Title: A Distinct Lack of Drugs
Author: A.j.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: General Iron Man movie mythology.
Notes: This was... a joke. I read too many "Tony proposes to Pepper" ficlets in the space of a day and my brain went "Ein minuten bitte."

Summary: "Virginia Potts, will you marry me?"

"Virginia Potts, will you marry me?"

She squinted at him in the dim - ROMANTIC - candle light of the room. "Are you high?"

Well. That was a mood killer. "No, I'm not high. Why would you think I was high?"

"Because the last four times you proposed to me, you were either drunk or high, and since you've had nothing but Perrier tonight, I went with high." She squinted some more and reached to check his pupils. "Are you on coke?"

He batted her hands away and frowned down at her. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

If he weren't so annoyed with having his very carefully (fine, it was kind of half-assed, but in a sweet way) plotted proposal blown completely out of the sky, he'd have thought her eye rolling was adorable. Actually, it'd been all the 'adorable' and 'cute' and 'damn those are some fuck-me heels' moments over the last six months that had gotten him to this point. Well, that and the marathon sex he'd finally tricked... er, talked her into.

"Hey, now, I'm not the one proposing. Speed? E? Something I don't know how to pronounce?" She grabbed his wrist and went for the pulse point. "I'm not really up on the designer stuff, but if you're going to take it, could you please let me know what it is so that I can let the EMT know what you OD'd on?"

"Okay, that's just creepy." He shrugged her away and glared down at her. She was in her stalking feet and it always surprised him when she lost those critical heel-enhanced inches. "I am not high, and I'm serious about the marriage thing."

She popped that damn eyebrow up to her hairline and he almost groaned. "Marriage thing?"

"Yes. Marriage. Rings, cake, and humiliating photos. There'll be an open bar." He brightened at that, just a little. This was definitely not going the way he'd planned. "Me in a tuxedo and you in completely lying white? What could be more fun?"

She was staring at him again. In that 'No, seriously what kind of drug?' way.

"Oh, for... I am not on drugs!"

"You just said a wedding would be fun. Do you remember the last wedding we went to?"

He thought about it. "No."

"Yeah, exactly." Pepper crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "I'm still sending apology cards out for that. So, no, you and a wedding does not equate to fun in my head."

He sighed and shuffled over next to her. "So this was a bad idea?"

She nodded and that soft silly look that had originally settled on her face when she'd opened the door popped back up. He loved that look. She looked so young and happy when she was wearing it.

"Yeah," she said and leaned into him. "Right now it is."

He blinked. Looked down at her. "That wasn't a no."

She smiled up at him. "But it wasn't a yes either."

His smile was bright and wide and then his arm was around her and it just felt... right.

"It better not be meth."

-fin-