Chapter 3: Narcissus
The next morning was in no way pleasant for the girls. Heidi was still stuck in the hospital wing (madam Pomfrey had refused to let her go to classes), and would be staying there till the end of the week; Ron had received a Howler and Diana a letter from her parents (the girl was quite glad that Petunia and Vernon weren't to familiar with wizarding policies, or else, they would have certainly sent a Howler as well), but the worst part of the morning had been the chat Diana had had to endure with Draco.
"You chose to ride Weasley's excuse of a car instead of coming on the train with me?!" Draco yelled.
"If I would have had a choice, believe me, I would have taken the train," Diana assured.
The start of the day hadn't been so bad. She had woken up in the hospital wing, next to her sister (who was still sound asleep), Hermione and Neville had come by to visit and madam Pomfrey had assured her she could go to class (and that Heidi wasn't coming), so Diana had left for the great hall to eat breakfast with Hermione and Neville.
There, my friends, is where the tragedy started.
The moment Diana walked into the great hall, a horrible sort of shriek assaulted her and she clapped her hands on her ears so to stop the atrocious sound, but she still heard every word (much to her discontent). It was Missis Weasley's voice, or so she had deduced form the yells (more rather howls) that were coming from Ron Weasley's direction. The poor boy was red in the face and almost hiding under the table (which, unfortunately, didn't cover up his red hair). Diana felt sorry for the poor kid and wanted to apologies to him, but it hadn't been ten seconds since she walked into the great hall, when Draco Malfoy came up to her and literary dragged her out the doors and into the dungeons where he proceeded to scream at her for about half-an-hour or so. So that my friends is how she ended up in this situation.
"Then why didn't you?" Draco asked in mock interest, something between a smile and a snarl was plastered on his face and Diana didn't like it one bit.
"Because the barrier closed down! I knocked head first into it!" Diana answered through gritted teeth. This little jealous boyfriend fiasco was starting to get on her nerves.
"Oh, that's rich," snarled Draco. "I walked right through it that day and it didn't close up in my nose! You know what I think? I think you're just making this whole thing up so that you'd have an excuse to ride Weasley's rusted up old car!"
Ok, that did it. Who the hell does this stupid blonde think he is to call me a liar? Diana's eye twitched and in the next moment Draco found himself at the receiver's end of the red heads wrath.
"Do you now?" she started out simple, with a mock-tone; then the yelling came. "Well I assure you it is NOT! I actually crashed into that stinking barrier and I HAVE THE SCARS TO PROVE IT! And don't think riding in an overheated car all day with nothing to do except talk, with a boy nonetheless! I mean if it was a girl at lest I'd have something to talk about, but you boys are emotionless little boxes walking on to pair of clumsy sticks! And, you know, that car is actually old, it started breaking down HALF WAY! You know what, I'd like to se you ride in one of those, while I sit down and watch you squirm; because, seriously, I think you would have fainted in the first five seconds when the engine started giving up! Oh, and let's talk about the landing shell we; bumping into a tree that hit back, nearly getting squashed in that excuse of a car and the best part: Albus Dumbledore coming to reprimand you personally! That was my favorite part!" she finished ironically.
Draco was glaring at her as if she had sprouted another head. "So…you didn't like it?" he asked confused.
"Like it!" she asked outraged. "I HATED IT!"
"Oh…" the blond said in lack of anything better. "What about Weasley? Do you like h-"
"I'm dating you, aren't I?!" the red head asked sarcastically.
"That doesn't ans-"
"NO!" Diana snapped. "I don't like him! Get that into your head because I'm not saying it a second time!"
Draco mutely nodded his head.
"Good! Now let's get back to the feast, I'm starving." Diana made to leave, but Draco grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. "What?" she asked impatiently.
"You're my girlfriend, right?" the blond asked in a cold, seemingly uncaring voice.
"Duh," Diana answered not sure where this was going.
"Then, as my girlfriend, you should sit beside me at the Slytherin table," he said, sounding nothing less then a diplomat selling his political bullshit to the press.
Diana stared at his in amusement, waiting for the blond to laugh and say it was all a joke, but to her displeasure, the blond remained positively serious. "I'm a Gryffindor," she pointed out as the smile slowly dropped from her face.
"So?" Draco asked unfazed. "I don't think there is a rule that forbids you from sitting at another house's table."
