Disclaimer - I do not own Criminal Minds.

A/N - I AM SOOO SORRY! I had no intentions of leaving this story for so long without an update but things have been bad for me and writing just wasn't something that I could do. I now know more than I ever wanted to about mental health issues and I just hope that you'll forgive me. And I really hope that this chapter is alright since I'm more than a little out of practice.

HOPE MEMORIAL
MONDAY, MARCH 3RD

Just under a week had passed since Lyssa had dropped her little bombshell and yet Reid found that he still hadn't acclimated to the prospect of being a father. Also there was the fact that every time he thought about the baby he was forced to think about the fact that he would most likely be raising the child without the woman that he had grown to love dearly.

Because the fact that Lyssa was holding off on treatment until the baby was born was as good as a death sentence.

"I don't know if I can do this," the young man thought to himself, staring at the wall of the hospital room where he had been trapped for what felt like an eternity. "I don't know anything about being a father… and I don't want to lose Lyssa."

A choked sob escaped Reid's throat at this point and he quickly buried his face in his hands. He had been trying so hard not to let his pain show because Lyssa was almost always with him and he didn't want to put her through any unnecessary pain.

That was the last thing that she deserved.

He had already forgiven her for leaving him, understanding completely her reasons for doing so. She had been seeking to spare him from future pain even though she had caused him to feel like his heart had been ripped from his chest.

As these thoughts engulfed him the young man felt a crushing pain in his chest. It felt as though someone was squeezing all of the air from his lungs, making it impossible to breathe.

He was having a panic attack.

And even though he realized this fact Reid found himself unable to pull himself from the grips of the attack. Gasping for a deep breath that he didn't seem able to draw the young man sat up in his bed, eyes wide.

"Calm down Spencer…"

Reid glanced toward the door of his room as this calm and soothing voice called out to him. It was so familiar and it allowed the young genius to pull himself out of the vice like grips that had seemed to be holding his chest. Taking a deep breath he turned sorrowful eyes toward his mentor.

"It isn't going to be easy," Gideon said as he made his way into the room. Sitting down in the chair that was positioned by Reid's bedside he gazed at the young man. The boy who had became almost like a son to him in the years that they had served together in the BAU. "I won't lie and tell you that it is. There's no guarantee that Lyssa will pull through but what I can guarantee is that she needs you to be strong. And she needs to know that whatever happens to her, the child will have a safe and loving home."

"B-but Gideon… I don't know the first thing about being a father."

"Most new parents will tell you the same thing…" Gideon's gaze was calm as he continued to keep eye contact with Reid. "Even those who grow up with parents will tell you that they had absolutely no idea what to do when they became a parent for the first time."

"That's right," a new voice called out, joining the conversation. "And it's not as though you're going to have to go through this alone."

Reid turned and watched as Morgan and Garcia walked into his room and he offered them a somewhat shaky smile.

"We're all going to be here for both you and your girl," Morgan continued, coming to stand at the foot of Reid's hospital bed. "And the baby when it gets here."

"Thanks," Reid murmured, his eyes showing the gratitude that his voice failed to convey. He'd never really had a way with words but of course those that he was closest to understood his meaning none the less.

"Where's Lyssa?" Garcia asked, her voice sympathetic as she gazed around for the girl who had barely left Reid's side since her return.

Reid sighed as he thought about the woman that he loved. "She said that she had a doctor's appointment," he told his colleagues, glad for their company. Being alone gave him to much time to dwell on everything and the young genius would much prefer for his mind to be kept occupied. "But she's supposed to come back right after that."

Morgan nodded before offering the younger male a somewhat roguish grin. "I'd ask if you've been giving the nurses a hard time but somehow I think Lyssa might not approve of that."

Reid couldn't fail to catch the hidden meaning behind Morgan's words and he opened his mouth to retort but never got the chance. From her position beside him Garcia elbowed the man in the ribs, giving him a disapproving look.

"Leave him alone," she ordered, although her tone was light and it was obvious that she wasn't the slightest bit angry.

"Sorry baby girl," Morgan apologized as his hand went to his rib cage where she'd elbowed him.

Reid smiled, grateful for this brief moment of normalcy. He knew without a doubt that, no matter what happened, his life would never be the same. But it was comforting that he had friends who were there for him and would help him through whatever he had to endure.

That would most likely be the only thing preventing him from losing his sanity when and if anything were to happen to Lyssa.

Although Reid absolutely refused to give up hope on her.

A/N - Once again I apologize profusely for the fact that it has taken me so long to both write and post this newest chapter. I really hope that you readers aren't too disappointed with it.