Chapter 7

A night away

BPOV

I was going to Seattle tonight with Embry. I was a little nervous since we haven't been intimate and we were spending the night together in a hotel. I didn't know if I could do this. I wanted to be with Embry, but thoughts of Jacob consumed me. I still missed him everyday. Even though the pain was a little better, he would always be the most important thing in my world. Even though I did love Embry, it would never be the same. Jake was my one and only true love.

I took Jake Jr. to the park to get out of the house for a little bit. Embry was at the house fixing some things and Charlie would be there soon to keep Jake Jr. overnight. Jr. was getting so big. I took him to the doctor a few months ago cause I was worried that he wasn't speaking yet. He was almost three and only said ma, ba. Little words like that. The doctor assured me it was ok and he actually started talking two months later. I could tell he was getting ready for his nap so we headed back to the house.

When we got there Embry was climbing down the ladder and Jake Jr. started to run to him.

"Daddy!" he screamed. Fuck! Did he really just call Embry daddy. This wasn't right. It is not that Embry was a bad father figure, but Jake was his daddy dead or not and I would never allow my son to call any other man daddy. I could see Embry was a little uncomfortable with it but he handled it great.

"You silly. You know I am Uncle Embry. This is your daddy" he grabbed the picture that I had on the mantle of Jake.

"Ok Unca Eby". My little man said as he rubbed his eyes. I picked him and carried him to his room so I could put him down for his nap. When I came back into the room I saw Embry was getting ready to leave. Did Jake Jr. calling him daddy really upset him that much?

"Em? Where are you going?" I asked him, trying not to let him see how upset I was.

"I believe we have a date later and unless you want to go out with a stinky, dirty man…..I need to take a shower" he was so sweet.

"Are you ok?" I asked him

"Of course? Why?" he looked at me kinda puzzled

"With Jr. calling you daddy."

"Bella I told you when we started dating that I would never try to take Jake's place and I meant it." That was a relief even though he has told me that several times.

"I have no problem being Unca Eby" we both chuckled remembering Jr's name for him..

"When he is ready we will tell him all about his father. We will have our own and then I will welcome the name daddy." We will tell him? Was Embry really planning on staying around. Wait did he just way when we had children?

"Oh you think so Mr. Call?" I said as I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Yes I sure do. I want to marry you Bella and I cant wait to see you pregnant with my children." Oh my God did he really just say that. Shit I don't know how I feel about that.

"What?" I asked

"I am not saying I want to marry you tomorrow baby, but I do want to marry you."

"You do?" I was still kinda shocked by his confession

"Duh Bella. Of course I do. I am in love with you."

"I know that Embry. I am in love with you too. I just didn't….." Didn't think I would ever love anyone, but Jake I thought. Am I really in love with Embry? I am but in a different way. However, when and if the time comes I could see myself married to him. I knew how much he loved me.

"Didn't what? I mean that would make my life complete."

"We haven't even had sex yet. I guess I can say you aren't trying to just get down my pants since we have been together for a year." Holy shit why did I say that?

"I am more than willing to change that" He wiggled his eyebrows at me

"I bet you are!" I laughed, secretly thinking that it had been so long since I had sex I don't even think I would know what to do.

"I am leaving before I do something we won't be able to turn back from. I will be back at six to pick you up." he said walking towards me.

"Ok."

"Love you Bella"

"Love you too Embry" he kissed me softly as he walked away from me walking out the door to go to his house. That was the weirdest conversation. Embry really wants to marry me. WOW!

I took advantage of Jake Jr. being in the shower and went upstairs to get take a shower and get dressed. It was weird, I was in the shower and I could swear I felt someone with me, even though I knew I was alone. Then I smelled him. Was I going crazy? I looked around and no one was with me, but I could smell Jake and feels his arms around me. Oh God I am loosing my mind. It is finally happening. It felt warm though and the memory of his smell was so comforting. I missed him so much. I shook away the memory afraid that I would never get out of the shower if I didn't stop. I knew Jake Jr. would be awake soon and my dad would be here any minute.

I got out of the shower and got dressed, feeling the best I have felt for a while. Was it Jacob's sudden vivid memory or the fact that I was going away with Embry tonight. I couldn't answer that now and decided to just take things for what they worth. The doorbell rang and I could hear my dad opening the front door.

I ran into Jr's room, picked him up out of his bed and ran downstairs to greet my dad.

"Hey daddy"

"Hey there angel. How are you?"

"Actually daddy I am feeling pretty good today"

"Great! I am so glad to hear that. Listen I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Oh boy I hate those words"

"Haha! About tonight…."

"Daddy, please tell me we are not going to have the sex talk. I am a grown woman with a child, so it is pretty obvious I have had sex before" he cringed at that realization. I mean of course my dad new I wasn't a virgin. Jake Jr. was not the immaculate conception, but I guess he still didn't want to think about that. I was still his little girl.

