"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster"-Skillet
"So Cammie," Reid said as I took my seat next to him in the Hummer. "Did you enjoy your little outing?"
"Shut up Reid!" I snapped, punching him in the arm. He pretended it didn't hurt, waiting till I looked away to mouth 'ouch'. "So Tyler, are you starting to feel like a taxi?" a small smile broke across my face as I said it.
"Nah, I don't mind. Especially if I'm giving pretty girls like you rides everywhere." Pogue reached over, slapping Tyler on the back of his head in a 'don't even think about it, she's off limits' sort of way.
"Eww, you're starting to sound like Reid!" I said, making a face and leaning back against the seat.
"What's that suppose to mean?" Reid asked, offended.
"Nothing, nothing at all." I couldn't help but smile because, in the first time in a long time, I was actually happy.
"At least I'm not grinning like an idiot." Reid retaliated.
"At least I'm not an idiot." He didn't know what to say to that one "Oh, Garwin's speechless!"
"Shut up Parry!" That one earned him a glare from not just me, but Pogue too.
A content silence engulfed the car and I used it to think about what I was going to say to them, and how I was going to say it. "Listen guys, about what happened in the kitchen…" I began before Pogue cut me off.
"Don't worry about it Cammie. Sorry about the giant glass explosion, we don't usually get earth quakes in Massachusetts."
Looking around, I was glad I wasn't the only one giving Pogue a strange look. Reid looked triumphant, Tyler and Caleb just looked confused. An earthquake? Did he really think an earthquake somehow managed to break all that glass but not cause any notable shaking? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Whatever, if he thought that was the explanation, I wasn't going to correct him. "Yeah, weird."
After I spoke the boys looked relieved, as if they were afraid I'd be the one pressing the situation farther. Something weird was going on, but I didn't want to get to into it. It would be just my luck to accidentally reveal something about myself while playing 'detective'.
A strange tickling sensation filled my nose and a barely managed to cover my nose before letting out a gigantic sneeze.
"You alright?" Someone asked, I was too busy sneering at my now snot covered hands to notice who. I covered my nose as another sneeze sounded, then another. Great… "Here." The same voice said, handing me a small stack of napkins from a random fast food restaurant. I eagerly cleaned off my hands and used the remaining napkins to cover my nose as fifteen more sneezes sounded before we pulled in front of my aunt and uncle's house ten minutes later.
Tyler finished parking and turned off the car as I let of another gigantic sneeze, using the last of the napkins to cover it up. "That's one sneeze to many. I don't like it." Pogue said, looking at me in a concerned manner.
"I'm sorry." I said apologetically, grabbing my now spinning head.
"It's not your fault."
"Well, she is the one who ran out of the house and got caught in the-ouch!" I looked over to see that Caleb had hit Reid, stopping him in mid sentence.
I laughed light, slightly disheartened when it broke out into a hacking cough. "That's it!" Pogue declared, pulling my out of the car and throwing me over his shoulders before he made his way into the house and up the stairs.
"I can walk." I said defensively.
"I'm sure you can." He said, placing me down in the upstairs bathroom. Handing me a towel, he pointed to the shower. "Shower, warm clothes then bed rest until farther notice."
"Pogue-" I protested.
"Cameron." He said, giving me a look that told me he wasn't going to budge on this one. "The last thing we need is for you to come down with a cold. I mean, is that really what you want?"
"No." I pouted, grabbing the towel and gesturing for him to leave. I stripped down, stepping in the shower and let the warm water relax my tense muscles and the plethora of bruises that always seemed to litter my skin.
The bruises I had accumulated from various street fights and run-ins with the law I've had. I was a fighter, always had been always would be. I was good at it too, actually. At least, much better than most people would expect someone of my size and weight to be.
I finished up my shower, wrapped my towel around my body and grabbed my wet clothes before walking down the hall into my bedroom. Looking around I tried to locate my trusty backpack, the one piece of luggage I always carried around with me. It held my meager possessions; three shirts, two pairs of underwear, one pair of jeans, a pair of boxers, a light jacket, my wallet ((complete with $27.43)), an old laptop, a pre-paid cell phone that was out of minutes, one family picture, a notebook and a very warn out copy of To Kill a Mocking Bird.
The only down fall was that each of the possessions, with the exception of the picture, were incredibly warn out. Even the backpack and clothes had been purchased second hand. But they were all mine, I had bought them myself and even if most people would think of them as trash, they had sentimental value you couldn't put a price on.
"Pogue!" I yelled, opening the door out into the hall so he could hear me.
Footsteps sounded and Pogue ran up the stairs quickly followed by the other three sons. I shrieked, shutting the door so just my head was in view.
"What's wrong Cameron?" He looked genuinely worried.
I was just embarrassed. It was stupid of me to think he would know the difference between my 'I need help' yell and 'I need assistance' yell. Yes, yes there is a difference. "Nothing, I just wanted to know if you knew where my bag was." My cheeks were flushed red even though no one could see me.
