacob, you piece of shit!" A woman with long black hair and tan skin appears in front of the lights. "You BASTARD!" she yells at him.
I jump in front of him and block her when she tries to hit him.
"What the hell are you doing? Get away from my boyfriend before I kick your teeth down your fucking throat!" I scream at her.
"Your BOYFRIEND?!" she screeches.
Someone grabs me from behind and holds my arms. I try to wiggle free.
"Let me go! Jake! What's going on?! Let me GO!!!"
A guy with a black turtle neck walks up to me. "Hi, my name is Joey Grecko. I'm with Cheaters."
Cheaters?!?! Oh. Hell. No!
"How long have you been seeing Jacob?"
"Tell your bitch ass security guard to let me go!" I'm beyond pissed and am about to go Hulk on somebody in a minute.
Joey nods and the guard lets me go.
"We've been seeing each other for about two months," I tell him while massaging my wrists. Bastard held me tight as hell.
"TWO MONTHS?!" Black Haired Girl screams and lunges for Jake's throat.
I can't believe this shit! I'm on motherfucking TV!
"Baby, we're just friends. I met her at work and she was lonely, so I became her friend. I swear, Leah, nothing happened!"
"WHAT?!" I yell. "Work?! I was lonely?! What a crock of shit! I can't believe you, Jacob!"
Joey walks up to Jacob with a video camera. "Jacob, we've been following you around for weeks."
Weeks?! So it wasn't Charlie!
Joey continues, "We have video of you and Miss Swan spending time and being intimate on numerous occasions." He thrusts the camera in Jacob's face. "Here you are, kissing and fondling Miss Swan in a park..."
"That's not me," Jake says.
"Not YOU?!" Leah screams.
"Sure, sure...that's uh, my twin brother."
"Oh, that's rich! Twin, Jake? That's the best your retardedly stupid ass can come up with? How could you, Jacob? After all these years, everything we've been through?" Tears are running down her face and I feel horrible for her.
Jacob starts walking off and yells, "I can't believe you did all this, Leah! Cheaters? You had to bring a fucking camera crew?"
"YOU can't believe ME?! No, don't you DARE try to turn this on me! You slimy cock bastard!"
A crowd starts forming and chants "Cheaters! Cheaters! Cheaters!"
I take that as my cue to leave and walk to my car. I can't even think straight right now. I need a drink. A few camera guys follow me to my car and I yell at them to go away so I can leave. I still hear Leah screaming like a banshee in the background when I get into my car. Fifteen minutes later and I'm home. I have new voicemail.
"You have one new message." Beep.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, babe. She means nothing to me, I swear. Please call me back, babe." Beep.
I scoff and delete the message. Prick.
A/N:
So how many of you thought Jake was Club Guy? :-)
Cheaters is a real show and it's the shit. As far as I know, they only bust cheatin' bastards in Oklahoma and Texas. But this is my story, so I can do what I want ;-) You can go to www(dot)cheaters(dot)com to see video clips and other goodies. Check it out!
Fic recommendation time! Yay!
Mens Rea: A Guilty Mind by forbidden-fruit81
On A Lonesome Road by valeri29
Texts From Last Night by EverythingIDo
A big, fat thank you to my beta coachlady1. She fikses all my spelig mistayks cause shes smartt.
Until next time! Smooches!