~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 5 / Kitchen Table

Numbly Zoro sat at the table in the kitchen with the rest of the Mugiwara crew excluding Nami and Sanji. They had been called in by Chopper who had news for them all on Sanji's condition. It had been hours now since Chopper had taken Sanji back to the med room after Sanji had passed out. It was late now nearly past midnight but no one had been willing to go to bed till they where sure the cook was going to be ok and got an update on him like Chopper had promised after pushing Franky out of the med room though he had let Nami stay and help him.

Chopper looked around at the many faces turned his way then started. "Sanji is ok at the moment and resting but after the incident on deck from what I was told and some tests that came back positive I'm hundred percent sure that this Dr. Morin's handy work. I still can't say I fully understand the drug that was used on him however but what I was able to see is it's affecting his emotional state and magnifying it. The drug seems like it is trying to target something explicitly but I don't know what and with out knowing what am trying to cure there is not much else I can do." Chopper paused taking a breath fighting back tears as his large brown eyes started to water. " I can give him more sedatives but I really shouldn't cause I don't know how that will affect the drugs already in him and I run the risk of doing more harm then good but I had no choice on the deck." Tears were making there way down the little reindeer's cheeks wetting his fur in track lines. "It was a clear panic attack and if I had not he would have died if he didn't clam down."

Robin put an arm around Chopper and at once he turned to her side taking the comfort and sobbed, "I feel like such a failure as a doctor. Sanji needs my help and I can't even figure out the compound of the drugs or how to reverse the affects for him." Robin softly rubbed his back in little circles.

"Don't say that doctor-bro you will. We just got to keep Sanji clam right, then in the mean time you can do your thing." said Franky trying to keep hope alive.

"Yeah Chopper you're the best for sure you will figure out." came Luffy's cheerful voice with one of his trademark goofy grins.

Chopper looked up at them all even Zoro was giving him a nod of agreement trusting in his skills. "Its just already Sanji almost died from this and with out opening his head up and taking out his brain and examining it piece by piece I don't think I can get the answers I need." The little doctor tried to explain as he rubbed his eyes.

"Ahh… that would be bad right? Sanji needs his brain?" Luffy asked.

"Of course baka! He needs his brain unlike some people around here." Usopp yelled at there idiot captain.

"Yosh! Then it's settled then no brain removal!" declared Luffy.

Zoro rolled his eyes looking away, "I think someone has already removed your brain." He muttered.

"Doctor-san if you had Dr. Morin's research you would be able to do something then?" came the voice of reason of Robin.

Chopper seemed to perk up at this thought even a shin returned to his brown eyes as he nodded. "With that I would be at lest be able to keep Sanji's body from killing its self and most likely be able to formulate an antidote to reverse the effects maybe even expunging the drug entirely."

"So enough talking lets go bust into the marine base then. It's only a training base anyways; it should not take more then a minute to bust threw the whole thing." Zoro smirked. He was itching to kick someone's ass.

"But I need to stay here with Sanji. When he wakes up there is no telling what state of mind he will be in." Chopper whined.

"No big deal we will just grab all of the girl's work and bring it back." offered Franky.

"Well that would be welcomed but I think it might be a lot to take back and a lot to look through. Her work is a continuation from her parents so there is decades of it. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack." Chopper pouted.

"But surly she would have the research she is working on now with her or at the very lest she knows herself." Robin let a slip of a smile come to her lips.

"And cook-bro had mentioned at dinner about plans of going back to the hotel to see her again tomorrow for tea." Franky seemed to jump on Robin's think train.

"WHAT! Franky you idiot we can't let Sanji go visiting the doctor that's trying to kill him stupid!" Luffy huffed crossing his arms.

Usopp slapped a hand to his own forehead as many of the others slumped in there seats at the stupidness of the captain they had chosen to follow.

"That's not what I meant Straw Hat." Franky groaned, "I mean for us to go in his place and make Dr. Morin give us the answers Chopper needs."

"Ohhh. Well then that's ok." Luffy nodded as his crew shook there heads at him.

They then settled that Luffy, Robin, Franky and Zoro would go to the hotel in the morning when Sanji was sups to meet her, to collect the woman and any research she had with her. The four of them for one woman was a bit of an over kill but Luffy and Zoro could not be talked out of going and Robin was needed for her keen eye to bring back anything of importance from the hotel room while Franky was going as damage control for any havoc Luffy and Zoro made.

The room cleared out once getting things settled and Zoro found himself alone at the kitchen table running his hand over the smooth wood. How many meals had he not thanked the cook for or just say that the meal was good? How many times had they sat at the kitchen table mapping out a battle plan or treasure hunt? How many times had they sat around the kitchen table and laughed at something stupid Luffy did? How many times had he sat at this kitchen table while the cook was busy with something and then Zoro try to lure him into a fight just to get all of his attention? It was cause of that jealous selfishness that nearly killed the cook. Sure it was full out mainly the bitch of doctor's fault for pumping Sanji with some crazy mind drug but… Somehow Zoro felt like he had contributed to it to. That didn't sit right with him at all. With all the trash talk he gave the cook he never meant for something …well like this to happen.