"Draco, you're a Slytherin!" Diana tried explaining in that sweet, patient voice that people normally used to explain things to little kids. "I'm a Gryffindor! Gryffindors and Slytherins are not exactly the best of friends, so, my housemates would be mad, and your housemates would be mad; you get where I'm going here?"
"I'll deal with the Slytherins," Draco waved a dismissive hand, "and the Gryffindors will just have to get used to it; after all, they're bound to find out that we're dating eventually."
"Yeah, but I'd rather not blow the news up in their faces," Diana said, a strained sort of smile made its way across her face.
"You want to sit with Weasley don't you?" Draco accused.
"No! I want to sit with Hermione and Neville!" Diana snapped. "Ah, what is wrong with you? You're acting like a spoiled little brat!"
"What is wrong is that my girlfriend doesn't want to sit with me at the feast!" Draco replied in a critical tone.
Diana nodded her head in annoyance and started chewing on her bottom lip. "Tell you what," the words came out muffled as she slowly released her bottom lip. "How bout we postpone this whole sitting at another table thing up until next month."
"Next month?!" asked Draco outraged.
"If you don't like it, you can come sit at the Gryffindor table with me," Diana stated simply.
"I can't sit at the Gryffindor table, your housemates would eat me alive," Draco protested.
"Well I don't like the idea of sitting at your table either!" Diana snarled. "So I guess we'll just have to compromise and sit at our respective tables for now." The red head folded her hands over her chest and gave the blond a pointed glare. "Is that ok with you?"
"Fine!" Draco said reluctant. "But you're not going anywhere near Weasley!"
"Fine!" said Diana brusquely marched out of the dungeons without another word. She entered the great hall and took her seat next to Neville and Hermione at the Gryffindor table…and a barn owl landed straight in her lap.
"Oh, heck," Diana swore when she recognized the barn owl she had bought her parents…and the letter wasn't as bad as the howler, but not by far. It worried her that her parents had spent so much time writing their complains and Vernon definitely added the chunk about this is all because of your excuse of a boyfriend thing. But she didn't have time to ponder over the fact for too long because McGonagall showed up with their schedules.
"We have double Herbology first," Neville said excited while Diana groaned out loud.
"Neville, I'm teaming up with you," the red head stated.
Diana, Hermione and Neville made their way toward the greenhouse where the Hufflepuffs and the rest of the Gryffindors were patiently waiting for Professor Sprout, the Herbology teacher.
Not long after they joined the group of students did the scoutish teacher made her appearance with none other then Gilderoy Lockhart trailing behind her. Diana noted that the elder woman's arms were covered in bandages and a tad of guilt alongside no small amount of rage passed through her as she glared hatefully at the hideous tree they had bumped in last night (Whomping Willow or so Lee Jordan had called it).
"Oh, hello there!" Lockhart beamed at the assembled crowd. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow! But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels…"
If Diana thought less of him when she read the titles of his books, she definitely lost any sort of respect for the narcissistic man that stood beaming in front of them like an idiot who's only good traits were his smile…and that wasn't pretty to see either. Hermione however sighed next to her, alongside Lavender and Parvati who were looking at him like he was the savior of human kind incarnated in the flesh.
"Greenhouse three today, chaps!" said Professor Sprout with none of her usual cheery tone.
Diana felt, rather then saw Lockhart's eyes scrutinizing the crowd and she quickly hid behind Hermione, as to avoid getting spotted; something told her she wouldn't escape that paparazzi fanboy without a mind blowing speech. She was one of the first to rush into the greenhouse after Professor Sprout and dragged Hermione and Neville behind a plant pot where she hid up until Lockhart strolled off somewhere.
"What was that all about?" Hermione asked annoyed.
"Oh, nothing, just…" Diana answered while double-checking that Lockhart was nowhere nearby. "Just making sure we got paired up together."
"Right," Hermione nodded clearly not believing one word.
"We'll be repotting Mandrakes today." Professor Sprout's voice had the three rushing up towards the group of children in the very center of the greenhouse. "Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"
Hermione had her hand in the air before she reached her seat.
"Yes, Miss Granger."
"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative," recited Hermione, as if reading out of a textbook. "It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state."
Restoring people back to their original state? Now that's interesting, Diana thought excited. Heidi is so gonna cry for missing this.
"Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor Sprout. "The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?"
Hermione's hand narrowly missed smacking into Neville's chin as it shot up again.
