Chapter 3

Six months after the news

BPOV

It has been six months since I found out Jake was dead. If it wasn't for Jake Jr. I surely would not have made it. He was the only reason I was here. I thought about Jake every waking moment. My dad came over everyday to take Jr. to the park so I had some time to clean and shower, but I spent the first twenty minutes sobbing over the man I loved the most. Why was this world so cruel as to take away the most important thing to me?

I saw Billy every weekend. He has been a mess since Jake died. He doesn't go anywhere, he drinks, and only allows me to come over cause he wants to see his grandson. I don't know what to do for him cause I don't know how I am doing this myself. My dad tries to help, but Billy just pushes him away.

Kim, Emily and Leah call me once a week but I just cant talk to them right now. The guys were coming by to help with the house, but I told them it was ok and they didn't have to help. The only two that came over every night were Quil and Embry. They were the only two I could trust right now. I have known them my whole life and they have been Jake's best friends even longer it seemed. They were so good to Jr. He would need that in his life when he got older. The last time Embry came over he brought a letter from Jake. He told me he didn't know if I would want it, but that Jake made him swear to give it me if something happened.

My dad came over to take Jr. He was taking him to Sue Clearwater's for the day. I am usually only alone for an hour or two so this would be hard. I cleaned the house quickly and paid some bills. The insurance money I got from the military was more than enough to keep up the house so I didn't have to work, which was good. There was no way I could hold a job right now. I looked at the letter from Jake sitting on his side of the bed. I knew I needed to read it I just didn't want to. It would make things so final. I walked over to his side of the bed and opened the letter and sat down.

My Dearest Bella,

If you are reading this letter it only means one thing, which I am sure I don't have to mention. Please don't be mad at Embry for this. I made him promise. There are a few things I need you to know.

First of all I want you to know that from the moment I met you when we were six years old I was in love with you. As mean as you were to me when we were kids I always knew we would wind up together. You are my soul mate and I knew it from the beginning.

The first time you told me you loved me it was as if there were fireworks everywhere. Those were the sweetest words I have ever heard. I never took them for granted.

When we got married I thought I would burst with excitement. There was no man alive that was as happy as I was that day. We were forever. I may not have been Prince Charming, but you are certainly my princess. I couldn't even stand to imagine what life would be like without you.

These next few things I need you to promise me. Please take care of my dad. I know he wont make it through this well. I know you love him just as much as I do and that you will always make sure he knows how much I loved him.

I do not want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Grieve for me baby, but don't sacrifice your life for me. You deserved to be loved. Granted no one will ever be good for you as I am or love you as much as I love you, and I say this with a heavy heart, but I need to know that you will live on. I will always be in your heart and part of your soul, but I need you to move on with your life and be happy.

I love you Bella. More anyone could ever love. You are my everything. You are the sun in my sky. Please know that this is the last thing I wanted and that I fought as hard as I could to come home to you, but someone had other plans I suppose. I swear I did all I could to try to come home. If you are reading this letter because I am dead know that when I died our love was the last thought I had. I will be with you forever. I love you. When it is your time I will be waiting for you with open arms.

Until we meet again

Jacob.

I clutched the letter to my heart as hard as I could as the tears flowed from my eyes.

"Fuck you Jacob!" I screamed to an empty room. "How could you have left me here all alone? How is your son going to know what a great man you are? You didn't even know you had a son when you died. How am I supposed to go on without you? UGH Jake I love you so much! I need you so much!"

I cried for a little bit longer until I heard the doorbell. I knew dad and Jr. wouldn't be back for another few hours. I got up put the letter from Jake in my nightstand and went downstairs to answer the door.

When I opened the door Embry was standing there with tears in his eyes and a green duffle bag.

"Em? What is it?" I couldn't take anymore bad news.

"Um…..it's Jake's bag. They brought it to Billy's house this morning. He said he didn't want it and told me to bring it here."

"Well I don't fucking want it Embry. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? Unpack it like he is coming home tomorrow? Act as if this is just a dream and when I open my eyes it is going to be over and Jake is gonna call and tell me he is on his way home? No Embry he's not cause he is fucking dead. DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ME! HE IS DEAD!"

I fell to my knees in front of the door and Embry picked me up and brought me into the house and laid me on the couch. He stood there for a moment not knowing just what to do. He sat down next to me and just held my hand while I cried it out.

"I'm sorry Em."

"Bella it is ok. I understand. I know it is harder for you, but I miss him too honey. I will take the bag and put it in storage or something."

"No Em. Put it in the garage. I want it here"

"OK. What time is your dad coming home?"

"In about two hours"

"Wanna go grab something to eat? You should get out of the house for a while."

"Sure. Sure." I stopped dead in my tracks as I realized I had just uttered Jake's signature line. "Jacob" I whispered.

Embry looked at me as a tear rolled down his cheek. I didn't stop to think what Embry and Quil must be going through. I barely saw Quil anymore. He was studying for some college entrance exams and was planning on going to college in Los Angeles in the fall. He told me that La Push just wasn't the same without Jake here and it was too hard right now to stay.

I got up off the couch and grabbed Embry's hand. "Come on lets go get something to eat."

The next six months flew by kinda quick. I never unpacked Jake's bag, it just sat in the garage. I did have his letter laminated though so I could always keep it in good condition.

Embry had been coming over for dinner every week and this afternoon he was coming over to help me with Jr's first birthday party. The whole rez was coming. Even Billy who seemed to be doing better now that Sue Clearwater was helping him out was coming over. It was a great day since my beautiful little man was turning one but also sad since Jacob wasn't here.

Jr. was so excited. We got a pony and he smashed his face in his cake. He opened up all his presents with my help and smiled all day. It was when he was smiling that he looked like Jacob the most.

Embry and I had gotten pretty close. He was a great friend and I don't think the last six months would have been easy without him. He helped me get a job. I didn't need to work as I still had enough insurance money left over, but I was starting to go stir crazy sitting in the house, so I took a part time job at the library. It was ok and kept me busy.

I talked to Quil yesterday and sent his regards. He said he would be home this summer and would commute back and forth to Port Angeles. He liked Los Angeles and thought it would be the escape that he needed, but he said it was harder for him without constant reminders of Jake, so he was coming back home.

Embry was helping me clean up after everyone left and I put Jr. down for the night. He was telling jokes and had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee in my pants. I went to go put a dish away and slipped on some water. Embry caught me in his arms just before I fell and brought stood me back up. I was still in his arms when I realized he was staring at me.

"Bella" he whispered. He leaned in and I didn't even have time to react to what was going on. He kissed me gently on the lips and as a natural reaction I started to kiss him back till I realized what he was doing.

"Embry. What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry Bells." No one had called me that since Jake died.

"Don't fucking call me that. What right do you think you have kissing me? Are you crazy?"

"Bella I'm sorry. I didn't think. I don't know what to say. Spending all this time with you these last few months has made me realize that I am falling in love with you."

"NO!" I shouted "No. No. No. No. No. Jacob was your best friend and you are not falling in love with me."

"Yes Bella I am."

"This is so not happening. I cant do this Embry. Please."

"Ok Bella. I understand. Just know that I will always be here."

"I know that Em, but I need you to leave. This is all too much for me and I am not ready for anything right now except remembering Jake."

"Ok. I will talk to you soon"

He walked out the door and I ran upstairs and took the letter out of my drawer. I held it to my chest as I cried myself to sleep.