"You mean that backpack that smelt like a piece of crap?" Reid asked.
I rolled my eyes "Yes, that backpack."
"I think Mom might have thrown it out." Pogue said
And a little part of me died. "She what?" I asked desperately.
"I'm sorry Cammie, if it means that much to you we can always just buy-"
"Where's the trash?" I cut him off.
"In the kitchen but you can't-"
I looked around, noticing my old bathrobe; thankful that I would be allowed some modesty I wrapped it around myself. It was way to small on me, falling three inches above my knees and the sleeves looked like they were ¾ instead of full. I stalked by the sons, ignoring Pogue's yell of protest as tried to enter the kitchen. Caleb stood in front of the door, arms out stretched blocking my entrance. "What the heck Caleb, move!" I yelled, breaking out into a coughing fit.
" Cammie, go back up stairs." Pogue coaxed, taking my arm and trying to lead me out of the living room.
"No!" I ripped my arm out of his grip. "Not till I get my backpack back!"
"You can't go into the kitchen right now." Reid tried to explain.
"Why not?"
"The glass is getting replaced; the workers don't want to get interrupted." Tyler input.
"But I don't hear anything."
"Yeah, well, they're quite like that." Reid said with a cocky smile.
Workers my ass, there was something they weren't telling me. Let them have their secrets, I just wanted my stuff back. "But I need my backpack." I said, swaying slightly, my head was spinning.
"I'll get it for her, you take her back upstairs." Caleb told Pogue.
I opened my mouth to protest but before I could Pogue scooped me up in his arms and easily carried me upstairs and plopped me down on my bed. "You don't need to keep carrying me." I know I must have looked pathetic sitting there in a bathrobe, arms crossed and face pouting.
"I know, 'you can walk' you told me before."
I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at my cousin as Caleb walked in and threw my backpack at me. "Thank-you!" I said, beaming.
"No problem. Interesting decoration choice." He said gesturing to pink walls and stuffed animal piles.
"Shut up." I muttered, shifting through my bag for a change of clothes.
"Were you even into all this girly crap when you were 13?" He asked.
I hesitated, not wanting to seem ungrateful or selfish.
"I didn't think so." He said with a smile before leaving the room.
"I'll let you get changed then. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." Pogue said, following Caleb's example.
It took me all of a minute to change into my pair of boxers and a t-shirt even with my continuous coughing, leaving me plenty of time till Pogue got back.
Not good with waiting, and knowing that if I left the room I'd just be sent right back in, I occupied my time going through the old belongings I had left behind after running away. There wasn't much. A couple of old of old photos and some clothes, but mainly it was just things that I hadn't even like in the first place. The creepy china dolls lining the book shelve for example, I remember watching them stair at me in the dark when I was younger. There was one thing though…I'm not sure if someone had found it. I prayed to god they hadn't, things would be a lot more complicated if they had.
I entered the walk-in-closet, walking to the back I removed the top drawer of the built in wardrobe. Reaching in the back I felt around for the spell book I had hidden in there the day I had run away.
On my thirteenth birthday my mother had shown me a wrapped up present, gesturing at it and telling me that later she had something she needed to tell me. Only she hadn't had the chance, later that day a car accident had killed my father, my brother and her. Days later I had fathered the courage to rip away the wrapping paper, revealing the ancient book underneath.
Over the years, I had often wondered what my mother would have told me if we had been given the opportunity to talk.
The book itself had once belonged to her; like my father, she was supposedly a descendant of witches. My mother's magic, however, must have been real. It was the only explanation I could think of for the appearance of my abilities and my brother being completely normal. Magic carried through the female line…It was weird, thinking of my mother with magical abilities. She had been one of the most normal individuals I had ever encountered.
Opening the spell book I noticed the pages I had dog earned. Spells for invisibility, for healing, for good luck and some for protection. I hadn't tried most of them. Some of them I had though, I had written some down in a small notebook before I left and I had used them periodically throughout myself imposed exile. Many of the others I was too afraid to try, the consequences of using a spell you weren't ready for were dire.
I flipped through the pages, looking at each hand written note made on the side of the pages, presumably by those who had inherited the book through past generations. My mother was one of those names. There was a list of names in the front of the book; underneath her name, my own was written in a nearly illegible script. The thought that I was suppose to have the book did nothing to comfort be, if anything it just made me more curious.
"Cameron?" Pogue's voice called. I panicked, thrusting the book back into the open slot before shoving the draw back in right as Pogue entered. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just seeing if any of the clothes might still fit me. The stuff I have right now isn't really doing me justice." I said, gesturing to the t-shirt that clearly showed an exposed navel.
"Any luck?" he asked
"Nope." I hadn't actually looked, there wasn't a need too. I had grown way too much in the past two years for anything I use to have to fit.