"The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it," she said promptly. Well, that burst Diana's bubble of joy.
"Precisely. Take another ten points."
At least they were making points.
"Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young..."
The Mandrakes were nothing next to impressive and far from cute when you pulled them out of their pot, in fact they looked so ugly and disturbingly similar to human babies that Diana screamed in horror after she pulled hers our; luckily no one heard her because you couldn't actually hear a damn thing through the earmuffs she had on (pink and fluffy of course).
Justin Finch-Fletchley, a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy, joined their team and so the hour dragged by with Diana only half listening, half dozing off next to Neville who was duteously working on his ugly baby-plant. By the end of the class everyone was sweaty, aching, and covered in earth; everyone except Diana who had agreed to write Neville's Charms essay for two weeks if he took care of her grotesque baby (Herbology, just like Potions, was definitely going to fly off the list of subjects she would be learning as soon as possible).
The children had Transfiguration next, much to Diana's dismay, because Heidi was the one talented in that subject and without her around to coach Diana a little it was bound to be a disaster.
And it really was calamitous, since Diana hadn't opened a book the whole summer, always making up excuses as to not have to sit through a study session with her sister, she had forgotten every freaking spell they'd learned the previous year, and therefore, when McGonagall told them to transform a beetle into a button she wasted the whole hour trying to catch the beetle rather then transfigure it.
Diana and Neville couldn't have been happier as the lunch bell rang and ran out of the class as fast as possible; Hermione however looked slightly disappointed, since this was the only time she actually got to complete the spell first in Transfiguration (Heidi always beat her to it, at least in this subject).
"What have we got next?" asked Diana eager to get the catastrophic event out of her mind.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once. Diana stopped dead in her track and looked at her in pure horror.
"Really?" she asked weakly.
"Mm hmm," Hermione beamed with pride and regarded the schedule dreamingly, which to Diana's horror, had all of Lockhart's classes outlined in little hearts.
"Are you seriously crushing on a teacher Mione?" asked Diana in a shocked tone.
"N-no, of course not," Hermione hurried to deny.
"I liked it better when you were crushing on the Weasley prat," Diana stated in a fowl mood. Not only did she have DADA with that paparazzi fanboy, but her BFF had apparently chosen another dumb person to crush on (not that she thought that that conceited bastard was capable of loving anything but himself).
Diana didn't felt much like eating after that disappointing conversation and instead of going to lunch like everybody else, she stood guard outside and waited patiently up until Draco and his gang finally came along and dragged the blond boy away from his two bullies and an ugly girl who was walking far to close to her boyfriend for the red heads liking and glared at their retreating backs up until they were out the doors.
"Diana, where are we going?" asked Draco confused.
"I just had the worst day ever!" the red head whined. She dragged the blond through the castle grounds, towards the lake and stopped in front of an old tree where she sat down and motioned for Draco to do the same.
"You should have told me in advance so I could bring a mantle," the blond said as he sat himself beside her.
"What? Are you afraid to get your portentous ass dirty?" Diana smiled cheekily at him.
"Yes. If you must know, having fresh dirt or stains of grass on my robes doesn't sound that appealing in my opinion," Draco huffed and wrinkled his nose in disgust.
Diana snorted and countered with: "it's not like you wash them!"
"Me wash clothes?" he asked appalled. "Can you honestly imagine that?"
"I don't even want to," Diana answered in a distant voice as her hazel eyes trailed around the surface of the black lake. "It's so nice here." The tone was quiet, almost happy; her eyes gazed at the panoramic scene before her with contempt and then closed slowly as her head turned to rest on Draco's shoulder.
"Yeah, it's quite nice," answered a very flushed Malfoy. "So, what was it that made your day so horrible?"
The boy had no idea that that innocent question would completely ruin the good mood in which the girl beside him had been caught up in.
"Oh, I'll tell you what ruined my day!" snarled Diana; her hear rose up so fast that Draco had to duck to the side to avoid getting hit. "Gilderoy Lockhart happened! That egotistic, self-centered, narcissistic, bastard!"
For the next half-an-hour, Draco learned that he should just keep his big mouth shut the next time and hope for the best.
"Diana," he interrupted before his girlfriend could burst a vein. "Why do you hate Lockhart so much when you haven't even had classes with him yet?" the blond asked truly intrigued, he had, after all, never seen the red head getting so worked up over a stranger (if you don't count the unicorn killer, but that was a different story all together).
