Chapter 4

A year and a half after Jacob's death

It is hard to believe that Jake has been gone over a year. Time has actually flown by a little quicker than I expected it to. Jake Jr. is now a year and a half and looks more and more like his dad everyday. As much as I love my son, I find it difficult to look at him sometimes cause it hurts so much. I miss Jake, but the pain is getting a little better. I don't cry as much as I used to and I can talk about him a little more. My dad came over the other day and watched Jr. while I went out with the girls. I actually had a good time.

I haven't seen Embry since the night he kissed me in the kitchen. I know I reacted badly, but what did he expect. He has tried to call me a few times but I ignore it. I don't know what to say to him. Embry and I have always been close. Besides Jake he was my best friend growing up. I guess I should call him eventually. I am not mad at him, just taken off guard a little.

Quil comes by to see me every other day. It was really hard for him when he first came back, but he doesn't regret it. He is still going to school in Port Angeles and has a steady girlfriend. I really like her and I think he may ask her to marry him when he graduates from school. With Quil being the joker that he is he needs a strong minded girl to keep his ass in line.

We talked about what happened with Embry and he said that Embry really cared about me and that it was ok if I decided I liked him too. I love Jacob and there will never be anyone else in my life besides him, even if he did ask me to move on. I guess cause I have been friends with Embry for so long it just kind of stung a little that he didn't mean it. Maybe I will call him soon.

Two Weeks Later

"Jr. come on. We have to go to Grandpa Billy's."

Billy called me yesterday and asked me to bring Jr. to see him and Sue. Billy finally took the plunge and asked Sue to marry him. He was happy and I was glad. You could still see some of the light in his eyes gone, but he was able to get through the day. Normally Billy comes here to see me, but Sue had to go out of town. I haven't been to La Push in months. Avoiding Embry I guess.

"Billy?" I called as I entered the house that Jake grew up in. Where was he? He told me to come by at 2. "Billy?"

I heard some footsteps walking down the hall and looked up to see Embry standing in the hallway. Great!

"Embry."

"Hey Bella. Billy had to run into town to get some last minute things for dinner and he asked me to stay here till he came back."

"Um. Ok I am just gonna take Jr. outback to play."

What the hell was Billy thinking? He knew Embry kissed me thanks to Quil and his big mouth. I figured Billy would be furious when he found out, but he never even mentioned it.

"Bella wait.

"Em….I really don't want to do this right now. Can we talk later?"

"Later? You mean like all the times you haven't answered my calls in the last six months? Or all the times that Quil told you I missed you and I wanted to see Jake Jr.? Or how about the bonfires Sam and Emily have had that you didn't come to because I was gonna be there?"

"Embry what do you want from me?"

"I want you to fucking live. Jake wouldn't want you moping like this. He wanted you to move on."

"I'm not ready to move on! But is that what you think Jacob meant when he said move on? That it should be you? Wow Embry do you want to kiss me again or should we just fuck like rabbits on the couch?" I regretted the words as soon as I said them. I don't know why I was taking this out on Embry. He was only trying to help.

"All we want is for you to find some happiness. Instead you are disregarding Jake's last request. Move on, don't move. I don't really care."

"Don't you dare talk to me about disregarding Jake's last wish. How could he ask me to just move on? You are a real asshole Embry."

"Whatever Bella. Go fuck yourself." He stormed out the door and I fell to the couch crying.

I was not ready to move on. I know that is what Jake wanted cause he didn't want me to be alone. I just can't think about that now. I know Embry thinks he is in love with me, but honestly….I think he is just still grieving and wants someone that loves Jake too. I didn't want to be alone the rest of my life, but I certainly wasn't ready for that step right now.

Billy came home a few minutes later looking a little confused.

"Um. Bella, where's Embry?"

"He left Billy. We got into a fight and he left."

"Isabella I didn't say anything cause I didn't really feel like it was place, but that man really loves you. Jake's only been gone a little over a year, I know. But Bella, it is not often that you are lucky enough to find two men that have fallen in love with you. It is ok to move on. Embry is a good man."

"Billy please. Not you too. I'm not ready to move on. I am not ready to let Jake go."

"You don't have to let him go. He will always be with you Bella. Go find Embry before it is too late. We both know way too well that life is too short,"

Quil came barging in the door and looked angry as shit.

"What the hell Bella? Are you personally trying to rip away the rest of Embry's heart? Jeez! Take a friggin chance to be happy again. He's down at First beach. Billy and I will take Jr. Just go!"

"Quil I can't….Jake"

"Jake what Bella? Jake has been gone for over a year. He's not coming back. Don't ruin a chance for you to move on like Jake wanted and be happy. Embry knows what loss is. He can help Bells."

I cringed at the name that Jacob used to call me. "Please don't call me that. Please. I will go down and talk to Embry if that will shut everyone up."

I walked down to the beach to find Embry sitting on a piece of driftwood with his head between his hands. He looked so broken. I loved Embry of course I did. He has been my best friend for such a long time. I wasn't in love with him though. But could I eventually be? I had no idea.

"Em….."

"Go away Bella"

"No"

"Bella haven't you hurt me enough for one day? I cant take much more."

"I'm sorry Embry."

"For what? What could you possibly have to be sorry for?"

"Everything. I'm sorry I shut you out. I'm sorry I didn't return your calls. I'm sorry I haven't let you see Jake Jr. Sorry I haven't been a better friend. Sorry for what I just said to you at Billy's. I didn't mean it. Please forgive me"

"Don't you think I miss him too Bella? Did you think I meant to fall in love with you? I mean seriously. Jake was my best friend."

"I know Em. Maybe we could just start slow. You know? I am not ready to leave Jake behind."

"Is that what you think Bella? I would never ask that. Jake will always be a part of us."

"Embry I cant promise you anything. I know Jake is never coming back and I want to try to move on….honestly I do. I just cant make any promises."

"I know. I don't expect you to. I would really like it if you would go out for dinner with me though one night."

"I think I can do that."

We walked back to Billy's and the rest of the afternoon was pretty pleasant. I laughed and cried a little, but all in all it was a good day.