"Isabella, please! I am not as young as I used to be. My heart can't take that."

"Daddy please stop being dramatic"

"Anyway, I just want you to be careful angel. Embry is a good man and I know he loves you, I just don't want to see you hurt again."

"Thanks dad. I don't want to either, but I think this is gonna be ok."

"Alright. I won't bring it up again."

"Thank goodness for that" we chuckled

A few minutes later Embry was at the door and I was kissing Jake Jr. goodbye. It was hard leaving him, but I needed some time for me too.

"Thanks Dad" I said walking out the door.

"You're welcome. You be careful with my girl Embry." he said as I rolled my eyes at him

"I will Chief Swan. Goodnight."

"Have fun kids"

We drove to Seattle talking about this and that. It was a comfortable ride. Embry was great. I didn't want to think I was settling just so I could be happy. We both knew it would never be the same as my love for Jake, but I did love him. I knew he said he would help keep Jacob's memory alive and I often wondered how that really affected him.

I thought about his accidental confession about wanting to marry me and have kids of our own one day. I wasn't too sure what to think about that at first. It really caught me off guard and I think Embry was a little embarrassed. I wasn't totally opposed to the idea, I just wasn't ready right now. Maybe one day.

We went to a great steak house in Seattle called "Alexxus". The food was great and we had a blast. I called my dad when we got there to check on Jr. who of course was having a blast. My dad would let him get away with murder. Funny since he is the chief of police. We walked around the town for a little while, stopping in a few shops and doing some shopping. I loved my son with everything I have, but I have to say it was nice to have a little break.

We checked into the hotel around ten and watched TV for a bit. Neither one of has addressed the big pink elephant that was now in the room with us. I figured if we were going to do anything it would come naturally. I snuggled closer into Embry and put my head on his shoulder as he sighed in contentment. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love.

"Bella" he whispered before kissing me.

All of the sudden I looked back up and Jake was leaning down to kiss me. I have never been happier to see his sweet face. It was breathtaking. Was this a dream? He was so real.

He kissed me softly at first and then swept his tongue along my bottom lip requesting entrance to deepen the kiss. How could I not grant access to this man. He was here after all these months of being gone and I missed him so much. I parted my lips and he entered my mouth with his tongue. It was sweet, but passionate and I longed for more. I moved my hand behind his neck and pulled him into me. He smelled the same as he always did. We gasped for air as he moved down my neck licking and nipping as he moved to my collar bone. I moved my hands up his shirt silently begging him to help me take it off. He of course assisted me in removing his shirt and I marveled at his beautiful chest and abs. He looked the same as he did the day he left. I moved my lips down his neck to his chest and teased his nipples as he hissed. I was in heaven. My true love had come back to me and we were making love as if he was never gone. He lifted me back toward his mouth and kissed me as he unzipped my dress and helped me slide out of it. He unhooked my bra and lowered threw it on the floor.

I straddled him and he leaned me back supporting my shoulders so he could have full access to my breasts. He took of my nipples in his mouth and licked and bit it as I moaned. When he was satisfied that he gave that nipple enough attention he moved over to the other nipple and repeated his movements causing me more pleasure. He licked in between my breasts and trailed hot kisses back up my neck till he settled on my lips again. I never wanted to let go of his lips. He picked me up and headed over sitting on the edge with me still straddling him. He scooted back a little and I pushed him down on the bed kissing down his neck to the spot right above his waistband.

"Bella are you sure?" Why wouldn't I be sure? I had yearned for this moment everyday

"Yes I'm sure"

I unbuttoned his pants and shimmied them along with his boxers low enough where I could slip them off. He naked body was glamorous and I stared at him and he blushed. The sight of him was simply breathtaking. How did I live so long without him.

"Bella you don't have to…" I cut him off before he could finish and slipped the head of his cock in my mouth.

"Oh God Bella" He moaned

He placed his fingers in my hair and helped guide me as I took his cock all the way in my mouth. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter with every bounce on his cock. I loved the way he tasted and I always would. He looked like he was trying to force himself to say something.

He looked at me with pure lust and love in his eyes, "Can I taste you Bella?"

I gulped. Please."

He placed me on the bed sliding my panties down on the way and kissed his way down to the top of my slit. I was panting with the shear anticipation of feeling his tongue on my clit again. As much as I loved having Jacob inside of me his tongue was very skillful and I loved having him go down on my was my favorite part. He spread me open with his thumbs and placed his tongue on my clit.

"Uggggghhhhhhh" I moaned.

He moved one of his hands and placed two fingers inside me pumping in and out of me. I was in heaven. He continued licking my clit till I could feel that distant feeling bundle up in my stomach.

"Oh my God. YES! Right there!"