Heavy of foot the swordsman left the kitchen and went out on to the lower deck. He then stood there and looked up to the night sky and the many stars that twinkled down at him. He had lost one rival already and was not ready to … no … that was not it. Zoro shook his head and looked down. He was just not ready to lose Sanji. He had to face it; it had nothing to do with rivals or even a nakama in trouble. It was just because it was Sanji. He could not categorize the cook to just one thing; the bastard was to much a part of everything in Zoro's life.

The swordsman was off and moving again this time to the med room. He could not explain it. He just wanted to see the cook. Just to prove he was alive. After being told the bastard had almost died part of his mind had him yearning to prove the cook was really ok.

Just as Zoro was moving down the hall the med room door open and Chopper stepped out. When the little doctor spotted the man he looked relieved. "Oh good Zoro can you please watch Sanji just for a bit. I already sent Nami off to bed and didn't think about using the bathroom first or even getting some coffee." Chopper explained. "And I really don't want to leave him alone."

Zoro nodded. "Sure Chopper." This worked out well now he didn't need some excuse to check in on the baka-cook.

"I will be right back." Chopper promised.

Zoro stepped into the room as Chopper hurried off down the hall. Softly the swordsman then shut the door and turned around. The sight of the sleeping cook laying there in the bed made his breath catch in his chest. Through the one window moonlight was streaming in the comforting dark room shinning down on the cook's head. The strands of his golden hair lightly fanned on the white pillow seemed almost to sparkle in these few rays of light round the darkness. The only other source of light was a desk lamp on Chopper's desk that just lit up enough for the workspace but it did not compare to how the moon's light reflected on the cook. He was like a polished jewel in an empty room which was only empty because your eyes could only hold to that jewel shining making you long for just one touch of something that beautiful you could not even believe was real.

He didn't know how or when but Zoro's feet had taken him over to Sanji's bedside. His body seemed to be acting of his own accord, (against his best judgment he might add), as his hand now raised and reached out to lightly run his finger tips in that shinning golden hair. It was softer then Zoro had ever thought. He had always thought since it reminded him of silk it must feel the same but this, this was finer, softer, something that made his fingers just want to melt into.

Slowly his fingers moved from the tips of hair resting on the pillow to run down the folds of hair that hide the left side of the cook's face. Zoro could never remember a time when he had saw the cook's whole face. He was tempted to push back that curtain of blonde but stopped in thought when his fingers came in contact with a gap between strands that let him feel the cook's skin. It was almost smooth like glass but warmer and soft. Just that little sliver of skin contact made him hunger for more. Zoro lifted his hand to run down the other side of the cook's face then cup Sanji's cheek in the palm of his hand and let his thumb drag into the dip just below the man's bottom lip. Increasingly slow his thumb moved up and traced over the bottom lip its self.

The action caused a small stir in blonde but it was just a light shift and soft sigh that left his tinted rosy lips open.

Zoro froze at the small movement and then once again held his breath as those lips parted. So lush and inviting, Zoro could not help but think as he leaned in. His own lips now inches from the cook's. He could feel Sanji's warm breath coming out in soft puffs through his open lips. He could smell the light hint of tobacco and spices that Sanji almost seem to be made of they where so much a part of the man. Zoro's body yearned to close that small gap between them but if he did this… if he kissed Sanji he might wake up.

The swordsman pulled back even removing his hand and for good measures took two steps back. If he kissed Sanji and woke him up the man would surly be enraged and want to rip Zoro's balls off or some such painful thing. Yet with Sanji's curtain state he could not risk it. Then again Sanji had not woken up from his touches. Maybe a kiss would be ok too if he was just very gentle about it?

The med room door open and Chopper came in with large cup of coffee. "Oh good he is still sleep. Thanks Zoro." he whispered giving a sad smile as he moved over to sit at his desk.

Zoro rubbed the back of his head and nodded then quickly left the room. He had forgotten Chopper was coming back. That could have been really bad. Best to just go to bed now. He didn't know what the hell he had been thinking anyways.

So off Zoro hurried to the bunk room to try and get some sleep for tomorrow. He hoped the bitch put up a fight, if he could just hit her once it would make him happy.

Sanji sat at the kitchen table and stared at the clean white piece of paper before him. He should write something he thought, but what? What could he possible say that would make up for everything he had done and not done? He sat the pen down and picked up his wine glass and took a drink of the rich full body heady liquid.

*Flashback*

He had woken up maybe a half an hour ago or less in the med room with Chopper asleep at his desk. Not wanting to be trouble he had snuck out of the room with out waking the little doctor and headed out onto the deck. He breathed in the early morning sea air as it filled his lungs like nothing else could…well maybe a cigarette after a long day but besides that nothing else.

It was still dark outside but just over the horizon of the sea was a faint glimmer hinting that the sun was soon due to make its appearance for the day.