"Well he's a narcissistic-"
"I get that," Draco held out his hands to stop her rant. "The first impression wasn't the best, but that doesn't mean he is the horrible person you make him out to be! Think about it! You barely know this guy! He might turn out to be better then you thought, just give him a chance, ok?" Draco was actually lying through his teeth and suspected he would be at the receiver's end of another one of the red head's nerve testing speeches very soon; after all, he had met Lockhart a few times in his life and his father warned him that the man was the embodiment of the sin of greed and that was pretty much it, but he hoped Diana would not be to quick to realize that and spare him a few more hours.
"Well, you do have a point there," admitted Diana slightly embarrassed. "I mean I shouldn't judge people based on the first impression only. I think I'll give this Lockhart guy another chance!" she said determined. "Everybody deserves one," Diana nodded proud of herself.
"Ok then, how about we head back to the Great Hall and catch what's left of lunch?" suggested Draco.
Diana turned to give him an odd look. "You really are a walking cardboard box with no emotions aren't you?" she shock her head in disappointment and stood up.
"Or, we could stay here?" Draco abrogated.
"Still a comedian, aren't you?" Diana flashed him a grin and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's go eat lunch! I can't have my boyfriend dying of hunger now can I?"
The boy nodded, still in a slight stage of shock as he slowly trailed a finger over his burning cheek.
------
Ok, so maybe there is still hope for this day after all, mussed Diana merrily.
She and Draco had made it back to the Great Hall about halfway in the feast and had time to enjoy a healthy amount of roast chicken, fried potatoes and sausages before desert literary popped up on the plates, today consisting of treacle tart, vanilla flavored pudding and strawberry ice-cream. Then Diana linked arms with Hermione and Neville (who apparently was a permanent member of their group since the boys weren't actually nice to him and the girls rather enjoyed his company) and the three made their way towards their first Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
Diana had every intention of upholding her promise to Draco and give the new teacher a chance to redeem himself for the… less then satisfying first-impression.
Regardless of her promise, she would most certainly not sit at the front of the class where Hermione had taken residence the moment she walked in, no, she and Neville decided to sit somewhere in the middle of the class (she didn't want the poor bloke thinking she was avoiding him after all).
It didn't take Lockhart much to make his grand appearance, in fact, he came marching through the back door of his office, his large turquoise cape billowing dramatically behind him, his mouth shrewd into a dazzling smile that revealed every ounce of white teeth in his mouth, his wand raised spectacularly high up into the air and with a overconfident glee in his eyes assorted to a neatly combed pack of golden hair; he began walking confidently to the front of the class, making sure to flash a heart-full smile in the direction of every girl who was drooling over him.
Ok, not exactly the comeback I've expected, but there's still time, Diana assured herself as panic started creeping under her skin when Lockhart's eyes gave a sudden sparkle as they landed on her.
Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell across the students. He reached forward, picked up a copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.
"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
There is still time, Diana tried to reason as a twisted sort of smile made its way across her face.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books — well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about — just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in —"
He handed each student a tank of papers with no less then fifty-four questions.
Little quiz my ass! snorted Diana. This is a full out test!
"You have thirty minutes — start —now!"
Diana quickly scanned over the piece of paper she had in front and then turned to glare incredulously at the teacher, who was cheerily sitting at his table, humming to himself.
The test was utter rubbish and had little if no connection with the DADA class they were taking and everything to do with the Professor that happily stood on his lazy ass and beamed at one of his portraits.
This guy's Narcissus in the flesh, Diana concluded. She threw a peeved look at the piece of parchment before her and shoved it aside opting to work on her Transfiguration homework instead; she wanted to see if she could at least make the chopstick in her pocket turn to a needle.
"Diana, aren't you going to do your quiz?" asked Neville who was already on the thirty-something question.
"What do I look like, a fangirl?" Diana asked skeptically. "I have no clue on how to answer any of these stupid questions, and look at the pile of books in front," she pointed at the eight novels (or so she had deemed them) which laid neatly on her desk, "cheating isn't actually an option, now is it?"
"I can help you," suggested Neville shyly and turned his paper towards her.
"Thanks," Diana smiled a grateful smile, "but I'm really not into this right now. You go on and work. Don't worry about me."