"We'll have to get you some new stuff then. I thought I told you to stay in bed, come on." He said as he motioned for me to follow him out of the closet.
"Pogue, you don't need to get me anything. I have my own money." I said, sitting back on the bed.
"Cameron." He looked at me, face serious. "You're family. You live with us, you're our responsibility. That means we feed you, clothe you and provide you with a non pink/frilly room."
I looked at him in confusion at the last part. "Mom said you could redecorate the room." He explained "Anyway, my point is, as long as you're with us, we get to pay for all your crap. Even if you don't like it."
"But-"
"What part of 'even if you don't like it' do you not understand?" I smiled reluctantly and Pogue pulled out a thermometer.
Where the heck did that come from?
"I see the coughing hasn't stopped," It hadn't, I had been coughing from the moment he left the room from the moment he entered. "Mom told me to take your temperature then tell her so she could see if you needed a doctor's appointment. She also said to tell you that if you do have a fever not to even think about getting out of bed."
I opened my mouth to protest but all I got was a mouth full of thermometer. "Pogue," I muttered
"No talking. You're supposed to be getting your frekin' temperature taken." I rolled my eyes as Pogue stared at the clock on my wall, keeping track of the amount of time the thermometer had been in my mouth.
"So what were you doing at the park?" I glared at him evilly and he just smiled "Yeah, I know you can't talk. I thought I'd rub it in though."
I had to wait another three minutes, Pogue chatting away about random stuff involving the sons and his girlfriend Kate, before he removed the thermometer and held it up to the light. "Well you're not going anywhere any time soon." He stated.
"What's my temp?"
"A nice and toasty 102 degrees Fahrenheit." He felt my forehead and winced at the heat. "Hope you don't mind attention, because Mom's going to be doting over you for the next couple of days."
"Couldn't you just not tell her I have a fever?" I asked.
"I could, but I won't."
"Crap." I muttered "Now what am I suppose to do?"
"Be lazy, read a book, watch T.V." He threw the remote at me "NOT get up from bed."
"Are you sure? Because I'm fairly certain exercise is good for your health."
"You can worry about getting in shape once your temperature is normal. Besides, I'm pretty sure you want to be healthy when we go to the lake house."
That got my attention. Every summer growing up my parents would send my brother and me to stay with my aunt and uncle at their lake house. The place was amazing, it was literally right on the water and coming from a family of swimmers, it was the ultimate summer hangout. "Really? When are we going?"
"Relax," He said, gesturing with his hands to try and get me to calm down "not for a couple of more weeks. But definitely not till you get over your cold."
"I never get sick; I don't understand why I'd suddenly get a stupid cold."
"Well, that usually happens when you go outside in the cold when it's raining, wearing only a t-shirt."
I rolled my eyes at his logic and hopped under the covers of my bed. It was so weird, knowing that I had an actual bed I could sleep in.
"Yeah well…" I couldn't think of any way to retaliate. "You were out there in just a tank top."
"I was wearing a leather jacket too."
"That you took off and gave to me." I pointed out.
"Well, maybe the world just hates you."
My face fell, I knew he was just kidding, but I couldn't help it. "Sometimes I think that too."
"Cammie, don't be like that. Please tell me what's wrong." He looked concerned at what I had said.
"It's nothing."
"Really? Because from the way you've been acting I can tell it's pretty far from nothing."
I sighed deeply before look him in the eyes. "I just, after what happened with my parents…I don't understand why you would want me around. I'm bad luck. I'm…I'm responsible for it."
He looked surprised, shocked even. "Cameron, what happened to your parents and your brother isn't your fault."
"Yes it is!" I yell, breaking out into a coughing fit.
He waited till I stopped coughing before he spoke "Why is it your fault?"
"It just is."
But he wouldn't let it go "There has to be a reason you think it's your fault."
"Because it is my fault!"
"Why? Why is it your fault?"
"Because I knew it was going to happen! Because I had been dreamt about it before it happened! Because I kept getting visions of if it and I didn't stop it. I knew they were going to die and I did nothing!" I screamed, letting it all out. It felt good, getting everything off my chest. I knew he was going to hate me for it, I knew they were all going to hate me for it. Either that or think I was insane. But I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I couldn't lie anymore.
Pogue just stood there staring at me like I was crazy. He didn't know what to say, I certainly wouldn't know what to say if our positions were reversed. Him, a normal teenager, and me, a psychic freak. What was there to say?
"Pogue," Aunt Trixi said, entering my bedroom and walking over to me. "The other sons want you for something."
"Mom I don't think-"
"Just go Pogue." I whisper, his silence hurting me far more than any words ever could.
He nodded, making his way to the door. Before he left he looked back at me, staring at me in surprise and uncertainty. I knew it wasn't over. Aunt Trixi had just interrupted him before he could say or do anything.
"So honey," Aunt Trixi began "what's wrong?"
'Everything,' I couldn't help but think 'everything's wrong.'