Sanji ran a hand threw his hair on his right side and let it fall back in place. After last night he knew what he had to do. He was sure it had not been a dream when he herd Chopper tell his lovely Nami-san they where going to have to be nice to the bastard and keep him clam and that he had been drugged by Dr. Morin. Things got a bit fuzzy then but he was sure that moment of time was real. Of course it was real why else would people be nice to you other then when they had to or wanted something from you? came the nagging voice of his mind. It was now not so little and seemed to make a lot of sense.

Even if by some miracle he did mean something to someone he was only going to be a disappointment and drag them down. He was sad he would not be sacrificing himself in some greater way taking a death that was meant for one of his nakama but maybe with him gone that chance of death would never even arise.

So with best in mind of his nakam he set off to the kitchen. There he took the time look over his kitchen one last time then got out the things he needed.

*End Flashback*

So here Sanji set at the kitchen table wine bottle and glass, paper, pen, well sharpened knife, lighter, and pack of smokes.

He sat his wine glass down and lit another cigarette and with the intake of the smoke he knew what to write. Keeping his cigarette held between his lips he retook up the pen to his hand and in large cursive elegant letters wrote the signal word 'Sorry.' It lacked poetry but said what he felt. There was nothing else to be said then that. Long goodbyes where not for real men anyways.

With that out of the way Sanji took the time and care to roll up his sleeves of his orange pinstriped shirt. With a bit of a smirking smile he thought, if one was going to hell at lest they could look nice and not show up a bloody mess. He then picked up the knife.

As he held the knife in his hand the reality of it all hit him. He was going to die. The smile disappeared from his face as he was filled with questions.

What about All Blue? A children's fairytale. Even if it was real you would never find it.

And the shitty old geezer? He was happy with his restaurant, the only thing you have not taken away from him.

My nakama? That's why you're doing this in the first place. To protect them from the misfortune you bring. They will be happier and better off with out you. They don't need you anyways.

Sanji turned away from the kitchen table and door twisting in his seat so he could stare at the floor boards and hold his arm down to them. With a shaky breath Sanji put the edge of the blade to his left arm that hung down letting his skin feel the cold and the sharpness that the blade had to offer. It had to be this way he assured himself. Then pain of the past reared its ugly head; escaping from North Blue to that shitty cruise ship only to end up on that shitty rock with that old geezer, the restaurant, then Luffy and the rest to this moment now. The weight of his life bore down at him and crushed him.

Tears freely flowed from his eyes as the pain overwhelmed him. Just do it. Do it and bare just a little more pain and the suffering will soon be over.

Sanji's body almost trembling now pressed the blade into the flesh of his forearm and the first droplet of blood spilled over the steel of the knife. That's it don't stop now.

Slowly he dragged the blade down over the vein there on his arm and sliced open himself making him grit his teeth and bite the butt of his cigarette as he took a slow hiss in. The pain then was soon forgotten, (he had worse anyways), as he stared in awe at the bright red blood that ran in trails down his pale arm and dripped onto the floor. Now it's only a matter of time. Each drop brings you closer to the release and the safety of your nakama.

Sanji watched as the little puddle grew bigger, his fingers moving now then to change the course of where the blood would drip to on the floor. Tears then fell into the blood pool at his feet as he suddenly had one more question.

"What about Zoro?"

"What about me?" Question the man himself behind Sanji in the doorway with a yawn to follow.

Sanji jerked his head up, keeping his back to the door, as his one visible blue eye widened in shock as his mouth gaped open. His cigarette then fell from his open mouth tumbling down past his hidden bloody arm to land on the floor right in the middle of the blood pool between his feet as the cherry of the cigarette burnt out with a sizzling hiss.

A/N; *crosses fingers she does not get killed for the cliffhanger* It just seemed like a cool way to end the chapter. *bows deeply* Gomen! I shale start on chapter 6 right now! Maybe I can get it out tomorrow.

Also I'm adoring the attention from the reviews so please review me! Hehehe kinda made that sound naughty…ohh speaking of naughty with the title of this chapter bet you thought it was gunna have nookie in it huh? Ha-ha! I fooled ya! And if not well damn *snaps fingers* I will get you next time! xD

Chapter Review replies:

AllBlueChaser - *noddle dances* Thank you so much! I'm a huge fan of your work by the way! Don't worry though I won't come after you with needles … *whispers in creepy fangirl stalker voice* I swear o.o

tazx x x - Lol well there is gunna be more Dr. Sophia Morin who knows if more of those times Sanji will face her again or not but as this chapter shows the crew will not be allow Sanji to meet her … if they can help it xD

datErdbeerschn - Yup this is a side project. My main story that am trying to do is called 'Your Mine' it's a AU future setting and I cant seem to focus on it right now and rather write sucky hot naughty scene with Sanji and …woops that would be telling to much. Let's just say it's on the back burner till I move and get more of it written up. I will most likely start posting some of it mid-May. BUT am super happy you like this story!