"If you're sure," Neville said and turned back to his own parchment.
Half an hour later and ten unsuccessful attempts at turning the piece of wood into metal, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.
"Tut, tut — hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti."
Like we care, Diana wanted to say.
"And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully — I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples — though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!"
He's a drunk addict too, Diana shock her head truly disappointed.
Neville turned a confused look Lockhart's way, while Seamus, Ron and Dean, who were sitting to their left, were shaking in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.
"… but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions — good girl!"
Diana had to stiffen a laugh when she heard that line. A hair-care potion? Was this guy for real?
"In fact" — he flipped her paper over — "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor!"
Oh, it's nice to know you can get points in this class for knowing more about the teacher, talk about favoritism, Diana grunted vexed.
"And so on to business!"
Lockhart bent down behind his desk and lifted a large covered cage onto it.
"Now — be warned!" he uttered in a dramatic tone. "It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room."
Diana thought she was already facing her worst fear at the very moment. Could Lockhart be any worse then this?
"Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."
Diana was definitely panicking after that; she didn't think the ego-inflated-paparazzi-fanboy in front could protect himself from Peeves, let alone a whole bunch of students. Neville was shaking beside her.
"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."
As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."
Seamus burst into fits of uncontrolled laughter at the sight of the pixies while Diana gave a squeak of delight; finally something she was good at.
Diana smiled at the electric-blue creatures who took one look at her and started whistling and waving.
"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.
It was pandemonium. As soon as the ugly little buggers found themselves free they proceeded to wreck the class more effectively then a herd of elephants could. They started tearing the pictures of the walls and soaked the kids with the bottles of ink while some of them rounded on the children, picking and scratching at their robes, others were ripping the books up into tiny bits and pieces while some where throwing them at the kids.
Ron was desperately trying to pinpoint Diana among all the chaos so that he could get her out of the place, while Seamus and Dean were desperately fighting off some pixies which were pulling on their hairs and noses.
"Ron," Seamus called, but the freckled faced boy was already a good distance away from them.
Hermione had ducked under a tabled and was trying to find her wand, which had, unfortunately, fallen out of her hands when the commotion had started.
Neville was rotten to the spot next to Diana who was cheerfully talking to a bunch of pixies — their desk was the only one among the madness which seemed to be completely unscratched; the other pixies would either come around and chat with the red head or completely avoid their table.
"Neville, this is Rusty," Diana said, pointing at one of the pixies that were conversing with her. "He's the leader of the group!"
"Hi," Neville managed to say in a week tone.
"Come on now — round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouts diverted the pixies' attention from Neville.
The Rusty pixie started making rude gestures and pointed at Lockhart. Diana gave a nod of agreement and whispered something to the pixie leader who nodded his head and gestured for the other pixies to follow him. They all swooshed down on Lockhart as he bellowed "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" (which had absolutely no effect) and seized his wand and threw it out the window. Then they proceeded to tousle his hair and rip his robes; one of them even tossed the cape over his head which had the poor man stumbling blindly around up until her collided with his desk and fell on his butt.
Neville was howling on the ground with laughter while Seamus and Dean managed to get to the door and run out of the classroom along with most of the students that weren't hanging by the roof and a multitude of pixies that were still chasing after them.
Hermione finally managed to retrieve her wand and rushed to Lockhart's side and tried to immobilize the two or so pixies that were hovering over him, but to no avail; the pixies swooped past her, gave one last wink towards Diana and Neville who waved merrily at them and then darted past a shocked faced Ron and out the door.
"You're ok?" Ron asked flabbergasted.
"Better then ok," Neville said still chuckling slightly.
"Professor Lockhart has been hurt!" Hermione said frantically.
"Who cares!" Both Neville and Diana said at the same time and grabbed a hold of Hermione then started dragging her out the door while the girl tried desperately to get loose. Ron hurried after them not wanting to get caught all alone in a destroyed classroom with an unconscious teacher — Filch wouldn't listen to reason.
"How did you manage that?" Ron asked. "You know, to escape the pixies?"
"Ron, I wasn't trying to escape the pixies," Diana assured. "I love animals! And they love me. Lockhart, on the other hand, should be more carful with what he brings to class next time if he doesn't wanna end up fainting on the floor."
"He was hurt!" Hermione squealed.
"Again, we don't care!" Diana said and kept dragging her in the general direction of the Great Hall.