Okay, I admit it; I fell in love with Mistressmarrionette's version of Hank (or Xilo, whatever). I tweaked it a bit but the whole militaristic planet thing is all hers. So give her credit and go read her fics because they kick ass.
Warnings: Get used the cursing; I am not even going to warn anymore. It is rated T and none of the Hive members are what you could call innocent. This is the official 'language' warning for the rest of the fic.
It was time to send the monthly report in, and Hank was seriously not looking forward to writing it. At first, coming to Earth for his planet was kind of cool. He had the whole 'I am an alien fear me' thing down to an art. Of course, he had gotten off to a rough start with some of the members of his first earth community. The whole town destroying thing was totally not his fault, they had provoked him! Seriously!
If he was fair about it though, they were probably just pissed because he crash landed and blew up some religious facility. Whatever, it could've been rebuilt. They didn't have to get so miffed about it. Hank never really understood religion, it was such a wierd concept. The townspeople had overacted so badly he couldn't help but taking the rest of the town in with the church. It tied everything together nicely.
Hank liked closure, a lot. It really ticked him off when things were left unresolved. His arguments never ended with both parties not knowing where they stood. The fight was either resolved or he and the other were not talking ever again.
Ever again.
Which was why he was still mad at that asshole Johnny Rancid. Hank made a mental note to pay Elliot to tag the bike-freak's apartment. Payback. Then they would be even. To Hank, that was proper closure.
To be perfectly frank, Earth was a shit hole. It was polluted, the political systems were inefficient, there was war between the inhabitants, people fought for peace, and people killed people to say don't kill people. It was one big contradiction! Plus, if his planet even thought of taking them over the paperwork involved would be reason enough to just blow the damn thing up. Seriously.
Hank didn't really get why he was dreading writing in his monthly report so much. It wasn't a hard task; write some bull about the inefficient social system, maybe even add in a few details about the pollution problems and he was set. It was just, for some crazy reason, he was starting to really like Earth, and he didn't want anyone else from his planet to come too.
It had to be the cigarettes. That was the only possible explanation for he liking this crappy planet that was being destroyed by its own residents. They made damn good, and addictive, social equalizers. Drugs, booze, and cigarettes. It was all here on this world, waiting to be exploited by him.
He bit his lip in thought and looked at the half finished report. His eyes glanced up sharply as Billy came to the door, wearing his personalized half smirk half smile.
"Heard you were lookin' fer a way to get back at Rancid. I cn' help, that asshole still owes me fifty bucks an' hasn't paid up yet."
Hank smirked back, reveling in the chance not to ask Elliot for a favor. Elliot's help always managed to come swinging back at you and next thing you know you would be covering him, to Baron of all the people, as the teleporter pulled off some new misdemeanor.
He got up and followed Billy out the door as he thought of all the fun ways he could get back at that asshole Johnny Rancid, paper left unfinished.
Hank didn't understand why he enjoyed this planet so much; it must have been the cigarettes, seriously.