Author: Elizagoth
Word Count: 1,179
Rating: M (Adult subject matter)
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the following work of fiction.
Author's Notes: So usually I try to wait about a week between chapters, to give me a chance to get ahead and such, so I don't leave people hanging for a ridiculous amount of time. However, I felt the need to post this in fairly short order because people seem to be under the impression that I was finished. So without further ado, I give you chapter 2. Enjoy and as always thoughts and comments are welcome.
Alone again, I turned to Castle who had sprawled himself out on my couch.
"Move," I said, fixing him with a stare.
He made a big show of sighing and sitting up, but did what I asked. After kicking off his shoes, he propped his feet up on the coffee table and looked at me sideways, raising his eyebrow when I put my feet in his lap. When he didn't comment I grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV to begin our usual routine.
It was a variation on a theme, day in and day out. Sometimes we'd watch TV or the pile of DVD's I seemed to have inherited. Occasionally I would convince him to tell me a story. We would lay on the couch for hours while I listened to him weave epic tales of murder, mystery, and mayhem.
The day passed slowly, like it always did when I didn't drink, the shadows lengthening as the sun set. Eventually I felt Castle pat my hip, startling me from the daze the TV had lulled me into.
"Up and at 'em, lazy bones. No drinking dinner tonight," he said, gently urging me from the couch.
I mustered up a half hearted glare, but rose from the couch and trudged over to the fridge. A quick browse through fridge and freezer contents revealed that Lanie had stocked both with all my favorites in an effort to entice me to eat. She really was a better friend than I deserved.
"What are we having?" Castle whispered in my ear, making me jump.
"Why don't you just tell me what you want me to have and make both our lives easier?" I shot back, trying to sound annoyed even as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
He pressed a whisper soft kiss to my neck and I felt him smile against my skin. The two halves of my mind warred against each other. Deep down I knew that he wasn't there, but day by day I gave more of myself over to the fantasy.
I finished my meager dinner and at Castle's insistence I indulged in half a pint of the Ben and Jerry's Lanie had bought. Feeling motivated, I even mustered up the effort to do the few dishes in the sink before taking up my post on the couch again.
"Now that wasn't so hard was it?" Castle sighed dramatically.
I chose to ignore him as I pressed play on the DVD and settled against him. The Universal Studios globe began turning on screen as the opening credits rolled.
"What are we watching tonight, Scout?" he asked, twining our fingers together.
"Take a guess," I murmured as Gregory Peck's name appeared on the screen.
Even as the movie played on my crappy TV in my shoebox apartment, I let myself wander to another night. The beat up corduroy couch faded to an expensive leather sectional; the TV top of the line plasma screen. It had been our first 'official' date.
I felt the warmth of the fireplace heating my skin to a pleasant glow while savage September winds ravaged the city outside. Our wineglasses perched on the table like chess pieces in an evening that was the inevitable conclusion to a game of advance and retreat. I sighed in quiet content as Castle settled behind me on the couch and pushed play on the remote.
As the movie began, I let myself absorb the oft sought and rarely attained sense of my universe aligning. For once there were no cases to worry about, no bodies; no teary-eyed victims to console. Only us inside the bubble we had created.
"What are we watching," I mumbled, my voice sleepy with relaxation.
"To Kill a Mockingbird," Castle replied in an equally hushed tone.
"S'a good one."
I felt his chest shake with gentle laughter under me.
"You going to be able to stake awake?"
"M'awake," I said, even as I felt my eyes closing.
His solid heartbeat thudded in my ear, strong and real. I let it pull me further under, lulled by the steady rhythm.
I didn't last fifteen minutes into the movie, but he had fallen asleep too. Martha had found us and draped the old afghan over our sleeping bodies before going up to bed herself.
The first time he called me Scout I had frowned and asked what the hell he was talking about. He just gave me that half smile and said that he could imagine me being a lot like the little girl when I was that age. That I still had all the best qualities she possessed. Her courage, her passion, and her drive to see what was below the surface when things weren't as they appeared.
I came off as annoyed, but inside, we both knew I was touched. It quickly became a term of endearment he used only between us. He never uttered it in public and I was glad not to have to defend or explain something so personal to someone who wouldn't understand.
"Come on, I think it's time for bed," Castle said, rubbing my shoulder lightly.
I nodded and rose to my feet, stumbling blindly through my small apartment. I changed and brushed my teeth as Castle popped in and out, always wherever I was. It wasn't until I was faced with the possibility of going to sleep completely sober that I stopped. Standing at the end of my bed, I knew that I had a choice to make. I was riding the fine line that separated want and need. My mind supplied me with images of how my father had struggled under the weight of grief and addiction, and I knew that I couldn't end up like that. I might already be in trouble I thought as I felt Castle behind me.
"Go on then Scout," he urged.
Slowly, like my feet were made of lead, I walked to the side of my bed. As I pulled the covers back and slid into the clean sheets, I fought the urge to panic.
"Castle?" I called into the darkness.
"I'm here, love."
He stood at the end of my bed, and I could make out his silhouette as he moved around to the opposite side of the bed.
"I'm afraid," I whispered, barely able to voice the thought. "I know what I'm going to see when I close my eyes."
Castle got into bed on top of the covers, laying on his side and facing me. I felt his hand cup my cheek and I turned my face to the warmth.
"I can't go there with you," he murmured, moving down my arm to take my hand in his. "But I'll be here when you get back."
"Promise?" I asked, letting the darkness hide my vulnerability.
"For as long as you need me Scout."
I felt him press his lips to my forehead and let my eyes flutter closed. With his hand in mine I let myself drift off, despite the trepidation that thrummed through my whole body.
To Be Continued…
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