As always, oodles of credit to mistressmarrionette for some of the concepts.
The valley girl comment is a reference to Hank's way of speaking.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.
Warnings: Um, anorexia?

"Oh my god, I so didn't know that they had these things here!" Hank cried out with joy and rushed over to the candy rack where he snatched yet another piece of candy which he tossed to Stone.

"I thought you didn't like Earth food." Stone said dryly, looking down at the cart filled to the brim with sweets.

It was their turn to go shopping for the Hive kids, a chance that they only got once every couple of months because of the mysterious Brother Blood's rigid rules. Angel had told Stone, with a frightening expression, that if Hank brought back more than ten packs of candy, she would ring Stone up from the rafters. She had seemed deadly serious, but he had given up trying to dissuade Hank from purchasing anything with sugar.

"I don't!" The skinny boy proclaimed loudly, darting over to something else that Angel would hate Stone forever for. "Candy's just, it's so weird. Good weird I mean. Most of the Earth food is so… impractical. You know? It's hard to choke down. But candy, it's like, sweet. And that's impractical too, but in a better way." He sent an absolutely joyous look at Stone as he continued to splurge.

"Only one more, please" Stone sighed. "For my sake, if not for the sake of your obviously crappy health."

"Geez, you're such a goodie goodie." Hank said as he selected a king sized pack of gummy bears to add to the rapidly filling cart. "What's the point of living if you can't have fun with it?"

That was a concept Hank had discovered when coming to Earth, and he had quickly adopted it, lived by it, and preached it.

"And anyway," the alien continued happily as they walked to a less artery-clogging isle, "all those other bastards are gonna splurge on this too, and you know they will. So long as Seymour sees that they're unopened he'll probably eat it too, and that'll mean everyone else will eat them too. So I've got to get as much as possible!"

Stone rolled his eyes. If someone had asked him a couple of months ago, he would not be venturing to a grocery store with a criminal, and he certainly would not be letting the other get whatever he wanted. It was just, they were all so skinny, so he wanted to get whatever food he could into the Hive kids. Even if it was junk.

He never thought he would see the day when he was against the massive intake of junk food. Usually Robin was the one playing the responsible adult who knew when to say no. Robbie was a stickler for health he thought back fondly.

At the Hive, he was the responsible one. Well, he, Mammoth, and Angel.

A couple of months ago he would have never thought that any villain, much less Mammoth, would be considered responsible.

Go figure.

"Ugh." Hank let out a groan as they entered the produce isle. "I hate fruit. It's disgusting, can we not get any?"

"Nope." Stone grinned cheerfully. "It's healthy. Plus, Elliot likes some things in produce, as you very well know. So let's get some, okay?"

"Fine." Hank grumbled as Stone started to pick out some fruit, carefully examining each one. "It's just so messed up you know? Like, it grows out of the ground!" He exclaimed incredulously. "It's probably still got microscopic dirt and bugs and stuff on it! It's gross, seriously!"

Stone rolled his eyes. "They wash it and put chemicals on it."

"That's worse! Some of the chemicals, like, kill eagles and stuff. I think its DDT, or something like that, and it makes the eggs all soft and then BAM, dead eaglet."

"You are such a valley girl." Stone rolled his eyes.

Hank flipped him off.

"And anyway," he continued, as always not taking into account the possibility that Stone might not care, "Elliot's a total bitch. Why do we need to get anything for him? You know what he did?"

"You're going to tell me."

"He trashed my room! Like, totally trashed it. All of my stuff is broken, except for the bed, but like that matters. And then when I asked why he did it, he told me he was bored! Just like that. I mean, what the hell?"

"You know he's probably feeling bad about it now."

"That's so not the point."

Stone laughed. "Well, whatever, it's not like he's going to apologize."

"But he seriously should!" Hank scowled. "He gets away with so much crap!"

"So do you." Stone mentioned casually. "You know it's not you that's going to take the heat for all of the candy you bought. It's gonna be me."

Hank smiled devilishly. "That's because Angel says I am so irresponsible that I am 'not in control of my actions' and that it would be 'pointless to try and discipline me.'" He crowed triumphantly. "Even Billy hasn't gotten to that stage yet!"

Stone rolled his eyes again, his lips twitching into a fond smile. It was hard not to like Hank. Or any of the Hive kids, for that matter. Sure, they were all assholes, but they were kind of cool assholes.

They paid in the checkout line, with stolen money, and Hank shoplifted another pack of candy just for the hell of it. Stone tried to ignore the excited unease in his stomach. It wasn't right for him to be getting any sort of enjoyment out of dishonesty. He made a mental note of repay the store for the candy Hank stole, if only to ease his own guilt.

They walked back to the school, Hank bouncing and jabbering the whole way there. They both carried six bags each. It was… nice. Sort of. In a totally undercover way.

Not because he was spending time with a friend. Definitely not that.

"-And Elliot's such a little all-star, but of course he doesn't share his drugs with anyone besides Bailey. He is such a greedy little bi-"

"Wait, all-star?"

"You didn't know? It means someone who uses a lot of different kinds of drugs. Jeez, I thought everyone on Earth knew that."

"Not everyone on Earth is obsessed with drugs, you little hippy." Stone paused for a second. "Wait, what about the song, the one in the beginning of Shrek?"

Hank smirked. "Gives a whole new meaning to the movie, huh?"

Stone gaped.

"That's why we don't let the kids watch it you know. It is probably just about some guy on a really funky trip. It's weird that so many little kids out there watch stuff like that. You know, like Disney."

Stone decided to stay off the topic of Disney. All of the Hive were of the firm belief that Disney was evil and spouted Satanism and drugs left and right. That was the only thing he disagreed with them on, because how could Disney be evil?

Wait, he disagreed with their stealing too. Okay, Disney was one of the many things he disagreed with them on. One of the many. Right.

It was easy to forget himself at the school, easy to just have fun. But that had to be wrong, right?

Right.

They got back to the school and distributed the food, Hank kindly stepping in Angel's path when she noticed the excess amount of candy. It was a cool thing to do, Stone thought, and he would probably have to pay for it sooner or later.

He laughed anyway and joked with Seymour and flirted with Jinx and picked on Gizmo. And it was really great.

His arm beeped.

And all of a sudden he was Cyborg again.