He sucked on my clit and I came thrashing my head against the bed. He slid up the bed, reached for the table and grabbed his wallet and pulled out a condom. I didn't quite understand why he would do that but I didn't want to interrupt what we were doing and I didn't think about it again. He slipped it on and looked at me as if to ask me if this was still ok. Why wouldn't it be ok. This man was my life. I nodded and he slowly entered me. It has been over three years since I had sex and I swear I was a born again virgin. I winced, but nodded to him to move on. He was very gentle and sweet at first, but sped up as we got more into it.

He thrusted in and out of me causing little orgasm after little orgasm.

"Fuck Bella! You are so tight!"

He continued to pump his cock in and out of me till I felt him tense. I knew I was about to cum and I knew he could feel my walls tighten around him. He started to tense and we started to cum together. "Ugghhhhh" we both moaned at the same time.

"Bella that was amazing."

I sighed as I drifted off to sleep

"I love you Bella" I heard as I was falling deeper into a sweet slumber

"I love you too Jacob"

I looked over before falling asleep and realized that Jake was never here. I was still with Embry and I could see the hurt in his eyes. Oh shit what have I just done? How could I hurt Embry like that. I didn't understand what happened. I swear it was just like Jake was here. He just looked at me as a tear fell from his eye. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

"Embry I am so sorry."

"It's fine Bella, just go to sleep."

"I can't sleep knowing that I just hurt you. I don't know what happened" I started to sit up.

"What do you want me to say Bella? Yes I am hurt. Yes it sucks that no matter how hard I try I will never be good enough for you."

"That is not true Embry"

"The hell its not! I was making love to you thinking you were enjoying it as much as I was, when all along you were thinking it was your dead husband. So yes it is fucking true Bella. I understand what Jake meant to you. I know it has been rough for you without him these last three years."

"Embry, please"

"Please what? Please don't pretend that I know that every time you look at me you see him? Please don't be upset that I know I never really have a chance with you? Please don't act like it didn't just rip my heart out that you thought it was him making love to you? What Bella cause I am drowning here and I don't know what to do anymore."

I knew how bad I just hurt him. God I am such a fool. What the hell was I thinking? I love Embry. I wanted to be a part of his life, but I couldn't just give Jake up like that. I knew he didn't expect me to, but how could we go on after I just called him Jake. I went to go reach for him to hug him and try to let him know how sorry I was.

"Bella don't!"

"Embry believe it or not I do love you. I want to be with you, but it just really hard letting go. What can I do to make this better?"

"I don't know Bella. I'm not sure if there is anything that can be done. I know I told you I would never let Jake's memory die, but it is really starting to get hard trying to win your love when I am competing with a ghost. I think we should go home. I need sometime to be alone."

"Embry it is one o'clock in the morning. Let's just stay here and we will leave first thing."

"Fine. Whatever you want."

"Come Embry lets go to bed"

"You have got to be kidding. I cant sleep there Bella. There is a pull out couch in the dining area. I am just gonna sleep there."

"Embry, don't. Just come sleep in the bed."

"I can't. Goodnight Bella."

He picked up his pants and left the room. It didn't even hit me that we were both standing there completely naked hashing this out. I cant believe how badly I hurt him. What kind of an evil bitch am I?

I slipped on my pajamas and crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. For once I didn't dream of Jake, but of Embry sitting in a quiet room just sobbing. It broke my heart and I woke up and laid in bed just staring at the ceiling. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I woke up there was a tray with some breakfast food and a note. The clock said ten and I knew we had to be out of the hotel in two hours.

Bella-

I figured you would be hungry and I got room service. I went for a walk. I will be back in about an hour and I will come up and get your suitcase. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but that doesn't change anything right now. I do still love you and I want to make this work, I just don't know how to right now. See you in a little bit.

Love,

Embry.

My heart broke again as I read the note he left. At least I knew he still wanted to try to work this out. I would make him see somehow that he was important to me and that I loved him.

I finished breakfast, took a shower and got dressed. I checked around the room to see if I left anything and finished packing my suitcase. A few seconds later Embry walked into the room. He eyes were red and I could tell he had been crying. My poor Embry. I had hurt him so badly, could we ever come back from this. I tried to kiss him on the cheek but he moved out of the way and grabbed my suitcase.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Sure."

We checked out and got into the car. We didn't speak the whole ride home and I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. We got to my house and he helped me carry my suitcase inside.

"Hey you guys have fun?" my dad asked. I am sure he could feel the tension in the air between Embry and I, but he didn't question it.

Embry headed out the door and I followed him.

"When am I gonna see you again?" I asked him.

"I don't know Bella. I will call you when I am ready to talk."

"Ok Em. I really am sorry"

"So am I Bella. So am I."

He walked off to the car and drove away. I felt alone again and walked back in the house. My dad asked if I wanted to talk but I said no and I thanked him for watching Jake Jr. He told me to call if I needed him, kissed me on the cheek and went home. I picked up Jake Jr. and put him in his highchair to eat lunch. I put him down for his nap and cried till he woke up. Would Embry and I ever be ok again?